Wednesday, January 30, 2008

Pardon my immaturity.

Pain has the unbelievable ability to make grown adults regress to the behavior of a 5 year old.

Whether its a reaction to a stubbed toe, or the instinctive response to want to instantly vomit when you see your ex with another woman.

Imagine what it would be like if we reacted, emotionally, in the same way we did as children. Crying when we mean it, SOBBING when we mean it, throwing a tantrum in public over a bad haircut, belly laughing without reservations, FEELING without reservations?
Well, LOVE- tends to bring those feelings that have been repressed and controlled, back to the surface.

So, when someone you loved- in all of your sloppy, shameless glory, plasters Myspace photos of his new girlfriend (whom he broke up with to be with you AGAIN, since you had dated for years, to then beg you to move in with him, to then dump you by never returning your phone call- in order to return to a woman he "didn't care about, at all" he still "thought about you.")
it makes me feel like doing a few things:
Throw shit.
Scream at shit.
Write hate mail about shit.
Set shit to flames.
Join a convent and love the big invisible Man, to avoid physical men's douche-ness.
And no, I am not above taking low blows. She's uninteresting and has a stupid name. Though, this isn't about her.

And HE- is a bad person.
I am so amazed at how someone can act as though they loved you, so convincingly, using carefully picked words to adorn you, creating a look in their eyes that is so disarming, and then in a moment, an action, or a lack thereof, all of the time and feelings, are thrown in the dirt and spit on. It's almost sociopathic.

I am a true believer relationships should never end negatively- unless he cheated on you or vice versa, you deserve a smack down WWE style if this is the case.

When someone decides to handle your heart and history so carelessly, it makes you wonder why you wasted so much time. It makes you wary of peoples understanding of words and their value. It twists your trust, and leaves a deep mark of cynicism with an undertone of doubt.

I'm in the angry phase. Angry that I'm even angry. Angry that I want to say, "Fuck you" to his face, instead of taking the high road, the less wounded road that moves on and moves forward. Because even though he's on another road, he's still smack dab in the center of mine, and he's a fucking heavy roadblock.

The only thing that would make the detour easy and unburdensome, would be if I had someone to come along with me; someone that would walk next to me, not behind me and someone who wouldn't mind, if sometimes, I was a litte bit ahead. He would jog to catch up so my journey wouldn't be lonely- he wouldn't tell me to slow down, or ask to rest his feet. My finish line would be as important to him as his is to me. We would be equal in all of our differences and aspiration. We wouldn't be threatened or disapproving, we wouldn't hesitate or take away from each other to feed our own selfish desires.

When that person can walk along with me, I'll be able to go onward, with a bit more ease.

Then, when we got where we were going, he would high five me and say, "Fuck yea baby, let's do it again."

63 comments:

nicoleantoinette said...

I have so fucking been right in this place (well, minus the MySpace). There's nothing that anyone could have told me at the time that would have made me less angry, so I'm not going to pull that shit with you.

Just know that you ROCK, and that if you want to get ridiculously wasted and break shit before you move to NYC (are you back in LA yet?) I'd love to come and be a part of that. And hey, the more shit you throw/break, the less you have to pack...

ana said...

Been there. But sadly didn't do that. Should have. Probably still will (that is when we are in the same country again)
So I'm with Nicoleantoinette on this one. When you fall in love you don't sign up for a heart break. So then one day if you wake up to find that amazingly perfect person to be a moronic dickface, I think it is perfectly acceptable to let all shit break loose.

Maxie said...

I hate that feeling, because it's so hard to get rid of or even take your mind off of.

I wish I could go back in time and tell my ex to fuck off instead of being mature through the break up. He treated me like shit, and I should have called him out for it. But since I never did, I still have so much anger. I don't want to tell him now because it's been so long.

So moral of the story-- please tell your ex to fuck off and throw lots of shit at him. In fact, tell him to fuck off twice-- once for me.

emmaenlighted said...

Oh, I'm not beyond letting it all out. That guy deserves a good ball-smacking.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I accidentally found my ex's myspace page ON MY BIRTHDAY a couple of years ago. I swear it really was an accident. It was this way that I learned he was dating a 19 year old. (he was 33 at the time.) I promptly made a fake account and told her that he has herpes. They immediately both went private and it was the best thing I could have ever done because it kept me from spying on them and sending myself into a tortured downward spiral.

Raven said...

I wonder how much time she has to spend convincing herself that the time he spent away from her means nothing? That he isn't a total fucking douche that she has reduces herself a little more each second of her life she spends with him? How much time she spends in front of a mirror convincing herself he's never going to drop her like a hot potato again.

You have every right to be angry (which obviously you know) and I honestly love how easily myspace shows people for the absolute tools that they are. At least you never have to look in the mirror and convince yourself that he isn't going to leave you again, like she does every day.

You rock far too much for that bullshit!

Summer said...

You rock! Screw the high road. We take the high road everyday of our lives when we don't throw shit at random strangers for being idiots and if you can't say "fuck off" to those that really deserve it, who can you say "fuck off" to? Go for it!! lol

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

I was so completely in this place after my breakup with my ex. He had been amazing for the year and a half we were together. We talked about moving in together, about getting married, about having children. And then we broke up. He dumped me in a seven minute conversation, peeled away from the curb after dropping me off at my house, and we never spoke again. I found out (via Facebook) that he was "in a relationship" about a month after we ended.

It hurts so terribly much when someone hurts you like that - someone you thought you knew well enough to want to spend the rest of your life with. But, in the end, you're better off without him and that has to be the salve on the wound he left behind. It still takes time, but it helps.

irunwithscissors said...

Its really hard not to want to scream and throw things. In fact I didn't take the high road... i told my ex he was an ass and that he never deserved my time. I say let go, and do what feels right to you! Just make sure you do it verbally... Don't want written proof of anything floating around... ;)

And you've got the right idea about how it should be! Unfortunately those guys are a lot harder to find! Good luck with this!

Katherine said...

I'm all for breaking/burning things. Screaming, too...


...and, even though it came from pain, that last little bit of writing was truly beautiful.

La said...

I seriously wish I could climb into the computer and take credit for this post, because it is EXACTLY what I'm feeling right now.

Thank you.

Alexis said...

I had to go to school with THAT GUY and HER. A very small school where everyone knows everyone and their business, and you see these people every day. It's humiliating and it sucks big time. I can't say anything to make you feel better, I know that. But I do understand and truly hate it for you, if you want to throw a tantrum go right ahead and I won't say anything.

You are awesome, I have very strong feelings of like (could it be love?) for you. You're one of my daily must-reads because you kick ass (and you're hot). The guy that does come along will have to be just fantastically amazing, have to be.

ChasingParadise said...

We all want to "be the bigger person"...to act as though we don't care, don't give a shit, etc. etc. But you know what? It hurts. It fucking hurts and it's REAL. You're totally allowed to be angry, to want to cuss him out, to call her ugly, all these things are okay. Handle yourself with composure in public, but in private, baby, you are totally allowed to lose control. I've found that throwing things really does make you feel better!

Heidi said...

We have all been there but just try to put a spin on your thoughts.
What if he isn't happy?
What if she is cheating on him?
What if he gets married to her and is miserable for the rest of his life?
What if she gives him the Herp?

Just remember that there are so many more guys out there to meet that will be 100 times better than this douchebag who left you like he did.

Also remember that you don't need a guy to complete you. If you have good friends, that is much more important and typically longer lasting.

You are better off without that loser, you are way better than he deserves. It is HIS loss.

Julie_Gong said...

Burning things always makes me feel better. About everything... really! Not that I'm an arsonist or something. Just trying to clear that up. Too much? I'll stop now.

I'm a firm believer in acting out those 5 year old emotions regardless of love or not. Keeping things in will usually only hurt you in the long run.

Heidi said...

But then again, telling him he is a fucking jackoff and possibly wiping dog shit on his car door handles could be the healing method you need.

Damsel in Digress said...

i pretty much just always want to second nicole's comments because - well - she's fucking genius.

if i were in socal with you guys, i'd be coordinating a 'let's get together and create some crazy' funfest right this moment. but, since i'm so far away, i guess i'll just have to sit here and pout.

chelsea - let me just tell you that even when you're angry - you write the most jawdropping moving, beautiful stuff. (or maybe it's because your emotions are heightened? haha) love the imagery you created about the road and having a guy who doesn't mind jogging to catch up with you at times and the last line - fuck yeah baby, let's do it again? - is just, in a word, perfect.

he's waiting to find you in new york, yes?

Deutlich said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Deutlich said...

Oh. Men. Blah

readsalot said...

You are awesome and totally deserve a guy just like the one you described. Now I'm gonna be all perky and probably annoy everyone by saying that he IS out there. I just married one of them. They do exist. So feel angry for as long as you need to because that is your right. Focus on you. Eventually, the right guy will just fall into your lap.

Sizzle said...

that some serious mindfucking he did to you and you are completely justified in feeling angry and venting. hell, i'd throw some shit at a wall just to get it out. (and have, it was cathartic.)

go with the anger. it'll eventually subside and you'll feel free-er.

Chele said...

I am so sorry you had to see that, man that stab to the heart is so painful.

I am also sort of in that state, and I find myself imagining these scenarios where I dont break down and cry like a little baby in hope of guilting my way back. I imagine being all strong, bitchy and be able to use words that hits his heart as his actions does to me. Of course while I am spending my days imagining these various scenarios, he has moved on ages ago. It is so not fair how the one who breaks your heart gets to move on with their life, and the person left behind has to pay with tears and heartbreak, doesnt makes sense, so not fair.

Michelle said...

been right where you are with the sobbing wanting to throw things.

try running into your ex after 2 weeks of not being together at blockbuster arm in arm with the new girl.

barf.

Ashley said...

I haven't reached the angry phase yet in my breakup but I've sooo been there. Sometimes its good to just have an all out 5 year old temper tantrum. As long as its not like, on the streets of manhattan :) I threw a mini one when I accidentally came across my ex's profile on match. The only thing that made me a little satisfied was that it was an awful picture of him.

If it makes you feel any better, my friend saw her ex in starbucks and had to excuse herself to literally go throw up. Just because she saw him and he makes her physically ill. I mean, how awful must it be to be the guy whos ex throws up upon seeing you?

Shanti said...

you can join me at the convent in spain where they make yummy pastries that are the best in the town. or you know, like nicole offered, we could all get wasted, break shit and sing some angry songs on karaoke.

PrincessPolly said...

Chelsea, your ex is a total cunt. You know this, clearly, and I don't need to tell you that - but I wanted to say that word so there you go! And it is crap that he has went back to someone who is not half the girl you are. But the fact is, that's who he is comfortable with. From the sounds of it with you he was punching above his weight, with her he's more secure because she ISN'T ANYTHING SPECIAL. what an idiot. Hopefully next time you'll find someone who deserves you! :)

Rebecca said...

can you resort to old flaming bag of poo trick?

Joy @ Big Time Fancy said...

I like the angry stage of getting over a breakup. It's less "why MEEEE" and more "YOU sir, FAIL as a human being." It makes me feel more productive.

Sparkling Red said...

There are a lot of people who have sociopathic tendencies. I've run into that kind of completely convincing "sincerity" with women too. You're their BFF, and suddenly they turn around and do something hateful. It's awful.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Wow I'm not sure whether or not I should be inspired by all of these comments, in that, "Oh thank god I'm not a lone" way or of I should be terrified that all of these douchebags who treated you like shit are not running around single, and there's some small percentage I may meet them and end up dating them.
lol.
Or that, since we've all been through it- they're mostly that way?
shit. balls.

and dutchess of kickball- thats awesome.

Heidi- I do hope he has an intensely FLAMING case of "the herp." thanks for makign me laugh lol.

Damsel- Lord, he better be in new york before I can officially tatoo "Ice Queen" on my face. or "Dried up and bitter" on collar bone.

readsalot- sighhhh.....I want ot find one TOOOOO....cheers to you.

Shanti- I'd like to be a member in ANY organization that involves pastires. And if you're talking about that episode of Samantha Brown's on the Travel channel- I know the convent you speak of.


Rebecca- good suggestion. I love fire.


Joy- "you sir, fail as a human being" I'm definitely in this phase, you're awesome for giving me that line ot use. I'm going to repeat in my head anytime he makes a sneaky appearance in my thoughts.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

oh and nicoleantoinette- I WOULD LOVE TO GET WASTED AND BREAK SHIT TOGETHER.....but I'm not in l.a....
:( sad, sad,. Maybe we can break shit and take shots via webcam?! lol.

Hiya, I'm Kristie. said...

Oh man, I am so sorry. It's hard when your heart gets broken and you don't even deserve it. Long distance hugs to you...

Angela said...

I went through something very similar with my "first love", and even now that I'm happily married and six years have passed, I still can't think about what he did to me and NOT get angry. I guess I should probably let go of that anger, but quite frankly I don't feel like he deserves it, and it doesn't bother me in the slightest!

Katelin said...

Man I say you have full permission to throw a shit or whatever sort of shit you'd like to do. I would do it all. Boo to asshats.

So@24 said...

Damn. Great post, Chels. I couldn't have said it better myself.

No seriously. I can't. Can I copy and paste this for my own?

Please?

Yoda said...

What an asshole.

Where do you even meet these douchebags? And how do you fall for them? You're a pretty little thing!

Felix for Zosia said...

He is a very confused little boy. You don't need to have any part of that confusion because until he grows up and sorts himself out he will continue to hurt people around him.

This happened to my sister last year - she and her partner broke up and he started seeing his ex. The ex turned out to be kind of psycho (coming on to her ex-boyfriend while he had a girlfriend was the first red flag there) so he has now broken up with her and finally realised how good he had things with my sister.

A bit of gloating was in order...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

so@24- YES YOU MAY- Cause I think you're one of the good ones ;)

Yoda- If I knew how to avoid the places where I meet them, I would, and thank you for the compliment :)

Feliz for zosia- well, he was a smart boy to come back around...I wish I could say they were all that way.

Cléa said...

It's probably little consolation but it doesn't sound like you're better off with him. And he may need a lot of time to sort himself out, but at what price to you...

rowena said...

Ahhh..that love thang. Although it can make life so unbelievably sweet, opening your heart to love could maybe, eventually, undoubtedly, be like a Pandora's box. Or to put it simply - a can of worms. (warning: gross factor) :-P

I go for the ranting. Heck, I did it, and I'm still around. ;-)

p.s. I'll have a glass of vin santo for you. Eh, what the heck, make that two.

nicoleantoinette said...

Um, I have a macbook with a built in webcam and a bottle of vodka in my room.

(Creepiest sentence ever, no?)

Are you in NYC already?! For good?

ex-tex said...

i have this theory that there is a german guy for every american girl. there is something about europeans that treat you differently - well, on the whole that is, there are douchebags everywhere, but generally, i have never been treated better than when i have dated europeans. move over here and we can be friends. :)

Princess Pointful said...

I don't quite see how any of this is immature.
(what is immature is using myspace as a way of informing someone of oh-how-happy-and-coupley-we-are).
And I agree so very much at what you put at the end... you need someone who is not afraid at possibly falling two steps behind. Because love can't be a competition.

thisdayandage said...

this whole situation is really shitty, but if you wanna say 'fuck off' to him, then go for it. he needs to learn what a fucking asshole he is and without someone blatantly telling him that (and I'm sure his ego is stroked everyday by the gf)...then he's never gonna know how fucked up he is.

good luck with it...I know you're strong and you can move past this roadblock.

m said...

i am also loving "you sir, fail as a human being" (though i am hoping i never have to use it.)

the thing is, chelsea, you are already ahead of the game, because you know you deserve better than this. so many girls waste their time thinking they can make it work. you know you are better than that kind of treatment (remind yourself of that every day!) and your believing that will only bring other people who believe that.

Dolce said...

k. This is going to age me, but I had break-ups before myspace, facebook, what have you, and I cannot image getting on my computer one day and seeing my ex's new gf all over his homepage. I would lose my mind!

I think is tougher getting over people when it's so easy to be connected. Hang in there...it gets easier.

However, if I ever came across him after what he did, I would kick him in the balls. Hard.

megan said...

You don't have to take the high rode. A good fuck you, a few yells and throwing a few things is okay. As long as you don't get carried away with that.

Its never necessary to take the high rode when somebody handled your heart with such distaste and then smear it all over the internet.

Its not fun. It will suck. But you'll be happy that you're not wasting your time with such a careless asshole.

It will get better eventually. As long as he leaves you alone.

Just Wandering... said...

My ex announced his new relationship via a MySpace bulletin. I thought about throwing the computer out the window and screaming at happy couples for the rest of my life. Instead, I took the high road and bought an assload of new shoes...*sigh*

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Oh and I forgot to add, just to REALLY take it over the top of what an ass he is.... he said he A. didn't miss her. B. Didn't think she was funny and C. was always thinking about me since SHE, wasn't ME.

that = COMPLETE PATHOLOGICAL LIAR, OR COMPLETE. COMPLETE DICK.

Carrie said...

Hi! Stumbled on to you through... I think it was Valerie.

I loved this post; I could relate to SO much and yet never get it out so perfectly as you did right here.

Cheers.

Kayleigh said...

Where in the world are the "fuck yeah baby, let's do that again" kind of guys? If you find some in L.A. or NYC let me know.

Sorry to hear about the man struggles. It's literally unbelievable what some guys do that are so cruel and thoughtless. Not trying to start a man-hating tirade, but it had to be said.

Keep being independent with the rest of us single gals- hell, we have more fun anyway. Tell me what's better than not having to feel guilty or answer to anyone else?

Either way, time will make it better. Oh, and running away and not looking back.

P.S. That is beyond awesome that your best friend is a 40 Deuce dancer. I am more than slightly jealous!!!

Abby said...

This if f'ing brilliantly said:

"When someone decides to handle your heart and history so carelessly, it makes you wonder why you wasted so much time."

You keep telling yourself this. If he really LOVE(s)(d) you he wouldn't be so careless with your most precious and delicate organ. Or maybe I should say, if he really is someone who deserves your love.
At any rate, be mad. You get to be. But the best revenge girl is living WELL. So go...live!

kimberlie said...

ahhh, what a dick.

I really don't understand how guys can be so undeniably dumb, heartless and cruel. And the thing is, half the time they dont even think they have done anything wrong!

Hope you feel better soon ( by any means!)

HollyG said...

Been there, sweetie. It's hell. But stupid as it is, I believe that it's "better to have loved and lost than never to have loved at all." Yes, he's an utter asshole-- no, wanker-- now, but would you undo everything you felt before?
But at the same time, fuck him. Take something that belonged to him and flush it down the toilet or throw it off a bridge. It definitely makes you feel a bit better.

Ashley said...

I think there are times when the high road is just too clean.

GO ahead, break shit, scream, run around like a complete lunatic because you my friend...deserve it!! I hate when guys think they can run things and just demolish your world...what in the hell makes him think he can do that. Thinks he doesn't even have to call and end things with you. What a complete jackass...you know what, I want to throw shit with you!!

When this thing happened to me, I saw my ex at a bar dancing and making out with another girl...WHILE he was trying to get back with me. I went and dumped a full bottle of beer on him and he had the audacity to call me and tell him I owe him a new shirt. The same night a friend of mine kicked him right in his balls...that were so big so I hope it hurt him double!!

Men can be ugh....I hope you find a good one!

WendyB said...

You want me to beat the bitch's ass for you? And by bitch, I mean him of course.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Wendy, I would be beyond grateful if you did. :)

d said...

Oh fuck them all. They're all bullshit. This is why I am no longer on MySpace. Also, I didn't really want to give my ex the satisfaction of knowing what I am up to, he doesn't deserve that.

And yes, you shouldn't show him how angry you are because you not showing that will infuriate him. It's more fun in the evil sense to infuriate him with your lack of emotional response to his shitty behavior. Trust me.

xo

magdathunder said...

This is such a true post. I've been here too, but never have I seen it so honestly and eloquently written out. Well Done Chelsea!

Jennifer Ramos said...

i have to say this is very WELL WRITTEN AND emotionally charged. It makes me think to when my heart was broken...what a sorry day that was.


Jen Ramos
'100% Recycled DESIGNER Cards'
www.madebygirl.com

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