Tuesday, April 22, 2008

An Unwelcome Guest: The Quarterlife Crisis


Do you ever wish you could just have a really good sex dream?? You know, the kind where you wake up and you realize " Oh shit, was I just violated in my sleep?" So you check the closet (yes, I've done this) peek under the bed, go through old texts to see if you mentally blocked out a "sleep-walking booty call." I want one of those dreams. I want to wake up all sweaty and confused, all the while completely satisfied, and ready to fall back asleep again for round #2. Tension needs to be released, and let. me. tell. you. why....

I am smack dab in the middle of my quarterlife crisis. The eagle has landed. Not just one eagle, an entire flock.

Oh no, this whole juncture is no myth. This is not a "tall tale", or a Big Foot sighting- the quarter life crisis is as real as my fucking panic attacks that come along with it, and my business cards (I'm no longer scribbling my "info" on Orbit gum wrappers). So real in fact that I am currently wielding a book titled, "Quarterlife Crisis- The Unique Challenges of life in your Twenties"
I like how they use the word unique to make it sounds like it's some sort of gift. Like a nice hand-crafted, ornately painted Russian egg, or something. Unique, such a patronizing word to put into a title handling such fragile circumstances. I'd like to write a hate letter to whoever invented the word UNIQUE.

First off, they address; How Do You Recognize Your Quarterlife Crisis?
Oh, I know how. When a burly/frightening figure traipses into your mind, with big BLACK BOOTS and then proceeds to point out that you are slowly losing your identity, all the while eating processed foods, "ya know, you can't live on peanut butter and dried apricots forever....." THANK YOU FOR POINTING THAT OUT, MR. MIND ASSHOLE. Unfortunately, I still have a thing for Lucky Charms, are you going to judge that too?? The "inner voice" who tends to be a snarky biatch is a pretty clear indicator that you're in it. One day, you're putting on your "adult clothes" and kicking your skull and crossbones Converse tennies under your $40 hand-me-down dresser, while picking the right blazer that matches perfectly and you look in the mirror and say- "Who the fuck is that? And how am I drenched from head to toe in taupe?"

Luckily, I haven't gotten to the taupe part yet, I'm not nearly tan enough for that business. But I see it approaching like a damn steam train painted fire engine red....either that or another bartending gig, which lord knows in the midst of a "crisis" I'd be the one taking the shots, or drinking whiskey with a straw.

They also attempt addressing; How Am I Supposed To Figure Out Who I Really Am??

For me, this isn't the problem. The problem is realistically BEING who I already know I am. Is that every one's problem?? Or are some people walking around like, "Who am I? Who am I?" I am very in tune and very aware of WHO I am, and what I love and don't, what fulfills me, where I find my happiness....however, on paper, the description of me would have an uncanny resemblance to that of a vagabond, wearing a lot of jewelry (and telling exciting stories that sound mostly like lies, but are actually true), creating, singing, writing and living. I am a modern day Gypsy with a modern day taste, which leaves me in a modern day conundrum of deciding what to sacrifice in order to live in line with my happiness....

Having ridiculous motivation, like many of us Twentysomething's often get us to a point- a fork in the road, where you are choosing to be a "yes" person, while sacrificing the inner/outer aspects that may suffer as a result: family, friends, personal fulfillment-unless personal fulfillment is centered solely around work and that is where it gets tricky... If it isn't the other road is finding/acknowledging that WORK isn't what your sole purpose is in life is, because you find fulfillment in other areas as well.

This is where the fine line is, the balance beam that I toe, knowing some of what makes my life rich, flavorful and fulfilling is that, that comes with work...while other parts are that that comes with following my heart, whether it's lucrative financially for me, or not. As an artist, I have no cushion. But as an adult....I know that I'll need one. The best words of wisdom my mom said to me once while I was planning a budget were, "Budget Fudget...." So this is the school of knocks I come from. Even though, my family personally can't fudget- it's a nice idea.

So here I am, in my hallway of an apartment, in my twin sized/loft bed- eating chocolate- from Easter (whoever said the Easter bunny shouldn't visit adults, was heartless) and reading this book, while taking notes and praying I can BALANCE. Being in the midst of a crisis is like being in a fish bowl and until someone takes the fish out of the water, I suppose I have to swim in it.

312 comments:

1 – 200 of 312   Newer›   Newest»
Ashley said...

That has been my world for the past year and its only intensified the closer 26 comes around...and the fact that now i have a job that pays shiiiit. I would like to know how they expect me to afford shopping--my therapy--to get me through these tough times.

And for those people who don't believe a quarter life crisis exists....apparently they didnt *really* live through their twenties.

JulyBug said...

I hate that its a cliche but this is my life.

Arielle said...

Baaa I totally feel you. I've totally become that person who has to pick out which blazer to wear in the morning even though I am not AT ALL a blazer kind of person. It's like this requisite part of being in your 20's involves you losing part of yourself because you're expected to buckle down and begin a worthwhile career and it means you have to turn into some kind of boring android. Or risk poverty. And here we are, on our own for the first time and really we should be freer than ever.

jesslovesnyc said...

Tell me about it! One book I've found that's really helpful though is It's a Wonderful Lie: 26 Truths About Life in Your Twenties. I mean yeah it isn't like the book you're reading (or even like The Quarterlifer's Companion Guide), where it's all factual, but rather it's a collection of short stories/essays about women retrospectively discussing what it was like for them in their twenties. I love it cause it still gives me hope, and that's a pretty powerful thing...

Good luck :)

Maxie said...

I'm not quite to mine yet, but I'm fully enjoying ignoring what of it I feel.

I find that's the best way :-)

irunwithscissors said...

good luck... this quarter life crisis stuff is a bitch!

mentalTHREESIXTY said...

Could totally relate. I once got this in an email:

They call it the "Quarter-life Crisis." It is when you stop going along with the crowd and start realizing that there are many things about yourself that you didn't know and may not like. You start feeling insecure and wonder where you will be in a year or two, but then get scared because you barely know where you are now. You start realizing that people are selfish and that, maybe, those friends that you thought you were so close to aren't exactly the greatest people you have ever met, and the people you have lost touch with are some of the most important ones. What you don't recognize is that they are realizing that too, and aren't really cold, catty, or insincere, but that they are as confused as you. You look at your job... and it is not even close to what you thought you would be doing, or maybe you are looking for a job and realizing that you are going to have to start at the bottom and that scares you. Your opinions have gotten stronger. You see what others are doing and find yourself judging more than usual because suddenly you realize that you have certain boundaries in your life and are constantly adding things to your list of what is acceptable and what isn't. One minute, you are insecure and then the next, secure. You laugh and cry with the greatest force of your life. You feel alone and scared and confused. Suddenly, change is the enemy and you try and cling on to the past with dear life, but soon realize that the past is drifting further and further away, and there is nothing to do but stay where you are or move forward. You get your heart broken and wonder how someone you loved could do such damage to you. Or you lie in bed and wonder why you can't meet anyone decent enough that you want to get to know better. Or you love a person but she/he loves someone else and your heart is broken. Or maybe you love someone but love someone else too and cannot figure out why you are doing this because you know that you aren't a bad person. One night stands and random hook ups start to look cheap. Getting wasted and acting like an idiot starts to look pathetic. You go through the same emotions and questions over and over, and talk with your friends about the same topics because you cannot seem to make a decision. You worry about loans, money, the future and making a life for yourself... and while winning the race would be great, right now you'd just like to be a contender!! What you may not realize is that everyone reading this relates to it. We are in our best of times and our worst of times, trying as hard as we can to figure this whole thing out.

It was very appropos.

PS. Sorry for the long ass comment :(

Michelle & the City said...

can we just cover our eyes and pretend the quarterlife crisis doesn't exist?

Noelle said...

Someone needs to come up with a name for the kind of calm you feel at age 30 when you can either chose to regret your choices or embrace them and stop trying to fantasize about what it would have been like if you made different ones. (And that's what the end of your quarter-life crisis will feel like.)

A Margarita said...

Sometimes I'd give my right kidney just to wear jeans and a wife beater to work. Then I remember I need both my kidneys to filter all the booze ;)

I long for the days of summer vacation where we had 3 months off. I didn't appreciate them when I had them.

Lauren said...

I'm still going through mine. Fun,isn't it? When it first hits, it SUCKS. Then it gets a bit easier with time...easier to ignore and easier to push through.

I read the book you're talking about. It actually didn't help me much--it just stated what I was feeling, didn't give me any answers. I wanted answers. I guess a book can't tell me what to do next in my own life, though.

Regardless--GOOD LUCK.

Surfergrrl said...

I think people who write about quarter life crisis haven't reached their 30's yet and realize that you don't have everything figured out then either. I think the big difference is you start to feel comfortable with the "now knowing" part. You realize you will probably never figure it all out and that who you are is a work in progress, not some sort of finality. Even in my late 30's and being a professional, I still have hand me down/Ikea furniture, but still have cute, too young for me shoes. The not knowing who you are, is who you are. I'm pretty sure you will learn that in time, it's OK to "not know."

A Lil' Irish Lass said...

Welcome to the worst club ever.

Design Addict said...

Thank you!

Banana said...

I think that the quarterlife crisis is our cross to bear for living in a time when we actually have choices. We don't have to go to college, or get the job that makes all the money, or stay home with kids, or get married right away. We make our life into what we want to, and with that freedom comes a terrifying sense of no direction.

I think what we forget is that, yes we have choices, but it doesn't make life any easier. I had to work really hard, in several jobs I hated to get to where I am now. My current job is finally in the field I want to work - but I also know that it isn't the last stop. I have a long way to go before I'm "where I want to be," but I think as you grow into your later 20's that becomes OK. You see the struggle paying off and you know that you've chosen this life - now you have to make it work.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Mentalthreesixty- DUDE, I'm loving this long comment...and I completely understand the whole thing.

Noelle- thirty sounds AWESOME. .

Surfgrrl- I do KNOW that it's ok not "to know" its and I'm totally cool going DAY TO DAY, most of the time, until I hit a roadblock or a silent realization and then I have a meltdown. I'm really not looking for an end result, I do know that life is a process and I enjoy the process....most of the time...

Design addict- you're so awesome, thank you for a thank you that I feel completely undeserving of, you rock. xo.

banana- you have an excellent point about choices....very true.

Ashley D said...

Completely understand. My life exactly.

p.s. I tagged you in a meme, if you are interested. :)

Alexa said...

oy vey.

i feel like a lot of people are going through this right now.

cocktail perhaps?

Katelin said...

Maybe if I pretend not to notice it, it won't happen? Maybe? Perhaps? Possibly?

Jess said...

I totally have not been there. But I'm only 24. Next year is the official quarter century mark. I wonder if it will happen.

1218Blog said...

I hate to be a debbie downer but once the quarterlife crisis starts it never ends. At each junction in your life it is something else. The best advice is to learn what you really want out of life and get it by any means necessary.

California Girl said...

Having those crises is really tough. I remember it being awfully painful and scary. I spent so long ignoring those growing pains, covering them up with partying and "acting as if I didn't give an eff", and eventually that stopped working. I had to confront my life, my destiny, head on.

It was hard work. A lot of commitment. But I made it :)

Wish you luck babe ;) keep your head up.

Dolce said...

I've been in the same position as you for the last couple of years. You're in a good place because the only place your motivation and drive are going to take you is UP! I really think it only gets better.

Alexis said...

So many parts of this are why I'm excited about London...we really all do have this point in our lives! Especially now when having a degree means squat...

Love you, for reals.

Jessie Cacciola said...

I'm only in my sophomore year of college, and I'm already freaked out. I figure if I start planning now, I won't be surprised, but whatever you do you can't pass over this phase of life. If anything it makes for a good story, and when you get settled you'll either feel amazing or just want to stir things up again.
- Jessie -
ps. I loved mentalthreesixty and banana's comments. so true.

Jessie Cacciola said...

p.p.s. In the meantime, I look for perspective. It might sound cliche`, but I take a drive, I get to a place of higher elevation, maybe without buildings and people around, just trees or a lake. I cook. I make art. And right now I'm procrastinating with music. I do anything to find simplicity, even for a couple of hours, to refresh. Ignoring the feeling and covering it with alcohol, partying or any similar means never works for me. I need to deal with it and turn it on it's head, not push it aside and try to forget.
- Jessie -

nicolle said...

chocolate covered strawberries help!

Princess Pointful said...

There are so many things I wish TV and bad fiction books had taught me growing up. Like how ambition can be the least fulfilling drive in the world sometimes.

Carrie said...

If the book gives answers do tell, because I'm tired of this QLC thing. Tired of it. I blame the sheer amount of choices at our disposal these days. So many I cannot pick one and so instead stand still. I have no idea what I want to do with my life. I know who I am, but what does that person want to do with her time? No clue. Stupid choices.

ChasingParadise said...

I remember my QLC very well, unfortunately. I had mine about 6 months after graduating from college. I was still pretty young, 22, yes, but I felt OLD with the weight of expectation and frustration and even disappointment. All of a sudden I was supposed to be an "adult" and "responsible" and planning for my future, whatever that all meant. I longed for the days of sleeping in, going to bed late, passing out drunk, and stumbling home in 4 inch heels with my besties. But then, I put on my big girl panties and started dealing with it. And when I feel myself facing that urge to go crazy again, to remind myself that I'm not OLD, I go out and have a wild night, tequila shots and all. It usually does the trick. After all, we have our whole lives to plan ahead. But you know what really made me start feeling better? I finally got around to starting that 401k. haha.

Rebecca said...

My quarterlife crisis has been going on for four fucking years. In another two years, it will be my "turning 30" freakout.

Mike said...

It's been five years since my quarter life crisis.

While I haven't busted a pool table and gotten physically removed by bouncers like I did on my 25th birthday (I believe the big black one threw me a good five or six feet, but I didn't feel anything after having consumed 30+ drinks), I'm still as confused as ever.

I hope that helps. Probably not though.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

chasingparadise- Well, that's sort of where I'm at....except I didn't o to college, I went to Musicians Institute which, doesn't really count. My hardest class was reggae and it was only ayear program. BUT, I moved to LA when I was 17....and immediately started working full time and living and working amongst adults, I didn't have any transition period, so I'm going through what most people go through MUCH, MUCH LATER. Because I started A LOT earlier...and in L.A. nonetheless....grew up pretty damn fast.

MsPuddin said...

yeah Ive been panicking for a year and all I have to show is another bad break up and something old people call 'heartburn' *sigh* its a work in progress, so work it out mamas...

MsP

Ace said...

Chelsea thank you so much for this post. Seriously I have been in my mental panic for about a year(ish?). After a few moves, some breakups(friends, boyfriends, apartments)I think I'm on the right path but I feel so old. I support myself, pay my rent and bills, I don't party much cause it's too expensive, I live with my serious boyfriend and work two jobs. Did I mention I just turned 21? I recently wrote a post about the dreaded QLC, check it out if you get the time.

http://adreamorvision.blogspot.com/2008/03/20-something-madness.html

DJSassafrass said...

I read both those books--they made me feel less alone in the whole thing. Did they provide great answers? No. But it was one of those things where I felt okay about not feeling okay. And DON'T feel bad my 1/4 life crisis lasted abotu 5 years!

Mel Heth said...

Keep wearing your converse and a lot of jewelry and being your charming, hilarious self and everything will fall into place.

When I was in my mid-twenties I remember trying really hard to be a young, adult, professional. I thought I was supposed to. But now I wear flip-flops to work and try to act like a kid as often as I can.

As long as you're having fun, it's okay to be caught in the middle. You're writing the story of your life - might as well make it interesting!

Meesh-elle my Belle said...

i'm with 1218 and banana and surfer girl. the reason that we're all having/have had/still having quarter life crises instead of (at least I'm hoping it's instead of) midlife crises is because we're faced with so many options and so much more choice than generations before us. and i think that allows us to get to know ourselves or realize that we might not know ourselves or question the things we know about ourselves in a different way at an earlier time.

We're not a polite generation. We spend time in the way we want with the people we want. We talk about things that I think many generations before never said out loud. They're the ones posting them on post secret. We're posting them on our blogs and all of a sudden we're not so alone. We like to think, to get to know ourselves better, to figure out how to make our lives everything we want them to be but the road there is paved with questions that sometimes don't have answers.

I'm 32 - and there are things that fell into place in major ways in my late 20's that I find myself questioning now. Then there are things that I'm just finally figuring out. I don't think that's ever going to stop for a person like me. Sometimes I feel tortured by it, but I'm grateful for the passion and curiosity about life that comes with it.

If someone had the answers for us, they'd be making millions right now. There aren't answers - that's why we all end up here at one point or another - searching. But I will say that I've grown to accept that the questions, the searching only means that I am awake, aware, and alive...and isn't that what it's all about.

Banana is right- choices are hard. There's no should. There's no accepted path. I know I've often found myself questioning which choice is the "right" one..but I think I've finally (and it's about fucking time!!!) learned the most important thing is not whether or not the choices are right but just to make them and live through them and learn from them. If the choices get made, we get to fall down and get back up again and get a little bit closer to who we are and what we want.

Meesh-elle my Belle said...

wow. i had NO idea how long that was. sorry.

HollyG said...

I have that book sitting on my bookshelf, and I'm totally afraid to pick it up for fear that the crisis will rear its head again. I've had the year from hell and survived it, battled a bully or two, had my heart broken, halfway stitched, then broken again...and despite the fact that I know that millions of people go through the same thing, I still feel like the plight is mine alone. Why is that??

Dustin said...

Great explanation of what all of us are feeling. My liver is no longer my friend and I am only 24.....and approaching fast. Being married doesn't make it better, in case you were wondering, just makes it more complicated. Thanks for the conformation that it isn't just me that freaks out like this.

style-ish said...

I've been through this too, I hear ya. Very well written...

redstaplernation said...

I finally found a blazer that doesn't emphasize the fact that I have no figure. It's beige.

just me said...

I've been in a quarterlife crisis for two years.

It usually manifests in occasional breakdowns where I throw something breakable at a wall...

And then comfort myself with either A) new shoes or B) Ben and Jerry's

Nate Ring said...

You know, have you considered reading Erik Erikson? He's a developmental psychologist who addresses this very issue--although, he did it with profound tact.

Essentially he describes four pathways young adults take--i.e., us twentysomethings bloggers--Identity Moratorium, Diffusion, Foreclosure and finally Identity Achievement.

Needless to say, all things by psychologists tend to be put on a spectrum therefore, multi-modal and extremely complex.

If you want to know more about this topic, in about three weeks I'll have finish my blog about this particular topic.

Aprille said...

I find it incredibly comforting that I am at least not alone in this. I am most likely on the other end of the spectrum as far as where I am in life. I went out Saturday and was astounded that the party included small cute clutch bags as opposed to diaper bags and bottles lacking rubber nipples. I am 28 with a degree, husband, house, 2 kids and a dog. This isn't where I thought I would be and I LOVE it but what the hell! This QLC caught me off guard. My issue is I feel as though I should be making more of a positive impact on the world but with running to dr appts, preschool etc I am doing the mommy thing and not much more. I guess my point is it is great for me to be able to read that cute little artistic girls like yourself, bouncing around NYC in cute shoes are even dealing with this crap too. Not just us stay at home mom types. We all do it. Thank you for writing about it. It helps to see the other side feels that way too.

Traci Anne said...

Mental360 - I'm immediately forwarding this to every 20something I know.

My quarter-life crisis is uprooting me from NYC to LA this winter. Tell you what, Chels - if you help me figure out things I should know about LA before I go, I'll tell you my favorite secret spots in NYC. Deal?

Traci Anne said...

Also, I'm currently wearing pearls, LOAFERS, khakis and a cable-knit sweater. I'm officially 23 going on 40.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Tracianne- My new yorker self is now considering going BACK to L.A.....thats my quarterlife crisis for you.....who knows what I'll do.... and YES, I'd be HAPPY TO SHARE my spots for ya and you cna share yours. perfect.

Allison M. said...

I'm 25. I don't know a quarter-life crisis feels like. However, I can tell you that drinking with friends, buying a new pair of shoes and drinking on a patio can do the trick.

Sara Jane said...

I went through this a few years ago. As a mid-20something, almost late 20something, I wish someone would have told me that it's ok to not know what you want/need in life. Your 20's/quarter life is all about figuring that out.

Have a crisis, have 5, but don't forget to have fun! Go to LA if you feel like it...go back to NY if that helps!

Never again will you get to be quite so selfish! Enjoy it!

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Carly Anne said...

This is absolutely spot on.

(I've been in the midst of said quarter-life crisis for at least two years...)

Ryan Adair said...

I actually got bitched at for not dressing "properly" and I said.. "Pay me more and I will dress as such" (i will be getting a raise in june)

sometimes i feel like I am mourning the me that had to be left at home with the cats and paintbrushes.

with my quarter-life crisis I realized there are a few variations of "Ryan" that are all mostly the same person. One is a dirty pot smoking hippy that sometimes doesnt shower on the weekends to "save water," and the other is a psuedo-hippy, with nice hair, make-up and wears dress pants & high heels (luckily i live in FL so picking out a blazer is really not on the to-do list- I however, will NEVER wear toupe.) : )

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