Sunday, March 2, 2008

SEX?

I'm sorry Granny (yes she reads my blog and now knows entirely too much inapproproate information about me), cousins, DAD, uncles, etc. Please forgive me for what I'm about to do -but, it's fucking human nature. So, go check your e-mail and return tomorrow. I wouldn't want to completely tarnish your pure vision of me as a little girl on Easter Sunday pointing out the color of tulips and looking all, cute and shit. Plus, if the idea that I'm not a virgin anymore is too much for you to handle, you may want to click the little red X at the top right corner of this page. Ciao.

SEX IS ON THE BRAIN.


Why? Oh, maybe because I'M NOT HAVING ANY.
(Members of the family, don't worry there will be no unexpected new additions, soon, or at this rate; EVER. Sorry to disappoint, it looks as if I shall be a spinster.)


You know what I miss? Men touching the nape of my neck, the secret kisses around corners in public, the weight of another persons body. Remembering I have a fucking pulse. Everytime I turn on the television and I see someone kissing, the long intense kisses, the kisses where you forget to breathe, instead you breathe for eachother because you're so enveloped in each other you're practically one, the depth, the impassioned abandon ....I consider throwing my TV out the window, the image is simply too much for me to handle. And jealously towards fictional characters is a silly emotion...until I realize, real people get to kiss like that too....SO, what's my deal

It's been so long I'm forgetting what it was like to have someone; touch you. Wrap all of their body around you and completely swallow you into them. The scent of a person, the must of their hair and sweat, the feeling of fingertips on your back, lips on lips, or lips on ears, or lips on, anywhere really.

Lacing fingers through one anothers and gripping the tops of their hands. SKIN. I miss skin. The rough parts, the bumps, the chills from breath hitting just the right spots , and everytime someone would tell me how soft mine is (it really is, my whole body is like a a baby's ass, no joke- it's the oily Italian thing I guess) I miss touching the parts that get forgotten when you're alone; shoulders, hips, collarbones, thighs, scalps, the creases of your curves.


As a woman who would be considered attractive, and who prides herself on being a witty conversationalist, a charmer-some would say, a sexy entity if I really put in the effort, and a willing participant in intimacy....there is absolutely no reason why, I shouldn't be just as vampy and active as every fictional woman on television. NO REASON.

So when I whine and people say, "Well, you're too picky...." I want to respond first, with a flick to the forehead and second, with a, "I fucking should be."
Then when they shoot back a salty," You could have a guy right now if you really wanted one...."

I want to respond with a kick to the shin and a, "I'm sorry, you're right I could, but the hoodlum who whispered 'Ey Mami', much too close to my face, while I was walking down 50th, doesn't count. Neither does the cab driver who told me I smelled nice, neither does the married salesman who tricked me into buying two pairs of shoes with his flirtatious abandon, then mentioned his wife. Those characters do not apply. So if you could pick out a decent man that I could dial up to, say, take me on a date and then finish it off with the best night of sex ever, I will give you my entire scarf collection, which is a shitload of wrapping."

So even though I could have raunchy, hair pulling, liqour induced sex with a stranger, who I would probably catch some form of an STD from, I don't feel like taking the risk, or consuming the amount of alcohol necessary to do so.


Maybe it isn't just sex, its intimacy that I miss?


Every time I'm slurping down coffee or eating breakfast alone, and a couple rolls in with "sex-bed hair" and then proceeds to share waffles doused in maple syrup, since hey, he already knows her flaws and what her naked chubby ass looks like, she may as well order french toast....I'm so jealous I want to ask if I can just, trade places, for a day?


I miss text messages from people waiting for me to come home. Not just for sex, but because they genuinely want to see me. I miss having a reason to wear my "cute underwear" and fucking shave my legs. Everytime I see couple that is keeping eachother warm, a pang of jealousy adds to the chill, when I rely on hot beverages and ski masks, I wish I had body heat instead. Yeah, The Rabbit, The Quiver and all their electronic friends will do the trick when it comes to fulfilling the sex void, but the issue; they don't have a motherfucking heartbeat.



Getting to the point where you have "intimacy" takes time, I understand that...but I'd at least like to say I'm at the beginning of SOMETHING, and if takes one INCREDIBLE one night stand (with someone clean) to assist to my patience until I "begin" with someone.....then so be it. Though, that's really not what I want. at all. I want someone to....want me, with all of their inner yearning, with their hands and their mouths, with their strength and their passion, with their words and their daydreams, with their thoughts and their butterflies, their agression and eagerness.... I want to be wanted.




























88 comments:

Megan H said...

Unfortunately, I know EXACTLY how you feel. Sigh.

Kenzie! said...

first off, this is freaking amazing. and i've felt this before. i really hope someone that wants you finds you very soon. you deserve it!

Cyli said...

man - story of my life what you have here. *sigh* I drink a sip of beer in salute to all of us loners.

phooey.

Larissa said...

Maybe your grandma will see this, and set you up with a nice young man :)

Miss Adventurous said...

Well after the first half of that post I felt like masturbating, but now I feel kind of like crying! You really hit the nail on the head. Maybe I'll just go watch SVU... There's something about watching Mariska Hargity kick rapists' asses that makes me feel better about being alone and slightly damaged.

And by the way, I'm really f'ing glad your blog is on my radar now.

margottt said...

AMEN!

wow. you've completely summed up what i've yearned for what seems like my entire adult life :( there's hope for us yet! i think.

Megan said...

AMEN. That's all I have to say. A-freakin-MEN.

This is just how I feel too. Bah humbug.

Essentially Me said...

Wow, um, great post. I need to take a cold shower now.

Oh and the oily Italian skin making it baby soft? Yeah I get that.

boXer girl said...

I'm with you... I don't want a man to tell me I'm beautiful, instead I want a man that can make me feel beautiful without uttering a word. Until then, I just try to remember that every couple, no matter how perfect they look together, has their fair share of struggles while I, on the other hand, have to arm wrestle no one for the remote control - I can watch SVU without anyone complaining that they would rather watch Monday night football! Yes, this is what I keep reminding myself. (Don't tell anyone, but I'd gladly give up the remote...)

irunwithscissors said...

Oh yea... I hear you on that one! Unfortunately I am right there with you!

ToKissTheCook said...

Call it Spring Fever or whatever you will...I'm in heat as well. And I'll be damned if I don't take care of business sometime in March.

Slightly Disorganized said...

oh yes, this is so me like six months ago. and now sadly.

Bethando said...

I felt channeled reading that. I have everything, now, that you long for. Right down to the chubby ass and the text messaging. It was mere 4 years ago I was the author of this blog post, though. All I can say is that he came to me from a Yahoo personals ad. On the first date I was not impressed. The second date we talked for 13 hours and didn't have sex. The third date wasn't even a date; all it was, was sex. It's taken 4 years to get to the point we are now, and it's changed me. For the better. Keep your eyes and your heart open and LISTEN, Chelsea. I've said this before and I know it sounds gay, but watch Practical Magic, make midnight margaritas and wish with all your heart for what you dream of. He will find you, but you have to be waiting for him and able to recognize hime in his true form. Muah!

Clueless Cat said...

I think every woman can relate to this post - at least at one point in our lives or another! I've been feeling the same way lately, even though I'm in a relationship, it's long distance, and it's been just over 2 months since I've seen him (and another 2 weeks until I'll see him in nyc), but lately I haven't even been feeling wanted. :/

Hope things work out for you soon...

kimberlie said...

(sex bed hair?? I wish that was my excuse...!

Maxie said...

Sigh, I know the feeling. But I'm not gonna start dating just some nasty random guy that comes along.

hey, at least you're in NY... i bet there are guys there or something. lol

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

When you figure out where to find that person, let me know.

voiceinmyhead said...

oh sistah...i feel you. i too, want to be wanted, to be desired.
when you're single and you've gone for too long without true intimacy, it's the smallest things that can set off a tidal wave of longing...is it so wrong to want to be consumed by someone else?

Torrance Stephens bka All-Mi-T said...

nothing wrong with sex, at least not to me...signed horeseman....basic thrust equation

the name game

dactyl said...

welcome to the wonderful world of dating in new york city. don't even get me started. or DO get me started, because you're going to wade through a LOT of bull-shiitake before you end up with anything resembling intimacy.

i think the latest stat i heard was: 770,000 more single women than men. it's a great town eh?

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Dactyl- holy shit.

Anonymous said...

God this is amazing! I know how you feel, especially The Rabbit being fine but not having a FUCKING HEARTBEAT.

Nina said...

I have so been there. Most of my life, actually. Shave your legs and wear the pretty underwear anyway. It helps.

Oh also I tagged you to do the Book Meme today. Come on over if you want to play.

La said...

I woke up today feeling incredibly in tune to my sexuality. This post did not help.

:)

Andrea said...

Your grandma's gonna LOVE that one! :) Hope it works out for you! At least you live in a city of 10 million people or whatever it is :D

just me said...

I have these thoughts all the time.

And if one more ASSHOLE tells me I can "get a guy any time I want" I will punch them in the eye and tell them that dating a lameo isn't on my agenda.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Ditto to everything in this post. I somehow leap-frogged overnight from "all of my friends are single girls night out wooooo" to "all of my friends are married / permanently coupled WHAT".

There was a period of a few years when I had a really steady sex life (long-term monogamous partners interspersed with one night stands and short-term relationships). And then my last boyfriend and I broke up and the well was been 100% dry ever since. That was, um, TWO YEARS AGO. What the hell happened? I haven't gotten any less cute or any less awesome, but I have some become an asexual entity and I don't know why but dude it sucks!

hookerbaby said...

me. too.

is a normal fucking relationship too much to ask? IS IT? no pseudo dates which are fantastic until it slips that his girlfriend is in paris; no boy-i-do-everything-with until people make catty comments, and he cares; no "are-we-aren't-we" fucking bullshit; - goddamn i hear you.

cdp said...

this post is awesome, and the grandmother disclaimer? cracked me up. my grammy (and my dad, and my BF, and lots of my friends) read my blog, so I totally feel you.

also, that rufus wainwright song kicks ASS. god his voice is hot, isn't it?

constant drama said...

I feel you Chelsea. I feel you too. I am destined for spinsterhood. And its sad.

Jess said...

This post makes me glad I don't have any grandparents. Seriously.

I hope the drought passes soon.

Princess Consuela Banana Hammock said...

ok 1st of all your grandma reads your blog!??! my friggin parents cant even figure out how to use their computers let alone read my blog!

but more importantly.


i feel you honey. ugh.

nicoleantoinette said...

I fucking *hate* this feeling. This feeling is also when I always wind up sleeping with a guy friend or having the random casual sex that isn't necessarily the best idea in the end.

Surfergrrl said...

I toally hear you. I miss just holding hands and walking down the street. I also miss falling asleep in my ex's lap watching a movie on friday night. i miss so many things...

brookem said...

AMEN.

Single In The City said...

Chelsea,It is going on a year for me, and I have tried to put all things out of my mind. But this post is so right. I miss a lot of the intimacy and time together, But I don't miss sex, because I would have to get some first! LOL!!!

Single.. Your post are so deep!

Sizzle said...

You know what this post did? It made me sit up and pay attention because I take all of that for granted. You're right! Thanks for the wake up call.

Laura said...

pretty, pretty new layout!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Laura- thank you! I was trying to decide what to do with it!!!

Maria said...

i totally hear you, sister.

i'm glad i'm not the only one.

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

Amen to that.

barbie2be said...

dude, you just made the post that i have been thinking about.

Aprille said...

Hey Chelsea thanks for the comment. I remember these years oh so well except I wasn't smart enough not to settle for the immediate gratification *me having drunk flashbacks* It is worth the wait to find that perfect fit. It will happen. And if you ever need any good birth control just head over to my blog to see life with kiddos. Some posts just make you never want sex anymore for risk of procreation!! - The Muddled

ashley said...

well unfortunately I have a boyfriend and know exactly how you feel.

To be quite honest...he is my first and I'm just no so sure what the big deal is. Want to give me some pointers???

distractedspunk said...

*waves* Hi. So. I don't think you intended to make anyone cry, but I did. Because this is exactly how I've been feeling, having just gotten out of a long-distance relationship where I was craving the physical intimacy, and only last night having just experienced that physical intimacy without the emotional.

You're spot on, Chelsea. I feel so much of what you write.

Katelin said...

Haha, I like Larissa's suggestion :)

ana said...

I wanna be wanted too. I want someone for twisted sheets morning sex and late night conversation. But along with that I also want someone to think of me when he's brushing his teeth or wading though work.

P.S. Love your music selection.

sequined said...

I'm with you. Ugh. UGH!

tipptalk said...

I remember a time in my life when I went for too long and all I could think of was Carrie Bradshaw when she said, "I need the weight of a man on me, just to lie on top of me."

Good luck with that, we have all been there, and the good thing is it will come to and and it will be excellent when it does!

I love that your Grandma reads your blog!

m said...

i am only friends with boys. i'll set you up with someone.

pbandrazz said...

AMEN, sista.

saraH said...

i dont live in ny, but stumbled across your blog and just wanted to say i know EXACTLY what you are going through right now. Sigh....

somechick84 said...

Don't worry, you will soon be that girl with the sex-bed head that some other girl is going to look at and hate. Keep your chin up.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

m- can we make that happen?! lol.

Meesh-elle my Belle said...

this post was me 5 years ago - to a tee. i was single off and on (but far more often on) in manhattan for 6 years and dating there is no easy task. i remember those afternoons where i'd find myself staring longingly at the couple holding hands as they walked down hudson and i'd lose myself in their world for a moment. it felt like they had everything and i did not. it wasn't true, of course, but it felt that way none the less.

you'll find it though. just trust that. and amen for not taking just any old guy...most of them don't deserve you.

Exposed said...

"Love is the irresistable desire to be irresistably desired" one of my favorite quotes that your post made me think of. That and "I want you to want me, I need you to need me..."

Everything else had been said, by you, beautifully.

Michael said...

Okay, honey (and I'm staight, so the use of honey is of the utmost sincerity) I know you're frustrated: you communicated that quite eloquently. But baby, ease up on the commas, alright? Jesus, they can only take so much abuse!

Hope said...

I think this is probably one of the best posts I have ever read.

Yes, I know all too well how you feel.

Mike said...

After reading this blog entry, and the reply from Dactyl, I think I'll be taking vacation in New York.

Not that it isn't like that here, it's just that the women in my little town have facial hair that rival mine.

And I'm so not into Velcro action.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Michael- Honey, you're sweet for the advice. I love my commas.

Nico said...

damn, I never felt as single as I do now after reading this. This sentiment happens to guys, too. GAH.

I miss throwing my arms around someone and holding them close just because they are there, and breathing in night air filtered through strands of hair.

But enough about me... with all the guys who read and crush on you from merely your words, why aren't you in a relationship? I say you should play more shows. Chanteuses melt hearts and kneecaps.

Clever Elsie said...

What's so sad to me is that there are so many people--guys and girls--who feel this way, and none of them can seem to find each other.

But count me in the crowd that can't get no satisfaction from a one-night stand. I've been there, and a few hours just isn't enough time for a man to learn his way around a woman's body...plus, the next morning, you're still sitting alone at that diner, watching the comfy, bed-headed couples making kissy faces over french toast.

Holly Joy said...

Totally agree...Plain and simple.

Jo said...

" I miss having a reason to wear my "cute underwear" and fucking shave my legs."

I have to alert my boyfriend to the fact that I have done both of those things before he notices.

Birdwatching From Mars said...

This post made me honry and sad all at the same time. Which means either that I also need to get laid or you are a very good writer. I think it's both,...

Alexis said...

Damn it, I'm doing a post so similar to this soon and now everyone is going to think I copied...
;)

Angelique said...

Chelsea dear, have you ever considered female company? I dont say that because i have enjoyed women myself, but i say it because the intimacy that you speak of can be achieved so much faster with women than men. women pay attention more. and well, when you have the same bits and pieces...
i was going thru something very similar many years ago. it was the closeness of a woman that reminded me my body and mind still lived.
cheers,

a.

Katherine said...

Great description of a sentiment I think most can identify with. I know exactly what you're describing; I'm sure I've written "I just want to be wanted" in my journal repeatedly...yet that feeling is so interminable that those six words take on an incredible emotional weight.

Alya said...

Its intimacy I'm sure. The way u described it, you want a relationship and comfort and intimacy, not just s.e.x.

Really hope u find him. SOON.

Missy said...

This may be completely childish but when I went to click on the comment link to leave you something inspirational, it said "69 comments" and I laughed out loud at the situational humor.

Seriusly right now, beside this little box I'm typing in it reads:

"SEX?"
69 Comments-

HaHa, I am such a child and now I'm too distracted to remember what inspirational words I had to share. Come visit Florida and I'll find some dapper young fellow to take you out on the town. I know a few single ones.

Lisa said...

Ey mami. Haha. You always, always make me laugh. I love you and your blog. And your internet-savvy granny.

Step Right Up said...

It sounds like you want to be LOVED. Doesn't matter how much money one has or how many things a person has, love makes a person truly rich. Even people in relationships have that need to be loved. Focus on finding that man who will LOVE you and all the bells and whistles* will fall in to place.

That being said,don't let a man be the only reason to shave your legs. Shave your legs:
a) because you want to show them off
b) so you can wear that cute new skirt you should buy
c) and get out and exercise which will in turn release endorphins that will make you feel better

*code word for s-e-x

Rebecca said...

I got some making out this weekend. Since I'm married, make out sessions, in public, are kind of a big deal.

Dolce said...

This may sound crazy, but I know what you mean. I'm on the road so often that I makes me miss just being close to PH. The intimacy can never be replaced with easy make-out sessions.

Michelle & the City said...

i've been exactly where you are. i get it. trust me.

and the sex? it will come. :)

NYCPonderings Chick said...

ok this post was killin me here lady...damnit now i need a man too!

Ashley said...

This post is me...and has been for years. I feel like the loser kid in high school with pizza face, what is wrong with me?

Maybe I am to pick also, but you have to have standards for yourself, right?

Everyone says,"one day someone will come along and it will just happen." Well...any day now people because I am starting to think that is a load of bullshit.

Just Jamie said...

I hear you, apparently does everyone else:) I couldn't have said any of this better.

Cheers to another lonely night & waking up to a sexless morning.

MsPuddin said...

I'm getting the sex, but I do miss the intimacy you are talking about.

But look on the bright side, at least you get to sleep in on sat without someting poking you awake...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

LADIES! Thank you for all of the words...and the empathizing, I'm sorry for those of you who understand it all too well! And happy for thos eof you who don't, cheers to your sex filled evening ahead, I am going to have another scoop of peanut butter and call it a nigt.

Moxie said...

My horoscope told me to have as much sex as possible. Yeah buddy!

Starlet aka Minutestar said...

*letting out a frustrated cry*

I happen to be in a long distance relationship - with a friggin 15 hours difference.So.. I can totally relate with u!

*continuing the frustrated cry*

Design Addict said...

You are an amazing writer. The way you articulate what so many of us feel is just incredible. I'm in the same freakin boat you are and I felt that ache that you feel when you just want to be wanted as I was reading your post.

And after perusing the comments other women made I'm certainly glad I'm not alone in feeling the same way. But I'm also wondering with so many wonderful women out there aching to be loved and touched in the way you described, where are all the men? The good men, not the "ay, mami" guys. How did so many of them get to be slime bags?

At any rate, I hope for both of our sakes we get a good man soon because I'm about to go freakin nuts. Seriously.

Julie said...

I guess it's good to know so many women go through the same thing, and you are so right to not settle. Settling sucks. Like you said, filling your own well brings happiness. And happiness attracts happiness. I am glad to have found your blog today.

mn said...

Chelsea Chelsea.
Do NOT give in to the dark side....
ha.
Eh, I sure hope your relatives didn't read this. kinda embarrassingly weird. I hope they had lots of email to check.

whotaketh said...

I know I'm late to this sequence of comments, but I felt the need to input something from a guy in the middle of all the comments from the ladies.

Unfortunately, what I have to say is exactly the same as what the other singles on here have said.

Have no fear though, because since you live in NYC, you're bound to find someone. Living here in NJ is the pits because the social scene is crap.

Jamie said...

Amen, how true it all is.

Taryn said...

I know that you posted this forever ago- but I read it and I just wanted t echo what everyone else said- you are totally dead on. Your descriptions are perfect. Suckynes felt- even though I am not in that situation anymore!

 
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