"Twenty years from now you will be more disappointed by the things you didn't do than by the ones you did do. So throw off the bowlines, sail away from the safe harbor. Catch the trade winds in your sails.EXPLORE. DREAM. DISCOVER."
I made it. I've realized that there's a slight chance I may be too vain for this type of traveling. I wanted to get on and say, "Everything is splendid!!!! I've already met five new best friends from five different countries and I had a slice of humble pie....." The thing about traveling is, no matter where you go the stupid and very trivial things follow you if you aren't consciously aware of changing the thought process...... Insecurities don't just fall away when you decide to go to a country where you know no one....I wanted to kick myself in the face today when I was sitting in Piccadilly Circus and I started thinking, "Man. My face looks fat." WHAT?! Why the fuck was I thinking that???? Why did I have to pull the nuerotic girl card and start mentally noting how much mozzarella I had just eaten? Why does it matter??? The truth is, at this very moment I AM EXACTLY who and where I need to be, moon face or not.
Why wasn't I just enjoying the moment and running off to get a scone with Devonshire cream. The fact that I even bothered to bring oil sheets and eye liner in my purse made me feel like such a tool.
I'm hoping that it's just a case of travelers grumpiness, jet lag, or acknowledging that sometimes I'm....human? A woman? Entirely too hard on myself and that I need to just chill out. Sometimes even the most whimsical, seemingly carefree people can let shallow things hinder their thinking. Who the fuck cares if I look like Bridget Jones? Colin Firth was down with the "wobbly bits."
Even though I'm here....I'm still nervous. My hostel is making me nervous, getting lost today for four hours made me nervous....even though there were people everywhere. Being NERVOUS is making me nervous? All dizzy and jumpy like. Like a little Chihuahua. I'm talking fast and my selfdeprecating humor is actually fitting in well with the humor or the Brits, so I'm at least making myself look like an idiot when I feel like an idiot has made a few people laugh. With me or at me.
On a separate note:
A few things to remember that often slip your mind while traveling:
-Your feet swell, so please...buy a size larger than usual this is a lesson in :Mind over matter while your feet are bleeding but you really want to walk to Buckingham Palace....pain is mental.
-Starbucks will haunt you everywhere. So will McDonald's....but please, gag me once I see a Wal-mart. It's disappointing that Europe thinks Burger King and Abercrombie and Fitch are worthy of their foreign soil. Lesson: Every country likes greasy food and men with six packs in their underwear......two universal loves.
- You'll most likely get seated next to Mr. HOBO (Horribly Offensive Body Oder) on the plane or the train or whatever and that is to teach you these lessons in: tolerance and tact enough not to cover your face with your scarf for nine hours.
-Hostels are gross. Get over it. Lesson: this is my inner self telling me not to be such a snob.....but really is it snobby to like a single person shower and a bed sans bed bugs?
-Learn to like George Michael and Kylie Minogue....I seriously did hear them three separate times today. Lesson: Native music may have you doing the locomotion.
-Even when you're thousands of miles away from home the issues that taunt us still carry over. Lesson: PRACTICE BEING PRESENT.
So far I have already hopped on the double Decker, BRIGHT RED, tourist bus to see the major attractions....very worth it might I add. Tomorrow I'll be dedicated to my musical roots and taking a rock and roll tour (with a large Beatles influence) and I may get out and do some sort of tour around the countryside. Also on the agenda: Cruise down the Thames river, Jack the Ripper walking Tour, watch the changing of the guards.....share a drink with Lily Allen. I am convinced her and I would be friends, even though she was snarky to Sir Elton John.....not that he hasn't had his share of bitchy moments.
THATS ALL FOR NOW.
This is a lesson for me to let go of vanity- I don't need to be Kiera Knightly, I'm not in LA or NYC- I'm not auditioning or dressing to impress. Anxiety and silly trivial worries and nerves may fade if I sleep off with a PINT!!!! Until then, in all my nomadic imperfection.....cheerio! ;) (I'm bringin' that back, the way Justin claims sexy.)