Wednesday, December 19, 2007

Bitter Betty and Pretty Chelsea- dynamic duo.

So I started off as such an asshole yesterday. I mean, really, I was making completely unecessary comments about strangers on the street like, "Hey, If you're gonna have a baby, maybe have a car first. Or a stroller." For all I know they could have been taking a brisk walk to the seven eleven for some fresh air, baby peas and a slurpee, but something told me (considering Mama still had braces) that they didn't have a car. Or a license. On that note, Congratulations Jamie Lynn Spears? ??

I continued on with bitter comments about people with "TRY JESUS" on their bumper stickers....I think I said something like, "Mmmm I tried that, didn't really like it. And your bumper sticker sort of makes me want to ram the shit out of your car."
I'm sure that's not the reaction they're looking for and truthfully I'm all open and groovy with you having your own religious beliefs, but how about all the people driving behind you that are Buddhist, or Atheist or Muslim, orrrrr...Scientoligist'? How about them, because i'm pretty sure with that bumper sticker you're seriously increasing the chances of getting rearended. Just a thought.
The "Coexsist" bumper stickers i'm good with....cause you're not shoving your uninivited and exclusive beliefs and invading my brain with your, "Jesus is the only way" idea.

Bitter Betty then took a back seat after she was fed a variety of holiday candies, and Chelsea came back. Betty is always an interesting character to invite to a party every once in awhile...she can be a real hoot. Yes, I said Hoot.
Apparently when Betty left, "Pretty Chelsea" decided to make an appearance. Let me tell you about "Pretty Chelsea," she generally starts off by deciding to- A. Wear heels, normal Chelsea likes to walk too fast for heels, but "Pretty Chelsea" doesn't mind taking her time. B. She pulls out a dress. and C. "Pretty Chelsea" is alll about talking to strangers. And strangers, are all about talking to her.

MAN NUMBER 1- Apparently from Texas, hence the Longhorn's hat
"Wow.....what an amazing dress...!"
"Well thannnnk yooouuuu..." Pretty Chelsea responded with a mouthful of molasses and fluttery eyes. Oh yes, Pretty Chelsea was in full affect.

MAN NUMBER 2- Older, and apparently into Fetish Sex, being that, that was the book isle he was perusing.
"WOW! What abstract colors...beautiful dress."
"Aw thanks! yeah! its bright!" Pretty Chelsea responded, using exclamation points after! every! word! Now, placing Pretty Chelsea not only in the hyper active sorority category, but also in "Loudest person in Barnes and Noble" category. Everyone hates that person.

MAN NUMBER 3- Mm, nothing was terribly special about him.
"What a lovely dress...." He did say lovely, so, he must be special.
"You're so nice. Thank you." Pretty Chelsea was now on her pedestal and feeling ultra confident/cocky and responded like he was the 50th person to say this. But, pedestals are temporary and ego's are checked when "Pretty Chelsea" sets down the book she's been reading for 45 minutes, and failed to look at the title that appropriately said,........."KISS ME I'M SINGLE. ODE TO A SINGLE LIFE."

Something tells me they didn't care all that much about my dress..... :)


Kayleigh said...

hahahhahahah loved this post. Isn't it funny how your entire demenour and attitude can change just by what you wear out that day? Never ceases to amaze me.

Unknown said...

coming from a fellow chelsea...loved the post.