Mishap number one....(it had to start somewhere? This is what people tell you and you want to think they're lying, but they aren't....you will have mishaps...it's simply how we react, which is where I receive an F) I was supposed to leave for Paris today and of course, because I waited until the last minute....trains were sold out. Luckily, I have generous friends who let me stay an extra night.
Last night, as I uncovered this snafu and realized I was headed to the beautiful city of LOVE, completely loveless and with shoddy accommodations.....I HAD A MELTDOWN. Oh yeah, the kind of crying, mascara dripping, snot filled meltdowns that children stop having after the age of five. Where reason can be thrown onto the street and traded with a few stomping fits and breathy exasperation's.
I wanted to lay on the floor and kick and scream spoiled Veruca Salt things like, "Why can't I afford even a two star hotel and WHY OH WHY don't I get a golden eggggg?????!"
Paris was supposed to be easy, Paris was supposed to be were I fled after a week of Englishmen turning their noses at me and where I would be fumbling through a simple order for a cappuccino and Pierre would swoop in to help finish off what I was trying to say, which was that I'd like a "chocolate croissant as well." Paris was where I everything was going to start running smoother.
So as I lamented my mistake, my youth, and my account.....I sucked up the 99 cents a minute and called my Momma....crying, in London.
Mother's are irritating for a few reason; they say exactly what you don't want them to say, but you know is true and they aren't as sympathetic as your Father. Daddy's are much easier on you when you're crying.
"Well Chelsea, I could have told you this would happen........"
FUCK, AN "I TOLD YOU SO....."
"Maybe part of this whole lesson is whatever it is you're looking for isn't in a PLACE, but within. "
PERFECT, my fucking Mother just wrote the perfect revelation line for a script of some fairytale movie starring Drew Barrymore or a Disney film where Miley Cyrus reveals she actually can act in her role as Fairy Godmother and now, she's reciting it to me....for 99 cents a minute. Fantastic.
"If what you're missing is the company of a companion, that's what you were missing here.
If you're missing a man being there to enjoy it with you, that's why you missed here. It's the same. So rather than letting that get in the way, assume that you won't meet Prince Charming and instead treat it as a fantastic adventure that you're LUCKY to be doing ALONE. An adventure that you'll get to repeat in a different way, someday, with your husband or boyfriend or whoever....but now, this journey is YOURS."
She was right. I do romanticize. I think of my life in terms of scripts, in short features, monologues and scenes. It's the theatrical side of me I suppose. I believe that artists were made for that very reason to create those moments....moments that are ordinary are actually completely extraordinary when you're open to them.
I've attempted living my life as the beginning of a very incredible story with a detailed beginning, solid and strong body all to come back to a very complete ending.
That's the thing, I'm in the middle of the story. As I'm here in London, I'm in the midst of this fantastic story....I'm not ready for "happy ending" yet. Just more chapters. Sure enough, I met two wonderful guys today who I had great conversation with and after thinking about my conversation with my Ma over a pint of Strongborw, I decided in honor of ME, I took into account another piece of WISDOM my Mother taught me when, already, doing impractical things....
BUDGET FUDGE IT.
What does that mean to me? It means I booked a hotel....a three star, beautiful hotel in the Latin Quarter of Paris.
Because right now, I am a young, vibrant woman who deserves, if she wishes, to go to the market grab a bottle of wine or champagne (or both) a selection of pastries and some Brie and to curl up into my bed before the sun goes down, in my silk robe with a good book. Sure I'm not engulfed in the arms of some sweaty man, entangled in the throws of lust....but why do I have to be?
I'm only alone in Paris once, which is right now and RIGHT NOW is all there is. Right now I want to take a bubble bath or drink espresso on my balcony and take pictures of pigeons and lovers, I want to wake up late and eat breakfast while everyone is eating lunch and I want take a trip to the countryside and spend a few hours at a vineyard.
Right now, rather than being upset about being a party of one.....I am learning to OWN and embrace that I and my own company are taking this incredible journey together....
After all, I'm certain my next love would undoubtedly be jealous of my very keen adoration for macaroons, often over men. Paris may not have had room for the both of them.