Monday, March 24, 2008

It's ALL about the Benjamin's baby.


I would've bought a nice big salad instead of a bagel or a chicken platter with grilled vegetables that was warm and made me feel full instead of binging on Cadbury eggs in my bed for dinner, something crisp and healthy that made me feel good...if I had the money. A nice cooked meal, I'd buy all the spices, olive oil and basic cooking supplies...if I had the money.

I don't need Prada, I just really wanted a dress from Forever 21 that was in the window, but I didn't have the money. My boots have water slipping through the edges, and with all the walking though they're vintage, they really just look tattered and lived in, they're my favorite pair but when I lost the traction on my heel while rushing to work and the wood keeps splintering splitting the heel in half, I know it's about time to have another favorite, but I just don't have the money. I'd buy more socks that matched and kept my feet warm, if I had the money.
I don't need Christian Louboutin, I just need another pair of heels that don't leave my feet bleeding at the end of the day, but I don't have the money.

Instead of going straight to clearance I would've picked a down comforter and wouldn't have woken up shivering in the middle of the night, since I only bought a throw blanket and a sheet. Instead of buying just one cotton pillow, I would've bought two feather pillows so my neck wouldn't be as sore as it is today. I'd even buy a mattress, and maybe a real ladder, to crawl up to my loft, instead of risking breaking my neck every time my feet slip off the painters ladder that makes loud noises and looks like trash.

I miss yoga. I said, "Sure, I'd love to come try a class with you!!" but I know I can't afford it. Working out sounds nice... the weight of the machines, the sound of people breathing heavy and the smell of sweat, I miss that all....the first thing I'd do is get a gym membership, if I had the money. Then I'd take myself to dinner and I wouldn't drown out the carbs in the "house" wine, I'd probably order Pellegrino and the biggest slab of protein the kitchen could offer me.

I'd probably paint my walls that are scuffed from previous owners, I buy deep cleaning supplies and live in my own dirt instead of the dust of a stranger. I'd have Internet at my house instead of hoping through Internet cafes spending dollar bills on black coffee that give me headaches after cup number seven.


If I had the money
, I would sleep just a little bit longer and a little bit better.

A cart full of groceries; grapes, berries, thick yogurt, fresh tomatoes, lettuce, dried fruit and less Campbells canned soup and NEVER any Ramen, softer toiler paper, candles to set an ambiance of "home", Dreyers ice cream to "just to have" in case I had company, snacks for my cabinets so they would be full if I felt like "snacking", string cheese, and brands that "tasted" better instead of only looking at the price tag.

I'd switch shampoos. I'd even get a haircut....and buy some products instead of using Pantene. I think....I'd look better, if I had the time and I'd only have the time- if I had the money.


I don't need much. I haven't thrown around ideas of "spa days" flippantly after sleeping in until noon like so many women do because they're just "so stressed." I haven't asked for anything other than more hours. My plate is completely full and even when my arms are tired from it's weight I make sure that there's still room for people to throw their needs on top of my own, and I still manage to get it all done.

I never complain. I do my best not to get too jealous, I understand working hard and feeling it crackling through your bones, I still make time for friends and just enough time for me....but I'd be lying if I said I cannot wait for it to get just a bit easier, when I have the money.

60 comments:

Benjamin Boudreau said...

Blogger Bohemia might be the movement du jour. Let's pretend that having more money would make you ignore your craft since you'd be busy wearing designer dresses and eating caviar. Even if it wouldn't. It just makes the whole have-not experience much more romantic.

Hillary said...

*sigh*

I hear ya

I keep telling myself that one day it will be easier

I hope I appreciate it when it happens

lspoon said...

Yes, yes, YES! A resounding yes! One day darling, one day :)

Alexis said...

AMEN.

I have been there, and ran to mommy and daddy for help crying "feed me!"

Now, time is the luxury I covet...even though the money thing hasn't actually gotten THAT much better...

You're gonna make it after all, Chelsea! ;) Love ya, you fabulous woman!

Felicia said...

I was in your shoes when I was your age and I know how it feels. Unfortunately, I've learned that $$ does not make life easier maybe just slightly more comfortable. I wish I could donate all my extra blankets to you!

Katelin said...

Oh man I hear ya. I hope it gets better for ya soon.

Marcheline said...

Dunno how old you are, but I'm 41 and still hoping for that day to come. I'm starting to understand why being happy doesn't come from having money - because if it did, I might as well have jumped off a bridge a long, long time ago.

Cheers!

- M

Carrie said...

Blah...I've had days/years like that. It definitely sucks. Good for you for NOT buying a lot of stuff on credit and drowning in debt, though. Good luck - it WILL get better!

kris said...

I'd drink good wine and give up the pole dancing . . .

In all seriousness, I'm with you. It just never seems to get easier, even though it seems like it eases up for Mr. and Mrs. Jones across the street. And the other Jones clan next door.

I'm a big fan of karma, or I keep telling myself I am. Let's keep paying it forward in other ways and hoping it comes back around. In the meantime, I raise my glass of cheap wine to you, C.

Essentially Me said...

It will happen. You're far too talented to keep on going like this.

m said...

oh honey, i hear ya. i think new york makes it even harder, too, there are so many beautiful things here that are just a little too expensive. (i mean, everything is just a little too expensive, even the not-so-beautiful.) i keep telling myself it has to better, i can make it get better.

we should have a day of all-free adventure.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

I hear you, girl.

In all fairness though, you are making a choice to live in one of the most expensive cities in the world. I love New York, but I chose to leave because living paycheck to paycheck in a shit-tastic apartment wasn't worth it to me. Now I live in a beautiful house on the lake in one of the loveliest cities in the country, full of fun bars and amazing restaurants, I walk and take the bus everywhere, I'm getting plenty of freelance work, and my rent is $375/mo.

On the other hand, if living in New York is your Most Important Thing, then embrace that! And savor every sweet, sweet can of Campbell soup that is allowing you to stay there.

Playful Professional said...

I wish it weren't, but it's way too true. I tell my husband every day that he needs to finish law school so that I can quit working full-time at a job I don't like and enjoy just being a wife.

somechick84 said...

This is so straight from MY heart it's a bit scary. I would replace my favorite pair of jeans that ripped, if I had the money. I would buy decent clothes so I don't look pieced together from years ago and current thrift stores... if I had the money. I feel like I've spend my whole life just getting by and never feeling comfortable in my own clothes because I had to buy the super duper uber cheap shit that shrinks, even when you wash the damn thing cold and don't dry it. My boyfriend tells me I need to wear a brown belt with my brown shirt. I do not own a brown belt, thank you and that cost MONEY. Why did I only buy the one song off iTunes and not the album? Because it's $1 vs $9 and I seriously need those 9 measly dollars...

I feel you. And it blows.

christine said...

money sucks so much. there's never enough, and it really does make all the difference in the world.

at least, one day, we'll appreciate having money so much more than those who were born with it and waste it!

ana said...

I wish having money guaranteed a good and sound sleep.

Camels & Chocolate said...

Welcome to New York! If it makes you feel better, everyone who lives there experiences that for a couple years starting out -- well, everyone who doesn't work on Walk Street or at a financial institution.

Ashley said...

I sooo hear you girlie!

It sucks, I feel like I am the ugliest girl alive because I don't have the time or money to make myself feel good. I just got my hair done because I cried and cried until my mom gave me the money. I would kill for a new shirt, just a new shirt that is all.

I just hope what everyone says, "All the hard work will pay off...gotta start somewhere" is true!

glamorous152 said...

omg. i just want to send you everything. your post sounds so sad. but really- how can i help?

-AP

nicoleantoinette said...

NYC is a really tough place when you're feeling like this.

I've been there, hardcore.

Exposed said...

I'm so buying you a drink if you make it out tomorrow night! (Not because I've got money to spare, but because it's those little gestures that got me through these times when they hit). Realistically, it gets better, and worse, and better- enjoy the life of a NY artist!

Alya said...

at least ur not in debt!

i hope u do get the money u need - AND MORE (legally of course).

jessica maria said...

I'm totally in the same boat. Trying to get myself out of it. New York is essspensive.

JB said...

I find that people who say money can't buy happiness are usually people that are well enough off. Money might not buy happiness, but it sure as frak buys peace of mind, financial stability, and much less stress, all of which contribute to happiness.

Sure, I'm happy, even though I'm living below the poverty line and can't afford a dental visit. However, life would be a lot less stressful and I would be even happier if I could get that new mattress so I could sleep through the night, or get a new shirt or two so I'm not wearing the same six shirts every week.

We just need to push on ahead and hope the hard work pays off sooner rather than later!

JanelleGrace said...

Tell me about it.. I get paid a ridiculously small amount of money for my job "title" and I wish I could just have a little bit more so I could buy lunch without worrying about going over my 4 dollar limit or be able to buy new clothes for spring.

Like one commenter said though, we do chose to live in New York. I'm living here for the experience and I will probably be moving when my lease is up.

Jess said...

I was in the exact same boat a couple years ago and it sucked. But it got better. It did. I hope it does for you too, and soon.

pessimisticredhead said...

If I had the money, I'd pay for my gas with cash instead of putting a cash advance on my credit card.

I'd wear cute fitted tops instead of misshapen sweaters.

I'd eat a protein and salad every night for dinner instead of big bowls of pasta with no cheese.

Miss Marie...a blog of everyday delights said...

I feel ya! I'm scraping by continually. I can't wait for a day when I can go shopping and not feel guilty.

Arielle said...

Story of my life, friend.

Michelle & the City said...

if i had the money, i'd give some to you.

i totally relate to this post.

Mel Heth said...

Chelsea, you're so talented - money is SURE to come your way sooner than you think. And maybe something about your current state will facilitate it (a book about your life perhaps?).

Have you read the book The Secret? It's all about putting out what you want to attract. Maybe if you have faith and pretend that money is rolling in and affording you new shoes, hair products and bedding, you'll manifest that.

Or you could just charge each of us a dollar to read your blog every day. :)

apricot. said...

my life story, sweet pea. ;/

lifeintheleftlane said...

I totally feel your pain. Everything keeps getting more expenisve and my bank account keeps getting smaller. Honestly I'm not even sure where it's going...that's the depressing part. Maybe we should start playing the lottery.

sequined said...

I'm not really in a position to complain, since I just spent all my money on yet another vacation, but I feel you. Money is a constant crisis.

NYCPonderings Chick said...

awww babydoll this sounds just like my first year out of college...all i can say is it gets better, the betetr jobs you take as you get older the more money you are likely to have and then some people move out to boroughs because at least then they have the extra cash to buy stuff with!...but welcome to NYC, where it completely drains you of all money!!

Mike said...

I remember those times.

I moved to a different city that wasn't so expensive.

Result: Still low on cash, but now I have my own house instead of a shitty basement apartment, on about the same yearly income.

Funny thing, it's not even an hours drive from the big city, so I can go visit old friends on the weekend.

I'm not getting older, I'm getting smarter, I swear.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Thank you guys for all of the wel wishes for my money angel to look down and shower some....money on me lol.

Hopefully within the next couple weeks ILL HAVE AN AMAZING RICH POST FOR YOU ALL.

Kris- cheers, BTW I love you blog, good to see you here. :)

glamorous152- you are so sweet and amazing thank you for watching out for me, sending your suport and lvoe it enough xoxo :)

essentially me and mel heath- thank you both for being my cheerleaders you're amazing.


m- I will flash ANYONE in the city to have an "all free day" and i'm only SORT OF kidding


exposed- we need to pin down out hang out day!


nycponderings- TRUE. I do believe it IS, totally worth it though :) I LOVE THIS CITY.

Surfergrrl said...

You're one tough chick that I know can make it there. You're going to haave one hell of a book someday too with all your amazing stories. I hope thing look up for you soon!

Julie Q said...

seriously.. WHY is yoga so expensive! it was like $15 a session at the place down the street from me. blerg

kris said...

Aw, thank you hon! :)

1218Blog said...

I've been there girl. It will get better, hang in there. I know that saying is such a cliché but it's true, you gotta just hang in there.

Nachi said...

I'm right there with you... *sigh*

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

Hang in there, Chelsea. And take solace in the fact that you can find crazy amounts of free stuff in the city in the summer :)

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

Thing is with money though, even when you have some - it's never enough.

Miss Adventurous said...

Wow, look at all those comments up there! Clearly you've hit a sore spot for us all... Now that I finally have made some friends I keep wondering when we're going to do all that cool free stuff I read about.

megkathleen said...

I hear ya loud and clear! All I want is to not worry about being able to pay rent. Thinking about financial stability is my sole motivation for getting through grad. school right now.

Z said...

le sigh.

oh, me too.

someday... oh, someday.

Melain said...

AH, the plague of the 20-something. Anyone who tries to tell you money doesn't make things easier has either never been broke, or has never had money. Or they're just lying. I'll send you wishes for wealth. Maybe it'll reach you sooner than later.

xoxo

boXer girl said...

Walgreen's had a sale on Cadbury eggs - two for a buck! I also have no money, and now I know why: cadbury eggs, 2 for a buck times 4 times a day for 60 days... that's a whole lotta' cashola that I could have used on other things, like, um, gas for the car, lites for the living room, water for the shower, etc.

Princess Pointful said...

No one really knows the frustration of this until you've been there. And then you hate the people who can buy large lattes without a care in the world.

I was just reflecting yesterday on the time when all my money disappeared, and the sheer panic that took over my life for months. It is so much more real than other worries.

nancypearlwannabe said...

Sigh. This post really hit home. I'm going to be thirty this year- isn't it time to be able to afford things?

Rebecca said...

aaaahhh. The classic "a room with a view" argument. I hear ya. Especially in this city!

Ace said...

boy oh boy do I feel your pain. Most of my posts are about my quests for money and my subsequent lack thereof. The 20's are hard, and really nerve racking and often invole a lack of sleep for all the wrong reasons. But someday we will be well off and fancy free and when that day comes I plan to create a charity for 20 somethings who need designer shoes and occaisionally groceries. Just call me saint Ace.

Stephanie said...

The story of my life. And apparently 53 others! I make enough to pay the bills, but I feel like I'm always one step behind! When will we twenty-somethings ever get AHEAD of the game?!

kimberlie said...

add me to the list! As much as i hate to say it, money does make life a little less stressfull...

just me said...

Let me just say that string cheese is not that expensive.

I eat it every day. Like a three year old.

Chrissie said...

this was amazing... really. you could have grabbed all those ideas right from my very own head.

i too, eat cadbury in bed.

and i always wondered if other people felt the same way i sometimes do in the grocery store... where i covet the full carts of other people while i fill my basket with the cheap stuff rather than the good stuff.

i found myself jealous of my sister's full refrigerator... and felt terrible for it.

so thanks.
thanks for making me feel "normal" with this post.

Dolce said...

Keeps staying strong. I had the same problems when I was living in my first apartment alone, now sometimes I wish I still lived in that apartment.

molly said...

even if i dont take the time to comment, i always read and enjoy your blog.
you're a fantastic writer, though im sure you know that already!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Hey everyone thanks for all the sweet words and support

dolce- unfortunately its about my SIXTH APARTMENT.lol. and I'm still struggling...

Molly- thanks!!! I really appreciate it ;)

 
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