Sunday, October 26, 2008
Little White Lies
Ah, there's been a lot lately. It's like, I'm at that point when I've started having to censor a little bit of what I say so that I don't completely sabotage it before there's anything "real" to actually talk about. My blog is common knowledge, to everyone in my life. What I really want to say may be premature before I say it, so I've chosen to be a bit more discerning with recent topics, and that's fucking frustrating.....caution isn't one of my strong points. Either in action or warning.
I've never been afraid of being open. It's just what I do. I came out of the womb with bleeding- heart-sewn-to-arm and since then, it's grown into it's own appendage I've gotten used to having. When I meet new people, I spill; I say too much, I say enough, I leave little to the imagination. I like to blame it on my desire to exude "warmth." If you will.
When I go on a job interview it isn't uncharacteristic for me to say, "Well, I'm really bad at staying in one place for an extended period of time....so, just thought I'd give you a heads up."
Honesty isn't a choice, it just is. The problem is, sometimes when things marinate for awhile in your mind, what was truthful at the beginning of the thought, changes into a different truth by the end of the thought and people have a hard time keeping track of that.....it's the human saga, or my human saga titled Wishy-Washy.
The other problem, most people don't take well to the actual truth.
Does that make any sense? Or does that sound neurotic, or is it neurotic to say, "does that sound neurotic?" I think so.
So much of the time we're constantly full of WHITE LIES, little harmless "factions" to make us sound more; interesting, smart, intriguing, worthy, credible, deserving.....etc. We add an extra week to our internship on applications; we turn one day of volunteering into "experience doing charity work." Rather than saying from the beginning that we usually bail before we can fail, or once we start dating I'll be exercising my Wandering Eye, we impersonate what we WANT our truths to be for other peoples satisfaction.
I don't think it's that we want to be liars. And really I don't think it's because we don't believe we're enough as is. We fabricate because we want to be accepted, like my parents said, "you're only lie if you are unable to tell the truth."
Unfortunately, I think we've created a society that enables the inability for people to be truthful, from the start.
When you do on a job interview they don't really want to hear the truth. They don't want to hear that you'd rather be designing shoes or taking care of your babies at home. Instead they want to hear you lie and say, "my intention is to grow with the company." They want to hear buzz words and bumbling overcompensation pleas.
Dishonestly doesn't stop at the work place, but is expected in social situations and human interaction. Politeness has taken precedence over honesty, even if the honesty isn't hurting anyone. Honesty can be annoying, threatening and complex if it's foreign to yours and rocking the boat can be scary if there's a shitload of passengers who can't swim.
I saw an interview with Bon Jovi once ( oh yeah, I totally went there and am quoting Bon Jovi.....) and he said when writing songs he is "as close to the truth as possible." My wise folks took this piece of JohnBON wisdom and instilled the same in me....pretty sure I could have quoted Shakespeare and said, "The truth will set you free" but hey, Jersey boys deserve a little play every now and then too and I believe what he said is what most of us are missing in our day-to-day lives.
The little white lies aren't harmful to anyone but ourselves. They minimize our OWN truths and give the power to those we're falsifying for.... as if someone else's truths were more valuable than our own. The more we're worried about saying the right thing to appease, the more we tell ourselves we aren't justified in our own "rightness" and thus the acceptance of our half-truths continues.....
It's OK to be clueless or confused from time to time, it's OK to have no fucking clue how you're going to "make it" and it's ok to tell people so. It's OK if you've decided to acknowledge you're feelings for someone and it's terrifying and it's OK if you're a little bit timid about diving head first into someone/something new. It's ALWAYS OK to feel exactly how you're feeling and if you're the only person there to validate those feelings then that's fucking OK too.
Whatever you were thinking about "factioning", half-truthing.....lying about today....it's more than OK to just, tell the truth.