Saturday, December 29, 2007

Justin Guarini thinks ugly sweaters are sexy.


He didn't call. He's been here for almost a week, and hasn't called. It's a little pathetic that I was secretly hoping that he would, ya know maybe to say, I'm sorry? I still want you? Or, uh, "Hey, sorry I fucked with your life like a jigsaw puzzle." Maybe that's a bit extreme, it wasn't that bad......(those dots are neverending, sort of like the ellipsis that was left on our relationship) I'm a bit frosty now, but recovering and melting my iceberg facade slowly but surely. It's just....you didn't call?!!!? Are you SERIOUS?!. It's for the best. I suppose, that's what they all say.....(again with the ellipsis)

What better way to defrost than, go out!? I had to redeem myself from earlier in the day, when Mr. McGymHot was making eyes at me while I was on the treadmill, and what did he receive, oh that's right. NOTHING. Stone cold reception is what he got from me. Because by the time, I had analyzed the situation and decided to throw him a bone and smile back, he'd already looked away. For the most part the rule with me is: If you are attractive...I will not smile at you. I just won't, cause then I may actually have to talk to you. There's really nothing worse than talking to someone while trying to ignore the sweat dripping down the bridge of your nose, and then breathlessly making small talk about how long you're gonna do cardio and then maybe comment on why Nike Shocks are the best running shoe. Asics suck. Ok, nice to meet you...see you around!From then on out, you are forced to wear mascara and tinted chapstick to the gym, your gym experience has been forever tainted. Plus, I dont' like gym guys anyways.

So, redemption was in order...After deciding not to attend an "Ugly Sweater Party" where people are admitted only if they're donning their tackiest holiday sweater, sequined sweater, beaded sweater, or patchwork sweater...I decided to attend Scruffy's Irish Pub. While donning, my ugly sweater. I figure, rejection is less harsh if you're clothes are wretched, then you can at least blame it on looking like Martha Stewart's craft prject, rather than blaming your face. MY PLAN WORKED.
"Ladies...!!!!....we brought some shots over...."
Usually, I find this behavior annoying. Part of it is the cockiness to just assume, I'd want YOU to buy me a shot...and that this empty chair next to me, is open...for you? That is usually a turn off. Especially, when i hadn't even given you the "come hither" eye from across the bar. But, one of them had a nice smile...so. SURE, I'll have a shot...
"You look like Benazir Bhuttoo..... Lets Cheers to Benazir Bhutto!!!"
Do I look like her? Or was that the worst line i've ever heard, while toasting me with a car bomb. Horrible. I entertained conversation for another minute or so, until a friend pointed out to me, the predator had an uncanny resemblance to Justin Guarini...The first loser from season one of American Idol. Oh shit, he sort of did...which now brought a heightened awareness to the fact that he was wearing a headband. A headband, that I happen to own. He actually went out and bought a four-pack of headbands from Safeway...the kind you wear to wash your face or clean toilets. Time to make my escape.

"You're done with the singer from The Counting Crows???..."
Wow, he was the offspring of Justin Guarini and the lead singer from The Counting Crows. Yes, I was done.

So maybe my redemption didn't exactly pan out as I'd hoped. I guess heartbreak can skew your judgement...and suddenly you adopt this new sad emotion...Desperation. And then any schmo who buys you a car bomb, "will do". Not so much. It just reminded me that i'm surely not looking, looking is never a good idea..I'd rather stumble upon someone, maybe literally, I'll try tripping over a dumbbell tomorrow and let you know how that works out.

8 comments:

blueey424 said...

What a good friend you must have...bringing to attention the fact that the guy looked like Justin Guarini... priceless!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

lol. A GOOD FRIEND INDEED. :)

Amznw06 said...

He DID look like Justin Guarini!!! I hadn't realized it at the time but now that its been brought to my attention, WOW! And yes, those car bombs were awful. Fun night though!

Kameron said...

The real justin guarini also thinks he as a career. sad, huh?

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Poor guy......

Exposed said...

Wow, one of the worst pick up lines I've ever heard. Way to propose a downer toast!

I do love the ugly sweater trend. There's nothing like a covnersation piece when you go out to keep you from remembering it as "the night nothing worth blogging about happened".

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Anonymous said...

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