Sunday, August 10, 2008
PATIENCE IS NO VIRTUE
I'm in the "waiting room" phase.
You know, the phase where you have all of these new things on the horizon but you have to wait for them to come around, and until then everything else just seems.....eh. Its a really unproductive room to be in, let me tell ya.
If one more person tells me to be patient, I am going to cause a massive scene in public, by giving them a sharp kick to the cranium. Because while I've been "waiting" I've allowed some pent up aggression to build up and I'm like a wound up ninja doll.
Europe is almost at my doorstep and so is The Musician, if I could meld the two I'd be one happy camper.
......now, forgive me, but I'm going to say something that I personally find extremely irritating .......I was very excited about Europe, WAS, oh yes, here we go: until it dawned on me, or more like glared upon me like a heinous light fixture in a movie theater bathroom; I don't want to be a traveling' Gypsy with her home on her back and friends scattered about the country, deepening their bonds and connections while I'm in Morocco drinking tea, by myself.
I want adventure, but I can't figure out if its worth it if I still feel alone.
This is why I haven't been writing. It aids to my denial, like, "If I don't write about it, it doesn't exist." When I write about it I make myself a vulnerable little fish in a bowl, swimming back and forth while pulling out private organs and throwing them around the water for people to gawk at and analyze...."hm interesting lacerations on the right gill...."
I'm a little sick of being independant. I'd like to have someone to cook dinner for, I'd like to know that my friends would be knocking on my door at sometime throughout the day to go "play" and get frozen yogurt. I miss the comfort of my relationships in Los Angeles.
You know what makes this shit worse, fucking Facebook. Is it just me or does everyone's life seem way more cool than yours on Facebook??? Facebook is like that "cool kid" and you're just on the outside waiting for your invitation "in." It's fucked up.
So, right now when I should be in your face excited, throwing fits of joy, I actually just feel like curling up in bed with a warm body after a BBQ with 30 of my closest friends which would result in, kick ass Facebook pictures.
Patience can fuck off.