Tuesday, April 8, 2008

I'll start AND finish with the appetizer.


I abide by my expiration dates. Everything I do has a shelf life. I'm not a damn twinkie.

I don't know, maybe it's the Sagittarius in me, so I can easily blame it on the stars and the planets. Maybe astrology is responsible for why I mentally put an expiration date on everything that I begin, everyone I meet and everything I scribble down onto a list of goals. The list is long, so dating it only makes sense.

Most people get into a habitual pattern of sameness and what they do never expires. I am aware and completely comfortable with the fact that I am indeed FICKLE. I learn QUICKLY, I observe even more quickly and I can evaluate whether a situation (or a person) is going to be beneficial or worth it in the long run of my, "life plan." Which either makes me a terribly difficult person, or a fucking genius. I stop ingesting things into my life when they have gone stale.

I don't call back if I know it's a waste of time. I don't nod yes to a date #2 if I know I'll be counting how many people are wearing red in the restaurant while he divulges his family dramas or I'll be counting down the seconds while he kisses me for it to end. I don't waste my time because I don't know how much of it I have, so I'd rather use it wisely.

I have become a "one serving" person. The first course. An Anti pasta. Or no, I'm the second since that has more meat to it. The first course is always a fucking tease, that leaves you licking pieces of salt off of a tiny plate like a rabid animal. I give someone just enough, I convince someone JUST ENOUGH and get them all excited and what not, and then.....I flee. I begin, I ace the test and then I'm uninterested in what I was taking the test for. Call me a true product of the Sesame Street generation- 2 minute clips will suffice.

After round one, I have already made up my mind. And maybe that is precisely the problem, I am already a closed book before course #2, #3 and...dessert comes along.

I live by impulse. When my mind becomes aware to another opportunity, I am on it like white on mother fucking rice and I forget where I even began in the first place.
I am so content with people in my past, and the promises in my future that presently I tend get caught up in where I'm going before I can be where I'm already at.

I have become a "dab'll do ya" person because the things in my life have not lived up to their expectations, so I seek MORE. And is expectation the problem? I'm a list maker, a goal maker, I have a plan on how I spend my OFF days. The puritan values that Americans live by that make us feel guilty over indulgence, or make us feel like "good" is bad, has never stuck with me however- if anything I've taken such an opposite approach that I've given the big finger to all things carbon copy. I've said fuck off to 9-5, I've said screw sitting through another dinner an acting interested and I've stamped a BIG FAT "ceases on" this day stamp on EVERYTHING. I've said "fuck off" to so many things I'm an official fucker and sadly only figuratively speaking.

So far I do really well with everything for about three months and then the panic attacks start to set in and I'm ready to elope.

I am fully responsible for rebuffing security because security has only meant boredom to me in the past.

If you relate my seemingly neurotic sense back to the fact that we ARE animals, it actually makes sense. I follow the seasons, I'm in tune with the cycles. Isn't that part of what contributes to our depression in the first place? Is feeling as if we have no freedom to follow our instincts? Caffeine, Nicotine, Alcohol, Schedules, etc. all numb us out just enough to COPE. To cope with the fact that we don't know how to follow our GUT, or "listen to our hearts," or understand timing and sense danger or feel chemistry most of the time. So much of our time is spent out of sync, that we've learned to live in the discomfort.

The best things in life have an expiration date: Fruit- bananas bruise, strawberries shrivel, apples turn to mush. Veggies- Have you ever tasted rotten broccoli? Holy hell if I've ever experienced it. Meat- Animals live, then they die, then they stay fresh only for so long before WE die if we ingest it. The seasons- Our bodies prepare for that change, we hibernate, we bundle up, we feast and we relax. Season renew the parts of our lives that feel stagnant.

So the best things in life BEGIN and THEY END. That is where WE have be aware of when things have started going sour.....For me, it's about every three months.

The Question is, if living in this way may be healthy, is it truly realistic with the standards of the modernized world? Probably not. So call me a fucker, or a job hopper or perpetually dissatisfied, all of those; I am not.

I am a seeker. I seek the newness, the high of feeding off energy from change and drinking in AS MUCH as possible and adding as many chapters as possible in this life....that DOES expire.

What are you doing or who do you know in your life that is FAR past its expiration date???

45 comments:

Essentially Me said...

I stop ingesting things into my life when they have gone stale.

That line is pure genius.

This became easier for me as I got older. I remember in my teens and early twenties, I held on to anything that was familiar no matter how poisonous it was for me. I was scared of change, and this made me cling onto something that eventually ran me right into rock bottom.

Now I've got your mentality. If it just doesn't work anymore then it's time to call it quits, no hard feelings.

brandy said...

Ohh lordy I love this question. For me, I would have to say worrying about things I can't control. That's definitely something that has an expiration date (hello? why am I still worrying about Mandisa having a singing career when she was on Idol last year? Actually, why am I thinking of her career and not thinking of my own??). This post has definitely got me thinking....

1218Blog said...

You and I are very similar my dear. I too am a Sagittarius and I guess I blame my need to move on constantly on the stars and planets as well. I realized living this way is the only thing that keeps me sane and happy. People are always telling me to stop moving so fast, pick something and stick with it and I ask,"WHY? There is so much out there!" They never have an answer. I realized recently I have moved once a year every year for the past 14 years. It is like old habit now. I need constant change and stimulation. Sometimes I wish this wasn't so. I have to admit at 36 I have slowed down a bit and focused on one career, and I"m ready to find a home to stay in longer than a year, but I am still extremely finicky, always looking to advance and learn in my career. Always looking for a challenge. That never changes.

nicoleantoinette said...

I obsessively seek out newness as well. It probably explains why we move back and forth across the country, changing jobs and friends and everything. I just feel like I live to experience and when an experience gets, like you said, stale- it's time to move on.

It makes me wonder though, will I ever be able to settle down? Will I ever be happy with one person, in one city, with one life?

Chele said...

the expiration date works with my gut feeling. I just know when the shift is there, when it has gone bad. My problem is I have a hard time just throwing it away when I know I should because it is bad for me and wont do me anything good anymore.

Julie said...

The director of my department is way past his expiration date.

I think he's getting the hint.

Marcheline said...

Sagittarius all the way. Word.

- M

Arielle said...

While I think what you're doing is actually quite productive and a great way to live, there are some occasions where it really is worthwhile to stick around even when things seem to be on the outs. Bananas, for example, when rotten, can be turned into banana bread. Or take the example of last April, when I was a mere phone call away from dumping my boyfriend. I decided to stick it out a bit longer, and it's now a year later and we're still together.

glamorous152 said...

what a freakin' fabulous post. not kidding. fabulous. really got me thinking. and I think my life in Hometown has expired. I'm in limbo as to what I'm going to do next though.

-AP

somechick84 said...

Self doubt, unreal expectations from who knows where and self imposed pressure. All gone bad. Definitely don't pass the sniff test.

lspoon said...

Wow, that's a really interesting take on life. I admire it :)

Mike said...

Ever smelled broccoli so rotten it had liquefied? Worst smell ever. Seriously. The smell of death is like perfume compared to this shit.

I'm a Sagittarius and I'm pretty damned rock solid. My first priority is to pay the mortgage and bills and make sure myself and my family are healthy - yea, that can be boring, but that's what prioritizing is about.

Your Ill-fitting Overcoat said...

I'm a Taurus and I'm exactly the same way. I'm ridiculously impulsive, always hopping from one challenge to the next. I'll wear myself out and think, "Ok, now I'm ready to settle down. I'm sure of it this time." So I settle down with something or someone or someplace and... two months later, I'm climbing the walls for a new adventure.

For me, I think it is a problem. It's an expensive way to live, to always be moving and job-hopping and lord knows I can't afford it.

Playful Professional said...

I'm very done with the overweight and unhealthy body. It's expired and time for me to get a new one.

Summer said...

GOD you are a friggin genius!!! I had a "date" on Monday that had me ready to sneak out when he went to "get rid of some of his tea"... OH and I'm right there with you at the 3 month mark... not sure why but I tend to seek out newness even when there's nothing wrong with the old... grrr...

Please Don't Eat With Your Mouth Open said...

My hair has definitely reached its expirary date. Hense the highlights next week.

But apart from that, everything I wasn't happy with I've done something about. So I'm not even passing 'Best Before' yet on most bits of my life. Which is nice, for once.

mentalTHREESIXTY said...

i often feel as if living in MD as gone FAR beyond its expiration date for me

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

I never bought into the astrology stuff much, but this post set me thinking. I too am a Sagittarius. And I too feel a constant unrest. I always need to be doing, trying something new, in motion. Most of the time, my just-as-strong need for stability trumps my craving for forward momentum, leaving me caught up in the conflict.

JanelleGrace said...

I'm the same way, I hate things that have gotten "blah". (I'm not so eloquent with words.)

But I'm also the opposite. It scares me to end that I will never find anything that I want to "do". I am not happy with my need to always be doing something more. I want to find a place that I love and I won't look forward (or look back) and I want to find a "job" that I could do without dreading it.

I found the person I want to be with but I don't think we can wander aimlessly forever. So what do you do when you want to find your place but you don't want to settle down?

An Elitist said...

Great post. I sometimes get in a rut and it's hard to get out of it, i.e. my job. Our twenties are definitely a time of change and upheaval, especially more so than our parents generation.

When I get back from Dubai, margaritas - You, me, and Lil!

A Margarita said...

Oops, an elitist was me. Not that I am. Blogger has been doing funny things.

ablogofherown said...

I feel this way all the time. My problem is that I never actually do anything to change it. Sometimes I think that’s a good thing, sometimes I think it’s a bad thing. For example, I go through periods of really hating my job and writing up my letter of resignation. Then I remember that I have a pretty flexible, well-paying gig going for me and I only need it to last one more year. So I don’t make a change. Sometimes I feel like my relationship is stagnant, that we’re not cut from the same cloth, that it won’t work in the long run. Then I remember that the now is pretty wonderful (when I don’t mess it up with doubts of future happiness) and that the love we have in the now is real and that I DO love the man. So I don’t take those leaps. I’m more concerned that I make myself unsatisfied, that I over think little things and blow them up. That’s what I would like to get out of, the staleness of my indecision and over thinking.

L Sass said...

My job is waaaay past its expiration date. If I didn't have a way out already (grad school), I would be aggressively looking for something else right now. It just ain't worth it.

MsPuddin said...

school. When it comes to getting a degree I am a little fcker too...

Katelin said...

That is definitely an interesting way to look at things, I like it.

Nico said...

this post hits hard, definitely.

i've been working at a bar every weekend for four years. i feel like i sacrificed my social life so other people could have one, but i would really like one of my own.

Deutlich said...

I don't think I could have put it any better.

I am perpetually "hopping" from one thing to another.

Keeps everything fresher, if you ask me.

Girl in the 206 said...

I think having the hots for a guy who I will never be with because I am getting married to the man I love and he won't leave his live in girlfriend is pretty expired. Damn, that sexual chemistry!

Mel Heth said...

I have to agree with Arielle. Sometimes sticking it out a little longer with the expired stuff leads to great things.

My last relationship was curdled and moldy by the time we broke up, but I learned SO much in those final stinky months. It was completely worth the stench now that I look back on it. AND sometimes the expired stuff makes the new stuff even fresher and sweeter.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Nicole Antoinette- I wonder these questions too...I hope that the answers are yes.

Arielle- You make an excellent point indeed. And I agree that certain things are meant to push through and I've DEFINITELY stuck with A LOT of things that i've learned a lot from in the end, aferall life is a learning process.

Mike- I think that's part of having a family absolutely. Thats probably why I am a contradiction in the fact that I'd love ot have all of that but I am reluctant to settle down because of my current mentality...I wonder if It will always be this way and though it can be beneficial I realize it's harm as well.

Margarita- YAY! I want to hear all the Dubai stories!

a little bird said...

WOWZA you are such a sagittarius!! and i'm such a pisces - i don't let things go until they have claw marks in them - men included. OR i don't let things go until it "feels right". whatever the hell that means, haha.

glad i found your blog - or you found mine. can't wait to read more!

jenn said...

Liking the post... But I can't think of anything right now.

I'm really here to let you know that I tagged you for a meme. Check it out on my blog, and enjoy!

sid said...

You have just described me oh so perfectly.

Pickles & Dimes said...

Wonderful post; great insight. You sound older than your years. :)

For me, my whole procrastinating on writing issue is expired. I need to stop thinking about it and just do it. Because no one likes the "I'm a writer but haven't written anything" person.

Vanessa said...

I can relate to this post so much. It's like you were watching my life when you wrote it. I have always been this way but it's not dissatisfaction, its eagerness to get to the new. I have lived in 6 different cities in 10 years and loved every minute of it. Many times I have been told I "will never find what I am looking for" like that or "wherever you go, there you are" by people who assume I am running from something. They just don't get it.

Alice said...

man, i'm so the opposite. i spent so many years moving all the time and switching jobs and cities... now i just want to STAY PUT PLEASE and have a nice little routine.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Alice- I do think that I'll reach that at some point, its jus at this moment when I think I AM reaching that....three months comes around..

California Girl said...

Thanks for stopping by my blog! I like your style, Chelsea :)

I thankfully can say that most things in my life are far from their expiration date - my husband, my family, my house, the little baby growing inside of me - those are all wonderful things that bring me so much happiness and contentment. If there is anything that feels a bit stale, maybe I'd say it is my career. I have a great job and I am grateful for it... but somehow - it's still stale. I don't see me doing this forever. Ah well. It pays well and I'm independent and so I suck it up.

And OMG, you're a list maker. Like my husband. I am the anti list-maker. I am the anti-planner.

Nice to meet you.

Melain said...

You're my effing HERO. I'm so loyal, I have a very hard time walking away from things that are burning me like white hot coals, let alone things that simply don't hold my attention. I think I'll take a week to examine to my life and REALLY answer that question. Perhaps it's time for a purging.

Abby said...

I totally agree with the last commenter - You're my expiration date hero. I'm 100% at the other end of the spectrum. Practically nothing in my life (barring dairy, veggies etc) has an expiration date. I'm get so attached and grow such deep roots with friendships, boyfriends, habits etc., that it is extremely jarring and painful for me to let go. I can't imagine having a transient existence even for a minute. I envy that you can.

Sassy Molassy said...

Ooh, love the post. It's all over the board, but makes sense. I'm bad at realizing when anything, other than food, is stale.

I have however, finally given up on friendships I kept trying and trying to make work thinking it was all my fault that they weren't working. But you know what, it's time for a fucking change. It's time for me not to be sitting around waiting when that friend FINALLY comes to open the mother freaking door cuz hon, I'll be gone. I've got better things to do and better people to see.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Abby- I understand that aspect though too, though I am someone who flees and changes contantly, I have a very deep rooted tight knit group of friends and family. I think that is part of how I am confortable doing what I do because I know they're always going to be there.

Sassy Molassy- thank you :) I was definitely in an "all over the board" mindset while writing it, I wanted to express all of what I meant and it was hard to make sense of it, even to myself, so it needed to be in pieces....much like the whole concept of the post.

muneera said...

i like your writing. your smack that is. it's lively.

muneera said...

i like your writing. your smack that is. it's lively.

Exposed said...

Oh girl, I'm with you, and if anything this city is one to keep you interested. I like the seasonal reference, a lot- something about the change in weather and routines that inspires evaluation.

It's a bit of a new phenomenon for me. As a late bloomer I clung to routine as a kid, and now want to see and do everywhere and everything, and am constantly trying to cram it all in. Maybe if we stopped to enjoy it things wouldn't lose their luster so quickly. Easier said than done, of course.

 
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