Saturday, January 3, 2009
The GROWING process
Is it better to do something "OK" so that it can become great or is it better to not accept anything less than great in the first place?
There's a growth process that one has to go through when doing anything- it's just a matter of deciding how much of the process you let others see when you growing- how exposed you're willing to be while you stumble through the awkward stages. Do you keep them personal, don't let people see your short comings....your bright shade of "green" like a tomato before it gets the chance to ripen. In many ways I feel 100% ripe- like the best fucking strawberry, perectly ruby red and full....and on the other side, I'm that sad little deformed yellowy,green tomato....hanging all exposed on the vine.
Do you struggle through the growth process privately or is it better to have the "this is the way it is, this who I am.... and I'm embracing it- even the faulty parts..." mentality? Maybe it depends on the situation, the venue- the importance of what you're growing through. When you're in certain fields, there's less time for growth- you better do it quick, or someone else will. No room for error.
I'd have to say I'm much more of the latter, most of the time.....but a good friend once told me when I was gripping over some insignificant and annoying insecurity;
"Chels (and he has a British accent which makes this even more charming) when you're feeling insecure about something....keep it close....your close circle can know, but it can't go outside that circle (hi, so I started a blog?). Once you tell one person something self deprecating, as a joke- then another, then another....there becomes a general perception that PEOPLE will have of you; that you're an insecure person. Don't let them see that."
Words that seem tiny, when they're loaded negatively and pointed towards yourself- really aren't that small.
Especially when it sets a precedent for how people think about you....how people know you.
Is the butterfly more beautiful because you don't know where it comes from or is it beautiful BECAUSE of where it came from?