Life has gotten in the way of my "virtual life." It's like I have these two, whole and complete separate worlds and when one is thriving the other is lacking. Writing and words for me are like therapy....so when I really am in need of therapy, I'm writing a lot. When I'm out living and doing the things that later may require therapy, I'm writing less. Right now I'm on a steam train flying five thousand miles an hour and I've become a "yes woman."
Sure, I always say- SAY YES, and now that I've started to, I really really want to start saying NO again......saying yes means motion, motion means expectation, expectation means follow through, follow through means perfection, and perfection can equal straight EXHAUSTION. But I'm not saying it, I'm keeping the paralyzing NO out of my mouth and my mind. Drive on steam train, drive on.
My birthday is rapidly approaching, and I started to think of time and how little of it we actually have, so saying "yes" to life around me seemed appropriate....and I STILL feel like I won't have time to fit "it all" in. Music, romance (I'd like to mention that I've released the many that I was juggling and then there was one....there is one, a really great, great one.....I wish I could smile without using stupid punctuation and that'd properly express how I feel, I digress- more on that later......) career, money....and though money is waning, I am on this perfect, perfect path of MOTION. So, when my Mom busted out the "birthday book" that breaks down personality types (or flaws?) I started to worry again.....all of the things that I do to sabotage, to be indecisive, to feel lacking or restless are all to blame on my birth DAY. The truth of it is eerily similar, or as if the author sat down, dove into my brain, stalked me- then came up with "Why Nov 26th people are the way they are."
TELL ME, DO I HAVE ANY HOPE, TO KEEP THIS TRAIN ON IT'S TRACKS??....
"Those born on Nov 26th display peculiarly distinctive manner
when doing most things. Hardly cut from the standard mold, those born on this
day stand apart from their fellow human beings (a little gloating-sorry). Their
ideas tend toward the philosophical and expansive, but at the same time manifest
a markedly pragmatic, down-to-earth streak. Highly focused on accomplishment and achievement, Nov 26th people nonetheless view their own creative work or
personal development as being more important than all the honors and rewards the
world has to offer. Some born on this day even come to see living itself as a
creative endeavor (absolutely) and thus deeply value the wealth of everyday
experience. Yet at the same time their minds soar with the most fanciful and
romantic of ideas.Since it is impossible for Nov 26 people to give up either the
practical or the imaginative sides of their personality, they must attempt a
synthesis of the two. This seeming contradiction can occupy a great part of
their energy for many years, but if they can find a way to reconcile these sides
there is no end to the accomplishments they are capable of achieving. Usually
the key to this synthesis is life experience, but until this synthesis occurs
those born on this day may find themselves swinging back and forth every few
years from basically logical, pragmatic endeavors to more fanciful ones (holy
shit yes. that is me.) A measure of success may be achieved on either side of the
spectrum, but a vaguely dissatisfied feeling that part of their potential is
being wasted will persist (?!?! yep.)For Nov 26th people, relationships with lovers can be
problematical, primarily because their individualism and love of freedom often
outweighs their needs for a permanent mate. Many born on Nov 26th are
alternately ardent and cool, unable or unwilling to make a lasting commitment.
Usually they value friends of the same sex more highly than lovers, and are not
only more faithful to these friends but also capable of greater intimacy with
them as well. Ultimately however, they themselves are usually the ones who do
the rejecting in relationships, sometimes out of a kind of "first strike"
mentality where they sense rejection coming and act on impulse. Thus they can be
dangerous people with whom to be involved. (fucking. true.)Needless to say, Nov 26 people can be reticent about marriage
or taking on the responsibilities of children. Those who choose to remain single
may be very unhappy from time to time going through life on their own, but feel
that this is better than getting tied down in an unalterably permanent
situation. This type of Nov 26 person likes to flaunt his/her individualism and
finds it difficult when social mores become too oppressive. Yet at the same
time, emotionally committed or not, most Nov 26 people move well in society, once
they figure out what it is they really want to to do and integrate the
disparate elements of their personalities."
STRENGTHS: INTERESTING, FREE- SPIRITED, UNIQUE
WEAKNESSES: TROUBLED, INDECISIVE, INCONSISTENTSo, it's written in the stars.....am I completely fucked?