.....some of you may have some unanswered questions about the Olympics, I know I do.
Anytime I watch the interviews I remain completely unfulfilled, if only they had hired me.....you'd all know the answers to these questions:
Michael Phelps: "When you travel at such high speeds, is it possible that your schlong or maybe a ball could just, slip out? If so, does this footage exist anywhere, possibly YouTube? Also, I'll be your eating partner, then after, we can procreate....just say the word."
"What planet are you from?"....
"Do you think your ears double as fins?"
One more thing before you go, "Can I touch your manspace?"
The American Olympic Gymnastics team: "Do you have to grow a crazy long bush before the the Olympics in order to get a flawless waxing and maintain such an impeccably smooth bikini line? Or is that shit lasered off?"
Chinese Gymnasts: "Wow, you had an incredible performance out there. Now, did they let you bring in a sippi-cup?"
-"So, how are you celebrating all your gold medals, group trip to Build-A-Bear??!"
-"Hannah Montana called, she says 'thanks for all the fan mail."
Libby Trickett the Australian swimmer: "Tell me the truth, are you a mermaid?"
All Gymnasts: "What's the deal with the Scrunchie? Have you all missed the Sex and the City episode in regards to the scrunchie.....oh! Did you forget to take it off when you washed your face?!"
-"Do you ever think about quitting cause the chalk just feels so strange? That's what I did.....when I was seven, I couldn't handle it, ya know?"
Jamaican runners: " Would you mind chasing me? I'm in dire need of a good cardio work out and you bitches are scary."
Nastia Liukin: "What's it like to get robbed by a 12 year old, if she weren't twelve would you trip her when no one was looking or just teach her lesson in honesty?"
Bela Karolyi: "Can I hire you to be my personal cheerleader? Ya know, to fight for my cause...and argue why I'm always the best, always. Oh and to throw in when I don't "win", that it was a "reep offff."
Pole Vaulting women: "Do you double as models for Self Magazine? Please say yes....I'll feel so much skinnier and normal, since I'm not an Olympian."
Olympic baseball teams: "Are you as excited as I am that they're dropping baseball? It's just not the same without the hot dogs."
All around questions, " Which Olympians are bangin' the boots in the Olympic Village after their events?"
-"Since McDonald's is the official restaurant of the Olympics, do you get unlimited Big Macs and Mcflurrys?"
-"What's it like to have "sponsers?" Will you be my sponser, we can just share....direct deposit works just fine for me."
WHAT WOULD YOU ASK THE OLYMPIANS???