Thursday, September 27, 2007

This week I've learned....

Let me start by saying, stealing WiFi can sure be a pain in the ass when people start getting stingy and locking up their junk. Jerks. Don't they know my freeloading self needs a connection? It's called be charitable people, unsecure your networks.
I've been hopping from cafe to cafe for the past few days, WiFi caffeine junkie, cause you cant just go and chill for 6 hours without at least buying an iced coffee. OR seven.

Wow. A very tall woman with dyed blonde hair is currently choking me with her Liz Taylor White Diamonds perfume, I should suggest bathing with soap instead. This is outrageous.

Ok, she's gone. Back to what I was saying.

This last weekend my family was in town- so it was a bit difficult staying updated, we had our usual quarrels but they always fizzle out and I spend the rest of the week recupirating from the sadness that looms over me when they're gone. I know, we're cute. I love my family in a big, stupid, puppy dog kind of way, even if the version of me they see is more like, a fiesty, snappy puppy.
Um- it's difficult to remember things when you dont do this consistantly- shame on me.

Here are some things I learned this week:
-Planned Parenthood in L.A. waaaay different than Denver- A. I waited 2 hours B. Everyone with tacky tattoos on tacky areas of the body inhabit the PP, for example; TACKY forearm tattoos: tweety bird, a purple rose placed in the crease of the arm? Why is that a good choice? and you cannot forget the name tattoo in swirly script, as seen on the back of trucks with a picture of the Virgin Mary.Next the - TACKY boob tattoo, I am not lying. I know saying I saw a boob tattoo would be a good affect, but it's the absolute truth. It was a person. On a boob. Falling out of a tank top. Not hot. and last but not least, you can never visit the PP without seeing a symbol of something "highclass" placed cheaply on a wrist or an ankle- i.e. the BMW symbol.....

anyways, most importantly I learned- the PP will give you a full years worth of BC if you're Po' Folk. "We also threw in some extra condoms!" .... judging from my recent track record, that seems entirely unecessary, and maybe a bit mean, but I accept the gesture. Maybe it's foreshadowing for better days to come, like my fortune cookie said at dinner "Joyfulness will prolong your days" UNDER THE SHEETS.

-Have you noticed, when it comes to driving it really doesn't matter who it is- grandma, grandpa, teenager, imporant-business-blah -blah-person, potential employer, etc. If any of these people cut you off, ride your ass, swirve in your lane, drive too slow, or miss the light- you do not hesitate to let your irritation boil, honk, give a dirty look or wave a finger. I think its important to remember these things in L.A. where it's all about status. When driving on Sunset Blvd. it's all equal playing field- even if you're driving the Range Rover and I'm not.

- Fall in L.A. isn't fall, it's just Summer extended with light showers and then people expect you to be all "yippe-ye-haw" over Halloween, Thanksgiving, and Christmas but you've been wearing flip flops for the past 7 months. It's much harder to get hyped over Santa when wearing a summer dress.

-Greys Anatomy is back tonight. I will be completely out of commission for an hour every Thursday, so please do not try to contact me during this period. Thank you.

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