Friday, February 29, 2008

Happy-hour, Heels, Hell.


Everything looks more disastrous when you're in heels. If someone in tennis shoes is frantically running, you figure disaster (or running) are part of their every days. They probably carry frozen lunches in their purse, and "office shoes", and they surely own a scrunchie in some cabinet at home. BUT, when you see some chick in heels and a pin skirt, running, a chick who looks like she probably waxes, spends too much money on accessories, and meets people for "drinks", you know shits gone awry.
To add insult to injury, there was no way in hell you were going to catch me in a coat, even if it was bone-chilling below zero. Puffy Northface ski gear would have made my outfit look, fucked. Why don't you just throw a pair of muck lucks on me too?

There's a certain skill, a certain knee bend, purse clutch, hair flip, that goes along with running in damn heels. Oh, not to mention the toe clutching that happens inside the heels.
My personal belief about running is that I should only have to if someone is chasing me, with a chainsaw. I would take on a bat, maybe even a machete.....but a chainsaw? My ass is gonna run like I'm on fire.


So, when I had an interview with a VP at a seriously important company (that if I gave you the name of, you would surely know of it) today in regards to future, employment/internships/direction/whatev's and in the writing/entertainment field... the address I cabbed to....was the wrong, damn, address. I even Googled it. Apparently, you can't Google everything. I would marry Google if it were a person that's how much I love"Googling"...I am a faithful Google maid, today however, Google cheated on me.


"I'm here to see BLANK"

Oh shit, the doorman's expression is not good...why is he looking at me like that? Do I have a bugger hanging off of my nose ring? "I'm sorry miss, ("MISS" makes me feel like a five year old at a tea party, by the way. )BLANK is no longer at this building, they moved...."


Naturally, he had no clue where they moved to.

This is where the heel tapping comes into play, the frantic, one heeled..click click click click.....which is really all the heels were good for today, or maybe ever- unless you are not moving, or standing. Heels are only a nice idea.
I'm making phone calls, flipping pages in my planner...looking for "answers" of course, or magic.... when FINALLY. I got a hold of someone with the CORRECT info....and. I start the fucking running, again.


The atmosphere: Times Square, a cluster fuck of tourists with their heads towards the sky, looking for the top of the building maybe? and running into me and in all my coiffed, tailored perfection- with their fucking fanny packs and 300 pound lenses- taking pictures of glittery McDonalds signs. MOOOOVE, 'lady on the verge' coming through, the verge of a meltdown or the verge of greatness is a fine line my friends.


Can we also talk about the snarky cab drivers who don't want to let you pay with your credit card, because the "machine doesn't work." Ok, you fucking liar- you just like the sweet feeling of dollar bills in your hand, but don't we all...

The cab stops at an ATM, the running begins again....due to the half-off, happy hour margaritas that I had, four of, last night, the magic that SPANX would usually work, didn't have the same power on my ass. Not to mention, the sunlight just hit my calves and I DEFINITELY forgot to shave the back of me legs...and oh no, you could see it, no one's touching my legs at the moment so they've been neglected and it's cold....I've needed the extra fur. Don't judge.


I finally made it. It went well (so now we wait?), the office was perfectly- swankyesque, my feelings are that any place that can afford to have white floors, look nice, is a good company.


I kept my composure and didn't cry in any cabs....I had way too much eye makeup for crying today. However, when I got HOME, a ridiculous case of queasiness took over my body like an alien and I have been in bed-sick all. damn. day. Maybe some insomnia cookies would make me feel better.....have you heard of these guys?? The deliver cookies. 24. hours. a. day. That sounds like danger to me, daaanga! but, oh so tasty.


And in closing....after my (very strong) margaritas last night, I went to Amadeus' show (the composer from the bookstore has a band- I found out from Googling it)....what is my obsession with musicians, is there a medication to help me kick that, that's stronger than previous musician induced heartbreak?? I fucking wish. Maybe he'll be sweet....but not as sweet as the cookies I'm about to order.













36 comments:

Carrie said...

Oh my, that does sound hellish. Glad to hear the interview went well, though.

Gotta say that I'll take a "Miss" over a "Ma'am" any day - "Ma'am" makes me feel old.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Yeah, you have a point. lol.

Mike said...

I'll tell you, there's an art to running in steel toed work boots too. But when a hydrant blows under 100 psi of water pressure, you don't want to be where it lands (or over it at the time).

Yes, Carrie does have a point. I just turned 30, and with it comes "sir".

I hate sir. I preferred "get off my lawn, you damned kid!" "what the HELL was in that burning paper bag, you rotten little punk!", "hey BUDDY" and "you ASSHOLE!" to "sir".

I also don't like "gentleman".

Funny how that works?

dactyl said...

carrie has a point... i've been pulling ma'am lately and it makes me want to punch babies.

those shoes are delish.

and i'd ponder the awesomeness that is insomnia cookies but i have to go kick the bajeezus out of the elephants living above me...

please hold.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

dactyl- yes, THOSE are the shoes that almost murdered my feet today.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

dactyl- yes, THOSE are the shoes that almost murdered my feet today.

readsalot said...

Um, 24 hour cookies? I would weight 300 pounds. I am so glad that you can't even order food late here. I don't have the energy to exercise.

Britt said...

glad you didn't break something! That takes skill :)

Chele said...

Chels we should form a musician recovery support group. They keep breaking my heart but somehow I still manage to find my way back to another musician every time, I wish I could kick that habit...but the force is too strong.
so are you in in the musician addicts anonymous?

Angelique said...

I have rip roarin Google-foo.
I enjoy the Google. I, too, would make out with Google were it a human. With tongue. Even first thing in the morning. I don't mind if Google has catbox breath, gimmie a smooch!

andrea said...

I can't even walk in heels much less run. No arch support.

However, when I do run in my Chucks, I can tell you there is no frozen lunch in my bag. Maybe a couple sticks of gum though.

Surfergrrl said...

Great post! I think Carrie Bradshaw perfected running in heels. She made it look so...effortless. good luck with the job!

Single In The City said...

Sorry you had such a hell bent night! I run in hills all the time, like surfer girl said Carrie had it going on, That is why I wear my hills all the time!I would have totally sat and ate those cookies with you!

Glad your interview was good!

Single!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Chele- I'm in, thats form it. I think we'd have a gaggle of chicks joining.

nicoleantoinette said...

This is one of the ridiculous downsides of living in Manhattan. Heels in Cali are so much better than heels in Manhattan.

Oh, and I have cried in many a cab.

sequined said...

You're a champ to run around in those heels. They're fabulous, by the way.

brookem said...

First of all, I love those shoes! Do you own them? Secondly, glad you made it there (finally), safe and sound. And lastly!!, cookies?! delivered to your HOME 24 hours a day?! Good lord, I'd be in heaven.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

YES LADIES, THOSE are the actualy shoes I was running in yesterday!

and thank you ;)

I think they're pretty sexual my self.

Heidi said...

Hope the interview went well. Can't wait to hear about it.

Oh, and if people call me ma'am...I give them shit. I am not in my 70s.

DJSassafrass said...

I have been in that same situation, but the backdrop was the city of Seattle. Women deserve some serious accolades for our ability to balance fashion with responsibility.

Maxie said...

Oh poor thing. I'm glad you made it there and it went well. I refuse to wear a coat if it's going to mess up my outfit too.

But I so carry frozen lunches in my purse, LOL.

Meghan said...

Chelsea, I'm in for this getting over musicians club. And I bet if anyone can pull off running in heels, it would be you! Good luck re; the interview :)

Exposed said...

Ugh, how the hell are you leaving the house in THIS without a coat!

I hear you on those NY days when everything needs to go smoothly and refuses to cooperate. It still makes me laugh through my current disdain for Times Square that I made my decision to move here while standing in the middle of it all (probably in the way of somewhere important to be!)

Fingers crossed for you!

just me said...

Wait, but WHERE was this place???

I hate doing anything in heels. ...Except sexual things. Those are fun in heels.

(but not exactly functional)

Camels & Chocolate said...

OMG, I can totally relate. Two years ago I had an interview at the motherfuckin' NY Times, and naturally, it was a rainy, hellish day in which I had to cab it to their HG in Times Square (note: I worked in the Conde Nast bldg in Times Square for two years and EWWWW), but wouldn't you know there are actually TWO different buildings in which different departments of the Times reside (there are actually probably like 40, but whatever). So yeah, then finding a cab in the rain in Times Square isn't so easy, so needless to say I was late, but they didn't seem to mind too much. But I was so frazzled that I probably screwed up the five-part test and three different interviews, well I'm guessing at least, as it's been nearly two years and I still haven't gotten the return call =)

Good luck with your job, though!!!!

MrBeagle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Missy said...

Oh my gosh, this was hilarious. I was just in NYC and laughed out loud at the paragraph about the 300 pound lenses shooting mcd's signs. Since I am a photographer and noticed the million and a half people with ridiculous camera getups while I was there.

I'm gad it went well though, in the end. And I am completely blown away by the idea of round-the-clock cookie delivery-amazing!!!!

I might have to move to the big apple now...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Just me: well talk over dinner ;)

Camels and chocolate: I so wish you were here, we'd definitely be friends.

Missy: thanks for stopping by!! The cookies...are...delicious.

Raven said...

Those shoes are the sex (and from the sounds of it, rough sex)!

I have perfected running in heels. I grew up with a brother and mostly male cousins, any formal event lead to at least one of them stealing something of mine or hitting me at least once and taking off running. I couldn't let the bastards get away with that. :)

*fingers crossed that you hear something good from it soon*

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Raven- dmanit, I wish I had brothers, I wouldn't look like such a disastor, at least had some running experience....like maybe, track? in heels?

ChasingParadise said...

I'm loving those heels by the way. Glad you finally made it to the company. I am the same way with Mapquest -- I use it for everything, even though it's given me wrong directions before. Oh well. And a place delivers cookies all day?! Say it ain't so!

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

Geez what a mess! I'm glad the interview went well though :)

Let me know when you want to get together btw. Our previously arranged "date" hath come and gone...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

irish lass- GOD, I know! I need to e-maile you asap, i was suposed to have friends in town, that I completely forgot about, then ended up working instead since they werent coming, so yea. I'm emailing you tomorrow. xo.

Clever Elsie said...

I've long since learned that Google and I will have to agree to disagree on the subject of directions. When the going gets tough, I bail on Google (yes, traitor that I am) and head over to Yahoo! Maps.

Have you heard anything back from this Company Which Shall Remain Nameless? That's the kind of job I came to NYC for...and ended up blogging instead.

ashkindred said...

First of all, I'm with you on the google. Love me some google.

Secondly, I want to know how the interview went

Lastly, I'm jealous of this lifestyle. I'll trade ya! :)

Polly said...

So interesting. More information!: Insomnia Cookies Bye!

 
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