Everyone Wants to be a ROCKSTAR

I started bawling at a Kanye West concert. Oh that's right, while everyone was rolling their J's, puffing and passing, and doing their best imitations as a rapper's hype man; hands in the air, bouncing and attempting looking as though they had rhythm, I bawled. Snot flowing, total drama, since- that's how I roll.

Rewind to earlier in the week.....I flew out to Denver, to see Gavin Degraw, Jason Mraz, Grahmn Colton and Landon Pigg. I used to (and sometimes still do) work for one of their management companies doing some radio/newspaper promo for one of their tours, so a perk to the gig is VIP tickets, some free drinks and a music filled evening with incredible artists. The entire time during the show, I didn't want to be there writing anything. I wanted to be on stage. Singing. I wanted to feel the keys of my piano under my finger tips, the satisfaction of writing a good song, the cathartic experience of living through each story again, each emotion, each picture that you'd clipped from your memory and attached to the title. I wanted live that for an audience of strangers who'd personalized the songs for themselves.

Needless to say, later that night I proceeded to lament over a tall PBR at a scenester Karaoke bar, with Nikki Six lookalikes.

Later in the week, I got a call from a good friend who's dancing for Rihanna, and found out he was going to be in Denver on Sunday. SCORE. The line up: Lupe Fiasco, N.E.R.D, Rihanna and the spastic (though genius) Kanye West. Due to my former life as a dancer/dance studio owner's kid, and L.A. resident, I usually get hooked up for shows. I am a concert snob, VIP or go home. Let's just say, it's much better knowing the right people than getting a mad case of nose bleeding up in the rafters, while watching tiny ants move about a stage. SO yeah, call me snobbish.

The show, was. incredible. And also a little bit too much for me to handle. I've been ::this close:: so many times to being up there, that each time I'm not, it's a reminder of the fact that I'm not where I've envisioned myself being. Which may aid to my Quarter Life Crisis? So while Kanye sang Golddigger, I welled up like I do watching the Olympic games.....full of hope, full of sadness, full of salty, tears.

The next morning, I wanted to dive into a vat of peanut butter and live in it. Until I got a call from a friend in L.A.....informing me of a great backup singing audition, for a big. ass. band. with a big. ass. tour. The universe has spoken to me, and moments later....I was on a plane to L.A.

I have been doing the "shadow- artist" thing, being close and working for the artist but not actually BEING the art. So from NYC, to Denver where I was reminded of where I find my ultimate happiness, to L.A. and by the end of the day, I will have auditioned, left my heart on the stage with the hope that it is received.....

I'm set to cover Bonnaroo in Tennessee and Austin City Limits this summer, let's hope that instead of standing on the side of the stage, with my fancy laminate giving me just enough access, that I'll be out of the wings, doing my thing.