Thursday, November 6, 2008

You Know You're Broke When........

On the heels of such excitement over the new President elect Barack Obama, I went from SUPER HIGH ecstatic, to....wow "back to the real world, presently." My real world is definitely feeling the heat (it looks nothing like MTV's); looking for a new job, more bills than ever and I have a a feeling I'm not the only one. Here's how I know.


YOU KNOW YOU'RE BROKE WHEN:

  1. You skip the Peppermint Latte at Starbucks because you don't want to pay the extra 60cents, instead, you still get a latte- you just chew up your Dentyne Ice gum and stick it in the cup. Tastes minty fresh!
  2. You take all of the change from the bottom of your purse and bring it to Coinstar for "drinkin' money!"
  3. You start buying things like canned corn, in bulk.
  4. You feel like splurging, so you take yourself out and buy a BIG GULP.
  5. You search through the dumpster at a movie theater for old popcorn in trash bags.
  6. Drip dry.
  7. You'd be willing to trade sexual favors for a tank of gas.
  8. Who said ketchup doesn't substitute for marinara sauce? It totally does.
  9. You used Trick-or-Treating as an opportunity to grocery shop, door-to-door.
  10. You send your little sister on a "scavenger hunt" around the neighborhood for; detergent, trash bags and tampons.
  11. You audition to model in a hair show for $50 bucks, in turn you get a Hillary Clinton cut.
  12. You go to Ladies Night at a military bar, surrounded by Republicans all for the sake of $1 wine.
  13. You thought the orange gas light was supposed to be on, for mood lighting.
  14. Suddenly getting naked for money doesn't seem like a terrible idea? 25,000 to flash my boobs? Why not.....right?
  15. You've gotten really good at hitchhiking, it's a whole new skill.
  16. You offer to babysit. ugh.
  17. You've said, "it's not moldyyyyyyy......"
  18. The Craigslist "FREE"" section is your new homepage.
  19. You're doing everything by candlelight to save a few bucks. And the planet, of course.
  20. ....you run out of matches, so you're sitting in the dark.
  21. Your friends send out a search team, "we haven't seen her in weeks...."
  22. You're getting certified to teach a "fancier version of aerobics" to avoid selling seasonal candles at Bath and Body Works.
  23. You start going on dates with anyone who asks. What? I wanted to see a movie.
  24. You can officially add "Shot Girl" to your resume.
  25. The people at your credit card company recognize your voice when you say, "I'd like to get an extension....."
  26. Savings?
  27. You offer to help people remove their McCain/Palin bumperstickers, "1 dollar for a dollop of Goo-Gone!"
  28. You put your socks on your hands to substitute as a loofa, thus saving a trip to the Laundromat.
  29. You comfort yourself by saying, "Mo' money, mo' problems. "
  30. You steal toilet paper rolls from restaurants and shampoo from hotels. Just bring a suitcase, they'll never know.
  31. You steal people's leftovers when no one's looking. They barely touched their food, I swear.
  32. You start stapling your resume to telephone polls, any takers?
  33. You're back at home with Mom and Dad, minus the allowance.

51 comments:

tmamone said...

Well I have a camera, and I could use a little extra money myself . . .

Nah, that might upset the fiancee. Sorry.

Jen R. said...

Sorry girl. Us too!

Ashley said...

At least you have a good sense of humor about it.

I heard on NPR that economic downturns lead to healthier people - because we walk more and shop less and have time to exercise.

I'd probably just lay on the couch in sweats watching the View, though.

Maxie said...

STORY of my life. seriously.

just me said...

How many of those are me?

(BUT SERIOUSLY EMAIL ME BECAUSE I AM COMING TO CA FOR A FEW DAYS)

PS: no, I don't have the money to fly, but I figure...what's a little more debt added to giant pile?

Ace said...

You've said, "it's not moldyyyyyyy......"

OK first, I litterally just had this internal conversation with myself about a sandwhich, that I just finnished. Yehhh...

You can officially add "Shot Girl" to your resume.

This is actually my job, I prance around in a mini skirt and heels telling people to buy corona for a t shirt. The worst part, I've convinced myself it's fun.

Sassy Molassy said...

Oh this is a great list. Reminds me of the "You know you're from (insert small country bumpkin home town) when..." list my friend L keeps updating for our high school group every few years.

Not The Rockefellers said...

How about, "Shopping your house for Christmas Gifts?"

Deck of cards
Bag of Doritos
Can of Bud
pre-viewed Bad Boys 2 DVD ( What? Am I not being green?)

Now cut a paper bag into a festive "gift basket" and give to a cherished male family member.

I gots more where this came from...

Peace - Rene

well-intentioned heartbreaker said...

hahah. you've got it down pat.

.. i should go finish my bowl of ramen noodles now.

Katie Says So said...

OMG haha! First of all thank you!! because i just had a serious laugh attack! and most of all because some of those...ok most of those...are so me...i hate being a broke college student!!!!

dear mom and dad please send money!!!!!!!

The Odd Duck said...

There's also:

- deciding you can afford to splurge which means you can go to McDonald's.

- you pick pennies off the ground

- You have actually muttered "it's too expensive" to drive and thus buy a bike

Princess Pointful said...

Too funny.
My personal favourite broke meal is ichi-ban stir fry.
To convince myself I'm not eating, you know, ichi-ban.

Trixie Firecracker said...

That's me right there!

Michelle said...

You're too funny! I needed a laugh today. Thanks.

Kyla Bea said...

lol Oh man! I totally sympathize. I'm actually saving to get my hair cut right now.

But because we're in our 20s this is adorable & character building, right?

....right?

Courtney Hope said...

I just stumbled upon your blog. And yes, no money seems to be the theme of my weeks as well. it's sad, because I find that the less I leave the house, the less money I spend. So, yeah, work and school is about all I do.

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irunwithscissors said...

oh god honey, i hear you on that one! Hopefully things will turn around for both of us soon! Good luck!

nicoleantoinette said...

You're a hustler- you can handle it.

ps- I love you. Come live with me anytime. ANYTIME!

jb said...

So true and so funny. Thanks I needed a good laugh tonight. Hey you can also live with me anytime and I can make you some kraft dinner.

Cheers
JB

Stacy said...

hehe, thanks for the laugh!
Wow, we're living the life aren't we? We're gonna look back at our 20's and say: That was the life?
Besides, who says wine has to cost more than milk?

Paula said...

Suddenly I feel rich!!!

But believe me, I've been in that situation before, many times.

It'll get better. Eventually...

ChasingParadise said...

I HEAR YOU, GIRL! Life is rough right now! I'm living on a tight-ass budget. You know how much money I've spent in the last week that wasn't on bills? $23. And that was on gas. AND THAT? That was hard to come by. I don't remember what it's like to even buy a Big Gulp or go to McDonald's. That right now, would be my idea of fine dining. Ugh.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Ooo wow, the christmas shopping around the houe is brilliant. I've definitely regifted some bath products before, for sure.

Nicole, I seriously may, very soon.

SingErin13 said...

That by far sums up my life right now! I'm out of college soooo where's the jobs? Nowhere. I have done almost half that list. Gas light has been on for about a week. I'm getting good at playing a game of roulette to see when I run out

bloggingbarbie said...

i really needed this today. thankyou for bring me a laugh.

xo, bb

JessWrites said...

Awesome. I feel your pain... I've been babysitting... and using ketchup as marinara sauce.

katatonic_kittie said...

i found on a site where you said you couldn't find 80's colored scrunch socks. i found these for you.http://www.google.com/imgres?imgurl=http://www.liketotally80s.com/images/layered-socks.jpg&imgrefurl=http://www.liketotally80s.com/layered-socks.html&h=94&w=125&sz=13&tbnid=p4t2YW4_dD4J::&tbnh=68&tbnw=90&prev=/images%3Fq%3Dpictures%2Bof%2B80%2527s%2Bsocks&usg=__0YTKqprpaX4pyD-YUhQwHaKVNyw=&sa=X&oi=image_result&resnum=4&ct=image&cd=1

Miss Marie said...

Me too.

discotrash said...

i dont know if you have one where you live, but dude the 99 cent store or the dollar tree? excellent place to shop when one is broke. I wrote a post about it over here: http://discotrash.wordpress.com/2008/10/10/more-tips-for-fellow-gutter-dwellers-in-a-bad-economy/

<3 J. said...

You take all of the change from the bottom of your purse and bring it to Coinstar for "drinkin' money!"

hahaha! ok. I seriously did this.
ALL. THROUGH. HIGH. SCHOOL.

And seriously. It's not sounding like a bad idea right now either!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

i did the DRINKIN money thing the other day....and i'm in my twenties :)

Dolce said...

You're reaching new lows when you offer to babysit. I'd rather show my boobs.

franco.beans said...

I'd offer to babysit. But being a 25 year old guy, it would probably just get me added to some kind of list. And of the numerous things I can't afford right now, one would be facing a criminal investigation.

So I will play it safe and hit up Coinstar this weekend.

Catalyst said...

Bertrand Russell: the trouble with the world is that the stupid are cocksure and the intelligent are full of doubt.

You'll be just fine.

Fall seven times, stand up eight, an ancient Japanese proverbe :)

Kellz....Lovely Miss K!! said...

how about this one...you know you're broke when...

you run out of foundation and to save up on money you use gravy as a foundation base.

I know that sounds so sad!

Meghan said...

Great listing, I kept nodding and laughing. BBq sauce also works if you're out of ketchup for almost everything.

sid said...

Ha ha ha. This actually reminds me of my time spent in Italy. I survived on two meals a day. One of them was the free breakfast. Man did I EAT at breakfast.

mebeingrandom said...

We are all there, hang in there.

It can't last too much longer right? Right? Well we can hope anyway!

M.E. said...

At least its a good time to be creative, at least that is what I just keep telling myself.

Larissa said...

Wow, #28 is extremely creative!

kokostiletto said...

these are hilarious! yes i've totally cut down on starbucks .... you get used to going without it after a while!

Tabby said...

So true, so true... although with me it is bulk buying tins of baked beans and tins of choppd tomatoes!

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