Friday, January 18, 2008

My REJECTION book.

"The best thing to do is acknowledge your battle scars, wear them proudly, as a sort of armor- this is a deep wound, BUT, it's going to heal and I will remember this wound, when I go back into the fray, it will serve me well."

I've started scrapbooking.

Nope- I'm lying. I have made, A scrapbook. And by no means is it the conventional scrapbook with construction paper, and pictures of me on the beach surrounded by palmtree stickers and sparkly embossed margarita pitchers.

This scrapbook is approproately titled- REJECTION.

I know that sounds like a cute lie, or something a wildly neurotic Parker Posey character would do, but I'm dead serious.
One evening, when I was feeling particularly frenzied, the idea hit me- almost as hard as every single - "NO" I've received within the last eight years.

I was remebering all of the things I've prepared for, all of the auditions, interviews, letters sent, waiting rooms that have felt the palpitation of my heart... I could feel the nerves I felt, and the fabric of the outfit I picked so maticulously, because it had to be "perfect." I had to be prepared.

The dollar amounts of lessons, glossy photographs, and "the right shoes" started rolling in my head hitting a disgusting high of triple digits.

"So what have you been doiiiing, "out there?".... I get this ALL THE TIME. From everyone that I see, when I return from whatever city I've attempted dominating.

So, instead of explaining to people why I'm still in the process....I decided to make my process tangible. Tangible for people to flip through, for their oo's and ah's, for proof, but MOSTLY, for me. I may not be where I want to be, BUT I am DAMN proud of what I've done in order to help me "get there" and where's the fun if you cannot enjoy the progression of your own evolution?

Truthfully- I'm proud, because with EVERY. SINGLE. ONE. OF MY REJECTIONS- I've been "this close"

My scrapbook looks like this;

I have been rejected by 14 different Broadway plays- some, I've auditioned for more than once.
Rent said, "Wait, Mimi isn't white." after they called me to audition for Mimi- and I am white.

I have been rejected by 6 different back-up singing jobs- Ashlee Simpson's people said, "You sing it better than she does." but opted to choose a blonde girl. At the time we, "looked too much alike." Macy Gray- didn't want a white girl and my audition for Will.I.Am from Blackeyed Peas- is an entirely seperate blog that makes me cringe just thinking about it. Lets just say, I tripped. Hard. Like, on my face.

I have been rejected by 15+ reality shows/tv shows-

*I've had four seperate VJ auditions
* four phases of Real World auditions (after the VJ thing, they recognized I'm enough of a "crazy" to be on The Real World)
*2 auditions for Making The Band- both of which I was called to attend from references. -both of which I'm GLAD I didn't make.
*2 auditions for American Idol- and just so you KNOW, there are 3 auditions BEFORE you see the judges- both times, Simon said, "You are good. very good. Just....what's unique about you...."

That's not damaging to the spirit. They told me to, "Work on my story."

* Remember the "Pussycat Doll" show- well, yeah, I auditioned for that- cause who doesn't want to be in that "Buttons" video, all trampy and dancing in flames.
I knew the director and a doll, she knew I was coming, so I said,"Hey, fuck it." I got so far in the audition process, they made me quit my job, pack enough clothing for 3 months, then after no sleep, no food and being treated like a prisoner, I was cut at 3am and asked to find a ride from a vacant parking lot near the airport.

3 months later, the executives called and begged me to do "Season 2"....I thankfully declined.

There never was a "season 2."
*Remember the show "The One" on ABC.....no? Oh yeah, cause it was cancelled after a week. There were 10 people chosen, I was number 12.


I'll leave it to your imagination to fill in the rest of the rejections.
I have rejection letters from over 200+ agencies, jobs, and so on.


Lets just say, the book is a thick one.

My best friend told me to burn it and start fresh.

I could never.

This book is me, these things have made me so much stronger- so much more secure and proud of my talent and who I am. I want to strap the book to my back, I want to stand on it and use it as my platform of strength, I want to frame it in a shadow box, I want to write a letter of gratitude to everyone who's denied me. I am not embarrassed, I am honored. Proud that I have not given up, nor do I intend to. Proud that I've kept trying, proud for coming close, proud for being WILLING to share and use the gifts that I've been put on this planet to utilize.

I do not believe in rejection, only growth.

"You do your best work after your biggest disasters" Jerome Robbins.

And, I, believe that is true.












90 comments:

Jess said...

This is so interesting. Eventually you will make it on something. And then I want to hear all about it!

Kateastrophe said...

OK no lie, you have lived the life I live in my head.

Sad what that says about me, right? Hahaha.

I should have done a rejection book. However, in my case, it would have been mostly boys.

Katelin said...

Wow. I can't believe how many things you have tried. And I would definitely keep that book as a reminder to keep going forward no matter what, I think it's awesome.

Vanessa said...

You go! You are the poster child for 'stand in the truth of who you are and really own it'. Bravo to you, not many people are that comfortable in their own skin.

Dolce said...

I love that you really live your life and pursue your dreams. Most of us can't bare the thought of losing security to run after their dream. I congratulate you and your Rejection book. On the day you feel like you made it, you'll look back and be grateful at how far you came.

PrincessPolly said...

I would not be happy at all if someone told me i looked too much like ashlee simpson - was it before all her plastic surgery too? I hate that girl. I too have went through lots of rejection - for jobs, with men (although I don't have physical proof of that one) and for my writing. I don't know why we even try half the time.

Angela said...

Wow, you have a truly phenomenal attitude. I wish I could be more like you and less "Oh, they rejected me which means I suck".

Keep on trying and one day you'll have to make a companion "Success" book!

OenoLogical said...

The trick to making perfect sense of any life's work is to wait until you're old and wrinkly before grandly stating that, "doing xxx made me what I am today".

Producing that scrapbook will just give your grandchildren more precise evidence of how it was you came to rule the world.

Alexis said...

Keep that book, for all the reasons you said. And just think, you've gotten further than I have because you had the balls to try and go further. I let obstacles derail me too much and it is something I am pushing through now, people like you remind me it can be done and even if it doesn't work it makes us better!

You rock.

L Sass said...

I'd call it a "Things I've Tried" book. Because most of us? Couldn't fill up a rejection book with so many interesting prospects!

rebecca said...

All I can say is: HIGH FIVE SISTER!!!! Wear 'em proud. They made you who you are, and it also shows all the amazing things you were gutsy enough to try!

wondy woman said...

I love this post, and it makes me feel ashamed for being so lame when it comes to facing my own dreams.

I agree with comment number two, it's like you are the person I should be, but am not!

I think you are the cat's pajamas.

ablogofherown said...

Wow! I had no idea I befriended The Next Big Thing!
Very cool lady. I agree with everyone else in that YES definitely keep that book, what a great reminder of all the things you've tried in your life.

by the way, i plan on framing my first poetry rejection letter

Maxie said...

Your rejections are much better than ANY of my successes.

Don't let them get you down.

Jamie Lovely said...

Definitely be proud. Those are some amazing things you did!

Plus, you made it farther than so many other people that tried out. Obviously, those weren't the right things for you at the time. The perfect opportunity will come up and you will be so set for it. It will all fall into place.

PS. I'm pretty sure there is a new Pussycat Doll show coming out soon. I'm guessing season 2?

Damsel in Digress said...

AMAZING post. i am PUMPED, dude.

chelsea - i am in aw. currently, i'm more in the law/humanities route because, well, i spent too much of my 24 years being guiltripped by my parents and there is a part of my heart that does want to solve injustice! and exonerate the innocent! and increase women's rights! superhero me, whaaa.

but my real passion is what you are living. it's song, it's dance, it's acting. have you watched sister act 2? well i was obsessed with lauryn hill, holding my playskool microphone up against the tv speakers to record her; and there's a line that whoopie goldberg tells her - "If you wake up in the morning, and you can't think anything but singing, then you should be a singer, girl." that became an inner mantra for me. and i love that you DO this. you are so brave. you are SO fierce. you are ... quickly becoming my hero. we'll pretend that's not even remotely creepy, agreed?

in my application for one of the "prestigious colleges" i applied to, it asked for a small blurb about what i would do for one year if i could do any occupation. my answer was mimi on rent. (i hear she's not asian either? haha) i know me wanting this with my entire heart is hardly the same as you, who live it. like i said, i am in aw. i can't believe you were so close to making all of these shows i followed/follow religiously!

you are so kickass.

ok. ok. really. i'm stop with the fawning. well for now. and why i chose to not just email you, i don't know.

Deutlich said...

uhm. you're all sorts of awesome.

keep on keepin on babe. good things come to those who wait/work hard.

;)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Jess- Oh my mouth is big, you will definitely hear about it :)

Kate-you're a doll, and damn, I should make a man rejection book too....woooo thats an entire book of BLAH

Katelin-Thank you ;)

Vanessa-Thank you! thats a pretty cool thing to be a "poster child" for :) ::GRINNING EAR TO EAR::

Dolce-I think I will too...I'll look back and be proud. I LIVE that way cause its the only way I know how.

Princess Polly- Yeah, I was mildy offened, though I do get Jessica Alba quite a bit too.

Angela- I've never thought that way, call be arrogant, but I know that isn't true.

oenological-Indeed, I cannot wait to pass it down.

Alexis- GOOD! I'm glad I could remind you, truthfully, you MUST do what your heart tells you, it's the only way. Whether fear is in the way or not.

Isass- "Things I've tried" good idea.

Rebecca- Thanks! Damn, I should get "gutsy" tattoed on my chest. lol.

Wondy Woman- you're awesome, thank you so much. And, by the way, I have pajamas with cats on them. SO, I'm IN cats pajamas.

ablogofherown- GOOD, do it, and place it on your mantle, or anywhere that people can see it.

Maxie- I'm sure that's not true, theyre just unconventional :)

Jamie Lovely- There's going to be a season 2?! WHA HAH HAH. Interesting....can't wait to see it.


Damsel- what you're doing is incredible, you're obviously an incredibly smart woman. The truth is, for me, I had never even IMAGINED doing somethign else- until recently, since there's the pressure of being "an adult" and being able to walk on shakey ground and be entirely unstable in pursuit of my dreams, isn't "socially acceptable" and often, makes me feel like I HAVE FAILED. But, I have continue, because it's ALL that I've known to do.
Luckily, I had parents who supported it, because they believed it was my mission.
AND YES Sister Act is a seriously inspiring movie ;)
YOU ARE AWESOME and thank you for the fawning, though I'm not sure I deserve it, I do appreciate it :)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Deutlich- Thank you ;) Oh, if only I were patient....

r.xo said...

You kick serious ass. You are the epitome of a life lived. Go on with your awesome self!

r.xo said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Sherry said...

Well that IS a srapbook!!!!! You risk and keep on risking...I think that speaks volumes!

1218Blog said...

"Our greatest glory is not in never failing, but in rising up every time we fail." Ralph Waldo Emerson

It seems like you pretty much got this down. Keep pushin'! With your drive something good is bound to come your way.

PrincessPolly said...

Jessica Alba is far more complimentary! Just accidentally clicked on your myspace site link by accident instead of your blog link and i have to say, your voice is amazing, I'm in awe!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Thank you so much princess polly!!! :)
I really appreciate it!!

Katherine said...

Wow. Your post uplifted me...even though the subject was rejection, somehow it ended upbeat. I love it. Whoever rejects you must be crazy, because I think you're pretty damn impressive.

Justin Jones said...

Damn... you really are awesome.

and somehow you always manage to inspire me! thanks!

haha, now I really do feel like I need to get off my ass and do something with my damn life...yikes!

and 1218Blog -- love the Emerson quote -- he is one of my fav. thinkers / writers.

icanseeclearlynow said...

chelsea, you have exactly the right attitude about rejections. btw, thanks for stopping by my blog.

:)

maria

andrea rose said...

Wow... that is one impressive scrapbook.

I need to do the things that I've been wanting to do, but afraid of.

Tia said...

ok. while i realize that ALL rejections suck, no matter who you are, i must say...

your rejections rock.

i mean, that's some amazing stuff you've ALMOST done.

and i mean that in the best way possible. your rejections kick everyone else's ass. be proud your list doesn't include ordinary things like dairy queen or other such ridiculousness.

cuz that would suck.

Ecky said...

All those rejections will make you appreciate and grateful even more on your achievement in the future.

But as you said, all those rejections made you stronger, no?

You go girl!

Britt said...

well done girl, you have more almosts than most people have ever attempted. One day you'll hit it the biggest of them all (i dont know if thats a word...) and we'll all be cheering you on!!

Exposed said...

Yeah, you don't really need much pumping up, after all everyone else has said and your positive attitude to start with. But jeez, can't help but agree that this is an awesome idea.

One of the best rejections I ever got was in a job interview as a copy editor for a company that produced newsletters. The owner- a former arts writer for Rolling Stone and The Village Voice looked over my samples and said "You know what, you won't be happy here. You're better than this."

I walked out walking on air...until rent was due of course.

brandy said...

This? Is bloody fantastic. I love that you are keeping this scrapbook. I firmly believe that remembering what didn't work out will just make you better prepared for it all when it will. And it will.

Thomas said...

One of the "White Elephant" presents in my group is a scrapbook. I guess we are anti-scrapbook.

emmaenlighted said...

Here's to growth! *takes tequila shot* I enjoyed your rejection scrapbook idea :)

nicoleantoinette said...

You're pretty fucking amazing. Seriously. No, seriously.

tongue in http://www.willows95988.typepad.comcheek said...

You have courage.
Which means you believe in yourself, and your gift is strong.
I would have cried and quit the first time.
So you go girl and trust what you know is true.
Thanks for passing by my blog, I am glad to have followed you back to your space,I applaud you, for your honest sharing and courage to follow your dream!

lspoon said...

I almost didn't want to come over and comment...I was enjoying listening to Gypsy. Oh Stevie Nicks...I love thee.

All of the stuff you've done is amazing and think of how even more amazing that book will be when you get that part, that onepart that was made for you. :)

and haha "Mimi isn't white"...that's awesome.

Coal Miner's Granddaughter said...

See, I think even the rejection are awesome because you're out there. Keep it up. Do your thing. However it turns out, like you said, be proud of where you've come from to get there.

I wouldn't even be able to audition for a local play, much less Broad-friggin'-way.

Hell, I don't know you but I'm proud!

Miss A said...

phwoar.

Relieved that you're not becoming a scrapbooking psycho cutter.

Heidi said...

Some of those rejections I would be proud of getting. I think years from now you will be thankful that you didn't end up doing some of those things. But please promise you will never audition for "Rock of Love" or "Flavor of Love" that would be hitting bottom.

However if you do ever make it to the point where you have conversation with the judges for American Idol, Simon is really nice. He is also a flirt. You could always see if you could bribe him with a pack or carton of smokes.

Sparkling Red said...

That is such a testament to your courage! Most people would just curl into the fetal position and give up. I'm inspired by your determination.

Peter said...

I love any blog post that mentions Parker Posey.

Adore her.

michelle said...

that was a great post. it takes a lot to realize that the rejections (or in my case mistakes) have made you who you are today. stronger. braver. fantastic. so congrats :)

it took me a long time to get to where i'm at. so i'm happy for you :)

keep pluggin' away!

((on a side note: just read your 'about me'. i too should have been born in the 60's. well - perhaps born in the 40's so i could have enjoyed the 60's :) i even chose my first university from a csny song. bonus points if you can know which one!!)

Rebecca said...

maybe you should turn your Rejection scrapbook into a memoir. I know I would read it.

thethinker said...

I can't imagine going through all of that and being able to have the positive attitude that you have right now. Wow.

sequined said...

Everyone has been rejected so many more times than accepted, and the fact is that being good enough to be a contender is often just as important as making it at all. And I think auditions are fun either way. Though I've never had to quit my job for one. Geez.

Mimi is my dream job. Except that I'm a bad singer and also white. Damn.

Cin said...

Chelsea, Hang in there. I listened to your music and I think it's great! I also think you're a gifted writer, after reading your last entry.

I envy you, you lead such an interesting life!!
-Cin

jennifer said...

carpe diem, chelsea! i think the book's more of a celebration of all the risks you taken than a reminder of your rejections. brilliant.

x

Pare said...

A Rejection scrapbook seems like an utterly perverted idea on paper but I'm willing to bet it's oddly healthy in reality.

Cut, paste.

m said...

if this was an exercise in making yourself sad about every "almost", i would agree with your best friend. but since you are drawing strength from this, i say go ahead. if it makes you stronger, it makes you stronger, and how amazing are you that you can grow from any rejection.

Julie Q said...

you obviously are a cool chick because you can take lemons and turn it into a lemon mojito that makes for an awesome post. keep it up!! and that rejection book will be a fun little blurb one of the comedians mentions on "Best Week Ever" when they start talking about you after your hard work pays off and all people talk about is Chelsea Chelsea Chelsea!!

Katana said...

wow. just, wow. I dont know what ot say but that is an amazing story. Actually, after reading that, I think I'm suddenly addicted to your blog.

Roxy said...

I think you've been rather successful. Almost several times is more than 99% of this world could ever dream of.

I think you will make it, and it will be so worth it.

Chele said...

I think it is wonderful that it makes you stronger and you are so driven and passionate. People like you who dont give up will get there and have their big break.
I really hope you get it soon, il be supporting you!

pbandrazz said...

Wow. Your list of rejections is impressive. In that, I am impressed with your determination.

p.s. I LOVE your blog.

bitterbabe said...

Don't worry! " A wounded deer leaps the highest" it will be your turn one day and you it will be bigger than all these opportunities combined!

LoveHateSensation said...

Success means nothing without a struggle.

You said American Idol told you work on you're story, but guess what..this is you're story. And its amazing.

You're going to do great things some day. As much as people may put you down or try to downplay you, dont ever let them break your spirit.

You should save that book and publish it as a memoir and send a copy to each place that ever rejected you.

Bemused said...

I admire your determination, and that's not just a platitude. Just think what that scrapbook would mean once you're on the other side.

Marcheline said...

I quit my job as a police officer and left the state to move to Nashville, TN to become a famous songwriter. The reason I did this was because someone already famous told me they would help me out if I moved down there. I am currently back in NY, without my fantastic former cop salary, barely hanging on to my mortgage, but I have to say - even with all the rejections I experienced in Nashville, my life is so much richer and better than it would have been without that adventure.

I don't regret it at all, and I applaud your rejection scrapbook idea. Everything that happens to us makes us who we are, and our mistakes often teach us more than our successes.

Go, girl.

- M

Lisa said...

I had a feeling you'd be one of those blogs that I won't be able to stop reading. I was right. Insert smug self-satisfied grin here. You are awesome. You can be my blogging Parker Posey.

mama's got moxie said...

i love this idea because you know, what doesn't break you can only make you stronger. keep pressin' forward and when the time is right and it's for you, it'll happen. and besides, this book will make for great interview material once you become that great big, bright star that you dream of being. :) some people only sit back and wish they be something, but you're out there trying your hardest to make it happen. and it will. just give it some time. this was a great post...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

I just want to say thank you to all of you guys- You are all INCREDIBLY AWESOME and supportive.
I appreciate every single one of your comments and take time to read and reflect on all of them.

Thanks for being blogging rockstars and for the words of wisdon, encouragement, humor and strength. ;)

Kristabella said...

That is really interesting!

I agree that these rejections make you who you are. And it just means that there are bigger and better things out there for you.

Everything truly happens for a reason. I do believe that.

Princess Pointful said...

#1- I load up my page, and what starts playing but my most supreme favourite song of the moment, Priscilla? Yes!

#2- Kudos to you for being able to find the humour and the meaning in all of that. So many people get so very swept up in bitterness.

Christine said...

this is a frickin cool idea. way better than an ACTUAL, cheeseball scrapbook.

Michelle said...

that IS true. and i can't believe you came this close so many times. you deserve a big break!

CHATTI PATTI said...

STAMINA! COURAGE! WOW! I'M IMPRESSED! KEEP YOUR HEART IN IT AND YOU WILL CROSS THE FINISH LINE!

Who? Me? said...

My husband won't do anything if he doesn't already know that he will succeed. That makes it pretty hard to be a photographer. I keep encouraging him, and your post helps keep me encouraged to keep encouraging him. You're awesome girl. Keep at it.

Passionista said...

Definitely keep it!! When you get where you want to be, just imagine looking back on all that you have experienced and triumphed over. I am totally impressed that you have been an active participant in making your dream a reality. It shows so much strength and persistence that most people wouldn't have lasted through. I wish you lots of luck and admire your accomplishments, because they are accomplishments! My favorite quote: Workers achieve what Dreamers believe.

Raven said...

Wow and people think I am strong.

You are 1,000 times stronger than I could ever be.

Could you fill me in on the secret of knowing your passion?

Andrea said...

You are FREAKING awesome!!! I have to tell you, I tried out for AI (the first season) and they told me I had a great blue voice but they were looking for a pop star. I quit for 6 yrs and then (with my hubs persistance) tried again this year. I didn't get past the first round. I admire your strength and willpower! Amen girl. You keep that book and frame it if you want!!!

emrlds said...

i love this. seriously, you're amazing =)
maybe i can do some scrapbooking next weekend =)

Ashley said...

NEVER EVER EVER EVER burn that book!

You're right that is you, and it will become a bigger part of you when you make it, and with you're attitude...it is just a matter of time!

You're awesome!
NEVER give up!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Again- YOU GUYS ARE AWESOME, Seriously, I've never had such positive response to events that have caused such "disappointment" haha....

Thank you all for the comments and please, feel free to make your own rejection book, I'm thinking I should start a volume 2-
Love rejections?

ttcmb said...

What a great post. I love the idea of a Rejection book. Your attitude, your belief, is inspiring. You have balls and someday a Success book is sure to follow.

wishcake said...

Even though you have a bajillion comments right now, I have to add one more.

You are so amazing. You AND all your stories of "rejection". You're truly a gem, being able to realize how all your experiences have really been the thread that holds you together. It's all part of your story - a brilliant one.

You don't have to be in Rent to be amazing to me. Dude, Heath Ledger ran his hands through your hair. I would have punched a baby to experience THAT.

(You think I am kidding about the baby punching thing. I assure you, I am not.)

Le Petit Chic said...

They told you to work on your story? My god, I would hate to hear what they would say to me!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Wishcake- Because you said you'd punch a baby, you are officially my new hero, I laughed out loud just now for SOLID 8 minutes.

Meesh-elle my Belle said...

you're a genius. seriously...

stephanie said...

I used to throw out all my writing rejection slips. The form rejection slips. I'd put them in the trash and cuss and get all mad. Now I keep them. They're in a big old fat drawer. I don't know what I'll do with them. Maybe I'll go crazy and wallpaper a room with them.

somechick84 said...

I love this, it's an excellent idea especially since you sound like a strong and driven person. When you do make it and your are a household name for whatever it is you do, you can pull that out and shove it in the face of any young man or woman who gets down over one silly rejection. On the road to success there is tons of failure (or something like that, by I don't know who). Good for you for keeping it. You live and you learn and you are working damn hard at getting where you want! Most people turn away after that much "rejection" but in reality, it's a pretty tough business. You will get your break!

~Angela~ said...

I'm an actor. I understand about the constant rejections. But just believe in yourself and know that you deserve to be happy. And also that everything happens for a reason.

A-LO said...

I don't read your blog (but maybe I should start). Anyhow my opinion is virtually powerless amongst all the arrays of advice given above me, but here are two great quotes, which I think you will find comforting or encouraging to say the least.

[T]he tragedy of life doesn't lie in not reaching your goal. The tragedy lies in having no goal to reach. It isn't a calamity to die with dreams unfulfilled, but it is a calamity not to dream...It is not a disgrace not to reach the stars, but it is a disgrace to have no stars to reach for. Not failure, but low aim is sin.
— Benjamin Elijah Mays


"I never failed once. It just happened to be a 2000-step process."
— Thomas Edison, American inventor (1847-1931), responding to a reporter who asked how it felt to fail 2000 times before successfully inventing the light bulb.

Wish you all the success in the world. Taikaiteezy.

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