Our mothers lied to us. Oh, dear deception!
Ha! Food! The way to a mans heart is through his stomach? Um, I'm sorry, the way to a man's heart is through his groin.
Through his crotch. Through the pants snake. And of course our mothers said it was because of her casserole, cause SHIT- she didn't want to say, "Well, I really got him when I did a full routine to 'Hot For Teacher' followed by a remix of Welcome to the Jungle Oo! You should've seen his face!"
Yeah. So casserole and lasagna was the way to go.
Now, I say stripping because....the music says so. And I always follow the music.
Many hours have been spent in the recording studios specifically to create the: Ode to the Stripper.
Bills have been folded, and tapped on the ends of stages, college funds have been dipped into and elaborate "poker night" lies have been devised. All, for, the stripper.
Not for the baby mama, not for the dance recital, not for the softball game or the family reunion. THE STRIPPER.
Which hey, ladies go on and do your thing...if I had nicer boobs- meaning BIGGER, since they're nice and small, (often non-exsistant depending on how much bread I eat)I'd strip. Amatuer night here I coooomme!!! Neon lycra thongs? Oh, I would buy them in a rainbow of colors and get my initials tattooed on my ass. In Old English writing.
I'm about to board a plane to NYC...My move is now offical. My angels were working tricks like gangbusters up there and the apartment panned out. At least for awhile, I'll be staying in a friend's loft in Chelsea. Chelsea in Chelsea. Holla.
So I leave you with this- some strip songs.
Since, ya know, it's almost Valentines Day...and we've all wanted to buy a pink feather boa robe to seductively shimmy off, and whip at our man in FULL STRIPPER SEDUCTION. Don't deny it. With matching heels even, you know the kind.
So ladies, go work on your routine. Fuck chocolates and a nice dinner....that was all a sham. He wants you to get naked. slowly.
For your disrobing convenience, I have provided you with a soundtrack. Godspeed.
Paula Cole (block out the hairy armpits if you will)-"Feelin' Love"
Justin Timberlake & 50Cent-"Ayo Technology"
Snoop Dogg- "Sensual Seduction" I had to do the obvious.
Sweet Chaarity- "Big Spender"
T-Pain-"I'm in luv with a stripper"- not LOVE, but luv.
ZZ Top- "Leggs"
Usher- "That's what it's made for"
So, I may not be on for a couple days while I get settled in the city (hit me up if you're in NYC!) so...I expect full reports on your stripper success. I promise, it'll be a SUPERB V-day.
What are YOUR stripper tunes????