Thursday, June 19, 2008

Part of the Lonely Hearts Club


Oh no, everytime I "forget" that I'm lonely...it starts to creep up again. It's like right about when I think everything is groovy and wonderful that I remember, usually when I'm feeling a bit bored....that I'm actually, quite lonely.
I've talked a lot about wanting love again, etc. Wanting to start dating (not even MORE, just at all) and the truth about my moving back and forth really is; if there were a real reason for me to stay, I would. I'm always considering doing something extreme and when I tell you The Peace Corps, singing on a cruise ship, flying to Rio, and working at a hostel, attempting to work a "merch" table to go on tour, etc. have crossed my mind- I am absolutely serious when I say I've really looked at the details, and been "this close" many times. I even almost made an audition tape to be a dancing pony on the "My Little Pony LIVE!" tour. Yeah.

It's not like I've felt that sense of community yet where if I leave I feel like I'll really be missing out on something. More often than not, I'm left twiddling my thumbs and taking myself on "artist retreats" and "dates," exploring and acting as if everything is just peachy keen. When most of the time, it is. Contradicting to all my "now" type thinking, I know. Then, I stumble upon a day where I realize....wow, it'd be nice to do all of this with someone. Or, it'd be really nice to find a group of people who are all of my same "page." It'd be nice to feel "involved" with something/someone/some group? so much to where I felt I was finally fitting into my "notch." Not niche, but notch, like a little peg and I finally am not a circle attempting to squeeze myself into a triangle.

I've become obsessive with the 60's and 70's, no. Really obsessed. An unofficial spokesperson. Partially because whenever I read, listen or watch anything involved with that era you can sense an energy that everyone is emitting, an excitement....everything is still new. People were unafraid to break the mold, the were groups of creative people popping up everyone giving, promoting "free love" and peace (I'd like to think this isn't all attributed to the LSD and the acid) people were quite fearless and hopeful. Less desensitized, willing to take risks and explore. Creativity was feeding off of other creative energy and people were effortlessly fulfilling their artistry.

While in SD I read Wonderful Tonight by Pattie Boyd, George Harrison and Eric Clapton's ex-wife and though she had an extreme life, turbulent and painful at time, I was ridiculously inspired....I've always loved The Beatles and anything they did, said, or anything affiliated with them. Reading about the behind the scenes and reading about the muse of so many classic songs ("Something" "Layla" etc.) reminded me why I yearn to find that connectedness between people where you are not only inspiring one another but creating, living, learning and growing together. Right now I feel an extreme BLOCK, I'm singing but I need my Bernie Taupin, my Hammerstein, my Astaire. My Paul, John, George and Ringo.

Much of them time I feel like a lone wolf looking for someone with a like mind, hence why I've become so intent on wanting a relationship- when I find the right one, he will be a like mind. I've considered forming a band before and have looked, to no avail have yet to find the right players. You don't just throw together anyone with an instrument and call yourselves Aerosmith. There has to be something much deeper when you're making anything with someone, a sense of understanding and an unspeakable bond of some sort.

And beyond music, I'd like to at least be "in it" and not alone. Funny, coming from someone who has been proudly independant in all aspects, often to a fault. I have built and created my own bubble. Though, I'd be happy to let people in it, just not sure where to find them.

38 comments:

Camels & Chocolate said...

Sounds like you'd fit in perfectly in San Francisco ;-) That's where all of your people are, and we're ready for you to join us!!!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

AHHHH I LOVE SAN FRAN....I have lways said I'd like to live there one day...know anyone looking fora roomie :) ?? Haight-Ashbury by chance?? ;)

Chele said...

I swear to God we must be twin soul mates in some 60 universe. We are too alike and my obsession with 60 - 79 music is unhealthy. I am convinced I would been a great muse and married a rocker if I lived back then.

Wonderful tonight I LOVE that book, I also love George. YOu have to read confessions of a groupie by Pam des Barres, you will love it.

wee-h said...

my boy went to work in a beatles style 60s jacket today. i was in heaven..

im lonely even in a room full of people. i think its a part of me that im never gonna be able to change.

vanessamason said...

I know what you mean as well. It's as though as long as I am busy, it's easy to not think about. I might be what contributes to my desire to keep traveling.

Mike said...

Listen Chelsea

I was born in the late 70's. So, you know, I've been there.

You're not missing anything, trust me. I mean, in the two years I lived in the 70's, there was a lot of shiny objects, lots of neat smells and tastes, lots of places to explore, and no responsibility, sure... but there's more to life than that, really.

It's gotten a lot better since the late 90's, really. At least for me!

Alexis said...

I'm into the retro as well, music and style and all the artistic angles I'm drawn to most, I think.

But anyway, let me say that I think you're amazing and it's so great that you are that independent (I really like that about you). It's only natural though that you want someone to share all those things with and I have no doubt that you will find that person (or, actually, that he'll find you).

I can also say that trying to continue a balance of your independent self and giving yourself to that relationship is going to be difficult. You just have to stay true to you and he's going to have to stay true to him ('cause it's a two-way street of course). Because that's the reason you'll fall for each other in the first place, because you're both your amazing selves.

He's going to surprise you, just hang in there! :)

And until then, you've got a chunk of my love radiating towards you. ;)

Coconut said...

I definitely have those lonely feelings, and I have a boyfriend. I think the only thing that soothes it for me is international travel, being with other travelers who are in the experience. Love will come along, just enjoy your time now and see every day for what it is.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

mike- I'm pretty sure most things are interesting and shiny when you're two.

Alexis- Thank you, your comments ALWAYS make me smile, you're the best.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

mike- I'm pretty sure most things are interesting and shiny when you're two.

Alexis- Thank you, your comments ALWAYS make me smile, you're the best.

JanelleGrace said...

I always felt like I was born in the wrong decade but I am not actually which decade would have been better for me.

"You don't just throw together anyone with an instrument and call yourselves Aerosmith. There has to be something much deeper when you're making anything with someone, a sense of understanding and an unspeakable bond of some sort."

As for that, you said it perfectly, it's the reason my boyfriend can't put together a band in New York, everyone wants to get paid, no one plays music just for fun here. Other places, you become friends and you play music.

Nico said...

i always end up starting a band wherever i go, it's the way for me to grow closest to a person. but it's also necessary to learn how they "speak" musically, so that when you collaborate, it's a conversation and not the furthering of just one person's agenda.

and you know, i bet we're all curious to see what kind of band you'd start. keep that in mind, would ya?

redstaplernation said...

Yep, keeping busy with anything you can think of to keep from thinking about being alone or lonely. That's why my house is always super-clean after the mourning period of a breakup (like now)... the bleach gets me a nice little buzz too.

What kind of audition tape do you need to do to be a PONY?

Dani said...

Wow! I loved this post. I just found your blog this week, so I hope you don't mind me stopping by. I feel the same way about so many things and often I wish I could let go of my stubborn independence. Good luck on your path though, and just know that you shouldn't seek a destination so much as enjoy the journey in getting there...

p.s. I can't wait to go buy that book. And, I've been obsessed with "Something" for the last couple of weeks, I don't know why.

Carrie said...

I think it's good to go through a nomadic period when you're young (which you are). You have so many possibilities right now, so many different directions you can take, and that's BECAUSE you're young and single. So, even though it might be hard and uncertain right now, eventually you'll look back and appreciate this period of you life for what it is. To throw out a cliche: the world is your oyster!

Oh...dear me said...

Chelsea please add new and more music to your player i love your choices always play it!

Lynn said...

I always felt like I needed someone I could with on a deeper level to not feel alone. My boyfriend now lives pretty far, but our connection to the 60s folk revival (especially bob dylan) and the beat generation brought us together in a way that makes me feel much less alone, even though I don't see him as much as I would like. Therefore I know I'm not settling. You'll find that guy (along with others) that you can make such a deep connection with, who will understand for one thing what you're talking about when you talk about George Harrison and Patti Boyd (because sadly so many guys just DON'T, thats why I love my guy... for similar reasons).

You have great taste in eras. I absolutely love the 60s and 70s. I am so jealous of my mother for being in high school/college in the 1970s.

Bayjb said...

I was born at the end of the 70s, well within the last six months of that decade and I find myself definitely attracted to that decade. But I'm too preppy to really be hippy. Sadly.

Toni-Marie said...

I totally get this post. As someone who runs merch tables for a a heap of bands, thats my attempt at being creative. I want to do more. I just love the industry, but don't know if I have the confidence to do more, and take tht leap into unchartered waters.

Janie said...

My friend sent me a link to your genius douchebag guide on guidespot.com and I am so grateful to him for two reasons:
1. the guide was hilarious. and terribly true.
2. I was able to stumble upon your blog, which will become a web staple of mine from now on.

Thank you. For sparking some sort of ember of inspiration and passion in me again.

Melain said...

Have you seen Across the Universe? That was so deliciously 60s-70s, it would turn a hater into a lover, so it would for SURE feed your obsession nicely. :)

Surfergrrl said...

I think I get what you're talking about. It's hard to find those "people" who get all aspects of you. I don't really have any advice, but I've been there.

Paula said...

Well if anyone knows about feeling "lonely", it's me; I've spent about twenty five years of my twenty eight so far single. But after my last disastrous relationship I have decided I'm not willing to compromise anymore, and sounds like you're the same. Hopefully there's a great guy out there for both of us - and I pray to god it's not the same one!!! :0

Jeanine said...

I hear ya! Fresh out of a 12 year relationship. I just wrote about that same kind of loneliness on my blog last night (note to self - drinking and blogging can be hazardous), when I realized that I will be in love again, someday, but for now I get to live this delicious experience of being single for a while... loneliness and all.

just me said...

You can join my band.

We're looking for a new singer...

FOR REALZ.

Come back to meeeee.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

melain- YES. IT IS MY FAVORITE MOVIE.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Just me- I'm coming back soon....and I'm ready for my audition :) xoxo.

Sophia said...

that was really weird...I've had Sgt. Pepper's Lonely Hearts Club Band stuck in my head all morning/afternoon and was just singing those same words in my head as I clicked on your blog and read the title.

Shannon said...

I'm officially a fan of your blog! I love the Beatles and all things of that era...

Kyla Bea said...

Hm... The balance between being independent and wanting to go it alone and wanting to be independent, but to have some more active comfort too is a really hard one.

I hope this blog helps just a little bit to ease that feeling of alone. = )

Strawberry Swirl said...

hmmm... did u ever think that ur constant moving around was another form of running away? and the fact that u r moving so much is the reason u cant find that special someone or that person who's on the same "page" as u r? or that special someone is right there in front of u and u cant see it because ur eyes aren't open wide enough(if that makes any sense). i dont know, just something to think about.
i totally understand were ur coming from. its just that everyones looking for that special someone thinking that that person is going to complete them. when in reality that person compliments u and bring out the best in u; not complete u. cause if they complete u, then u were never complete in the first place, were u?

sid said...

I totally get where you're coming from. I want to do all these really awesome things (visit the antartic, build houses for humanity in Kenya etc) but I'm tired of doing all these things by myself. I wish people didn't always make excuses for not following their dreams.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

strawberry swirl- running away no. But to part two of that question, YES. OF COURSE. To answer your question. As far as being right in front of my eyes, maybe. I don't think so, but maybe.
and as for completeing you, yes I completely AGREE. I don't want someone to COMPLETE ME. I am complete, as a matter of fact I happen to love who I am, I would like whoever i'm with to just be someone to share it with, bring out each others best. SHARE. give love, does that make sense?

Thank you for stopping by and commenting, I appreciate it :)

mn said...

ok chelsea, i've not been in the dating world, but honestly, if i did, i'd ask guys out.
JUST ASK A POOR GUY OUT WHO HAS PROBABLY NOTICED YOU BUT IS TOO SHY TO ASK.
how come you are not putting yourself out there. there are so many nice guys out there, you have to put yourself out there...even a little bit. but with dignity and grace of course, ha ha. that means no singles t-shirts.
i know all about loneliness, wanting to have someone to love. everyone has. no one is truly with someone.
even when you are married or dating, you can still be lonely or feel alone.
the key is to find life and company with yourself and spread that joy to others.
hang in there girl. and no, i've seen your pictures, you are just a beautiful girl.
savor your hair, your breasts, your waist your teeth, everything. bc as you age, things start to happen that you didn't know would happen.
i found a hair on my chin. at first i was like aaagh. and then i took comfort in the fact that wow, i'm maturing...right on. i'd rather get old and wrinkly and be there for my kids than to die young and leave them behind. a wrinkle for each year i am with them, bring it on mother nature!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

mn- thank you for the comment :) I do believe everything you're saying about savoring your age, etc. some days are better than otehrs when it comes to actually practicing the philosophy. As for asking guys out.....EHH.....I can't seem to get that part down.

Michelle said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
sexandsanfrancisco said...

I completely understand how you feel.

-sexandsanfrancisco

Anonymous said...

Write more, thats all I have to say. Literally,
it seems as though you relied on the video to make your point.

You obviously know what youre talking about, why
waste your intelligence on just posting videos to your blog when you could
be giving us something enlightening to read?

Feel free to visit my page - online payday loan lenders

 
ss_blog_claim=1c43e45eb4927c96edea5f154138fe95