Sunday, June 1, 2008

Love OBSESSED.


I Tivo wedding shows.

That's a line for a real "man scare" if I've ever seen one, eh? It is true, I am love obsessed.
It isn't the dress or the bouquet, it isn't the invitations or the destination. I am not obsessed with the stuff that makes up a wedding, I am obsessed with the idea of loving someone that much that you're willing/wanting to become, unified? As someone who is notoriously single, I am the most eager of anyone I know to want to share love with someone else.

And it doesn't stop at the wedding shows. Sure my DVR is full of Platinum Bride, Who's Wedding is it Anyway, etc. etc. But it's the entire IDEA OF LOVE. I even lit a candle to write this post because candlelight makes everything more romantic and because I'm in dire need for romance. I light candles, wear red lipstick midday, listen to music outside and watch clouds and little ants, I make eye contact with strangers walking by and turn around to see if they looked back, I sing along to country music and pour myself a glass of wine while I read a book in the bubble bath. I say it whenever I can and with the warmest, truest intention. I am a huge. Gigantic. Lovesick cliche. I even sing All You Need Is Love while coloring pink hearts on restaurant's paper table cloths. I was the kid that doodled names of boys on my notebooks and the palm of my hand.

I love hearing love stories, I love watching people in love, I love swooning, and I love lusting. I love the idea that you can find a single one person and have so much love for them that your heart is so full, overflowing and so abundant that it just has to pour onto someone else so that it doesn't explode, so that it will keep beating. I love that love is so powerful that imperfection is completely void. All in love is just. right. Perfect even, in all of it's seemingly outside views of "imperfection."

Shakespeare in Love, When Harry Met Sally, While You Were Sleeping, Love Actually....I could do a full reenactment in charades of every single scene.

The catch; love is the one thing that I yearn for the most and yet the one thing that eludes me. Just like the quote about the butterfly? I believe it's something like when you stop trying to catch it, it lands softly on your shoulder....or something. Sure, I have love. As a matter of fact, I love my family and my friends so deeply, and so unconditionally, they are one with me in my life. Anything they feel, I feel. Anything they want, I want for them. I leave my entire heart in their hands in full faith and they know they can do the exact same with me and they are safe. More than most people I know I have a deep well of love from other sources, yet when it comes to romantic love it is the one area where I continuously fall short.

I've had one serious boyfriend. One. But the love I had for him was so expansive I wonder if I'll ever be able to meet someone and love them like that again? Up until now, everyone has yet to measure up....so here I am, waiting for my One Great Love to show up again. And maybe that's the problem. Do you have to go through many "small loves" in order to build up to that "great love?" Is waiting for love a test of patience and self value?

Everyone says when you stop looking, that's when you find it. But, how do you stop wanting the one part of your life that is missing?

And just like the BIG Hollywood love cliche that I am, I cracked open the binding of a Deepak Chopra book "The Path to Love" to ya know, find the answer in the "spiritual sense" since that's the dramatic option (which I'd obviously opt for) and the first line I read:

You will be in love when you know that you are love.

48 comments:

jaydewithay said...

I am completely in love with love...

I have only been In Love once, but it was perfect. And then it ended. I am scared i will never find it again... But i am determined to keep searching.

Auburn Kat said...

I'm definitely scared of finding that love again that I had for my ex. I'm also terrified that the man won't return that love for me.

Kim said...

I am afraid of love actually. Not so much the love part, more of the commitment part. Don't get me wrong, it's not like I'm our whoring myself around or anything, just the thought that I would belong to this one person freaks me out. I'm not interested in divorcing, ever. :-)

I like to watch Bridzilla!

irunwithscissors said...

I am a total hopeless romantic.... I love love and it the one thing I want more than anything else!

Saying that I have been single since ending a 3+ years relationship over 2 years ago.... ever since I have had a bad habit of falling for guy who are for one reason or another unavailable , good guys, who i just cant have... it suck! And Im with you, how do you stop wanting love??

Dolce said...

Love with sneak up on you and bite you in the ass. There is nothing wrong with wanting to be someone's only one. I once had a boyfriend I really loved and believed I would never be able to love someone that much again, but I couldn't have been more wrong. It wasn't meant to be and that's why it ended, but I learned the difference from lust/love to deep, confounded love. When you find your ONE love, it will be deeper, more meaningful, and more passionate than anything you have ever felt. Don't stop looking, he's out there.

girlecstatic said...

And I thought I was the only one who felt that way... I don't think I'll ever stop wanting love in order to find it. Not in this lifetime, haha.

Noelle said...

I've been feeling completely content lately, but love is alluding me. Perhaps it's true that you gotta give some love to get some back. Or maybe just throw in a little lust so that love can pick up the scent of the trail.

sassyandsingle said...

I love love... I miss it, I long for it... and how do you stop wanting it?? I don't think you can.

I feel your pain... I keep falling for the ones I cant have...

nicoleantoinette said...

I feel the same way about love. And yet I always test people and push them away. Maybe I'm scared? I don't know but it's so, so frustrating.

Dustin said...

First I want to say that I "love" how open and raw you are. I feel like I have a connection with you because, above all, you are honest and I commend you for that. Secondly, I am a guy who also loves love. I am a huge romantic at heart and am obsessed with making my wife feel loved and showing that she is loved. It was when I had given up on love and found a life of forever being alone that I found her, and now I want her to know everyday how much she is loved. Love is a wonderful thing and you will find it.

JanelleGrace said...

I love love. I love stories about how people met. I love stories on how they stayed together. I tore out a story from a Domino so long ago and I keep it.

My sister and her boyfriend have now been together a year. They met because she went home sick, stopped at the market and got some orange juice. He was in the market. I remember her calling me when she got home from the market and saying she just met a guy and should she call him and all that jazz.

My boyfriend and I met a week after I moved to Seattle. He lived on the 6th floor, I lived on the 3rd floor. (My sister also lived on the 6th floor, she wanted to make sure I was safe in a new city and my first apt.) It took nearly a month for me to say more than a few words to him since I was so shy.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Kinm- the funny thing isthat I used to be EXACTLY like that. And actually it only FLIPPED a huge 180 after I really fell in love with my ex and realized LOVE IS SO AMAZING.

Mike said...

Talking about love, that marriage thing.

I'm the best man in my buddies wedding.

His fiance turned from cool to BRIDE FUCKING ZILLA.

If you ever find that love and get married, don't do the bridezilla thing. Not cool.

If I ever get married, the marriage will be called off if I have a bridezilla fiance.

THEY ARE THAT FUCKING SCARY.

Marianne said...

I think it's a great thing you're open to Love, there's no need to stop looking for it, the amazing thing is that whatever the circumstances it will surprise you when it comes!

Rachel said...

I can completely relate. I don't have Tivo, but I'm constantly looking for those shows, and they trump whatever else is on TV.

Actually, now that I think about it, the wedding scene of the Sex and the City movie was really the only thing I looked forward to and enjoyed.

phoebe said...

i loved this post. i don't think you could have said it any better.

bFlat said...

Your comment about the butterfly also reminds me of the ladybug theory in Under the Tuscan Sun. All she wants is a family, someone to cook for, and love. She doesn't get them until she stops searching.

Katelin said...

i love love as well. and the wedding shows are pretty entertaining too.

Alexa said...

why did this post make me sad???!?!?

Lauren said...

That line from the book is fantastic.

Suzy Q said...

There have been many blogs (and books and poems and songs and movies and whatever else) written about love. This was a good one. I especially like how you question when people say that love will find you when you stop looking for it...Have you ever noticed how love cliches and love quotes (and whatever else) often contradict each other? So funny. Good luck with love!

redstaplernation said...

Love hurts. Today it hurts like hands around your throat, like a hole in your lung, like a thousand papercuts in a bath of lemon juice.

They never seem to show that on the TV shows.

FeministGal said...

in this case, you should check this out, hilarious!

http://current.com/items/88988193_target_women_wedding_shows

FeministGal said...

hm, the link didn't work... i'll try again:

http://current.com/items/88988193_target_women_wedding_shows

Mary-Laure said...

You TiVo wedding shows? How fun!

I absolutely love love. If I believe in anything it is in love. But I'm not crazy about the whole wedding madness extravaganzas that turn brides into tantrum-throwing kids and the joy of love into cliched displays...

Sister Libby said...

Ahhhh. Lerve. I doodle things on notebooks, just for the sake of it. While I still have high school crushes at hand.

Bayjb said...

If there is a wedding show marathon, like Say Yes to the Dress, I'm usually watching it, like I did yesterday. But I agree that I'm in love with the idea of love too. I love sappy movies and daydream about that being me too. I've only dated one guy seriously but I try not to give up hope that I'll be the rom com heroine one day :)

LoveHateSensation said...

i love wedding shows and bridal shows.. even baby shows. But i think when it comes to love its kind of like good things come to those who wait. You have to have patience and it will come someday..

Princess Pointful said...

It is pretty damn great.
And I'm tired of having to minimize that!

michelle said...

i always did hate that saying - you'll find it when you stop looking! i especially hated for the 8 months after i broke up with my ex and could not seem to get over him....then BAM - i found myself at a wedding sitting next to chris and a year and half later we're getting married as well!

so as corny as that saying is - totally true! although i guess you could say i was looking - but chris just came in from left field and took me by suprise :)

goodluck! i'm a total romantic sap as well. my favorite movie to watch is Love Actually - in fact the girls who's wedding i met chris at is going to sing the Songbird song for our first dance :)

Tia said...

i love all of those wedding shows. mainly because i can have the entire wedding experience in one hour or less.

it's like a wedding quickie with no strings attached.

(because trust me, planning an actual wedding of your own is not all it's cracked up to be. it has almost NOTHING to do with love.)

Anonymous said...

I read this once. You wait actively and creatively. See most people wait begrudgingly. You live like you are living. Passive and passion come from the same latin root, pati which means to endure. You will be ready at the exact moment and awake and ready when HE FINDS YOU. I look at it like a caterpillar that enters the cocoon. It doesnt look like much is happening but its the part of the transformation that is required for the bug that can only crawl to become the butterfly that has wings. You are actively transforming in "your cocoon" and in due time, you will be ready (same for the guy). If you try to crack open the cocoon TOO soon, the wings dont fully form and THAT is what happens when girls want the wedding more than the right guy and the right marriage. Its hard to wait actively but trust me, you are transforming even though it seems the opposite.

ZoomZoomZoom said...

saw your blog on 20 somethings...LOVE it and also LOVE LOVE!

Larissa said...

Wedding shows are my guilty pleasure. Especially Platinum Weddings and Bridezillas...so addicting!

*DesignerGirl24* said...

I just sent my friend the link to your blog to make her read this post because I wasn't entirely sure that I hadn't somehow had a black-out moment recently and written it and then hacked into your blog and posted it. The things you said rang so true right down to the one time you've experienced love that was so big and so full that you can't imagine finding that again. I'm 2 years out of that relationship and I'm still not convinced I'll find it again. I'm also terrified that I will find it again and things will end the same way. I'm also searching for it every single day. If it's any solace (not that you were looking for any, necessarily)there are others of your kind out there. Great big, lovesick cliches who dont know how to stop wanting what they can never seem to find! And I am one of them! ;) Also, I was glad you mentioned that book, I think I'll have to find a copy and find some widsom myself.

readsalot said...

I found my love after never having any love. I had also given up on boys. I swore them off until I graduated and moved back home. Then very next day(!!) I met my husband.

They say it happens when you are not looking and that made me so mad because I wasn't looking. I was wanting, though. It took me being so angry at what being with someone made me (an awful version of myself) that I swore it all off to find myself again. I did that while finding the only man I have ever loved and will ever love. Now, we've been married for almost 5 months.

Don't give up. I guess that is what I'm trying to say.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

michelle- I JUST SANG SONGBIRD AT ONE OF MY BEST FRIENDS WEDDINGS!!!!!! I started crying midway through but she said it was her favorite part, I was BEYOND emotional watching her get married and that song is BEAUTIFUL..

anonymous- I wish I knew who you were....because your comment is not only very kind,, but I do believe very true as well. Thank you for taking the time to leave such a lovely comment

Spirophita said...

The answer is that yes, you will find someone like that again, only better.

I don't see love as the absence of flaws, or all-powering, anything cliched.

What it is is a rock, an anchor, a knowing of yourself and another person as you are known in your entirity. The full grasping of reality and treasuring every second. Someone who (most of the time) makes everything better somehow, just be being there to share it. Someone who makes life easier, by being there to share the burden. Everything is easier when there are two--IF you have a great relationship AND a great love.

Morgan said...

I am getting married in two weeks. (Gasp... that is so crazy to say.) Anyway, I never thought I would feel strongly about getting married. I went through a lot of bad and just plain stupid relationships to get to this one. I didn't see him coming. I believe in all the mushy, gushy bullshit, too. I am a hopeless romantic and I never gave up on it, because it is out there. And sure, I'm scared, but I have never felt so sure about something in my life. Keep the faith, you'll find it!

Paula said...

I blogged about something similar last week - I am a total loveaholic. But I'm not sure I'll ever love someone as much as I love the IDEA of loving someone.

Alexis said...

I know exactly how you feel. And all I can say is that the great thing about it, is that when it does come along it's fantastic. But it is completely unexpected. G is nothing like what I thought he would be but I wouldn't change a thing (even the things that kinda drive me crazy) because those things are good for me. So I'm always bursting at the seems to tell him I love him...anyway...

I only had one real boyfriend before him and none in-between, so I don't think you need to build up or anything. Just be you and he won't be able to resist. ;)

classy & fabulous said...

"I even lit a candle to write this post "
That was the cutest line ever :)
And I LOVE wedding shows :) And just like you, I love being in love, being loved, loving someone so much that you want to get "unified" as you worded it.
hope you find someone you can love that much!

The Flash said...

It's interesting... I once dated a girl who'd been through some stuff in her life and had ultimately ended up in sex addicts anonymous. she said that there's a separate group called sex and love addicts anonymous (interestingly enough, it's mostly gay men). People do get addicted to love, and it's easy to lure yourself into that state if you can look at people and understand the tension and struggles we each walk with every day and how we try to deal with them and make compromises with ourselves.

But the key is that love has to be externally oriented. you have to be open to other people to have it.

I'm still deeply in love with a woman I just broke up with. We'd known each other for years and grew up a lot in the time we'd known each other. I think that if someone doesn't betray you, it's hard to fall out of love with them.

And so maybe the thing to appreciate about love isn't a cliche about weddings and pink hearts, but the idea that you can carry someone with you your entire life, whether or not you stay together. love involves changing your sense of self in some way, relative to this person who has become part of your life.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

the flash- I absolutely agree with that last statement.

Mel Heth said...

I'm a little behind on my reading - but I just wrote a post about this very topic on my blog. I went to a wedding over the weekend and the bride came down the aisle to "All You Need Is Love." Bawled my eyes out.

Deepak Chopra knows his stuff. I have The Path to Love on my nightstand.

{kay} said...

beautiful post tt

Coconut said...

I loved this post, I think you are my twin! Haha :O)

And janellegrace: So weird! My boyfriend lives on the sixth floor of my building and I live on the 3rd floor!

Benedict Smith said...

i watch bridezillas.....something i would never admit to anyone i know. it's okay. we all have our vices, yours just happens to be a fairly healthy one.

 
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