I know I'm a day late and intentionally so, I would like cupids full attention.
Lets talk about LOVE, since it's as mythical to me as a damn unicorn:
1. Best thing about Valentines Day- Little Debbie Valentines heart cakes.
2. Worst thing: Oh, I don't know, existing?
3. Did anyone else think is was so endearing when grill busted Amy Winehouse said, " To my Blake incarcerated" Incarcerated is an adorable word when you have a cockney accent. And incarceration must = true love?
4. The first boy I ever pecked was in 1st grade. I kissed him on the shoulder. He had no idea.
5. The first guy I ever slept with broke my heart- before I slept with him. That would never happen now, I've upped my standards a bit.
6. The only "date"(meaning, acquaintance, friend of a friend who asked me out, picked me up and took me out to Indian food) I've actually enjoyed was with a guy who ommitted the info about his GIRLFRIEND. In Brazil. A hot, bikini model girlfriend.
7. Swedish guys are fun. I know first hand.
8. An Italian guy once told me he "loved me" after only brief outings with broken conversation. If I spoke Italian, I probably would have loved him too. He was badass guitar player with pretty hair.
9. The only Valentines day that I enjoyed was in a hotel with; sex, chocolate cake, red wine, The Notebook AND pasta. Sex and cake are my favorite.
10. My first real kiss tasted like bananas. And bananas now remind me of kissing.
11. I have a goal to one day have a reason to wear a diamond bra like a fucking Victoria Secret's Angel. Maybe next V-day?
12. You know who's a weird couple? Jake Ghyllenhaal and Reese Witherspoon. Weird why? Because he's my other half. On one side anyways- I reserve room for the likes of David Beckham on the other side.
13. I fell for a guy once who asked me on a date to the Labrea Tarpits followed by a dinner of late night hot dogs. Turns out he LIVED with his ex-girlfriend. That didn't fly for long.
14. My dad is my only true, consistant, Valentine.
15. I once liked a guy named Franz, he liked my best friend.
16. One guy I dated was later arrested for stealing lunch meat and a forty. This embarressing, and true.
17. I once liked a guy who was a 25 year old virgin. I was clearly confused, he was clearly gay.
18. I once liked a guy who ended up living in a van on Venice Beach. He was a poor hippie.
19. I once dated a guy who would go on "secret golfing dates" with my dad. He wanted my family to adopt him.
20. I once got a love letter with GOGGLES attached to it. The goggles were my admirers most "prized possession." They freaked me the fuck out.
21. The only rose I ever received was from a checked out yoga instructor.
22. I've never had "a song" with someone, but there are ENTIRE genres of music I cannot listen to because they remind me of my ex.
23. I once went on a "non-date" date, to a Christmas party where the boss was wearing a kilt and kept slapping my ass.
24. My friend tried to hook me up with Kevin Federline, I politely declined.
25. I have secret crushes on baristas at Starbucks ALL THE TIME. It's part of the corporations evil plan to get me to come back.
26. One of my ex-boyfriends goes to Juilliard on a full ride, and wrote a song for me. Why did we break up again?
27. Ugh, "I can't make you love me" by Bonnie Raitt makes me want to sob in a bottle of vodka.
28. I slept with on of my best guy friends while watching "Ong Bak" the Thai warrior. Then was all whiney when he didn't want to date me. He's still one fo my best friend.
29. "There's girls, then there's 'Chelsea'...." I've been told this....A LOT. I don't really know how to respond to being seperate from the "girls" catergory?
30. I used to think I loved Prince William, until he didn't grow into his teeth.
31. Wine makes me frisky.
32. Close talking leads to kissing, thats the only thing they got right in all those teen movies. John Hughes is the master of the close talk/kiss.
33. After reading my list, I need to SERIOUSLY WORK ON WHO I DATE.
Would you like to add any of your love musings or former mishaps??