Monday, March 24, 2008
It's ALL about the Benjamin's baby.
I would've bought a nice big salad instead of a bagel or a chicken platter with grilled vegetables that was warm and made me feel full instead of binging on Cadbury eggs in my bed for dinner, something crisp and healthy that made me feel good...if I had the money. A nice cooked meal, I'd buy all the spices, olive oil and basic cooking supplies...if I had the money.
I don't need Prada, I just really wanted a dress from Forever 21 that was in the window, but I didn't have the money. My boots have water slipping through the edges, and with all the walking though they're vintage, they really just look tattered and lived in, they're my favorite pair but when I lost the traction on my heel while rushing to work and the wood keeps splintering splitting the heel in half, I know it's about time to have another favorite, but I just don't have the money. I'd buy more socks that matched and kept my feet warm, if I had the money.
I don't need Christian Louboutin, I just need another pair of heels that don't leave my feet bleeding at the end of the day, but I don't have the money.
Instead of going straight to clearance I would've picked a down comforter and wouldn't have woken up shivering in the middle of the night, since I only bought a throw blanket and a sheet. Instead of buying just one cotton pillow, I would've bought two feather pillows so my neck wouldn't be as sore as it is today. I'd even buy a mattress, and maybe a real ladder, to crawl up to my loft, instead of risking breaking my neck every time my feet slip off the painters ladder that makes loud noises and looks like trash.
I miss yoga. I said, "Sure, I'd love to come try a class with you!!" but I know I can't afford it. Working out sounds nice... the weight of the machines, the sound of people breathing heavy and the smell of sweat, I miss that all....the first thing I'd do is get a gym membership, if I had the money. Then I'd take myself to dinner and I wouldn't drown out the carbs in the "house" wine, I'd probably order Pellegrino and the biggest slab of protein the kitchen could offer me.
I'd probably paint my walls that are scuffed from previous owners, I buy deep cleaning supplies and live in my own dirt instead of the dust of a stranger. I'd have Internet at my house instead of hoping through Internet cafes spending dollar bills on black coffee that give me headaches after cup number seven.
If I had the money, I would sleep just a little bit longer and a little bit better.
A cart full of groceries; grapes, berries, thick yogurt, fresh tomatoes, lettuce, dried fruit and less Campbells canned soup and NEVER any Ramen, softer toiler paper, candles to set an ambiance of "home", Dreyers ice cream to "just to have" in case I had company, snacks for my cabinets so they would be full if I felt like "snacking", string cheese, and brands that "tasted" better instead of only looking at the price tag.
I'd switch shampoos. I'd even get a haircut....and buy some products instead of using Pantene. I think....I'd look better, if I had the time and I'd only have the time- if I had the money.
I don't need much. I haven't thrown around ideas of "spa days" flippantly after sleeping in until noon like so many women do because they're just "so stressed." I haven't asked for anything other than more hours. My plate is completely full and even when my arms are tired from it's weight I make sure that there's still room for people to throw their needs on top of my own, and I still manage to get it all done.
I never complain. I do my best not to get too jealous, I understand working hard and feeling it crackling through your bones, I still make time for friends and just enough time for me....but I'd be lying if I said I cannot wait for it to get just a bit easier, when I have the money.