Saturday, May 10, 2008

AWAKENING.....

"Acknowledging the good that is already in your life is the foundation for
all abundance. The fact is: Whatever you think the world is
withholding from you, you are withholding from the world."

Wow, that sentence hit me like the time my mother threw a glass of water in my face cause "Parent" magazine said it'd help "stop the tantrum." Hopefully the quote proves more affective than her attempt at keeping me under control.

Oprah has in fact, proved she has found another gem worth knowing and that she is, smarter than the rest of us for finding it first (or at least her people are?) I've read Eckhart Tolle's book "The Power of Now" before and as a result I lived "presently" or in the now during the entire duration of reading the book, proving it's effectiveness somewhat ineffective, unless I was reading. Not to take away from its brilliance, it's just when I stepped out of my bubble into life it was hard to avoid future thinking and to step out of imprints/habits of the past that were affecting me presently. Without my compulsive thinking on the future I felt as if I might be one step behind, I may look lazy, or I may not reach high enough, etc. SO only briefly was I right where I was, and more frequently I was somewhere else....that mostly existed inside my head.

Reluctantly I started to read "A New Earth." I was afraid it's genius would be beyond the grasp of my purely mortal hands. It's funny what you'll resort to doing when you have no money and nowhere to go. Picking up a book was a better option than creating a indoor putt-putt golf course (yes, I have done this), and risk breaking the few things I barely have, and unfortunately liquor isn't free.

By page 200 it looked as though a graphomaniac had taken the book hostage. I wanted to underline everything, I wanted to memorize it and sing it on street corners, or create a new language and speak only in, "New Earth." I'd just finished a conversation with my Mother when she said, "You keep saying, 'somebody love me, somebody notice, somebody love me. love me.' But you aren't loving anybody, so you aren't letting them love you." Nothing is worse than when your mother and Oprah are right.

I stared at the quote above for an hour. WHAT AM I WITHHOLDING that I feel is being withheld?

Right now in my life, I am writing and in return more writing has come. It is self perpetuating. I have virtually stopped singing, and in return the stage to sing on has eluded me. More than anything, I have been wanting love for a very. very. long time, and with no avail, have not received it.

I've been giving; hurt, bitterness and mistrust and have been expecting warmth, vulnerability...attraction? I've been a softer looking version of an Ice Princess towards the male race, and I've wanted them to smother me in affection. I've have been giving my heart on my sleeve; accompanied by Britney Spears' former body guards for it's protection and I've been expecting men to come take me on a date?

I've been wanting arms wrapped around me, skin and goosebumps and I've been giving, a tap on the back, and a half-smile? I've been wanting all the good stuff; deep kisses, little moments, organic communication, unadulterated expression, morning sighs and shared french toast. Instead, I've built a steel cage around all of the parts of mine which are delicate, which are rare and visceral. Everything I've been wanting in love, I've selfishly kept my own. It's like that "special something" you keep hidden, it's just that special you're afraid to lose it. Then you completely forget where you put it and know its around here somewhere but no one will get to enjoy it. Until it's found, it's just talk. I am that "something special" and I've hidden it.

"Whatever you think people are withholding from you- praise, appreciation,
assistance, loving care and so on- give it to them. You don't have it? Just act
as if had it, and it will come. Then, soon after you start giving, you
will start receiving."

What is it that you feel that the world is withholding from you and are you withholding it from them?

38 comments:

Essentially Me said...

I love love LOVE this book.

The world is withholding sex from me dammit!

raych said...

i love all these kinds of books.

LOVE THEM. they have recently become my obsession. but, for me, i need to put the damned books down - stop reading and start applying.

it's just hard sometimes. A lot of times.

excuse me, i think the shots and beer pong are finally kicking in . . .

1218Blog said...

I totally love all this type of "malarkey" as my friend calls it. I am a believer. Recently I started recording affirmations or self filled prophecies so to speak and playing them back to myself every day. And at the end I always say "If you put it out there it will come back to you" And I have to say it has been working for me lately.

ToKissTheCook said...

The Secret was the cheesier predecessor but I still got a lot out of it and my guess is that I would gain even more from this one.

I would say love and career advancement. I actually love to work hard on a project but I've been bored and thus have been creating boring things. As for love, I'm working on it...

Surfergrrl said...

love and career advancement as well. I'm so complacent regarding love right now. I just don't want to put any energy towards it. I hope that someday when I do want to put energy to it, it comes back to me. And as far as the career, there are things I could do right now that would give me greater chances of success, but I've been kind of lazy. long story. I have, however, put a great deal of thought and attention to playing volleyball and that is paying off. I'm playing really well.

Surfergrrl said...

I should also mention that I'm trying to read the book, but having a hard time with this one. Sometimes I feel he kind of talks in circles...or I just don't get it sometimes. I think I have a hard time seeing the word "ego" written 100 times on one page. It's like I'm fixated on the word and can't see past it anymore and it's kind of driving me batty.

medicine girl said...

Thanks for reminding me that it's worth the effort & risk (of heartbreak or disappointment) to allow myself to be broken into a thousand tiny pieces each day and know that I'll somehow get put back together, usually better than before.

just me said...

The world is withholding an attractive man who is awesome from me.

...guess that means I have to work on being hotter and cooler.

nicoleantoinette said...

In light of everything I've been feeling and everything we've been talking about, I should probably read this book as well. I was actually at Barnes and Nobel last night (which is totally one of my happy places) and I bought The Idiot's Guide to Understanding Buddhism, which I hope will have a similar effect on me that this book had on you. I don't know, this unbalanced feeling is starting to consume me and I HATE it.

I love YOU though. :)

Sassy Molassy said...

Loved this post. I know what you mean about wanting love but not actually giving it out so how is love supposed to come back to you. It's a tough battle I fight with myself again and again.

brandy said...

Okay, I have this book (it's my new book club book) but I've yet to pick it up. After reading your post I think I need to pick it up.

As for your question, I ditto Essentially me's answer.

Jem said...

Really REALLY nice job on this post. I can totally relate. I think you saved me a lot of soul searching by figuring out the withholding thing.

I'm gonna have to get that book.

flipflops said...

This is such an inspiring post. I'll have to check out the book -- although, I have a bad habit of buying self-help books and letting them collect dust as I continue down my destructive path of negative thinking...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

surfergrrl- I felt the same way abot the book in the beginning, until I got the middle of the book which is full of "the good stuff."

nicoleantoinette- that idiots guide is always a good start... ;)

flipflops- I understand that, I did that with this book or long time, it sat on my counter and I stared at is every day....until I just got fed up, that I WANTED it to be good because I knew that I needed goodness in my life that I wasn't opening my eyes to.

Alaina said...

Thanks for the post! Just what I needed - a jolt in the arm.

And a book reference... I'm getting low on the 'books to read' pile.

db said...

I think Tolle is getting a lot of credit for something that is ages old, actually: Giving is better than receiving. People never believe this to be true, but it really is. Giving not only helps you to see kindness, generosity, and love where you may not have noticed it before, but also OPENS you up to receiving.
I am glad that you are seeing things in a new way. Always refreshing.

I think I am withholding service. I wish to be served, but I'm not serving. (In a community type way, not a master/servant kinda way.)

Vicky said...

What am I needing? Acceptance.

What am I withholding? Um, oh yeah....

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

db- you're absolutely right and this is definitely not a NEW philosophy, I know....I have read many books on this exact topic that are ages old. HOwever, I'm glad that it was so commercialized because it's getting the message out to people that may not have heard it otherwise.

Laura said...

Ok this settles it, i am going out and buying this book... I have never been one for self-help-y stuff, but this seems more like philosophy, and I could use some direction! haha

Katelin said...

the world is withholding a cheap apartment from me, seriously, i need to move out and i need cheapness.

PrincessB said...

I know this sounds corny, but I feel like the world isn't witholding from me. I started living my life to the fullest and putting myself out there a while ago. I think we all want love in our lives...but we have it. In friends, family, pets. I know that's not what you mean, but if we focus on that, we won't be so desperate to find the other.

Julie said...

I LOVE this post. In a time where life is so uncertain and I'm excited about the surprises coming my way... I just have to remember that I need to give myself to the universe to let the universe give good things back. I need to stop whatever withholding that I am.

I loved "The Power of Now". After the ex left, I sat on my roof deck and took in each word like it was the bible. I found, like you did, that the second I felt free and put down the book that I went back to my normal life of obsessing over the future. I've wanted to pick it back up so many times but didn't want that disappointment again. Thank you for giving me a new book to read :)

Dolce said...

Such a great book!!! It hard to walk away without learning something from it.

well-intentioned heartbreaker said...

Uhmm so I read your post this morning and went and bought the book on my lunch break. I had been contemplating buying it the other day and decided not to. But I'm soo glad I read your post and I did. I've only read it for about an hour so far and it is so amazingly good. I think I've read each sentence like 3 times before I move on to make sure I REALLY soak it all up.
Soo good =)

Mel Heth said...

Did you watch any of the Oprah webcasts? I found them really helpful and insightful along w/the book. You can stream them on her site. You're right - the book was fantastic.

I've been into this kind of stuff for about 4 years, and it really works. I feel so lucky with the life I have right now. Another great read is Wayne Dyer's The Power of Intention.

I think everything you want is on its way, Chelsea. :)

Alexis said...

Hmm...time.

I've been filling it all up and subsequently losing track of time, which just leaves you exhausted in the end. So now I'm exhausted but have tweaked my schedule here and there in hopes of getting some rest (and gaining a chance to get back to writing/blogging!).

:)

Olivia said...

I am withholding love along with many others who have commented, but it is so hard not to withhold! I guess that's the whole point of the book...

Can I just add, the part where you wrote about wanting "little moments, organic communication, unadulterated expression, morning sighs and sharing french toast", I'm pretty sure I died a little bit right here in my office chair.
My life is so rich and busy and full, and yet so, so empty.

sid said...

I think the world is with holding from me a hot, intelligent half-Asian guy, who wants to marry me ....

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

princessb- that is amazing! That is where I feel like I'm headed...

Julie-Thank you!!

well-intentioned heartbreaker- AH YES, I DID TOO. I literally have scribbled, and underlined, circled and stared, every page. There are chapters and sentences I don't want to forget, so I've read them over and over again. May I also mention that, the middle of the book is where I felt a major shift, and soemthing just clicked....

Mel heth- I just downloaded the podcasts to listen on my ipod!!

Alexis- Yay! I've missed you!

Olivia- aren't those moments the best.... :) It is hard to give love....where do you give it and to who? or how...? I'm sort of there right now....esepcially when the kind of love you're seeking is romantic love?

Sid- I'll let you know if I meet anyone and I'll send him your way ;)

glamour girly said...

Love that quote!

cessie said...

Thanks for a useful shot of thought! You gave me something to think about, and I love how the way your mom said it sums the whole thing up from an entirely different angle.

To try this hat on a different head: I'm wondering if all my cringing from explaining doubts about my faith to people around me is the reason why I'm not finding any answers... Going to investigate that, in time...

Jo said...

I'm sure it's a good book, and I'm sure it works for Oprah -- it's a lot easier to live in abundance when you have abundance.

For the rest of us buried in car notes, mortgage and debt, well... future thinking keeps me under a roof.

Jo said...

I'm sure it's a good book, and I'm sure it works for Oprah -- it's a lot easier to live in abundance when you have abundance.

For the rest of us buried in car notes, mortgage and debt, well... future thinking keeps me under a roof.

Gertrude said...

I too want the same thing you do, and act the same way, like a quintessential ice princess toward all men.

Why is it so hard to be nice to them?

Dana said...

I just bought this book 3 days ago.. I haven't started reading it yet.. But now i REALLY want to!! I'm so excited..

Auburn Kat said...

I have this book and it's another of my "must reads".

BTW, thanks for stopping by!

Kim said...

Wow. It sounds as though you really did get into this book. I just pray if I go pick this up, it's not going to end up being like "The Secret". (Which I do NOT buy btw...just borrowed it)

Good for you! I may look into this. Everything you wrote about made complete sense to me. :-) I'm the exact same way.

Charli said...

Hi, I am a friend of Loralee of loraleeslooneytunes. She has been having some issues today with being plagarized by a certain person. If you go to her blog, http://loraleeslooneytunes.com you can read all about it. Unfortunately for you , you have also been stolen from by the same person. She has taken this post nearly word for word as her own and posted it on her cafemom journal. I have copied the whole thing and can e-mail it to you if you would like, just e-mail me so I have your e-mail as I don't see it here. Here is a link to where she has illegally copied your work: http://www.cafemom.com/journals/read/1032084/WITHHOLDING
we have already discovered others who she has plagerized, so she has been removing the post, and I dont' know if this will be up still when she finds out- she is most likely a lurker on your blog. Anyways, e-mail me and I can send you what info I have. Sorry this happened to you. I just hope this comment makes it through as it does contain several links and may be caught as spam!

 
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