Pressure, this white page is just PRESSURE. Pressure to create something good, something worth reading, something interesting enough for people procrastinating work and surfing the web to want to read for more than a minute.
When I was younger I was obsessed with the movie Amadeus. I found it fascinating that someone could be so talented with such ease, effortlessly brilliant. Like we should all be little prodigy's in our own right, we should be able to unlock our own brilliance and it would pour from us like a flood.
I thought, I should be able to create art that easily....in my head it all made sense that if you're given an extraordinary amount of talent, you will also be given the outlet to use it. You are a vessel and your talent is simply passing through for other people to enjoy.....
EFFORTLESS was what I had thought it would be. Or as a I thought it should be. Thus far, that's proven to be a foolish assumption. The universe knows that when you love something, you will fight for it. Hard, with kicking and screaming if need be.
It's incredible the amount of pain and disappointment one is willing to put themselves through in hopes of; doing what they love, having the person that they love, or filling up that missing piece. Like a moth to a flame, I throw myself in the fire every time....knowing that we are resilient creatures.
Though we may be fragile in form, our souls are made with the ingredients of unprecedented strength and fortitude.
Even at our weakest moments, we were made to endure.
When things get difficult, when we feel lost or useless. When our work feels thankless or we feel hopeless, no matter how many times we are burned or disappointed, defeated or scarred....we remain vikings in spirit. Why? Why do we touch the fire twice, four times, ten times? Because at the end of it all, when wounds are healed and lightness overcomes the dark, when the disappointment is now just a story.....it is ALWAYS worth it.
When you finally get your "yes," or when you can curl into the nook of someones arms, when you can say "I've done that," or "I've made it." When all of your passion is finally channeled into the perfect spot....it is ALWAYS worth it. It is worth it, even when it hurts.
Effortless would be nice, but would the reward be as sweet? When I'm tucking myself into bed, sore and battle scarred I gently kiss my inner bruises and have to remind myself that we were given the ability to get up and try again, love again and create again, our strength is part of our gift.