Wednesday, February 13, 2008

*Ball-busting since birth*

God, I love this city. Can we talk about seeing Andy Samberg and the ball-busting, self control I had to exercize in order to not jump on his back and ask him to be my "Valentine."

Speaking of balls, it was the one moment where I wished I could say, "You know what I'm giving my Valentine?? A dick in a box." Then we would have gotten chummy and high fived each other in revelry over the gift of "the penis." BUT, I just walked past him in my ice princesss non-chalance. Though, he totally checked it.

Back to "ball-busting." Last night I had a dinner with a friend of my mom's, who could possibly be a potential employer. We started off friendly, since, I'm not always a crazy feminazi (to quote the last guy that I "dated") to men, then naturally after the gift of a second glass of wine, both feeling bold and inebriated, we turned political. Cause, fuck, I cannot help myself.


"I have framed photos of George Bush in my OFFICE! He is the smartest man ALIVE....."

I almost dropped dead from choking on a piece of shrimp. This man must be a joker. He has been hired to "punk" me, or pull a "boiling points" stunt, where I'll win 300 dollars if I listen to his narrow minded ignorance.

Needless to say, I wouldn't have won the money had it been a prank. I'm too much of a loudmouth to play up apathy.


We continued for three hours with banter of fierce political ping-pong, he managed to offend me on various levels: " Artists are not smart." etc. and I did the same. I wasn't worried about potential employment, but my words and opinions exist for the purpose of voicing them....

I was sure I blew it.


Wrong, I win again. He offered me a job this morning. I suppose it's more attractive on either spectrum to have an opinion on SOMETHING rather than nothing. Even if I find you to be a tyrant and your politics to be inhumane.


I took the job, it'll be a great job. And...he already knows where I stand. Football fields away from him.


Thus far, I have: Eaten mac&cheese at Cafeteria (thank you NicoleAntoinette, you were right!), had brunch at Cornelia St Cafe, landed a well paying job!, fallen in love over and OVER again with my apartment, been asked on one date, turned down one date, found my favorite bar, and flirted with a new man on every street corner. Ha, that's probably the most hooker thing I've ever said.


The concensus: this move was a BRILLIANT idea. Successsssssssssssss!!!!!! Cheers to me.


More ball cracking stories to come.....









71 comments:

Karmen said...

I hate the fact that whenever most men meet a woman that has an opinion on anything other than Britney Spears and Manolo Blahniks, she's instantly a femme-nazi or a bitch.

no, i just read books, dumbass.

ugh but that's just my pet peeve. I give major kudos to you for standing your ground and being able to intelligently present your opinion without (obviously, since you were offered a job) having to resort to personal attacks.
well done.

erin said...

goodness - sounds like NY is treating you very well! congrats on the new job. and seeing andy samberg. and having him check you out. me likes.

oh these are the reasons i loved living in nyc.

JulyBug said...

A) Gross, Republicans.
B) Yummo, Cafeteria mac n cheese. Though my NYC favorite is Delta Grill in Hell's Kitchen.
C) Did you get the full Cornelia St Cafe experience? As in, did you know a couple of years ago a guy fell through the awning? He had locked himself out and was trying to get in the window I think. He wasn't badly hurt so every time I'm there I secretly hope it'll happen again because that would be the awesomest story ever. Also, I'm a horrible person.

thegirlfromtheghetto said...

Man, sounds like you are living a great life. Congratulations on landing a new job, even if your boss is a little retarded, liking Bush and all....

Sizzle said...

awesomeness. glad it is working out so well!

sequined said...

I loooove Andy Samberg. Lucky lucky girl. And your life is totally charmed right now! Great work!

Katelin said...

Oh man sounds like a great time in NYC already. And you saw Andy?! Love him.

And I love that flirt with men and street corners, definitely sounds like a hooker thing to say like you said, but also is absolutely hilarious.

Can't wait to hear more NY stories...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Julybug- I missed that part!!! Damn and I am BUMMED because, I love when people fall.

Princess Pointful said...

I am a little crushed that wonderful line remains unsaid.
And confused about the job-- I thought you had one already? Or was that a paid internship?
NYC sounds spectacular. I want.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

They weren't kidding when they say that NYC is the greatest city in the world.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Princess Pointful- I do have an internship, BUT not a well paying job to help me survive while I'm interning. :)

PrincessPolly said...

I don't ever recall seeing any sort of anecdote that involved someone calling George Bush smart in ANY capacity. Thanks for opening my eyes to some of the COMPLETE AND UTTER DUMBASSES out in the world! :)

J-Money said...

Holy crap, I need to move to New York. Oh, and be you!

As it stands, I'm unemployed and the last time a guy asked for my number, it was because I'd backed into his car.

distractedspunk said...

Spectacularity abounds!

Congratulations on your successful move to NYC. Treat it well, and usually, it will treat you well too. Do yourself a favor though, and go to Chocolate by the Bald Man (Max Brenner) for dessert one night. There's one on Broadway and 13th, and a few others scattered around Manhattan. Trust me on this one.

Alexis said...

Um, I pretty much just want to come hang out with you in NYC...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Distractedspunk- I was telling my mom this evening that I wanted to go there!! and then got that comment :)

Alexis- Come out!

The Alleged Ringleader said...

Congrats and GOOD For you!!!

Sparkling Red said...

Way to stand up for your point of view!

I used to think it wasn't worth the risk of conflict, but I speak my mind more and more as time goes by. It's awesome when you meet someone who'll respect you for disagreeing with them. That's good people.

Virginia said...

Oh dude, I would have jumped on Andy Samberg immediately...he wouldn't have known what hit him, haha.

Single In The City said...

I love NY.. You are so going to enjoy it, never a boring moment there..

Mazel Tov on the JOb!

Shalom
Single

poodlegoose said...

Congrats on the job! And ditto what karmen said. I just tried to comment about (unsuccessfully) talking politics with people at work, but damn wordpress made it go away & I'm not feeling up to retyping it.

But also, too bad about the Andy thing. I'm sure you guys would have worked out. Such a hottie.

poodlegoose.wordpress.com

just me said...

being my Valentine is going to be mentioned up here, i hope!!!!!

we'll have fun, chica. Congrats on the job!!

Deutlich said...

ha! that's all sortsa awesome

CONGRATS on the new job!

lhash said...

I'm jealous, I wish I had the balls to lay my beliefs out like that. I think I've lived in the south too long, I'm a little afraid I'll express my liberal views to some redneck who will respond by pulling the shotgun out from behind his pickup seat.

And I'm sure there will always be interesting discussion at work since you two are football fields away in views!

brookem said...

Congrats on the job! I wish I could run into the likes of those men.

PS- I love how I can come here and get some really good tunage. :)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Just me- You most definitely be mentioned. You are my Valentine and I would like to broadcast it all of the WWW

NYCPonderings Chick said...

hope are enjoying nyc!! and hopefully you run into some hotties in the supermarket aisles as well!

Vanessa said...

Can't wait to hear more stories, isn't NYC fabulous?

Camels & Chocolate said...

I loooove mac and cheese. The city is absolutely wonderful for that.

Cornelia Street Cafe is only my favorite spot ever. If you liked that, you must check out Cafe Orlin on St. Marks and eat the pumpkin pancakes with cinammon yogurt. And Stanton Social and Five Points for brunch are MUSTS.

Also, my roomie in NYC is the publicist for National Underground. I'm sure you know it's owned by Gavin Degraw and his brother.

How is it you've been there like two days and already asked out on a date??? In the two years I lived there, I doubt if any of my friends were ever asked out on one (I don't count, I always had a bf!)!

Clueless Cat said...

Oh yay! Sounds like you're living it up already. Hope my move is just as successful :)

Meesh-elle my Belle said...

I wholeheartedly agree that a woman with a strong opinion that is opposite of yours is FAR more desirable than one with no opinion at all.

I can feel your NYC glow all the way in LA. I'll be there tomorrow to soak it in for 5 days myself...and I am so excited it hurts!!! I heart new york.

Barrie said...

Oh wow! Congrats on the new job!!! I predict many heated discussions around the water cooler. :)

nicoleantoinette said...

I TOLD YOU SO! Now you need to eat at Spring Street Natural on Spring and Lafayette.

Shall I just continue listing places in the comments and you can continue trying them? :)

nicoleantoinette said...

What? second comment? That's right girl.

I was reading through the other comments and, not to discourage you from going to Max Brenner (because it's really good for certain things), but for the best dessert experience you need to go to Chikalicious. It's a tiny dessert bar (all they serve are set price three course dessert meals, but the portions are tiny) and it's like my fav place. It's on 10th street between 1st and 2nd

Diane Mandy said...

Sounds like everything is falling in to place. Moving can be tough, but you've handled it with ease. I hope it continues to be a good experience.

ex-tex said...

can you send some of that luck my way!! geesh!!!

survivingmyself said...

that's the thing with living here - because there are so many damn people - it increases the chances of running into people that suck.

and running into people that are Awesome.

Like me.

Nilsa S. said...

Maybe NYC is your dick in a box, because it sure sounds like you're taking it by the balls. Way to go!

lspoon said...

I love Andy Samberg. I haven't had a good celeb siting in years. I hope I have areally great one next trip.

I'm glad you got the job, political views and all. I actually have trouble believing he's actually serious about Bush.

JanelleGrace said...

I have to be careful who I talk to now after a rather horrible discussion with friends (all pretty liberal people) about politics.

So it doesn't take a Bush (not that kind)-loving guy to get into a bad discussion.

And wow! Congratulations on the job!

Raven said...

I totally would've embarrassed myself had I been in your shoes. Annoying as hell fan girl, what? Yeah.

Rebecca said...

I'm glad you are enjoying the city. Aren't you freezing you ass off though? I haven't left my apartment all week!

ChasingParadise said...

Wow. Lots to say. Firstly, CONGRATS on the job offer! That is freaking awesome. :) Also, this man thinks George W. Bush is the smartest man alive? And where is he from? Some hick-town where they marry their relatives? YUCK. George WORTHLESS Bush is more like it. Aaaaand thirdly, ugh, Mac N Cheese (that's right, I capitalized it) I miss you. But my thighs don't.

DJSassafrass said...

George Bush is the smartest man alive....I literally spit coffee out of mouth in crazy comedy movie fashion. Damn, that is a good one. I am going to wait until all my friends take drinks from expensive cocktails and then say that with a straight face. Oh how the vodka shall fly!
Congrats on the job--moving suits you!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Camels and chocolate- Cafe Orlin is my mom's favorite restaurant! Love it!!!And yes, I do promotion for them, thats how I came about checking out the bar. :)

NicoleAntoinette- It was a toss up between chikalicious and there last night, but I want to SLURP chocolate, so we decided on Max Brenners. Chickalicious shall be next, and yes please, throaw suggestions my way I LOVE IT. I LOVE FOOD. I LOVE. LOVE.

Rebecca- oh yeah, its freezing I wrape my ENTIRE FACE in scarf. You can barely tell I'm a human being. I look like a mummy.

Meghan said...

Andy Sandberg is my biggest celeb crush. Sooo jealous.

Congrats on the new job!

Jess said...

Congrats on the job! Way to go on sticking up for your opinions.

lifeintheleftlane said...

Sounds like NYC is rocking your world at the moment. Congrats on all the new greatness!

And high five to you for sticking up for your beliefs! I hate when people back down on something because they don't want to offend people. It's even more awesome that you got a job because of it!

A Margarita said...

Dude, you've been in the city like two days and you've already spotted a celebrity? I am officially jealous! Congrats, and the NYC bloggers should totally do happy hour.

Hillary said...

Ha, I applaud your restraint. If I saw Andy Samberg I would tell him I put my box in a box for him.

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=3xElIik0Ys0

Maria said...

happy valentine's day!

Hope said...

You are so funny! Dick in the box? Dick in the box? Haha.

Lord, I wish I adapted so well to change as you have.

Am stoked for you! :)

Hollywood Sucker said...

Ok congrats on the move and all of your happiness and blah blah...but why must you leave LA? It's so sunny.

Princess Consuela Banana Hammock said...

i HEART andy samberg so hard!!!

Dolce said...

Congrats on the job! I believe it's always better to voice opinions, because yes...it's better to have an opinion than none at all.

Summer said...

CONGRATS on the new job!!

Who? Me? said...

Standing your ground can be a good thing!

I was going to ask the same question as Princess Pointful, but since you answered it I don't have to. Yay for enough money to survive :)

Michelle & the City said...

damn you move quick! a job already?! go you! and i have a coworker that has a framed pic of GW in his office too.

gag. me.

d said...

mac and cheese at Cafeteria is so amazing.

The west coast does not even make anything close to gourmet mac & cheese in NYC. Not even close.

each of the two said...

yay! to you.

me muy jealous!
but muy happy for you!

Colette said...

I thought I was the only one attracted to Andy Samberg.

AH said...

Hill Country BBQ is right in your neck of the woods. 30 West 26th St (btwn Broadway & 6th). Mac & Cheese holds its own with any other place in the city. Not to mention the best BBQ on the island--though Dinosaur may beg to differ.

Be sure to head to the bar downstairs: in addition to regular live music, $2 buys you 3 mason jar lids. You're wondering what to do with 3 mason jar lids? Throw them at the bottles of liquor on the bar; hook one, win one shot. Hook three? Well, your evening has gotten off to a good start. Just try to avoid the gin shots...

You can find me there on the weekend, nursing a longneck.

http://www.hillcountryny.com/home.php

Steph said...

You know that saying, one should never discuss politics or religion? Well fuck that, how are we supposed to weed out the witless gimps from the sane people?

Well done getting the job!

Ecky said...

Wow... It's superb! You got 2 jobs on your early move, hope for the best on both jobs

The [Cherry] Ride said...

Congrats on the job. Slightly worried about the boss, though...

Ashlie said...

I love NYC!!!! If you are ever in Baltimore, you'll have to look me up.

Welcome to the East Coast!

Leslie said...

I'm not sure even many REPUBLICANS still think Bush is the smartest man alive.
Jeez.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Thank you for all of the well wishes my friends!!!!! xoxoxoxoxox

Ah- Ill definitely try out the barbecue place, I LOVE BBQ

Ashlie- I definitely will, Ive never been there!

Maxie said...

freakin sweet... nyc sounds awesome! I'm glad it's going so well!

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