HI. I'm a little drunk. bare with me.
8:30- I jump in the car, ponytail frizzy, mascara flaking, not wearing my sexiest outfit, or even a flattering outfit- but, I'm ready to GO OUT. The mood has hit and I'm on a mission like Tom Cruise.
8:45- Phone calls are made, as I shamelessly listen to horrific top 20's rap. I also shamelessly sing along to get my "Friday night face" on. The face that says, "Yeah I'm going out I'm wearing my whore best, and I'm ready to have some strangers attempt to get my drunk by buying me shots of tequila and telling me I have shiny hair. I'm feeling funkyy...like Earth Wind and Fire, my chemicals are in tact and this evening is MINE.
9:15- My begging is embaressing, everyone is staying in, or have better plans that don't involve me. My friends are offical failures this evening. This calling shit was as unsuccessful as Pamela Anderson's marriages. It was as unsuccessful as Tyra Banks first single. It was as unsuccessful as That mother f*ckin CarrieAnn Vs. Bruno show. As unsuccessful as clear Pepsi. Remember that?
9:25- I am now officially scanning my cellphone phonebook and rating my potential calls on an Awkwardness level of 1-10. Hm...I haven't talked to her since 8th grade..."Hey, wanna grab a beer and catch me up on your life for the past 10 years, WHATS HAPPENIN'???!!" Or, well we've had one conversation, I'm sure they'd absolutely want to hang out and nurse my pathetic state of non-existant social status.
9:45- My bootycall is busy. Are you fucking joking me? Bootycalls are the safe bet. You're not busy, you're my ass.
10:00- I know the perfect person "Hey.....wanna grab a drink........"
"Suuuure babe. Lets go."
Thank you Jesus, I don't feel like such a social reject. Someone actually wants to spend an evening scoping the scene and drinking draft Easy Street Wheat with me while commenting on the clientele and singing along to Irish pub music.
"Awesome, you're the best.....Mom."
Yeah, my Mom and I went to the pub tonight.
She got hit on more than I did. A lot more. Cause she's a sexy bitch.
I prayed in the pub and said, "Dear God, please show me you exist by having a dashing man engage in lively conversation with me and make me feel like I'm not such an asshole-invisible-reject-loser-undesireable biatch, who's going to dry up like a Sunkist raisin within 30 days...."
God doesn't answer prayers in pubs. Especially while he's arranging cupids for your married hot mom. Who knows, it's Friday, is God off on Fridays?
Oh, and I just found out I missed that whole DELURKING WEEK SHIT. Who sends out the calendars for that sort of thing, can someone put me on the mailing list. For fucks sake.
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51 comments:
my mom rocks and if i lived in the same zip code as her, i'm sure i'd hang out with her quite often. even at pubs. :-P
thanks for delurking at my place! :)
regarding the whole everyone backing out when you just wanna go out type thing...i HATE it when that shit happens. we should be friends because for the most part, i am ALWAYS up for going out and being those girls.
I love me a good drunken post - so I'm SUPER happy my first visit to your blog was one of 'em.
HI! You're great!
haha- hilarious. Your mom rocks for going out with you. My mom would never go to a bar with me.
aaaahhahahahahaha
I've had times like that, although, I kinda refuse to go out with my mom... she couldn't handle my trash-talk. Otherwise I'd be DOWN.
And hey, it's only Saturday - Delurk week is not over. ;)
I don't even think I could GET my mom to go to a bar with me.
Unless it's a bar that Martha Stewart frequents.
Your mom is awesome. I love drunk posts!
Thanks for the add on 20somethings. You're awesome :) I wish I could get drunk with my mom....
I'm no stranger to getting drunk with my mom. Hell, she took me out for my 21st and bought me shots!
Ha! I think its awesome that you can hang out with your mom and its so real. No matter what she looks like. My Mom? Is so embarrassed that I drive a Toyota and not a Lexus like she does that she doesn't like me to come over, or if I do, I have to park out back. Yeah, you could say were "not so close" I really envy you there in the Mom department.
I just thought you weren't playing along with delurker week. Being the rebel so to speak.
hahaha Oh, I'm playing a long with Delurker Week now that I know, cause who doesn't love a few good stalkers?
and yeah my Mom is pretty rad, thank the heavens for her I'd probably have waaaay less fun if she wasn't cool.
Truthfully, I hang with her more than my friends.
And everyone thinks she's my sister.
hahaha. i <3 your blog.
haha, this was great.
That's awesome.
Mom's rock!
Awesome post! Your mom sounds fantastic. I've gone out with my mom twice and both times she had two Tom Collins and went home early giggling.
Moms do rock! yay for moms.
And yeah my mom has one glass of wine, and gets all glassy. Nonetheless she is a fun date.
My mom is awesome and would probably hang out it pubs with me, too.
I really hate when you can't get anyone to hang out like that...it makes me feel like such a loser and I have to convince myself that I do, in fact, have friends and they would hang out with me if there weren't other things going on...still not a fun feeling.
I can't even imagine that scenario...
I think it's completely awesome that you and your mom can head out to the pub on a Saturday night. I hope to be an equally cool mom some day.
That is awesome! Well. Not awesome. Sucky for you. Hillarious after the fact. It's ok that your mom is hot...means you're still gonna be hot when you're her age. Never a bad thing. :)
Thanks for checkin out my blog. Love your writing, I'll be back.
This is the best post ever. I want to get drunk with you immediately.
Hahaha: "God doesn't answer prayers in pubs."
Oh, and I need to be on the fucking blog dates mailing list too.
Alexis-I'm glad you can relate to the awesome Mom thing, friends can be wack jobs.
Zendenizen- Oh...just try. lol.
Jess- you'll definitely be a cool Mom.
Britt- Thanks! Yeah I do hope that I look as young as my momma when i'm her age....AND. She has cute clothes so she's still with it.
Nicoleantoinette- Man, if only all my blog friends live din the same city, we could get drunk together all the time.
AND maybe we should head up the committee that takes care of the blog calendars.
yay for "delurking"! you're not in nyc, are you?
my mom is a good pub date, too.
aww...that's awesome. Wish my mom was that cool. ;-)
i wish my mom lived here because i could totally count on her to be my bar date. we're both single so i'm willing to bet we could pick up some hotties!
Haha, that's hilarious. I don't think my mom would ever go to a bar with me, granted that would make for one interesting night.
Fucking hilarious. I'd never have the balls to take my mom out to a bar though. She might do that thing where she says I have something on my face and then licks her thumb and tries to wipe that something off my face. And that would be unacceptable in a bar.
Yeah, but thank the gods for PUBS, huh? Remember when going out meant disco meat market hell? When there was no such thing as "conversation"? When all there was to do was eyeball guys with diamond stud earrings in skin-tight dress pants and do dances with names like "The Electric Slide"?
Of course you don't, you probably weren't even born then.
Bitch.
8-)
- M
Your mum sounds awesome. Me and my sister took my mum to the pub one sunday afternoon and she was amazed that they put our bottle of wine in an ice bucket. Which proves how often she goes to the pub ...
Greetings!..
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That's funny! But i'm sorry it happened.
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