Wednesday, March 5, 2008

TASTING; the city, the wine....the men?

I've always known an international man would suit me well.

First off, I dig accents. Any issue I'd have with European men would be in regards to the atrocious Euro shoes. I can handle my man saying "lovely" if he has an accent, but it he's wearing cheeky leather tennis shoes, that are shaped strangely like rectangle banana boats, we're gonna have a problem. Especially if they're white. Who wears white tennis shoes unless they're a thug rapper with a roadie who shines them, or...a tennis player? Andy Rodick is exempt from this rule.


Good thing I couldn't see Antonio's shoes. (Who the fuck is Antonio?)


Tuesday is my "Fill 'The Well' day" and strangely enough, this Tuesday my well was filled entirely through my stomach. A completely gastronomic well. Chelsea Market was the culprit (if you've been you understand). I fell in love with the scents, the richness that fills your nose as much as your belly, the spices, the handmade chocolates, the business men clutching paper bags with gourmet cheeses and warm brownies for an afternoon snack between conference calls. It's just completely, charming. The sort of place where someone could break into "musical" style song and dance and the onlookers would all know the words, and some synchronized kickline with women holding bouquets and rocking rosy lips and flapper dresses would happen.


I even fell in love with the slippery floors that caught the edge of my heel and had me flat on my ass in front of a gaggle of men wearing overalls, slurping clam chowder. "Hey boys, happy you're staring now...too bad I wasn't wearing a skirt huh?"


THEN, I fell in love with grilled cheese at The Green Table...I was so drunkenly in love with the grilled cheese (no, I wasn't actually drunk yet.) I took pictures of it on my camera phone and made it my background. It was otherworldly, trust me.


I digress, you're still wondering who the F Antonio is. Due to my enhanced hankering for food finds, I went out on a mission and naturally, found a bar- or three, along the way. Hey, when you start early you have to make sure you hit at all of the tapas hours, the streets are small, so the next glass of sugary sangria is practically "at your doorstep".


Spot #1 Gottino White wine and pesto bruschetta, followed by a little chat with the owner Jodi (I'm ignoring the fact that that's my Ex's new girlfriends name. Who I abhor.), (P.S. New York Magazine named them Best Wine Bar, the day I hopped in so celebration was in the air- strange I thought it was because I had graced them with my loveliness. Silly me, I'm not famous yet.)


Spot #2 Matador tapas were wonderful and it was strangely quiet, so I absolutely felt like "the creepy chick" at the bar, however I look a bit too youthful to pull of creepy, I still have a plump, shiny, elvish (sparkly cheeks) face. I'm sure the bartender was waiting for me to order a double shot of whiskey.


Spot #3 P*ONG, HEY HO ANTONIO. I was finding my merry was back home sashaying like Little Red Riding Hood, when I noticed big dark brown eyes peering at me from behind a candlelight glass window....it suddenly occurred to me, "Chelsea Talks Smack, you're still hungry. Better stop and eat before you collapse from starvation."

I played actress. I gave Natalie Portman a run for her money, I looked so bewildered, acting as If I just "noticed", tripped even in my pointy boots over this little place. I skimmed over the menu, even though I'd seen it a million times and had already mentally noted the Chocolatini. And said shit, have a seat and enjoy the "scenery."

"What are you drinking?"

God, I'm such a lush. And what a terrible line, I should have asked him what his fucking sign was instead...though, I could already tell he was a Scorpio. And, I already knew- I wanted the chocolatini.

"Eeeh, I'm-ah drinkIng-ah, thee ah, Bangkok-ah (which yes, it sounded like he said cock) Martini-ah."


Holy Italiano. Yes my friends, he has an accent and I realize now, I'm about to spend an excruciating hour trying to decipher his words and play "21 Questions" that will most likely get lost in translation. In comparison to my other option, do I really want to sit at home and watch Oprah's Big Give while crying onto my peanut butter and jelly, crackers? No. Sure, I'll have another round.


"Ey-ah, I ordered the ah, tasting menu-ah, I'm-ah so full-ah......with 4 more courses of dessert-ah to go-ah. Will you join me??"

A man offering me not one, but four desserts in one sitting.....is this a magical Italian a mirage? A saint? A miracolo? Am I being set up, or is this a trippy version of Touched by an Angel if not, he is a man after my heart indeed.


After warm date cake, varieties of sorbets, chestnut truffles and pineapple tiramisu, I noticed about two hours had passed. Broken English and all. The love for food is universal. The love for our grandmas, the city, the Village, and oh, did I mention food again...we talked a lot about food like some people talk about babies, and puppy dogs, gushing passion... and I don't think he would have minded if he needed a gurney to get me out of the restaurant, he wanted me to be fed. Italian men are God's. The best part; we exchanged numbers and with a brief kiss to the cheek, he walked me to my street corner (again with my hooker similarities) and didn't send any creepy text messages asking what color my underwear were. Thank you lord. High five. Instead....I got this the next day, "I hope you have a lovely day. I look forward to seeing you again sometime..."


Hm, shall we meet again? Other than the Euro shoes, which he apparently left at home....I forgot that when you're sitting down, you can't gage a persons height, and though Italian men are lovely, 5'3 isn't.


With that being said....I can never say no to dessert.....







48 comments:

Britt said...

4 free desserts? That's a good day...5'3 or not :)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Amen Britt, Amen.

nicoleantoinette said...

MIND READER! I was going to email you and tell you about Chelsea Market this week! How amazing is it?? The Green Table is one of my favorite restaurants in the city, and don't even get me started on Fat Witch...

So@24 said...

Whoa whoa whoa!

"5'3" isn't"????

Totally offended. Totally totally offended.

Exposed said...

Oh yeah, the height bias is alive and well.

You're a pretty brave girl trolling the streets on your own. Much more likely to meet an intriguing Italian that way!

Alya said...

Note to self: Next time ur in NY, wear a sundress, espadrilles, carry a wicker basket and hop-skip to Chelsea Market.

Also, i LOVE Italians! Men who are not afraid of a girl who loves FOOD.

Diane Mandy said...

My husband is Mediterranean, dark and lovely. He also has a pair of white leather shoes. This I can handle.

5' 3"?!?!?! This I could not.

Deutlich said...

I'm gonna have to visit all of these spots when I come up to NY in August. For real. FOOOOOOD.

Single In The City said...

Free Desert? I am so there, I will be in NY this summer, I am gonna have to make notes of all of these bars and restarants you are talking about in our blogs!

See ya around Ms, Chelsea.. and Lent is still going good!

Single

lspoon said...

Yummy food, dessert, alcohol and European Men? You really fille dyour well :)

Mike said...

So what? The guy treated you like gold, so you say. Get the guy some friggin platform shoes and take him out again!

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I typically have a strict rule about dating men shorter than I am, but you already got to know him a bit and seem a tad smitten so, hell, go for it. European men are more apt to wear lifts in their shoes anyway.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

So@24- Listen yo, I'm almost 5'7 and I LOVE my heels. I looked like I was walking my son home as we walked side by side...

Deutlich & single-yes make notes!!! More to come for sure, I'm on a dining exploration.

Michelle & the City said...

a guy who offers up that many desserts in one sitting is a good guy in my book! ;)

maybe you could deal with the shortness for a little while. you know, for some more free food!

DJSassafrass said...

I hear you--I'm 5'10'' and I also refuse to give up heels...5'3'' does not a great match make...but a lovely afternoon and free food--nice!

NYCPonderings Chick said...

mmmmmm men and dessert....both so tasty!

MrBeagle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Missy said...

Oooo. I Love LOVE Italian men! And they're adorable slow-talking accents.

And I love that you used the word "lush"

Glad you found someone fun so quickly after your last post. ;)

Rebecca said...

It's not the size of the boat, but the motion of the ocean...

Oh - that was bad...

NYCPonderings Chick said...

oh and do i love scorpios...

just me said...

FREE desert = best day ever.


And yeah...small men are always awesome. But it's too bad. Because they're small.

Leslie said...

Hot damn! You GO! I am a sucker for [most] Italian men. I dated a guy named Tony (duh) who happened to be a very tall Northern Italian. Yummy. Wonder where he is now... Now I wanna go to Chelsea market very badly. I'm so hungry.

lifeintheleftlane said...

Sounds like you had a delicious day. Too bad he was so short! I completely feel your pain (I'm 5'10 without heels on).

Jess said...

Now I feel lucky that my European man is 6'4".

Miss Adventurous said...

You don't have to MARRY the guy or anything, but I do think you ought to keep going out with him. That way, if he has any tall, Italian food-lovin' buddies, we can read all about your two-timing hijinks. (:

dactyl said...

that was going so well until the 5'3" part came to light... how tall are you? my 5'9" ass could never swing it... ever. (and yes, just my ass is 5'9").

i've never been to gottino and have added to my adult beverage list.
danka.

Raven said...

he is a scorpio...and an italian...weren't you just saying how badly you wanted a good lay?

I'm just sayin.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

raven- you have a point, you also cant tell how tall people are laying down.

Katelin said...

oooh sounds fabulous. free desserts and an accent? heaven!

M said...

what a day! free dessert... and with a man with an accent!?!

although being 5 ft 3 would be a deal breaker for me too!

Moxie said...

I took a picture of a breakfast taco with my phone once.

I enjoy a good Scottish or Irish accent.

Yum. That blog made me want a grilled cheese.

EP said...

Oh, wow. Those desserts sound lovely. And an Italian? Nice.

Nothing like four desserts in one sitting...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Isn't the whol dessert thing awesome, SHIT. I need to walk around dark litle streets more often...

ToKissTheCook said...

I love that you're just falling in love with NYC. You're just letting it happen. It's new and it's sexy and there is nothing to lose.

Hot guy with a great accent who wants to feed you desserts all night? I might re-think the height issue... and I'm 5'9.

m said...

i love these "filling the well" posts (i'm filling my well looking at apartments tomorrow--i'm a real estate nerd.) and i can understand a height thing (though i myself am under 5'2")--it's hard to feel safe with a man you would need to physically protect.

Alexis said...

Woohoo! What a great day! :)

I love you.

emmaenlighted said...

Mmmmm, Italia! I'm making my way over in June, hopefully. You'll have to give me some suggestions. Your trip so far sounds lovely :)

ChasingParadise said...

I swear, you must have like the BEST karma. A lovely man with an accent (even if he IS only 5'3") and 4 courses of dessert? That, my girl, is one HELL of a good day!

Clever Elsie said...

Shame on you, Chelsea, you've just spoiled my diet! After reading that, I had to go raid the fridge and dethaw the tiramisu I was trying to save for a slimmer day!

Just kidding. I was going to eat it anyway.

In the past few years, I've become much more lenient about height. I used to have an informal rule that I absolutely would not go near a man under 5'8" because I like the comfort of the height differential. But this year I tried dating someone who was 5'7", and after a short time, I didn't even think about it anymore. It's amazing how good conversation (and kissing) can distract you from, er, small things.

Singletude

Larissa said...

This guy sounds worth another date, in my opinion. Great conversation, great dessert...that's enough to overlook the height thing, no?

Dolce said...

Talk about karma coming back to kiss you on the forehead!

Jessie Cacciola said...

I'm 4'11 and 3/4'' -- perfetto! haha
- Jessie -

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

clever elsie-....mmm kisssssing, I've almost forgotten it.

jessie- if it doesnt work out, I'll send him your way. ;)

Ashley said...

I think the accents are hott too, especially the spainards...yummmmmy. Haha.

The height thing, I agree that sucks and the shoes...oh the shoes. I know exactly what you mean, they need some help.

Hey, you got some good sweets out of it though, and for that reason, it is a day to remember.

CallMeKP said...

You know, your life reads like a fairytale. So I'm that much more of a fan. Like, in adition to your stellar playlist. Our iPods might be twins.

And I'm right there with you on the height thing. I've tried not to discriminate. But I'm 5'11" and I've got a great shoe collection-- mostly heels-- so then I'm about 6'2". Rough.

But your man sounds delish. From the desert to the chat to the general tastiness of the whole exchange. Could we call him bite sized? :-)

Tina Vaziri said...

drinks desserts and accents, that adds up to a great day!

Karmen said...

ugh oh my god... scorpios will be the death of me.

they're poison that i cant help but love.

Princess Pointful said...

Aw. Poor short Italian. I want to tousle his hair and comfort him.

 
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