"It looks like shes gained a pound. Or two."
Excuse me while I find myself in a frenzy of uncontrollable word vomit, while cursing the television. If you have yet to be graced with this new reality show gem "Making of the next Dallas Cowboy's Cheerleader" (or some shit)- I suggest avoiding running across it, or you may feel the same nauseating feeling I have been left with.
The photo above is of some poor soul, being fitted for a 1x1 pair of briefs, and gracious 2x2 wrap top. First let me rewind- these "lucky" girls have been narrowed down from a thousand plus women to a shining number of 45...and I believe 20-something make the team....they claim to be searching for; Beauty (No shit. Stop there.), dance precision- which is why the director- Ms. Kelli Malicious Monster, stresses the "KICKS" and the "JumpSPLIIITS" a solid 100 times, per half-hour episode, grace, style, and last but not least, they're searching for true athletes. Why of course.
They claim their standards to be so high, they're virtually impossible- well thank the Southern Lords you said so, because if you'd like me to kick my face in front of thousands of people, with all my goodies wrapped in mere white gauze, you may see an ass cheek, or two, that slip out from time to time.
Also in reference to the photo- this is where the poor soul is caught for, gaining a pound. Or two. Oh no!...Maybe she had a sip of water before she came in!?...A pound or two.....Can you see a pound sitting in the nosebleeders??? And lets also point out the fact, that other than the lucky set of breasts she has, the rest of her body looks 15.
Yea yeah yeah..So they're cheerleaders it's their job to look bangin'. But apparently in the the great state of Texas, or America- they're also supposed to be "Our wonderful group of ambassadors and role models"....HOLD up a second, before you start singing Yankee Doodle, Hold your horses, or your cowboy boots, or whatever- Since when have cheerleaders become our role models????
In this particular episode, the women were taken to etiquette class, so they could learn how to be proper role models- they cut crab, ate spaghetti and french onion soup, the "proper" way, and then presumably spent 7 hours in the gym so they could shake it on the field wearing their bathing suit from 3rd grade.
Not to mention, that in the interviews when asked about their thoughts on Condoleezza Rice running for president- one golden role model replied, " Wellll...I think that it's just great HE'S running!...I meeean, I love what our president is doing now, but I meean, I know he has to give up his chair. So it's Great! He's running."
Oh dear. Later she corrected herself, "OH! OH! I didnt realize Condolisa Jones was a woman!"
And lets just say I wasn't shocked, when most of them were uncomfortable with a woman president. What would you expect from the docile little things. THESE ARE OUR ROLE MODELS?
To be the perfect size zero, with perfect teeth, washboard abs- so thin you practically disappear when you turn to the side, the perfect bounce in your hair, the proper giggling response- those qualities do not make you beautiful- if anything, they make you a phembot-These attributes are not the norm.
You know what the norm is: REAL WOMEN, women with brains, with laughs that aren't perfect, with smiles that don't look like a Crest commercial, women who eat, women who look at themselves in the mirror and wonder why they don't have smaller hips, women who have big hips and love it, women who don't feel as beautiful because of "role models" who set an unrealistic standard, women who try to diet- when they don't need to. Women who work hard, women who don't have time to go to the gym, women who aren't the "typical" standard of beautiful, who have spirit beyond what any carbon copy blonde (I know they're not all blonde)could have, women who go unnoticed, women who don't realize how perfect they truly are, women with shapes, with with color, women with lines and wrinkles, women with history from they years they've had and the meals they've enjoyed, women who strive to be better when they're already enough. WOMEN.
These are role models. But we're too busy looking for the perfect JumpSplit to notice. Hey I guess it just adds to the list of things in our embaressing vault of American Pop Culture. Best of luck ladies in becoming tragic symbols of iconic American history. :)