"1,200 pounds of buckin' horse, jerkin' yer chain for a whole 8 seconds!! YEEEHAAAAW...
That's all kiiinds uh hard ridin'!!" This is a quote too good for me to invent, those words came out of a real mans mouth without even the slightest idea that it reeked of sexual innuendo.
Sounds like I found myself in the midst of a crazy porno. Wrong, my friends, though I'm all about an adventure- I found myself at the rodeo- The National Western Stockshow, folks. Well, I didn't "find" myself, I found a new part of myself that finds cowboys devilishly sexual. I also decided snow cones are a stupid, stupid, invention and I cannot make myself enjoy one- not at the circus, not at a carnival and not at a rodeo and apparently this is unacceptable- everyone does not like snowcones. gross.
It was a perfectly planned excursion; I even wore the boots. The only thing missing was a Bedazzled pair of cameltoe- inducing Wranglers and maybe a button down with the words, "Loud and Proud!" stitched on the back (I could've asked the lady in front of me if I could just borrow hers, to lasso in a nice stead.)
Though, I'm all about doing anything with a theme- I couldn't bear that sort of discomfort of a cameltoe, not even for the attention of a cowboy.
However, I did fake an accent all night. Pretty believeable until I screamed, "YO!" to the kettle corn vendor. Yo, is totally not a cowboy saying. Wrong venue. Wrong salutation. Wrong.
My favorite part- Muttin' bustin'. :: what in the hell is muttin' bustin?::
Let me paint you a picture:
Parents volunteer their children, between the ages of 5-7 to compete in riding on top of a sheep running at the fastest possible sheep speed, until the baby falls off.
It doesn't get much better than watching a 5 year old, named TUCK, hold on for dear life until ultimately he falls head first into a pile of cow manure while onlookers cheer/laugh at such a brave victory. If you don't find that cute, then I don't know what is.
Next in line- the rodeo participants. I discovered a strange and unusual new attraction-similar to my newfound attraction that said, "You think Anderson Cooper is a sexy stud." while watching CNN; Cowboys.
There's something old-fashioned and romantic about having a fella' tip his hat to you and call you miss. And yeah, CHAPS-I can dig it. Cowboys, seem chivalrous and respectable. They hold their ladies hands delicately, which says a lot considering these men tackle steer. A nice country boy could water down my crazy and keep it at a simmer.
With the Dodge sponsor signs hanging from every corner with the saying "Grab life by the horns" it seemed to me they meant to say something else....if you catch my drift....
"Why sir, don't mind if I do."
The event itself was entertaining-obviously, but not nearly as entertaining as the creative folks that set up booths to sell these:
Now that's what I call gettin' lit (I had to.) Something tells me this wasn't meant to be kitschy?