Tuesday, July 1, 2008

You Know You're Drunk When....

**Note** In regards to the last blog post, expect an update/decision soon(ish), until then....get your drink on.

YOU KNOW YOU'RE DRUNK WHEN......

  1. You start high fiveing people with a "WOO!"
  2. You are convinced you can get Mcdonalds to DELIVER. (yes. I've done this.)
  3. You sing "I Touch Myself" and start touching yourself- at a karaoke bar.
  4. You revert to "baby talk." This often comes out while someone holds your hair. (which is another reason you know you're drunk)
  5. You pee on your friends shoe, while peeing in a bush, in your friends lawn.
  6. You break out the jump splits!
  7. You tell your mother Taco Bell is your, "favoooorrrrite ressssshhhhhstttrrraaaunnnnttt."
  8. You flash your boyfriend/husbands friends your coot and say, "TOTAAALLLY BARE!!"
  9. You cry in a public bathroom.
  10. You NEEEEED pizza, or you just. might. diiiiie.
  11. You wake up the next day with someone named Mamound's (?) cell phone number dialed in your phone.
  12. Your alter ego "Angelina Jolie in Original Sin" takes over your bedroom
  13. You're willing to break and enter into a liquor store to "get more PATRRROOON!!!"
  14. The phrase, "I love you maaaann" comes out, several times. To several strangers.
  15. You think the table is your stage and YOU are Beyonce at the Grammys.
  16. You kick off your heels in the parking lot
  17. You're willing to forgo someones BUSTED grill for a good make-out session.
  18. You repeatedly tell everyone your timeline of how long you've known everyone, "We've been beshttt friends sincssshhh 2nd grade!!"
  19. You give everyone around you a nickname. "Yo! Jdizzzzzzllllleeee!"
  20. You're drinking Corona's at home but are out of limes, so go to the bar next door and ask for, "just a wedge or two."
  21. You become your own personal pimp, pimping your BEST GIRL-you.
  22. You start taking pictures and instead of saying CHEESE you say in unison, "Myspaaaaccce!"
  23. At some point in the evening you resort to crawling instead of walking.
  24. A friendly game of wrestling turns into, "I'm gonna fuck up your mother brah!"
  25. You text someone, "hammrd nakdnes is my midle naaaame." I have RECEIVED (not sent) this text.
  26. You attempt stealing large important objects during business hours i.e. pianos, planters, valet signs, kayaks.
  27. You get a tattoo of a butterfly/rose/fairy above your va-jay
  28. You think you have Olympic athleticism and wanna compete in a race, to the vending machine.
  29. You think a Nutrigrain bar will suffice as "bread" to, "soak up the liquuuuorrrr."
  30. You tell the Ethiopian cab driver, "I was black in another life. Bro."
  31. You openly admit owning every 98 Degrees album.
  32. You spend money on shots like you're dipping into Donald Trump's bank account.
  33. Your acquaintances are your "new best friend!" and you, "Wanna tell 'em a seecreeeeettt..."

FILL IN THE BLANK: You know you're drunk when __________________

78 comments:

whatmenthink said...

Ha Ha totally made me laugh. Great post.

utopia said...

i know am drunk when i when i start calling up all the wrong ppl whom i wouldn't have spoken to in a million years if i was sober.

basically when i start with the drunken dials! hmphhhh!
i loved ur list though hehe!

Miss Em said...

You know you're drunk when your workmates begin to look reeeeally attractive...

Kim said...

Oh my god I was laughing so hard I nearly fell out of my chair.

I know I'm drunk when I start yelling at my best friends "LETS GO TO THE PORN STORE!!!"

21st birthday, need I say more?

I am Meggie Poo. said...

when your dance moves are the sexiest thing on earth and people are laughing because they're so jealous of you.

Toni-Marie said...

this made me laugh, thankyou.
You know your drunk when you walk into the living room naked, and ask your fellow female housemates, for a group hug!
Not me, my ex-housemate.

the girl with the golden phone. said...

myyyyyyyyyyspppppppppppace! ha. that's awesome.

Lyla Lou said...

Bwahahaha, brilliant. I know I'm drunk when I start telling people the same thing, over and over and over. I like to repeat myself.

redstaplernation said...

You say you can't possibly drive home because you love your car too much. And you hug it repeatedly to prove it.

ifiweretina said...

Haha, Great list.

I would also like to personally add:
When you fall down your basement steps, because you thought you were walking into the bathroom.

Maria said...

greasy food becomes oxygen, and you start kissing random people.

Douchegirl said...

When you start propositioning your older brother's friend. Saying shit like "Let's go to your roooomm! Let's make ouuutt and see what happens.." and your brother is RIGHT. THERE.

JanelleGrace said...

You are convinced you can get Mcdonalds to DELIVER. (But here they DO deliver.)

And this list is why it is always best to be the least/less? drunk one at a place- you can laugh at everyone who is wasted and you aren't committing any of these acts yourself.

Alya said...

I've don't drink, never did and therefore never gotten drunk!

JB said...

... when you think it's a GREAT IDEA to roll down the middle of the road at night.

... when your friends think you've had too much liquor and cover your bottle mouth with their hands, but you try to suck the liquor through their fingers.

... you start speaking perfect French with the accent you thought you lost in seventh grade.

... you declare it to be National Kiss Day and go around kissing everyone at the party. Then you declare it National Spank Day.

... yeah. I'm the life of the party when I drink.

lhash said...

Some of these sound so familiar...

You know you're really drunk when you start comparing your childhood NKOTB paraphernalia collections with friends and squealing "I was a Jordan too!!"

Libby said...

#1 - Thanks for the add on 20somethings!

#2 - I can totally identify with #s 14, 16, & 32

#3 - You know you're drunk when you sit on random parked motorcycles to get a really awwwwweeessssooommmeee picture.

#4 - You know you're drunk when you start every sentence with "Stop":) as in "Stop! Lets do a sake bomb!"

Subway Gal said...

You flash a table of your friends at Happy Hour.

BTW, this post is my favorite ever! It reminds me of me in college. I was a big public crier and very known for making new BFFs while toxicated and for some reason I always met them on the long line to the bathroom.

ANG* said...

this is A-mazing! you made me LOL at my desk :)
some of my faves are:

"OMGGGGG i loooooooove this song!"(while dancing/jumping with arms in the air)

"its finnnnnne we're adults..."

and like you said...myspaceeeeeeeee/facebooook!

lifeintheleftlane said...

You know you're drunk when you meet random people in the bar, make friends with them and exchange numbers with them. And never talk to them again. I'm really friendly when I drink! :)

Trixie Firecracker said...

You know you're drunk when lap dancing your friend in a crowded club seems like a great idea.

Coconut said...

You know you're drunk when...

...you start kissing all your girlfriends and licking their faces.

...you inhale greasy food.

...you pee yourself a little.

...you start telling everyone, "I'm reallllyyyy drunnnk."

Sizzle said...

I've done many of these. Man, I get drunk a lot.

;-)

I know I am drunk when I find myself making out with some guy in the bar bathroom.

What? It "happens."

La Petite Chic said...

Ha ha ha!!

You start doing toe touches in the air. Or asking to go behind the bar. I have lots of those photos :)

Jessica Alfieri said...

Absolutely when your arms start to go wiggly. Lots of hugging ensues. (For, um, stability.)

Erin said...

Ah...so many of these are me and my friends! I know i'm drunk when I take my shoes off INSIDE the bar or when I start texting like my fingers are going to fall off!

BurningSky said...

This list can become even more ridiculous if you add other drugs into the mix, but I'm not gonna go there..>_>

I know I'm drunk when every time I turn around, something else is broken and, "Ahm soooooooo srrayy!!! Ahm clumfsy fwhen ah drink aslfdasjf *vomit*"

Jenn said...

This is a great post!

mentalTHREESIXTY said...

#30 FTW!!! Hahahaha

Oregoncornhusker said...

Great post, lots of lolling. I especially liked #25. I hope to be sending that text soon.

One of my personal faves: Jumping into bushes... any bush will do.

the almost right word said...

hilarious post!!!!!

....you know you're drunk when you sit down to pee and have to lean your head against the wall next to you.

Strawberry Swirl said...

wow! haha thats so funny!

You know your drunk when you try to steal a fire hydrant with your skateboard and get arrested.

This actually happened with my friends boyfriend. Of course now that I think about it, I think he was sober...

DJSassafrass said...

You are singing Journey without abandon...."just a small town girl, living in a lonely wor-r-r-ld!"

*jimaie.marie* said...

Freakin hilarious!! What a great post...oh the drunk texts i've sent only to have them fwd back to me a couple days later LOL!!

Carrie said...

...when you repeat your stories five times.
...when you say things like, "We should totally do that!" (and it's something you would never do sober) or "We should totally get together!" (and it's someone you would never hang out with one-on-one).

Katelin said...

haha love it.

you know you're drunk when your laying down in random people's front yards. or on sidewalks pretending to be in the notebook.

just me said...

...you say "fuck it!" to putting toilet paper on the gross bar toilet.

Nico said...

you know you're drunk when the new pack of cigarettes you walked into the bar with all of a sudden is empty... and you don't even smoke!

JK said...

You know you're drunk when you're 5'1 and try to ride a 6'3 man's bicycle. You then fall off and skin your elbows and knees. You know you're really drunk when you sit there laughing and try to ride it again after someone has to pick you up off of the sidewalk.

*DesignerGirl24* said...

When you sit on your living room floor naked and ask your friends to help you put your vibrator in. I was the friend in this scenario. Thank God I wasn't the one on the floor, being the bystander was bad enough!

blueduckie24 said...

You know you've had way too much fun when instead of whispering in someone's ear, you're screaming. Because you don't know the volume of your own voice

Or you start groping a guy under a table. It happens. Hands wander.

Or you tell your friend at her wedding that her vagina is now committed, but yours is free to roam the universe

wishmewell said...

this was hilarious!

my contribution:

You know you're drunk when you agree to pay the pizza delivery guy an extra 20 bucks to pick up a 12 pack on the way to deliver your pizza.

Lynn said...

... when someone grabs a guitar and you start belting the blues... lyrics = anything that comes to mind. Including talking about what a bitch your old roommate is while all of her friends are there.

oh memories.

K said...

love this post! Unfortunately for me its when I start taking off my clothes well at least my pants. I have this problem when I get inebriated. Geeshes!

wishcake said...

I love you for posting this. So freaking hilarious, and so incredibly accurate.

I know I'm drunk when I start telling guys that if I wasn't married, I'd totally make out with them. That's classy, right? Right.

I think so.

Laura said...

wow, i cannot even count how many of these i nodded my head in agreement to and said (out loud, mind you) "yessss!"
we're pretty much drunk soul mates.. haha

Alexis said...

...when you start demanding over and over again what you want in your somewhat whiny/baby voice, i.e. "Oooh, vegan hot dogs! Let's go now!" or "Baabyy, dance with me!"

...when you don't realize that your cleavage-baring (and totally killer) dress isn't holding up to your interesting dance moves and might be slipping to reveal a nip here and there...thank goodness for soon-to-be boyfriends looking out for that one...

...when every little thing becomes gravely important and you start trying to focus very hard on what someone is saying and then just keep nodding and exclaiming, "I KNOOWW...you are SO RIGHT!"

Mike said...

"I love you man" isn't so fun when you find yourself in a gay bar.

And you're not gay.

Now I know what it feels like to be a hot chick in revealing clothing at a construction workers convention.

utterlyconfused said...

Haha, I love this post. So many memories :-)

I know I'm drunk when I start doing cartwheels down the street.

Jannie Walker - Red Label said...

you know youre drunk when... Bob Marley suddenly seems like dance music.

moxie said...

Jump splits. "I can totally do a jump split, watch this!" I would add tree-climbing, sitting on the curb to pee on Congress Ave (cause it's raining and no one's going to know anyway, I have a skirt on), and losing a 10 year old baseball cap cause you're waving it out the car window howling like an idiot--then when you lose it you tearfully beg the driver to go back.

We were quite a pair that night.

MsPuddin said...

awesome.

you also know when you start showing people that your panties match your shirt and you want to kick off your shoes and dance barefoot on top of things, preferably the BAR.

Julie said...

You know you're drunk when you suggest to your SO and his friends that it would be fun to go to a strip club together.

Blue Eyes said...

Great post! Made me laugh a lot.

I know I'm drunk when I run up to EVERYONE I know and shout their name at them whilst running towards them with my arms wide wanting a hug. Even if I've already seen them five times that evening.

xx

Marcheline said...

I only relate to #12. But in a very big way. Especially if Antonio shows up for the party.

- M

Bayjb said...

That was f*cking awesome. I laughed out loud multiple times. ITA with #1 and well many more of them, but #30 seriously cracked me up. I'll have to use that when I'm in SF in two weeks. Hilarious.

Meghan said...

Best list ever. I laughed and cringed cause it's soooo honest and true.

Drunk texts and greasy food are classics.

Schmutzie said...

You're being featured on Five Star Friday:
http://www.fivestarfriday.com/2008/07/five-star-friday-lucky-edition-13.html

Kristabella said...

OMG! I stole a tire once when we were at a Stanford/ASU game and then left it on the hood of my friend's car!

girlinterrupted1218 said...

You start hugging and kissing everyone in sight.

Sister Libby said...

One knows they are drunk when getting the puker out of the tent is not really the top priority, and dancing to the David Bowie song playing in your head is.

And you kill me...really, you do.

said...

hahaaha this was great!

you know your drunk when:

...you make your way into the kitchen of the bar/restaurant your at, find frozen mozarella sticks in the freezer, proceed to carry them out into the bar and ask the bouncer where the microwave is because "I neeedaaa coook my sticks because I AM HUNGRRYYY!"
Then stick them in your purse when he threaten's to kick you out by saying, "FINE! I WAS GONNA SHARE them OBVIOUSLY! BUT NOW YOUR NOT GETTING ANY!! I'm saving these bad boys fo' lata!"

Yup. I'm the definition of CLASSY.

ORION said...

Ah...finally a list that is useful for me. I live in a marina and...well...this is a common condition.
So far I've been able to tell that a person is drunk only when they attempt to take their boat out of their slip without untying it first...

Amy said...

This was great! Laughed pretty loudly and showed some co-workers (who happened to be drunk last night!)

The best ones are from your hometown!

jesslovesnyc said...

McDonalds delivers in Hong Kong! haha weird right. So does KFC. And California Pizza Kitchen. Love it. :)

Michelle & the City said...

when you make out with 3 boys in the same night. one on a street corner as you are passing each other. lol

Sarah said...

After a few drinks I can't help myself, I gotta do the jump splits. But mine were put to shame last year when I saw a girl jump up in the air, turn a full circle and then land in the splits.

Anonymous said...

OMG
LOLZ to teh EXTREME

No, you know you're drunk when you're playing monopoly and protesting that "BwoardWaalk Ishn't Fo Saaaaaale, It's got majwor fwooding and other woom isshoes!!!"
or when you're talking to a potential girlfriend and tell them you're gay for pay or a dollar makes you hollar *had some guy do this*
You know you're drunk when you're walking like you're in high heels, while your barefoot.

Aritza, Goddess of .. said...

Hahaha, this is too funny and soo true ! I ended up on this post randombly by googling "I like you better when you're drunk" .. haha, that's even funnier !

MrsDixon said...

So true and so funny! Must add: You know your drunk when_____You attempt any double dog dare given to you. Even if it entails taking of your clothes and swiming in a public fountain in a luxurious housing community.

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Cialis Online said...

When you call the mistress honey and the wife by the mistress name.

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Anonymous said...

You know you're drunk when you forget the national anthem.

"Waaaake up Romanian, from your deaaadly...deadly...*take another shot of vodka*"

Anonymous said...

you try to give someone your number and finally give it to them after the fifth attempt bc you get distracted everytime

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