I bought myself flowers today.
Campanula flowers, I woke up to my alarm clock and literally the first thing that I said to myself was, "Go buy youself some flowers!"...oh, and " Pick up some honeynut cheerios while you're at it"
I don't know if it was the cheerios, or the flowers that motivated me, but regardless, I rolled out of bed, ran over to trader joes- in stolen men's sweatpants and an oversized t-shirt and bought some flowers. I'm sure they thought I was mourning, I still had yesterdays mascara on and looked a bit dishevled, but I knew, I was celebrating.
Celebrating what you say? Well let's see. I've had a few revelations as of late, none of which are cohesive, but here it goes:
First, let me get this one out of the way...I got sucked in to some trashy, tacky-tastic, television the other day- I.E.- TMZ....TMZ, the website famous for exploiting celebrities, stalking, mauling, bad-mouthing, finding miniscule- and often not so miniscule, cellulite on human beings and giving it pointless concentration and colorful banners. ETC. Well, those people have a television show now, as if Inside Edition, Extra, and the like weren't overload enough.
So, when you don't have cable- like myself- and the TV is on for background noise, you're often prey to fall into a TMZ trap...which is much worse than falling into a Montel/Sylvia Brown trap. But this particular evening I came out on the otherside with profound gratitude....
BECAUSE- Though I live in Hollywood, I heavily avoid the nightlife, trendy clubs, snobbish scenesters, and over priced drinks and cover charges- TMZ reminded me why. Besides the points I just listed.
There's a new generation called: Drunken Hussy's with a designer dresses and DUI records.
The sad fact about all this is, half these drunken hussy's are celebrities, the other half are pretty damn close to celebrities- they're sleeping with them, have matching bank accounts, or are spawns from the lucky sperm club.
Who are these people?! COME ON LADIES. And, can someone remind me why so many excuses are made for these people....
I'm particulary disappointed with the amount of disrespect these girls have for themselves- call me a floozy basher, or whatever- but i'm really looking out for women who are completely fantastic, because these types of girls make it particularly hard for respectable women to have a platform to be adored. Men and media enable this circus of people like the girls on - Sunset Tan, and for that i'm disappointed in you both.
The real point is- I'm GRATEFUL, that I am not those people, nor do I have any desire to emmulate any of their qualities for any type of acceptance, career included. The smart ones see all of that, for what it actually is.
Celebration number 2- Deciding to start your life off not accepting the things you dont like- it's not a good start to settle- going out and getting what you want, rather than overlooking what's making you unhappy and sitting in the "waiting room of life" waiting for change. I'm not doing those things. :)
Celebration number 3- There is this HUGE white wall that I wake up to every morning and think - "God, I hate that big white wall." then, I proceed with my day, and have the same thought the next morning, and so on. WELL, I finally did something with the wall.
It's what I like to call the poor mans art- a collage. I covered every single square inch of my wall with editorial, scenic pictures and random, interesting faces. It looks now a bit like my room did in 9th grade, or like someone who had way too much time on their hands, got a hold of a collection of VOGUE, and crack, and went at it. Either way- its looks exceptional.
The big white wall was, in a sense, a metaphor for my life. Blank wall that says to me every morning "BLAHHH..." but it's MY wall, and I can do whatever I damn well please with it....I was a bit intimidated by the vastness of it, so I kept it blank- until today. It's mine and if I want it to look like a magazine factory exploded in a frenzy all over my room, then so be it. I can change it tomorrow. Just like life. Its your wall, your canvas. Fuck it up, paint it, write crazy things all over it, keep it blank and love it.... then start a new one.
I like my wall.
Damn, now I can't remember what else- hm. Well, I'm grateful for a lot of things and though specifics aren't exactly peachy, I have to embrace the things that are often overlooked.
Like- the most important ones- My health, family, friends, love, food, roof over my head, running car, safety, HOPE.
My perfect couch, olives, my grandma's afgan, crayons, scarves, fire, movement, handwritten letters, saying what I really mean, TRUTH, sweating, breathing, jumping jacks, white wine, red wine, nail polish to chip when i'm bored, my handwriting, carpet to lay on, freedom, pancakes, "I love you", silence, hearing, speaking, light, my coffee table, COFFEE, all the places I want to visit- or that I will visit, waking up...
Thats barely touching the surface. All in all---"Make each day your masterpiece"- John Wooden
Cover your walls. Buy yourself flowers. Say thank you. And find a better hobby than being a jezebel. ;)