Sunday, September 21, 2008

It takes a confident woman to say, "Table for ONE please."


Mishap number one....(it had to start somewhere? This is what people tell you and you want to think they're lying, but they aren't....you will have mishaps...it's simply how we react, which is where I receive an F) I was supposed to leave for Paris today and of course, because I waited until the last minute....trains were sold out. Luckily, I have generous friends who let me stay an extra night. 

Last night, as I uncovered this snafu and realized I was headed to the beautiful city of LOVE, completely loveless and with shoddy accommodations.....I HAD A MELTDOWN. Oh yeah, the kind of crying, mascara dripping, snot filled meltdowns that children stop having after the age of five. Where reason can be thrown onto the street and traded with a few stomping fits and breathy exasperation's

I wanted to lay on the floor and kick and scream spoiled Veruca Salt things like, "Why can't I afford even a two star hotel and WHY OH WHY don't I get a golden eggggg?????!"

Paris was supposed to be easy, Paris was supposed to be were I fled after a week of Englishmen turning their noses at me and where I would be fumbling through a simple order for a cappuccino and Pierre would swoop in to help finish off what I was trying to say, which was that I'd like a "chocolate croissant as well." Paris was where I everything was going to start running smoother. 

So as I lamented my mistake, my youth, and my account.....I sucked up the 99 cents a minute and called my Momma....crying, in London

Mother's are irritating for a few reason; they say exactly what you don't want them to say, but you know is true and they aren't as sympathetic as your Father. Daddy's are much easier on you when you're crying. 

"Well Chelsea, I could have told you this would happen........"

FUCK, AN "I TOLD YOU SO....."

"Maybe part of this whole lesson is whatever it is you're looking for isn't in a PLACE, but within. "

PERFECT, my fucking Mother just wrote the perfect revelation line for a script of some fairytale movie starring Drew Barrymore or a Disney film where Miley Cyrus reveals she actually can act in her role as Fairy Godmother and now, she's reciting it to me....for 99 cents a minute. Fantastic

"If what you're missing is the company of a companion, that's what you were missing here.
 If you're missing a man being there to enjoy it with you, that's why you missed here. It's the same. So rather than letting that get in the way, assume that you won't meet Prince Charming and instead treat it as a fantastic adventure that you're LUCKY to be doing ALONE. An adventure that you'll get to repeat in a different way, someday, with your husband or boyfriend or whoever....but now, this journey is YOURS."

She was right. I do romanticize. I think of my life in terms of scripts, in short features, monologues and scenes. It's the theatrical side of me I suppose. I believe that artists were made for that very reason to create those moments....moments that are ordinary are actually completely extraordinary when you're open to them.

 I've attempted living my life as the beginning of a very incredible story with a detailed beginning, solid and strong body all to come back to a very complete ending.
That's the thing, I'm in the middle of the story. As I'm here in London, I'm in the midst of this fantastic story....I'm not ready for "happy ending" yet. Just more chapters. Sure enough, I met two wonderful guys today who I had great conversation with and after thinking about my conversation with my Ma over a pint of Strongborw, I decided in honor of ME, I took into account another piece of WISDOM my Mother taught me when, already, doing impractical things....

BUDGET FUDGE IT

What does that mean to me? It means I booked a hotel....a three star, beautiful hotel in the Latin Quarter of Paris. 

Because right now, I am a young, vibrant woman who deserves, if she wishes, to go to the market grab a bottle of wine or champagne (or both) a selection of pastries and some Brie and to curl up into my bed before the sun goes down, in my silk robe with a good book. Sure I'm not engulfed in the arms of some sweaty man, entangled in the throws of lust....but why do I have to be?

I'm only alone in Paris once, which is right now and RIGHT NOW is all there is. Right now I want to take a bubble bath or drink espresso on my balcony and take pictures of pigeons and lovers, I want to wake up late and eat breakfast while everyone is eating lunch and I want take a trip to the countryside and spend a few hours at a vineyard. 

Right now, rather than being upset about being a party of one.....I am learning to OWN and embrace that I and my own company are taking this incredible journey together....

After all, I'm certain my next love would undoubtedly be jealous of my very keen adoration for macaroons, often over men. Paris may not have had room for the both of them. 




36 comments:

kokostiletto said...

awww.. it's okay we all have these moments! and moms are supposed to make us feel bad sometimes - they just want what is best for us! you dserve a 3 star hotel! good job! carpe diem!

just me said...

I'm reading each and every one of these to make sure you are okay...

And you know what? You DO deserve a 3 star hotel, mama.

Kyla Bea said...

I'm glad you're treating yourself & taking ownership - both are important. I've traveled alone before and I found that I went through a number of stages, including what you're going through.

In the end I stopped looking for someone to waltz in and add flair to my stories for home, and of course when I let go of that idea I met all of those fun people.

If you're staying in one city for a little while a hostel might be a good place to hang out for a little bit - just in that almost everyone who is there is looking for something, where as at hotels everyone wants to lock the doors immediately.

Have fun!!

Katie said...

you are a really inspiring person...just to let ya know (:

Starlet aka Minutestar said...

You go girl! Get all the parisian treatments that you deserve!

Plus, it is really YOUR time!

kilax said...

Amen for living in the moment, even if alone. Love being you first, before you share you with someone else.

Finding LOVE One Mistake At a Time said...

Although being able to share special moments with someone special is amazing, doing things on your own is often times even better. especially if you're trying to experience things for yourself, as an individual. I hope you have an amazing trip. Europe is amazing :)

Sassy Molassy said...

Sounds like a great trip and good learning experience so far. Interesting that sometimes you can feel at home even when you're oh so far away. It's all in how you look at things.

nicoleantoinette said...

Good fucking call on the Strongbow. And the pastries. Do it up girl- you're fantastic.

ps- I miss you!

nevergoingbackagain said...

i really feel like there is something in the air...because i am feeling the same way! but i know you will look back at this time and relish in spending Paris with yourself! Enjoy it!

OenoLogical said...

No substitute for Prince Charming, I'm afraid, but tea would have been nice - don't know if you're checking the email on your profile.

Anyway, enjoy Paris. If you can deal with the queue and the height, there aren't many views better than from the top of the Eiffel Tower on a sunny autumn evening.

Meeks said...

Good for you! Fuck a hostel...I don't do that either. Hotels are necessary. And PS - Stop paying 99 cents a minute. Download Skype immediately. 2 cents to the US. Or even better...have your mom download it to - you can talk for free.

La Petite Chic said...

Oh my gosh, your mother is a very wise woman! You're so right though...mothers always tell the truth, even though it's not always what we want (or need) to hear. Enjoy every moment. I wish I would have done something like this before I got married.

kate said...

you crack me up;) wish i was there! and i'm so glad you figured it out - this is all about YOU.

Ms. R said...

Budgeting is such a buzz kill. Go for it!

brookem said...

hope that you and yourself enjoy this very special, once in a lifetime journey together! :)

Anonymous Amy said...

fuck it! you are in paris! embrace what you have and don't think about what you don't have.

Jess said...

I'm so impressed at how much perspective you manage to gain from these moments. I would probably just remain pissed off.

DJSassafrass said...

Your momr is right (holy hell-did I say that?) really though, this is a trip you took for you--and maybe to discover more of you. You may not have the chance again when circumstances or people aren't holding you back. Embrace and enjoy!

Step Right Up said...

I admire you for taking this adventure alone. I don't know if I could do it. I've often thought I'd like to but my anxiety holds me back. You're a strong woman!

well-intentioned heartbreaker said...

BUDGET FUDGE IT.

i love.

irunwithscissors said...

i totally understand those moments, but good for you for pulling threw it so quickly! Live it up and enjoy this experience!

pbandrazz said...

GOOD FOR YOU!

Katelin said...

we all have or have had these moments and it is totally okay. i hope you have one kick ass time in paris :)

Nic said...

I know exactly how you feel. I do. I've invariably felt that at various times on trips alone. Which no one in my life seems to understand. My belief is that if you really want to do something, not having someone to share it with shouldn't hold you back. That's why come hell or high water, I go ice skating every winter at Millenium Park, buy myself the double decker box of Godiva chocolates each Valentine's Day, and plan trips to places I've always wanted to go to. And maybe someday, I'll let someone join me.

Your plans for Paris sound lovely. :)

Renee said...

I backpacked Europe alone and did all those things I deserved... and i can see now how it shaped me into the woman I have become. Drink too much wine and cappuccino for me, ok?

Liz said...

First of all, let me start off by saying that I envy you.

I am married with my first baby on the way...but I still wish I would have DONE more before tying the knot. And yes, I would have done it alone. Enjoy every moment, stop and look at where you are at...you might never have another chance like this.

Also, there is no man in the world that can make you happy...only YOU can make yourself happy.

Princess Pointful said...

A-fucking-men, my dear. You are only in Paris once-- make it extraordinary!

claire said...

totally agree with all the above -you're obviously an independent, seize-the moment kind of girl, so why not revel in it?

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

oenological- I tried texting you, but I guess hat didnt work??

Jeanine said...

Chelsea, you have no idea how much I can relate to this post. My long-term relationship ended 7 months ago and I'm planning my very first solo trip abroad for 5 weeks in March. Still not used to being on my own in my city so I can only imagine how it will feel abroad (magnified x100 I presume) I'm excited as hell and scared shitless of doing it alone. Thank you for sharing the good, the bad, the ugly. You are so right in every way and good for you for owning your time in Paris (such a wonderful city, isn't it?) You inspire me. Can't wait to hear about the rest of your adventures.

1scrambledegg said...

This is probably the most beautiful post that I have ever read and I relate to every single line (except for the being in Europe part, that's still fantasy).
My ex-boyfriend, as he was in the process of breaking up with me, told me I should stop watching my "silly TV shows" because they just make me upset and too desperate for perfection, so I totally understand the desire for a scripted storyline with a happy ending.
Anyway, I hope you're having a FABULOUS time and I can't wait to read more updates on your trip :-)

jaime. said...

I can wholeheartedly relate to this post, Chelsea. I find myself fantasizing about and plotting my life as a movie too often and have to remind myself that I cannot script this shit. I'm single, too, and as much as I hate it right now, it is good for me (or anyone) to enjoy my self, enjoy my own company, and be comfortable living for me and not for anyone else. I'm excited for you that you decided to embrace it! :) I hope your trip is going well and let me know if you come to Amsterdam! xx

ChasingParadise said...

I'm so glad you opted to get yourself that hotel! You're right...you'll only be in Paris alone once (likely) so do it up right!

You don't regret the things you do...you regret the things you don't do! Remember that!

courtney said...

...and since you're going it alone, this might be a handy phrase to remember:

je voudrais le croissant de chocolat, aussi bien.

i actually remembered enough high school french to come up with that on my own, too, so be impressed.

i'm loving your travel thoughts. you're a pretty incredible girl.

Sara said...

I've recently decided that people need to live in the moment, so, forget the hostel, a hotel is a must. And someday a guy will come along. until then, you just need to keep living it up!

 
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