Tuesday, December 11, 2007
What happened to the bounce?
What happened to the time when the Victoria Secret models actually BOUNCED when they walked down the runway? I'm fairly certain that there was some moment when they actually looked as if they NEEDED the bra...with this new set of twine I'm not sure the underwear are all that necessary.
Tyra needs to have a sleepover with the whole crew in their little PINK sweatpants, and force feed them protein bars. And lard.
When there's actually something there to JIGGLE, the Clydsdale horse walk that seems to be the signature move of "The Angels" could easily be discarded. Hell, it barely takes a speed bump for jiggle-motion to take place on most women. Some of us jiggle when we sneeze too hard. Stomping, down a runway in order to appear "powerful" and bouncy is just annoying....and quite honestly looks a bit taxing on their frail little bones.
The bodies are actually- ALL THE SAME. There isn't much variety...if I were a man, I'd assume different types of curves would keep it interesting. The only thing that differentiates them from one another, other than the type of WINGS they're wearing, is their accent.
And yes. They all have them.
You men- are so. easy. Yeah they're endearing because their accents slightly mimic the sounds of one with a severe speech impedement. That's adorable.
Then- just to REALLLY brainwash, they have to reminsce on always feeling like a "tomboy" growing up, and how they- just-never-thought-I-was-beautiful. Please. Yes, men now think you're not only a Sex God, but you'll probably join in for Volleyball Saturdays with the boys, all the while looking smokin', at-every-waking-minute.
Everyone without a penis finds those statements almost as bone-chilling as when you mention "I eat everytheeng I want...I just have a high metaboleesm!"...OR "I was deescovered when I was een a Meecdonalds at feefteen. Then I was een Parees for my first fashion show thee next day."
So excuse me while I cry for you cause you were called Chicken legs in middle school. That must've been rough, is your paycheck for being born hot mending your wounds? I sure hope so.
Yes, I shop at Victoria Secret (the secret being their all aliens) and YES. they're hot. hot hot. Slammin'. But.....If you're gonna go up there and "bounce" while you threaten 75% of women's ego's while they're husbands salivate, and their eyes glaze over like doughnuts. At least have something to BOUNCE. So we don't all feel frumpy, short and Violet Beauregarde, when we decide to buy the Sexy Little Things line you now barely carry.
And Heidi. Though it's sweet your husband sings...he's the singer. Let him do his job, the harmonies are entirely unecessary.