Tuesday, April 29, 2008

Everyone Wants to be a ROCKSTAR


I started bawling at a Kanye West concert. Oh that's right, while everyone was rolling their J's, puffing and passing, and doing their best imitations as a rapper's hype man; hands in the air, bouncing and attempting looking as though they had rhythm, I bawled. Snot flowing, total drama, since- that's how I roll.

Rewind to earlier in the week.....I flew out to Denver, to see Gavin Degraw, Jason Mraz, Grahmn Colton and Landon Pigg. I used to (and sometimes still do) work for one of their management companies doing some radio/newspaper promo for one of their tours, so a perk to the gig is VIP tickets, some free drinks and a music filled evening with incredible artists. The entire time during the show, I didn't want to be there writing anything. I wanted to be on stage. Singing. I wanted to feel the keys of my piano under my finger tips, the satisfaction of writing a good song, the cathartic experience of living through each story again, each emotion, each picture that you'd clipped from your memory and attached to the title. I wanted live that for an audience of strangers who'd personalized the songs for themselves.

Needless to say, later that night I proceeded to lament over a tall PBR at a scenester Karaoke bar, with Nikki Six lookalikes.

Later in the week, I got a call from a good friend who's dancing for Rihanna, and found out he was going to be in Denver on Sunday. SCORE. The line up: Lupe Fiasco, N.E.R.D, Rihanna and the spastic (though genius) Kanye West. Due to my former life as a dancer/dance studio owner's kid, and L.A. resident, I usually get hooked up for shows. I am a concert snob, VIP or go home. Let's just say, it's much better knowing the right people than getting a mad case of nose bleeding up in the rafters, while watching tiny ants move about a stage. SO yeah, call me snobbish.

The show, was. incredible. And also a little bit too much for me to handle. I've been ::this close:: so many times to being up there, that each time I'm not, it's a reminder of the fact that I'm not where I've envisioned myself being. Which may aid to my Quarter Life Crisis? So while Kanye sang Golddigger, I welled up like I do watching the Olympic games.....full of hope, full of sadness, full of salty, tears.

The next morning, I wanted to dive into a vat of peanut butter and live in it. Until I got a call from a friend in L.A.....informing me of a great backup singing audition, for a big. ass. band. with a big. ass. tour. The universe has spoken to me, and moments later....I was on a plane to L.A.

I have been doing the "shadow- artist" thing, being close and working for the artist but not actually BEING the art. So from NYC, to Denver where I was reminded of where I find my ultimate happiness, to L.A. and by the end of the day, I will have auditioned, left my heart on the stage with the hope that it is received.....

I'm set to cover Bonnaroo in Tennessee and Austin City Limits this summer, let's hope that instead of standing on the side of the stage, with my fancy laminate giving me just enough access, that I'll be out of the wings, doing my thing.

46 comments:

Green said...

I thought everybody wanted to be a cowboy; I can't keep up.

Dude I so hear you on this. I cry watching the Olympic gymnasts and recently, had a full-on screaming crying fit watching DVDs of Fame (tv series).

Hugs and luck to you.

Ace said...

Don't feel so bad, I envy just your from the wings life. I'm in an office trying to get to do what you do.

A Margarita said...

::Hug:: The best of luck to you!

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

Ahh! Good luck! I'm so excited for you. Let me know how it goes :)

Katelin said...

Oh good luck Chelsea, that is awesome. I wish I had the VIP status you did, haha.

Raven said...

I'd be thrilled just to be in the wings and covering things!

I hope you get your chance to soar honey.

bloggingbarbie said...

my fingers are crossed for you honey, and i know you'll be great.

also, for the record? i'm tres jealous. why? beacuse as discussed before, we are soul sisters, and i feel the exact same way. reading this entry? i found myself nodding.

i'm so happy for you honey. live on our dream, sistah. xoxo

Lacey Bean said...

Good luck! Can't wait to hear (how good) the audition went!

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

Do you have a myspace page or something where you post your music? I'd love to hear it and I bet a lot of your other readers would, too! Sorry if the link is already posted somewhere and I've missed it.

Mel Heth said...

It sounds like you're so close! Maybe the quarter-life crisis is just a cocoon that you'll come out of as a beautiful, permanently stage-bound butterfly. And tears at the Kanye concert? I say blame it on the Gangsta rap...

Summer said...

Crossing my fingers for you lady. As a fellow dancer I understand the need to be on stage, not in front of it watching the show. Good luck!! I'll be at ACL this year too!

Lauren said...

That's awesome! Good luck at the audition!

JanelleGrace said...

Everyone just wants to be their own thing. I hope you get more chances to be the artist rather than the shadow-artist. Even though your life sounds so unbelievably awesome (trying so HARD not to sound insanely jealous as I sit at my crap job), it should always get better.

(Man, I really fear for comments with so many parenthese, I hope you can understand it as I type just like I speak, with random tangents in the middle of each sentence and an hour later, I will finally get back to the point I was making earlier.)

Ben said...

That's crazy! Congratulations!

Working Girl Two said...

wow! that is awesome news! congrats!

and just like bloggingbarbie i found myself nodding...making me even more certain that i need to quit my job and follow my dreams. great encouraging post.

a little bird said...

i'm in the arts industry as well, and it's killer. esp when you feel as though your efforts aren't rewarded (which they so rarely are). but you sound as though you know what your dreams are, and you know what your goal is - and you are doing the footwork to make it happen!

stay in the game. if you don't, you can't win -

<3

Camels & Chocolate said...

Did you know that when you cover Bonnaroo, you'll be in my hometown? Well, technically my county, because Manchester is a shithole, but Tullahoma is the nice town in the county =) Actually, my dad was one of the businessmen who was initially behind the fest (but since its inauguration, it's gotten so big they had to go corporate). I usually go--covered it last year for EW--but alas, can't swing it this time around. Who are you covering it for? I'll hook you up with my 20-year-old sis if you want someone to hang out with while there...

Camels & Chocolate said...

P.S. GOOD LUCK on your audition!!!

Jeanne said...

wishing you a ton of luck and can't wait to hear the update. BTW, nothing wrong with being a VIP concert snob!

Alexa said...

i'm a hands down concert vip snob as well. "i have to park in a general lot? no thanks. wait i have to PAY for a ticket?"

gah.

that's what happens when you spend too long working for an alt weekly. i'm glad i not the only one.

~Angela~ said...

Good luck, babe.

Essentially Me said...

I'll keep my fingers crossed for you!

Meghan said...

Good luck :)

MsPuddin said...

*passes you a tissue*

I'm trying to come to New York for a writing gig this summer...hmmm.lol

you only live once mamas, handle that...

Schokolade Mädchen said...

Viel Glück!

Pink ditz said...

Wow! I'm so jealous of you and all the concerts you've been going to.

It's so cute that you bawled though, don't feel bad haha.

good luck!

sarah said...

Fingers crossed for you!!!

pessimisticredhead said...

I feel the same way when I see a play. It hurts the heart.

So much luck to you.

ashley said...

Well I can't wait to celebrate with you on all your success. You're going to do great things. I can't wait to be able to tell everyone..."Hey, I read her blog. She's awesome!"

Michelle & the City said...

ooo good luck! i hope you get your chance up on stage! ;)

well-intentioned heartbreaker said...

goooooood luck. i have my fingers AND toes crossed for you. you totally deserve it & i have FAITH you'll get your huge-massive-great-gigantic break soon.ox

Meeks said...

Best of luck!!! That is very exciting and I have the same reaction at concerts. A very frustrated former singer (current if you count the concerts I hold in my living room for the cat) so I totally get it. And I'm going to Kanye tonight! AND I'm in Austin so email me when you come for ACL :)

DJSassafrass said...

Wishing you lots of luck. I've seen Kanye (unimpressed due to circumstances) and just saw N.E.R.D last month...love those guys. LOVE them!

BloodRedRoses said...

Man I'm totally with you on this one... SO feel the same way. Although SLIGHTLY jealous of your VIP status. (and by slightly I mean very :) )

Best of luck!!

Dolce said...

I'm keeping my fingers crossed for you!!!Best of luck at the audition.

Lizzie M said...

Denver, represent! :) We were there, too--we weren't up in the nosebleeds (we had club level) but sounds like you were closer! I was super tired from my friend's wedding the night before and didn't enjoy myself as much as I would have otherwise, but all four acts were pretty damn good...

Break a leg with the audition!

nat said...

Man good luck with it all. Hope you do smashingly. What wicked gigs you have gotten yourself down to recently.

Starlet aka Minutestar said...

I wish you the best of luck, girl!!

Wow, I haven't been blogging/blog hopping in a while and your welcoming me with several great posts inspires me to write again - squish in some times to blog!

lifeintheleftlane said...

Oooh, how exciting. Good luck with it all. =)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Thank you all for the sweet wishes and good lucks, I had a fantastic audition with all of your good vibes coming my way!!

1218Blog said...

Good luck Girl! I have never "met" anyone more ambitious than you. It will happen.

Cinder-Single said...

GOOD LUCK!!!!!! And I added you to my link Mini Google Party Story!!!

just me said...

How did the audition go???


And lord. You'll be famous someday. I can feel it in your essence every time we hang out.

...how New Age of me. ;)

theycallmecurlysue said...

Oh good luck Chelsea! I've always wanted to be a dancer so when I read that your friend dances for Rhianna I almost fell out of my chair. *sigh* Oh well. Keep us posted!!

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

I totally forgot to mention that I'm going to Bonnaro. Anyone else? Should we create a blogger meetup?

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

just me- so goood we need to talk about it over dinner, which I'm pretty sure was supposed to happen tonight? and isn't happening because I have no money. :) xoxo and thank you I love the new age-yness, love it, especially since its making me famous. lol.

dutchess- LETS DO IT!!!! HOLLLAAAAA

 
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