Three reasons- I got a new job. I broke the ice with Mr. McGymHot. AND, LA Ink is back on.
I have the biggest girl crush on Kat Von D. It's a strange and unusual crush for a few reasons, one being that I love men. And it's not like she's Angelina Jolie, who most women have a girl crush on- I secretly think they're all afraid of her and it's "trendy" to say they have a girl crush on her. Frankly, she's a bit skinny and corpse-y in my opinion.
I prefer my women crushes to look like they could drink, run, dance, conquer and outwit me while wearing heels and smelling like exotic oils from Abu Dhabi. Which is why my crush on Kat is so strange, she looks like she probably smells like tequila, Marlboro Reds and day old Aqua Net. Nonetheless, the crush is there- could be the man voice, could be the fact that she's fierce enough to tattoo her face, and it could have a LITTLE to do with my intense attraction to anyone artistically inclined.
Ok, back to being straight.
I got a job- this. is. a. huge. mother. f-ing. deal. If you've read my previous blogs, the job search has be taxing, uninspiring and disheartening, to say the least. It's not a dream job, it's just a JOB to have some cash while I work towards the dream and save up for my next adventure....
Previously I have been; a personal assistant- which I rocked like boulders. People that need assistants tend to be wildy successful (at least in my case), intense, busy, and have lofty demands. Smells like a challenge? In that case, I'm at the plate like an American Gladiator.
Cocktail waitress- Ok, I like to drink. I don't like to SERVE, especially while dressed like a whore. My skirt was so short I had to pick underwear with cute sayings on it; My name, the day of the week and fuck off. Actually, I never found "fuck off" pants, but my, I wish I had. Once I dropped an entire tray of beer into a drunk womans purse. I'm not good with people calling me "sweetie" while asking for less ice, business lunches= no respect, or balancing 10 drinks while running my ass at warped speed wearing go-go boots. Worst waitress/drink maid ever.
Nanny- The mother was a stay at home mom............and only one kid was in single digits. Is the nanny really necessary? And an assistant? and a housekeeper? and a "manny" on weekends? And no, get your own Advil, I'm busy loving your child.
Hair salon receptionist- EE. I lasted two days.
Hostess/assistant to event planner- Actually, this job was fine. All the men were Italian (also the reason why they hired me, keeping it "in the family") and we did mostly bar/batmitvahs and weddings...who doesn't love a wedding? And happy Jewish kids who are making more money in one evening than my entire pay check. For the year.
Dancer at bar/batmitvahs- I handed out glow sticks and made 12 year old boys wearing yarmukles dance their tush's off until they were; blushing, sweaty, embarressed and proposing. Naturally. I also usually scored free dinner and centerpiece's at the end of the evening. One night I took home so many flowers it looked like I died.
Sadly, there are many more, but i'll spare you. So i'm working at a yoga studio now- which is pretty rad. No one gets testy when they're all ZEN. Candles, hardwood floors, little yoga asses, endorphins, OMMMMMM....... Feels good. Meanwhile, i'll also be devising a plan on how to overthrow the Oprah empire and take her throne.
Now- the REAL reason i'm toasting myself this evening- I am afraid to break the ice. Say the first word. "Make a move". Or even act like a human and say hello.
NOT TONIGHT! I GREW SOME!
I barely remember what I said....anyway......
SO- Who are your girl crushes???