I caught the bouquet.
Yes, that's right and as the tale would have it, I'm apparently "next." If someone could tell me where that silly tradition came from that would be FANtastic, Lord knows I don't have a date in sight that is leading to potential marriage, hell naw. (HOWEVER, there is a dude sketching me, like drawing my face- across the room at a coffee shop, who is quite pretty. And yes, I feel completely uncomfortable since he's studying my face and I'm acting like I don't notice.)
I was a bridesmaid this past weekend in OKLAHOMA, where the winds go sweeping down the plains, where everyone rocks "the bob" haircut, where OU and Boomer Sooner (or something) is almost as important as their relationship with their Lord and Savior and where my taxicab driver had a banjo sitting on his lap. BANJO'S SAY, "You're not in New York anymore little lady...."
It's also where one of my best friends is living and getting married....see what we do for love, we move from Los Angeles to Tulsa, wow- love must be good.
Needless to say the wedding was beautiful, there was a beach/seashell theme (California girls never let go of their love for the beach), traditional church ceremony and the bride and bridesmaids were all devilishly attractive. The groom was pretty sexsamatastic as well (High five Kris) is it a sin to say people were so hot, it must have something to do with the Devil? Hope not, cause I've already done my fair share of sinning and I'm pretty sure I threw around politically incorrect statements left and right the WHOLE time I was there and definitely said fuck/bitch/balls/can I have a drink?, all while in church. Can I fly first class on my jet to hell?? I'm putting in my order.
And even though I was in Oklahoma, singing The Lord's Prayer (that's right.) I still wore fake eyelashes and tried to look as much like Kardashian as possible, have I mentioned before that the Kardashian sisters are my make-up inspiration because they are so fucking full out? FULL OUT, ALL THE TIME. That shit is inspiration, screw meditation and the beauty of a flower, or love- women taking two or more hours a day to do their hair, make-up, and dress like a super babe in heels while running from paparazzi, or tackling their hot step-brother in a "brother/sister" brawl, is inspiration. Plus, I'd like to tackle Brody Jenner in heels, so call them my muse'. I sometimes wonder when my next paycheck is for getting ready in the morning and bathing is gonna arrive, cause it's work damnit.
I've always wanted to be one of those naturally beautiful babes who rocks the no-makeup look like it's the new black. No blackheads, no oil (and yes my face gets like a straight Olive Oil factory, I'm Italian, lotion isn't even necessary it's purely vanity.) no blemishes, who the fuck are you people?! You are blessed is what you are. "Drink more water" they say....uh, I've been pissing off environmentalists and water conservation groups for years I consume that much water. Maybe chocolate really does clog pores, considering I could almost be a spokeswoman for Hershey's. Which leads me to another mission besides meeting my husband; eating more protein. I got a lashing from my mother this weekend over my lack of meat-y intake....ha. Which, is actually, not all that off from my original mission.
I digress. This is all about "the bouquet"...how I caught it, and how I'm destined to be married.... and yes, I was questioning it before, so no, this isn't a "given."
Is anything a GIVEN? That's such an interesting saying.
The truth is, I DOVE for the bouquet...like I was part of Oklahoma's All Girl RUGBY team, I risked tearing my dress, breaking an ankle and flashing my SPANX (which I LOVE by the way) to all of the guests, just so I can see if it actually works....
I dove for the bouquet because of the look on my friends face when she was holding eye contact walking down the aisle towards her husband to be.
I dove for the bouquet because I want a perma-grin. I dove for the bouquet because I'd like to have a yard one day and yard's aren't all that necessary for single people, unless I had a dog and I'm just not a dog person.
I dove for bouquet because I love LOVE. I dove for the bouquet because I at the end of a shitty day I'd like to have someone to help me take my mind off of it. I dove for the bouquet because I want to not look at anyone in the room but him. I dove because I want to like "his team", I want to have someone to fly with since I hate flying but I love traveling....I dove for the DAMN bouquet because if there is a chance, even a small chance that "it works" I'll take it.
I dove because I love alone, but I don't love lonely.
When my "friend" passed through town this past weekend and he was staying with me for the weekend, he IMed me a few days later and said,
"Just one question, if we went out for drinks and then you let me come back to your place....why didn't you sleep with me?"
UH. BECAUSE I DIDN'T WANT TO. Is this what men always expect? And is this the reason that I won't find a boyfriend or is this the reason I'm so hesitant to start dating someone because of expectations like this, and then the obligation that follow. AND for the record he didn't BUY me drinks, if that changes anything in the minds of you men.
I DOVE FOR THE BOUQUET BECAUSE I DON'T WANT TO DEAL WITH THINGS LIKE THAT ANYMORE.
I want to be as drunkenly in love and happy as my friend is (pictures to follow)...
Would you dive for the bouquet, and what for...? Or is the whole "marriage thing" not for you?