Monday, February 4, 2008

GAH. A new word for the ovulating.

Gaaah!! Gah is a word I use when I'm too lazy to just add the D at the end of God. It turns into GAAAH. and I'm only too lazy to use consonants when I'm either; pms-ing, sleepy, sad, stressed, or hungry. I happen to be all of the above.

I turn into a Neaderthal and use mostly vowel sounds- Ah, eh, eeeee, oh. and GAH. I'd only use OO if I were maybe talking to a baby or something magical happened, like I could move my fucking pen through telekinesis across the room. I'm in true caveman form and it's fairly simple to understand. Straight to the point, minus all the babble.

I was supposed to teach voice lessons today and GAAAH, I left my keys- in my Mothers car. She left before I could figure that out, so I had to cancel all of my lessons, lost out on some much needed cash AND am confined to my home. all. day.

Confinement does not make me productive. Rather than writing, reading, doing a Yoga tape, or perusing CNN or other informative sites to keep up on current events. I procrastinate, do random sets of wind sprints from my fireplace to the microwave while making hot cocoa, and most dangerous of all.....I window shop. Window in the computer sense.

Right now I have: Nordstroms, Urban Outfitters, Lucky, Sephora, Marc Jacobs, and InStyle, open in windows on my screen. Literally, plastering the screen behind this one making a collage of pretty little things I currently cannot afford.

This, I understand, is materialistic and vain and probably some strange form of torture that should have a name.....Who do you contact when naming new forms of torture that you think are Webster worthy?? Mr. Webster?

So here are the things I would like to buy using my imaginary bank account:

Shiny Shoes. Since, hey, I like my shoes to be as bright as my future.

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Dear Marc Jacobs,

You. are. a snobby, snobby man. $748.00 dollars?! WHAT. DO YOU THINK THE REST OF US PAUPERS DO?? I am not royalty, and I do not think I am royalty like Paris Hilton, BUT, I would appreciate these shoes far more than the people who can afford them. These shoes will become sad, abandoned footwear in 4 months, in the back of some heiresses closet, with dusty Louis Vuitton bags and your previous fall collection. Work on your prices.
Sincerely,
Sad Consumer Chelsea Talks Smack

I like my shoes so shiny in fact, that when I wear these T-shirts, I could either be mistaken for The Lord himself, or I can scream my political views at you without risking damage to the chops.

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jesus
I've also found out- through my time sucking, black hole of internet "shopping", that pleating is coming back. Pleats?! NO. I am not, nor have I ever been a fan of the school girl/tennis player chic. You will not find me in pleats. ever. I'd rather Hammer Pants come back than pleats.

And in closing, the perfect little pouch for carrot sticks, change and condoms:
Photobucket Bustboobtique
However, if you hand me a chicken wing I will not deny you.

59 comments:

Britt said...

More and more I seem to talk in words that don't make sense...gah, eeee, blah, urg etc.

Love computer window shopping :)

pbandrazz said...

oh your post makes me want to computer window shop....and also makes me wonder who buys $748 shoes?

andrea said...

Confinement makes me procrastinate too. I think if I had to work from home, I'd go to a coffee shop or library to get work done. I need to work near people, but not with people, if you know what I mean.

I adore the democrats shirt, even though I'm an independent.

emily said...

I love the democrat shirt too!

And yeah, right there with you on the money thing...

Meeks said...

Thanks for stopping by - love this post...so similar to how I spend my days in and the reason I just received the cutest little bag from Nordstrom. Thank you crappy weather!
Look forward to reading more.

JulyBug said...

I'll take the shoes, I'll take the shirt, I'll take the purse. *in crazy land where I have unlimited funds

Shanti said...

"Shiny Shoes. Since, hey, I like my shoes to be as bright as my future."

i wish i had a pocket sized chelsea around to send me optimistic vibes through phrases like this.

Ashley said...

Computer window shopping is my life. I find it less tempting than actually going into the mall, and less depressing too.

I am with britt on the Blah word. It is my new favorite word..BLAH! It sums everything up.

Maxie said...

Um, I love that I only Date Democrats shirt. While searching for it I found a cute one that said "I hated bush before it was cool" or something like that... unfortunately I can't claim it, but I figured someone can

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Sorry, I should have poted those shirts are both from UrbanOutfitters.com

:)

magdathunder said...

I'm a major fan of the gaah. As in, gaah, who can actually afford those shoes? I used to work in salon shoes at Nordstrom--where all the pretty Guccis and Pradas live--and, yeah, I basically walked out with my paycheck in my shopping bag each month. But $700? I'm good at eating oatmeal, but not that good. Sigh.

Jules said...

Confinement makes me want to do bad things to my four children as they inevitably drive me insane in confined spaces.

Love your style, will be back.

ToKissTheCook said...

I like your window shop style..had several of the same opened today actually.

And I especially love that your ovulation bought a vowel sound. My ovulation sounds like a low hum. Not unlike purring and usually occurring mid-afternoon or when looking at pictures of Josh Duhamel or Olivier Martinez.

Last but not least...I need a Democrats have better sex T and then I can carry condoms AND carrots around in the new pouch.

Katelin said...

I use gaaaah so much, it's kind of ridiculous.

And I love the Democrat shirt, quite funny.

brandy said...

Spending a months rent on shoes is whack. Well, given my current financial situation it would be. If I was blowing my nose with $100, not so much. Also? I love the Democrat shirt. I bought one from Urban Outfitters that said "Friends don't let friends vote Republican". I'm thinking it will be the shirt of the day tomorrow.

Bri....! said...

Hate to be the bearer of bad news but overseas and according to H&M, hammer pants are back and freakishly stylish.

JerseySjov said...

oh my. those sneakers are marvelous.

Southern Sage said...

Id vomit if my bride bought shoes for $748.00! I'd guess all the boots I've had in the last 20 years haven't cost that much cumulatively.
Great shirts too.

thestoryofagirl said...

Wow. Nice. Internet window shopping with an imaginary bank account. Cracked me up.

Alexis said...

Days stuck at home are rarely all that productive for me either, I tend to internet window shop myself...and I also adore shiny shoes...and that little pouch...and you.

Here's to procrastination/laziness/whatever you want to call it!

;)

Alexis said...

Days stuck at home are rarely all that productive for me either, I tend to internet window shop myself...and I also adore shiny shoes...and that little pouch...and you.

Here's to procrastination/laziness/whatever you want to call it!

;)

kimberlie said...

hehehe your funny.

I think i do about 80% of my shopping online (mostly while at work- suckers!)

nicoleantoinette said...

Isn't it funny how much I type "gah," but that I'd never say it out loud?

OneSkinnyGirl said...

Thanks for the comment on my blog!!
Those shoes are divine and I agree 100%, why the fuck are they soooooo expensiveeeee????

Hope that your house-bound-dom wasnt too painful!!
S X

ex-tex said...

wind sprints? thats awesome.

also, i LOVE the democrat shirt - where did you find it, bc i need to order it RIGHT NOW. :)

Chele said...

Man thats why I was never a shoe person, I love shoes but they are so expensive and I ruin all of them. Stick to my converse.

Oh and sweetheart, be careful with the window shopping, it just sucks you in...
speaking of Marc J and window shopping ; Once I bought these M.J wellington rain boots with a heel online, 200 stupid dollars did I pay for them. Wore them 8 times in a year, last year they got stolen at a festival...arrrggghhh.

I dont go to netaporter anymore, sucks stupid money out of you online.
But american apparel...struggling with that one.

Kimberly said...

Oh shit! I totally do the wind sprint thingy. And I leap too. Do you leap? Try it.

lspoon said...

Now I feel like window shopping online all day and doing no work whatsoever!

Michelle said...

internet shopping is so dangerous! you don't have to make the extra effort to actually go into the stores so you can do a lot of perusing in so little time!

Summer said...

GAH!! My word for this year is Meh... it's a shorter version of whatever and applies to every situation. "would you like some tea" "Meh" "would you like to go out sometime" "Meh", etc.

Also, love the friggin tennis shoes but you and I have that whole she thing in common. I will send you a pic of the new ones as soon as they come in the mail :) Bo Jackson Nike Dunks...yum.

Raven said...

I dig your selections!

Did you see the dress I just bought?

$11.48. Yes.

Step Right Up said...

Oldham does a line for Target. Why can't Jacobs find it in his heart to do a line for Pay Less for all us regular folk out here?

Jess said...

I love love love internet window shopping. Sorry about your confinement, though! Especially since it killed your income for the day.

DJSassafrass said...

Agreed on the shiny shoes! I was in Vegas last month and found a great pair of Kenneth Cole shiny silver shoes for $35! Sign my name to your Marc Jacobs letter too. Solidarity wins the case

Rachel said...

LOVING those t-shirts!

Also, Gah? LMAO.

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I find that "ugh" is a extremely descriptive word. Change the tone or pitch and it could mean a thousand different things.

r.xo said...

Internet window shopping. The best thing about it is the number of windows in such a short travelling distance!

Andrea said...

Eww Pleats. Are you kidding. UGH! I hate pleats. I am pretty skinny in a sense and even my ass and hips looks bad in pleats. Eewwww. Can we boycott?

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Shanti- a pocket sized me?!? I have a feeling that wouldn't do a whole lot for weight distribution, I'd be like..a little...oompa loompa. Though, they are kinda cute.

ex-tex- Urban outfitters! They also have shirts with the candidates.....in case you want to rock someones face on your chest.

Kimberly- Leaping??? I've done my share of leaping.

Summer- I say MEH TOO!!!

Rvaen- I did see the dress, very cute.

Jessie Cacciola said...

well, this explains the need for coffee and chocolate...
- Jessie -

heidikins said...

Mmmm, you lost me after "Shiny Shoes"... so delectable!

xox

Kindredly said...

Gaaaaaah!! I can't stop laughing. Love the letter to Marc...my thoughts exactly.

Diane Mandy said...

PLEATS ARE BACK?!?! Heard it here first, but I can't say I'm happy. Do tell: What's the verdict on skinny jeans?

smb. said...

...i've been torturing myself with the urban outfitters website the past few days. you know, just staring at the things i've lusting for over & over again as if by clicking back & forth from one thing to another they'll magically appear in front of me.
ps: i love all of the music you have on your page.

Traci Anne said...

Awwwwwww, mine's more of a "meeeeeeeehhhhhhh *whine*"

Also, I totes want that steak is wack coin purse carrot holder thingy.

Nilsa S. said...

Much more affordable and very cute t-shirts can be found here ... http://www.threadless.com/. Maybe you can populate the dreams (never hurts to have them) with reality! :-)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Diana Mandy- Here's my thoughts on the skinny jean...I happen to lvoe and adore the skinny jean, because. I have skinny calfs. So they really do a lot for me personally. Even if the skinny jean is going away- which I think I'll give in another year +, since we've started the COLORED skinny jeans, (which I don't think I could rock quit as well, cause no one wants to see someones thighs in HOT YELLOW) I think they make skinny jeans for all shapes and sizes but you MUST find the right skinny for you. If you can't pull of skinny jean so much, you could fake it with a nice boot cut.

And those, are my thoughts ;)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Nilsa- I LOVE THREADLESS, I just venutred over there and they're basically writing my thoughts on ft-shirts,I should receive some sort of profit.

OenoLogical said...

I believe the closest us males have to an equivalent noise is "Ug". It can be used to describe a variety of situations, having been tuned to perfection by our caveman ancestors. Most commonly it is used to mean "I have man-flu", "Who invented this time of the morning?", or "Those shoes cost how much?!".

The Ex said...

Just to clarify - pleats are so effing ugly. You're on the right side of this war! WAGE ON!

1218Blog said...

Democrats Rule! Great tee.

Marlee said...

I've been worried about all the hours that are being sucked up by my BLOGGING--I guess I'll be grateful that I haven't also taken up online SHOPPING!! ;)

Larissa said...

Is that a Jesus t-shirt?! Me want!

Oh...dear me said...

1. Thanks for stoping by!
2. I buy $700 only of the Sugar Daddy money
3. I must say love The Streets playing while I stopped by! reminds me of London.

Exposed said...

Isn't it ridiculous how much easier it is to get work done when you're swamped? When given hours alone with a computer I find myself so much less productive than when I'm busy.

I'm going to 100th that I love the democrat shirt!

emmaenlighted said...

mmmmmm, chicken wing.

Gaah, I miss American food! :)

Mary-Laure said...

Oh I really love the Steak is Whack pouch (now I understand why you liked the t-shirt on my blog!).
As for Marc Jacobs, he does pretty stuff but really most of it is Made In China and very bad quality - believe me, I know.

Isa said...

ha, nice post!

glad you like my blog, I like yours, so I´m linking. feel free to do the same. ;)
I´m not into politics so much, at least not into the americans (I´d have to be a communist after having seen `the way we were´) but that shirt rocks my socks! which is of importance.

Isa said...

ha, nice post!

glad you like my blog, I like yours, so I´m linking. feel free to do the same. ;)
I´m not into politics so much, at least not into the americans (I´d have to be a communist after having seen `the way we were´) but that shirt rocks my socks! which is of importance.

 
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