Wednesday, April 16, 2008

New York has stopped doing the dishes.

Taxes sent, check. Back on the "healthy eating" plan, check. The Pope has landed, check. Speaking of which, the whole Pope thing really amuses me, and so do his outfits, that are really just costumes.... but whatever, Happy Birthday.

New AWESOME job freelancing at a magazine, check!! I'm so terrible at keeping my mouth shut (hence the blog) however I couldn't be more stoked (yes, I will still talk like a California surfer and say stoked, gnarly, and for sure) on this one, it's a huge, huge career step for me that will involve a lot of fun gallivanting about with starlets and such, fusing entertainment and writing, my two favorite things.

I am still loving New York, but now- our honeymoon is over. New York and I were dating each other and we were on our best behavior for awhile; it was impressing me and showing me all of it's attractive qualities, I had stars in my eyes and I sashayed down it's streets. New York was courting me in the old fashioned, chivalrous way that a big, strong, city (I'd like to insert MAN here asap so that my relationship with NYC doesn't have to get intimate, kissing dirty concrete is not my gig) should.

New York, just like anyone you're dating after some time, is starting to show me it's true colors.
All week long I've wanted to slip on a California sun dress and flip flops, I've wanted to throw my hair in a messy bun on top of my head and not give a shit that I didn't IRON my fucking jeans, but New York wouldn't like that. I've wanted to wear sweatpants and tank tops like I did in L.A. every. day. and not have New York wondering why I didn't get dressed up.

I've wanted to invite friends over and spread out on the carpet and play Sorry while one of the men of the group barbecued on our balcony, but New York won't give me space to do it.
I really need to get my nails done, so they don't look like a rabid animal got a hold of my hands but New York wants me to save my money for other things.
New York has stopped showing up on time and doesn't always get me a taxi when I'm in a hurry, like it used to.

I'd love to lay out on the beach all day long and eat frozen yogurt with my toes covered in sand, sunburnt skin and my best friends....but New York hasn't give me a day to lay on the beach and New York doesn't include my best friends. New York doesn't like nature and wouldn't ever want to go camping or take a hike. New York doesn't understand why I miss Target so much and things Duane Reade will suffice, this is a big argument for us. It doesn't understand that my idea of "home" doesn't inlclude a doorman.

I really needed to run a simple errand and New York reminded me that I, "lack direction" whatever that means. New York loved taking me out and now it wants to eat foot long Subway sandwiches because there's an "amazing $5 dollar deal." New York isn't as clean as I thought it was and New York doesn't want to cuddle. Worst of all, New York is constantly nagging me about what I'm going to do next, New York had a glass of wine to celebrate my new venture and immediately wanted to start talking about work again instead of kicking off it's shoes and watching Rock of Love. New York doesn't care about my family, or the whole "family" thing at all, which is a major concern for me, New York never wants to cook at home and won't set down it's Blackberry. New York is "leaving the seat up" in a big way.

Like many of my ex's, Los Angeles included, New York is showing me that it isn't perfect. Shame on me for projecting perfection onto it, but again New York is making it very clear to me that maybe there is a reason I'm usually single....

51 comments:

Meghan said...

It's not you, it's the city :P

Congrats on the magazine job!!! Which one?

The Dutchess of Kickball said...

New York is sort of like that pair of jeans you don't fit into anymore but you keep because some day, when you reach your goal you will fit into them. At first, it nags at you, and makes you feel self conscious and then eventually you forget about them. All of sudden you dig through your drawers looking for something else, and bam, there they are, and you adore them and they fit like a glove.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Thank you! I'm keeping the name to myself at least for a little while ;) Its definitely one that you guys see and read I'm sure.

Lauren said...

Congrats on the new job!

NY will come around eventually. Like any relationship, it takes time to get used to.

SLynnRo said...

This is kind of how I feel about Dallas most of the time. I would like to go to the mall or grocery store looking like ass. But I can't. Though you are assuredly much worse off than I in that department at the moment.

fort knocks said...

I'd dump New York and run away with some fishing village in Maine.

JanelleGrace said...

New York is a tough one. Somedays I never want to leave and then other days I look forward to the end of December, when our lease is up.

Stephanie said...

Congratulations on the new job!

I'm sure if you threaten to leave New York it will straighten up its ways and begin to show you the positivity that you deserve. :)

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

This post really spoke to me. As a life-long New Yorker and someone who has always had a rabid desire to live in Manhattan, I've never wanted to leave NYC as much as I have these past few days. It's a tough, tough city. I often wonder, lately, if it's worth all the trouble.

But then, spring rolls around and you walk through Central Park and shelve those reservations until next winter.

Jess Maxwell said...

I love you Chelse! I think that you're magnificant...NYc will come around....just like any city, there's a period of love/hate, then, once you've found your groove, it's bliss again.

THE B.O.P. said...

Remember that there is always the opposite end of the spectrum . . . Portland.

With all the rain and cloudy weather Portland is more of a necessity based environment. "Since the weather sucks what can I wear to at least make me comfortable?"

Portland loves you for who you are not what you look like and often tends to reward those that take less time on their looks and spends more time in their tattered cotton hoodies or worn in flannels. Portland is cool with you looking like you just got out of bed . . . but never seem to push you to be more than that. Portland is the relationship that you have trouble ending because there are no real negatives just a lack for growth and challenge.

In the instance that you do want to get all gussied up and go out to make yourself feel special for a night, Portland asks "Why the hell do you need to get dressed up? Don’t be such an attention whore." Portland allows you to be comfortable but stagnant in that comfort . . . it leaves you wishing for a little bit of instability and un-comfort from which you could grow, change, and be challenged.

Comfort can get boring and when you will eventually step out of that comfort into a new wardrobe or style, Portland doesn’t even notice and when you scream look at me it couldn’t care less. Every side has its trade offs!

Vanessa said...

STOP! The reason you are "usually single" is because you don't settle. And you shouldn't. Settling is for people who lack ideas and vision. That's definitely not you!

Every city has a duality to the relationship. The duality of NYC is that each end is very far apart. Like that fabulous apartment with to-die for view (upside) that is outrageously expensive and shoebox-like tiny (downside). Like so many other things in NYC, there is no "meet in the middle" compromise.

lifeintheleftlane said...

Congrats on the freelance gig!

Sorry the honeymoon phase is over, but I'm sure it'll get better. Be a bum if you want. There are so many people in the city that people probably won't even notice. And if they do, who cares? You're comfy and happy. I'd totally do it. =)

NYCPonderings Chick said...

congrats lady on the job!!...yeah new york has some pretty nasty true colors sometimes...and you will either grow to just love them or you will grow to hate it for all the things you cant have...

Ajemi said...

Ooh congrats on the job. I know I'd hate New York in less than a day.

1218Blog said...

New York definitely has a personality on him and he likes to have it his way. But I'm sure you guys can come to a happy medium soon enough!

Congrats on your new gig!

Joy @ Big Time Fancy said...

Chicago did the saaaaaaaaame thing to me.

And now we're totally settled in, and it makes me late for everything and I kvetch about its weather and public transportation.

Camels & Chocolate said...

It was bound to happen sooner or later...but don't you worry, you've got a couple good years ahead of you until it will be enough for you to want to relocate :-)

a little bird said...

and here i am, on the left half of the country, longing for my city!

grass is always greener.

Surfergrrl said...

Congrats on the job! What at great post. The city is a metaphor for life.

Surfergrrl said...

Congrats on the job! What at great post. The city is a metaphor for life.

California Girl said...

Congrats on the new job! Awesome. And LA is awesome (I love it), but so is New York. Enjoy it while you are there.

nicoleantoinette said...

I have never, ever, EVER ironed my jeans. And this post makes me happy that I'm currently in Cali :)

Congrats on the job sweetie! That's AMAZING! You rule.

Jenn said...

Congrats on the new job! I've only been to NY once. I'd love to go back and really get a chance to explore the city.

muneera said...

dang. all this time i thought NY was a girl. my bad.
your writing is fresh.

JD said...

Have you ever wondered why the Pope rides around in a bullet proof car? If the guy who is supposedly closest to God is afraid to die...what does that say for the rest of us???

Exposed said...

Um, it doesn't help that your boyfriend is also cheating with me, and that this damn city strings us along not quite to the point that we're fed up, but that we're dying to regain their attention and forgive shortcomings. It's definitely a bit of an abusive relationship.

And congrats on the new gig! Can't WAIT to hear details :)

jesslovesnyc said...

Congrats on the job!!

I can't wait to move to new york...even if it stops doing its dishes ;) great post!

Ashley said...

New York....its definitely a love/hate relationship with me! I couldn't agree more on some of the stuff you said, but this time of year? Is New York at its FINEST. People are happy, its beautiful out, the park is beckoning and I don't feel so bad that i can't go hiking, or drive with the windows down or spend hours at a beach. In a few weeks it'll return to the ornery city but I still love it anyway. No matter how many times I want to leave.

You'll see, just when NY kicks you to the ground, it'll help you back up. :)

So glad your new job is awesome!!

pessimisticredhead said...

Just remember: we have quite a way of romanticizing our exes...

just me said...

Have you ever heard of "stage pretty"? Someone's who really hot from far away (maybe from a stage...) and then you get closer and you're like,

"whoa. STAGE pretty."


...That's what NYC is like.

Rebecca said...

I live here, but NYC sucks. Especially on trash night.

MsPuddin said...

omigod, Im jealous, how did you land the job!? Im still in the process of getting turned down lol

Alexa said...

congrats on the new job, yippee.

ok and i think you and my little sister (she works for a photography house and lives in the upper east side, like WAY upper east side), should get together and talk about this post.

i swear to goodness she has said so many of the same things to me over the last two years she has lived in the city.

anyways, i think this is just a little tiff in your relationship and you'll end up getting married and live happily ever after. the end.

BloodRedRoses said...

Congrats on the new amazing job! :)

Katelin said...

Congrats on the new job! Sounds so exciting!

And I feel like NY is just being moody, maybe it's that time of the month or something, haha.

Mel Heth said...

See...I told ya LA wasn't so bad. ;)

Bravo on the job!

Aurora said...

Beautiful post.
NY sounds very serious about your career. The good part is, he won't mind if you see other guys from time to time.

iheartthirty said...

IRON your JEANS??

Damn. I'm never leaving the west coast.

ablogofherown said...

Dude, I refuse to ever own an iron.
"If it says "Iron" on the back,leave it on the rack" that's my motto.

Also, did I tell you I live vicariously through you and your blog?
I'm not a creeper, i promise. Hehe.
The magazine job sounds so cool!
Congrats!

Julie Q said...

while I could guess how cali and the east coast are completely different- this post shed some light on EXACTLY how its different! I wish I could wear sweatpants and tank tops all the time and not just in my apartment as soon as I get home from work :)

fanfrickingtastic said...

Living in New York's younger, super annoying, more studious little brother, I promise you DC is leaving the toilet seat as well.

Stupid men are all the same.

Congrats on the new job!

christine said...

oh man, I'm sorry that it can't stay a dream city forever and ever, but I'm sure you will figure out nyc and be awesome there.

Melain said...

I've always wanted to live in New York. But I accidentally had a family instead.

Perhaps now would be a good time to have an affair! Sneak away and have LA show you a good time! Then maybe New York will realize what it's missing and break out the breath mints for you again.

Sassy Molassy said...

Love the post. Ah NYC, I think a lot of people are mystified by the place (myself included), ignoring all the unclean, stressful, nonstop ways of the city. Congrats on the new gig and good luck girl!

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Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Thanks for al the congrats guys! You are all awesome.

Jess Maxwell- GOD, I love you!

The b.o.p- you have a really good point, I've been wanting to go to Portland for a long time, maybe it'd be a nice change, we can do a city swap? :)

lifeintheleftlane- Well, I took your advice and went to Starbucks today with yesterdays makeup still on and my most haggard sweats, I felt amazing.

nicoleantoinette- thank you mama, come back!

jd- I love you for this comment, you have an excellent point.

just me- heyyyy pretty new icon lady ;) And yes, STAGE PRETTY is one of my favorite terms.

Mspuddin- girl, I feel you I still get turned down....I have a whole scrapbook dedicated to all of my rejections, it's timing.

ablogofherown- GREAT MOTTO!! And thank you for being living vicariously, I do that with my readers blogs too, thats why the blog world kicks serious ass.

Melain- I may just do that, we're LA and I are planning a fling for sometime in May, but SH...it's on the DL. ;)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Thanks for al the congrats guys! You are all awesome.

Jess Maxwell- GOD, I love you!

The b.o.p- you have a really good point, I've been wanting to go to Portland for a long time, maybe it'd be a nice change, we can do a city swap? :)

lifeintheleftlane- Well, I took your advice and went to Starbucks today with yesterdays makeup still on and my most haggard sweats, I felt amazing.

nicoleantoinette- thank you mama, come back!

jd- I love you for this comment, you have an excellent point.

just me- heyyyy pretty new icon lady ;) And yes, STAGE PRETTY is one of my favorite terms.

Mspuddin- girl, I feel you I still get turned down....I have a whole scrapbook dedicated to all of my rejections, it's timing.

ablogofherown- GREAT MOTTO!! And thank you for being living vicariously, I do that with my readers blogs too, thats why the blog world kicks serious ass.

Melain- I may just do that, we're LA and I are planning a fling for sometime in May, but SH...it's on the DL. ;)

Stephanie said...

Oh my goodness. New York and I totally have the same relationship. We must be dating the same city. New York has been driving me insane lately. It might sleep on the couch tonight.

Traci Anne said...

So here's the thing. I've been pretty miserable with NYC since I moved here three years ago. And as of late, I've realized that holy crap, I really, really want to move to LA before I'm too old to be movin' around and havin' adventures and all that stuff. And Boyfriend, of course, loooooooves NYC, knows I hate it, but is pleading with me to stay. And I was leaning towards staying here another year, sticking it out and seeing if maybe, maybe year 4 would make it not suck so much, and then this post.

Want. To. Move. Now.

P.S. After the 1st, you+me+happy hour/brunch/whatevs. I'm super lame and haven't been reading my Google Reader or blogging! Am also po until the 1st.

P.P.S Congrats on the magazine gig!!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Traci-Anne!!! Absolutely, after the first when I have moremoney and DEFINITELY before you leave NYC ;) hahaha.

 
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