Friday, December 21, 2007

The reason my Mom made me grilled cheese and soup....

The 24 hour flu bug bit me in the ass today. I am completely deserving. Karma says so, since recently i've been comparing my feelings to that of spoiled milk. I.E. "Thinking of unrequited love makes me feel like I drank spoiled milk." or "The idea of reliving highschool again makes me feel like I drank spoiled milk." and my favorite, "Gloria Estefan's Christmas music makes me feel like I drank spoiled milk."
So thank you Universe, you heard my plea to, indeed, feel as though I drank a vat of spoiled milk. I appreciate it. Queasiness should not be taken lightly, or you're just asking for nausea to pull a stealthy ninja move on you, and make you reach for the closest thing to throw up into- like a napkin or a wine bottle shaped gift bag.
Yeah. Sexual.

And no, I am not pregnant. Though that seems to be a popular trend, I'm not drinking the water they're drinking or engaging in the activities they're engaging on (currently), so, I think unless there's an Immaculate Conception...it is that time of year (you know the guy)...It has to be the standard, run of the mill, flu bug.
For those who are experiencing the other type of nausea, that involves a small ball of goop forming teeth and bones inside your uterus (fine, not teeth, but shit wouldn't that be a trip..gnawing away at your lining), congratulations- Lily Allen, Jessica Alba, Jamie Lynn, Christina Aguilera, Jennifer Lopez, Halle Berry, and that tragic American Idol girl Jessica Siera?
Make good choices. And Lily, please make another album, but not any stupid videos while cradling your belly and looking at the sky ( Name that pop star, i'll give you a Christmas cookie).

Over and out.

2 comments:

Amber said...

Lily Allen is preggers?! I didn't know that!
Graphic Chels. The thought of a fetus gnawing at my lining makes MY stomach hurt.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Yes, and speking of hat I did find out from the fabulous movie JUNO that they ....have finger nails. There is some scratching going on there, for sure.

 
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