Tuesday, January 8, 2008

One BIG baby step.

It's a big day in the land of Chelsea.
Three reasons- I got a new job. I broke the ice with Mr. McGymHot. AND, LA Ink is back on.

I have the biggest girl crush on Kat Von D. It's a strange and unusual crush for a few reasons, one being that I love men. And it's not like she's Angelina Jolie, who most women have a girl crush on- I secretly think they're all afraid of her and it's "trendy" to say they have a girl crush on her. Frankly, she's a bit skinny and corpse-y in my opinion.

I prefer my women crushes to look like they could drink, run, dance, conquer and outwit me while wearing heels and smelling like exotic oils from Abu Dhabi. Which is why my crush on Kat is so strange, she looks like she probably smells like tequila, Marlboro Reds and day old Aqua Net. Nonetheless, the crush is there- could be the man voice, could be the fact that she's fierce enough to tattoo her face, and it could have a LITTLE to do with my intense attraction to anyone artistically inclined.

Ok, back to being straight.

I got a job- this. is. a. huge. mother. f-ing. deal. If you've read my previous blogs, the job search has be taxing, uninspiring and disheartening, to say the least. It's not a dream job, it's just a JOB to have some cash while I work towards the dream and save up for my next adventure....

Previously I have been; a personal assistant- which I rocked like boulders. People that need assistants tend to be wildy successful (at least in my case), intense, busy, and have lofty demands. Smells like a challenge? In that case, I'm at the plate like an American Gladiator.

Cocktail waitress- Ok, I like to drink. I don't like to SERVE, especially while dressed like a whore. My skirt was so short I had to pick underwear with cute sayings on it; My name, the day of the week and fuck off. Actually, I never found "fuck off" pants, but my, I wish I had. Once I dropped an entire tray of beer into a drunk womans purse. I'm not good with people calling me "sweetie" while asking for less ice, business lunches= no respect, or balancing 10 drinks while running my ass at warped speed wearing go-go boots. Worst waitress/drink maid ever.

Nanny- The mother was a stay at home mom............and only one kid was in single digits. Is the nanny really necessary? And an assistant? and a housekeeper? and a "manny" on weekends? And no, get your own Advil, I'm busy loving your child.

Hair salon receptionist- EE. I lasted two days.

Hostess/assistant to event planner- Actually, this job was fine. All the men were Italian (also the reason why they hired me, keeping it "in the family") and we did mostly bar/batmitvahs and weddings...who doesn't love a wedding? And happy Jewish kids who are making more money in one evening than my entire pay check. For the year.

Dancer at bar/batmitvahs- I handed out glow sticks and made 12 year old boys wearing yarmukles dance their tush's off until they were; blushing, sweaty, embarressed and proposing. Naturally. I also usually scored free dinner and centerpiece's at the end of the evening. One night I took home so many flowers it looked like I died.

Sadly, there are many more, but i'll spare you. So i'm working at a yoga studio now- which is pretty rad. No one gets testy when they're all ZEN. Candles, hardwood floors, little yoga asses, endorphins, OMMMMMM....... Feels good. Meanwhile, i'll also be devising a plan on how to overthrow the Oprah empire and take her throne.

Now- the REAL reason i'm toasting myself this evening- I am afraid to break the ice. Say the first word. "Make a move". Or even act like a human and say hello.

NOT TONIGHT! I GREW SOME!

I barely remember what I said....anyway......

SO- Who are your girl crushes???




36 comments:

Rebecca said...

I have to admit that I was on the Angelina wagon back when she was kicking ass as Laura Croft and openly being bisexual. I haven't found my next hard core chick to fall for...but I'm looking!

Nilsa S. said...

I LUV your list of past jobs. In some ways, I wish I had the opportunity to do the things we all hear about. Instead, I've been stuck in an office for a decade!

Congrats on finally delurking to your gym crush. Hopefully the first convo didn't ruin your expectations.

Girl crush? Hmmmm. Stacy and Clinton (he's pretty much a girl, right?!). Love their fashion sense (though I'd like to take a jack hammer to her vocal chords).

Virginia said...

I have a slight girl-crush on Kat Von D too! I don't really know why. Maybe I just think she'd be an awesome drinking buddy.

Congrats on the new job! And on talking to the guy at the gym!

graffitigirldesigns said...

hi! thanks for friending my on 20somethings - and congrats on the new job and talking to the gym crush!

just me said...

I have a random girl crush on Scarlett Johanasson.

But I hate her acting.
So, that's weird.

Deutlich said...

Dude, I lurv me some Kat Von D and I've always had a "thing" for Angelina. I know Angelina's been bony lately (her mom did just die, which would stress me out too) but she still looks like she could kick some ass.

What it comes down to? I like chicks with dark hair & tats. ::rowr::

nicoleantoinette said...

Congrats on the job! That sounds like a very stress free place to work and I'm really happy for you!

My biggest girl crushes are Kendra Wilkinson (from The Girls Next Door) and Michelle Borth (from that HBO show Tell Me You Love Me).

Hahha: "Ok, back to being straight."

Jamie Lovely said...

Congrats on the new job! I'm a nanny riht now and I love it.

Girl crush - scarlett johannsen

Jess said...

Congrats on the job AND the growing a pair! Also, I don't really have any girl-crushes. Does that make me deficient? Maybe I'm secretly a lesbian.

ashley said...

I would say Lindsay Lohan even though she's a slut, i think. Congrats on the job. Good luck with your gymcrush. lol.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Rebecca- I can see the Laura Croft thing.....

Nilsa- Thank you, I wish I appreciated my job list as much, lol. It seems a bit much....I'd like to stick with something I genuinely enjoy, I know what that is, I just have yet to land the gig.

Viginia- She WOULD be an awesome drinking buddy!!

Graffitidesigns- THAAANKKKS YO.

justme- I get the Scarlett thing, she'd a hot piece.

Deulitch- I'm glad we share the same love. And now I feel like an asshole since Angelina's mom died....

Nicoleantoinette- I LOVE KENDRA!! I actually love all three of the girls next door for different reasons, I love that they dress up in "theme" outfits for everything they do. Wonderful.

Jamie- Don't ever give the kids Nyquil to make them go to sleep....that never goes over well.
lol. jk....

Jess- Hm...strange, I think you should start having a girl crush, its healthy.

Ashley- NO NO NO ON LINDSEY LOHAN...You might catch something from her....just a thought.

Deutlich said...

Don't feel bad! It's not like you knew, ya know what I mean?? We're all allowed our opinions.

each of the two said...

monica Beluci.

hands down would switch teams for her. not kidding, google her.
OM would be so disapointed... or would he?

Le Petit Chic said...

Hi! Thanks for stopping by my blog...just from reading your post today, I know I have to add you to my reader. You had me laughing like a crazy person in my cube!

Anywho, my girl crush is Adrianna Lima (the Victoria's Secret model) Oh, my lord is she beautiful and has such lovely accent! I also love, love, love Kate Beckinsale. Huh. I must have a thing for brunettes with accents.

Le Petit Chic said...

Oh, and P.S. Congrats on your new job!!

KTS said...

My girl crush is Christina Applegate. LOVE her!

Maxie said...

Well of course Gina from American Gladiators...

and Eva Mendes. She's so gorgeous.

Katelin said...

I have a girl crush on Paula Patton, she's just so pretty.

And your list is amazing, I love all the jobs you've had! Definitely makes for some great stories I can imagine.

And congrats on the new job and crush progression, woo!

"Princess Consuela Banana-Hammock" said...

yeah for girl crushes. i have a few. kat is for sure on my top 5. i have tattoos (13 to be exact) i feel like i am trying to catch up with her! (i'll never get there) but i do admire her for having as many as she does (especially on her face) and dealing with the stares, and judgments, and everything else from all the ignorant people out there.

and i have 2nd your opinion on angelina. barf. i am forever team jennifer.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

each of two- Monica Beluci is definitely hot, gotta love an Italian girl.

Le Petit Chic- Adriana Lima- I totally second that, she dated Lenny Kravitz when she was about 18...and she says shes a virgin? HM.

Kts- I saw Christina Applegate on broadway in Sweet Charity, she was incredddddible!!!

Maxie- yeah Eva Mendes rocks, she said she never wants ot get married? Interesting.

Katelin- I just looked pu Paula Patton, good girl crush i'd never seen her before.

Princess Consuela- YOURE RADDD. I'm planning my next tat... and yea, TEAM JEN.

PrincessPolly said...

Alicia Silverstone, for some reason. Ever since I saw "Clueless" (which let's face it, was the pinacle of her career) so that's been like twelve or so years now. I just think she's great, and I kinda want to be her!
ps congrats on breaking the ice with the bloke.

brandy said...

Congrats on the talking to the crush. Fingers crossed names, and numbers are exchanged one day!

"I'm busy loving your child"..... ah how I've yearned to say that to parents who treat their children as accessories.

Back when Angelina looked like she was eating more than grapes- I used to love her. Now? I crush a bit on Reese. I know. She's so yuppie and mainstream but I respect her and she seems smart. She's like saying I crush on Mr. Rogers, but I don't care.

Trysha said...

Congrats on the job and talking to GymCrushGuy!

I have a bff crush on Lauren Conrad. I would want to be friends with her.

Unnaturally Blonde said...

Congrats on the job! That's fantastic, I bet it's a huge relief! Hmm girl crush, Jennifer Aniston and Blake Lively, both just gorgeous without trying at all. I just found your recently and love the reading!

Unnaturally Blonde said...

Congrats on the job! That's fantastic, I bet it's a huge relief! Hmm girl crush, Jennifer Aniston and Blake Lively, both just gorgeous without trying at all. I just found your recently and love the reading!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Brandy- I totally get the Reese witherspoon thing, I think shes probably pretty close to perfect.

Unnaturally blonde-Blake Lively is cool, she seems like she'd be fun to hang out with.

Trysha- LC is cool, we could hang.

Princess Polly- Alicia Silverstone....that's definitely an interesting one.......

Frances said...

I had never heard of girl crushes before reading your post. I'd never have one on Jolie either.
Now I'll be up all night thinking of who mine will be.
Glad you got a job you like.
Sending many good vibes your way

Vanessa said...

Congrats on the new job! I wish you the best of luck. I've done the cocktail waitress thing. And? IT SUCKS!

Tia said...

"she looks like she probably smells like tequila, Marlboro Reds and day old Aqua Net" -- haha so true but I kinda like her too. probably because i'm sure i've smelled like that a few times.

main girl crush: christina aguilera.

and thanks for stopping by my blog!

Alexis said...

Girl crushes? I have my top five list of women I'd be very tempted to make out with, this has been a discussion before:
1. Victoria Beckham
2. Heidi Klum
3. Evangeline Lily
4. Jennifer Aniston
5. Jessica Simpson

And congrats on all the good things that happened, jobs and talking to guys and whatnot, that's awesome!
;)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Hmmm Yeah Evangeline Lily is a stud.

Heidi B said...

I completely understand about Angelina (girl crush for over 7 years). I just saw LA Ink for the first time last weekend and I can totally relate. I think it is the "bad ass look with a heart of gold" that she has. Maybe because it is who she is 100%.

I on the other hand have to fit within the perfect mold that is expected of me by my work place. A new and different job has been something on my mind the past few months.

ParisBreakfasts said...

Wannabe Charlotte Gainsburg - sings, acts, has a famous mum & dad and survived that trauma in spades.

Your ex-jobs will always look wildly romantique to those who didn't have to go through them..
And give it a few years and you'll think so to...
Like yr music choices!

Sarah said...

HI! Just discovered your blog and I love, love, love it. I'm cracking up at my desk as I write this comment...

Girl Crush - Lena Headey in Imagine You & Me...NOT in the Sarah Conner Chronicles which just came out. Oh and also in The Brothers Grimm where she kicks ass. Good stuff!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

parisbreakfasts- Charlotte Gainsburg is FANTASTIC. And thank you I happen to like my tunes as well ;)

Sarah- Good, I'm glad I could make you laugh lol.I need ot look up your girl crush cause I don't know who she is....sounds like someone I'd like though...:)

Ace said...

I am wholey dedicated to Angelina. Cliche though it may be, it has been an on going obsession for years, one even my mother comments on. Every single boyfriend I have had since high school has understood that I would, without question, leave them for my beloved Angie. It's a problem, an obsession though really I'm ok with it.

 
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