Saturday, January 3, 2009

The GROWING process


Is it better to do something "OK" so that it can become great or is it better to not accept anything less than great in the first place?
.........

There's a growth process that one has to go through when doing anything- it's just a matter of deciding how much of the process you let others see when you growing- how exposed you're willing to be while you stumble through the awkward stages. Do you keep them personal, don't let people see your short comings....your bright shade of "green" like a tomato before it gets the chance to ripen. In many ways I feel 100% ripe- like the best fucking strawberry, perectly ruby red and full....and on the other side, I'm that sad little deformed yellowy,green tomato....hanging all exposed on the vine.

Do you struggle through the growth process privately or is it better to have the "this is the way it is, this who I am.... and I'm embracing it- even the faulty parts..." mentality? Maybe it depends on the situation, the venue- the importance of what you're growing through. When you're in certain fields, there's less time for growth- you better do it quick, or someone else will. No room for error.

I'd have to say I'm much more of the latter, most of the time.....but a good friend once told me when I was gripping over some insignificant and annoying insecurity;

"Chels (and he has a British accent which makes this even more charming) when you're feeling insecure about something....keep it close....your close circle can know, but it can't go outside that circle (hi, so I started a blog?). Once you tell one person something self deprecating, as a joke- then another, then another....there becomes a general perception that PEOPLE will have of you; that you're an insecure person. Don't let them see that."

Words that seem tiny, when they're loaded negatively and pointed towards yourself- really aren't that small.
Especially when it sets a precedent for how people think about you....how people know you.


Is the butterfly more beautiful because you don't know where it comes from or is it beautiful BECAUSE of where it came from?

21 comments:

sequined said...

That's a really hard question, and I wonder that, too. I agree with his point about self-deprecating jokes, as I think I use them too much and have allowed other people to gain a deprecated perception of me. And I think it is because of insecurity, and I try to hide it behind that humor rather than growing up faster and dealing with it in a better way.

So I guess the conclusion I've come to, as I typed all this, is that as long as your growing process is leading you somewhere, it's okay to struggle through it. But you have to be headed toward ripeness.

caterpillar85 said...

i too have found myself in that humorous & self deprecating talk with others that left me all too insecure and vulnerable. i am always growing and learning but the older i get the more i am aware of my surroundings and the people i let in my life...and the more i want to keep my self, my real, green and still ripening self to myself.

i'm not sure if this is guarding my heart or just building a wall?

Kristy said...

This was a great post!

Bobby K said...

I agree with sequined. It is OK to struggle through the growing process, as long as the struggle is leading you toward something better in life. If in the struggle, you learn, you naturally will become better. If you learn nothing from failure, you are always in the struggle part. Don't let those who are not close to you see the struggle, only the ripeness.

~*Miss A*~ said...

I agree with what your friend says, but unfortunately, we all fall victim to self depreciating.

Our lives aren't easy, as a matter of fact, they're really fuckin hard, the ups and downs are really crazy, and negative humor is sometimes the only way (that I've found) to get through some of the craziness.

Just trust that one day you'll reach ripeness and be the person that God intended you to be.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Bobby k- good to see you here!!! I agree completely with what you're saying. and yes, we have to learn from our failures- or we will get the lessons again...

I supposed like I said in the post there are certain things that are harder to be exposed with when you're growing, i.e. for me my music, I'm working on putting together a new show and it isn't where I want it to be yet....and patience and vulnerability through the growing process is difficult.

miss a- completely agree they are fucking hard, I do think it's what makes us beautiful and strong beings.

I am a contradiction on one hand, some days, I believe you (me, us, etc. ) are perfectly where they need to be- I just get frustrated when it's not where I see myself being in my head. does that makes sense? hm.

Kyla Bea said...

I've always struggled with this. I cry, I try to convince myself that the under developed parts of me don't exist or try to distract from them - or I'll face them full on for a short period of time and try to figure them out fast.

I think that it's much better to do something that's Ok, and to go from there. Keep going back to it, keep wanting to be better, keep actively working towards being better, and eventually you will be.

No one starts out being able to do everything well. When you get to the point of being really happy with where you are, you can choose to pretend you always did it that way or you can be proud of your development.

No one is perfect, and if you can laugh or cry about it, it makes it easier in the mean time.

GD said...

Not everyone can appreciate the struggles of life--especially those that haven't endured something equally challenging.
I don't think you have to go through life pretending that you're not struggling becuse you don't want to give the impression your weak. I'm not saying go into a bar and unload your problems on the bartender- but be willing to show that side of your life. We're all multifaceted and those struggles and weaknesses are part of who you are... just makes sure that if they're seeing the self-deprecating Chelsea, they get to see the strong, confident woman that has grown out of those struggles too.

Sassy Molassy said...

Your friend with the british accent makes a good point. What we believe about ourselves and tell others about ourselves is what they're going to think about us. So, we are the ones to determine our own fate, our opportunity to be great.

It's important to have that close group of friends who is there for you and vice versa when you need each other and loves you no matter how shitty things get.

THis post makes me think that maybe I should be a little less picky and judgmental toward the guys I'm interested in because hey, i don't want them to be that way toward me and none of us are perfect. It's a constant struggle between what I think I want and what I know I need. A friend said something the other day that hit me. Looks don't matter. He could be the hottest guy and yet a total arrogant bastard. I'm not saying I'm going to start going for just anyone, but I think I need to reevaluate my first impressions of people. Stop judging so quickly.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

sassy molassy- very good point...I think we're all a bit guilty of that sometimes.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

gd- I agree with you. I think the struggle doesnt take away from your great qualities either....

Mrs. Ruby said...

Hey...we're new friends on 20 Something Bloggers. Love your blog! Can't wait to read more.
Be sure to stop by sometime. :)

d said...

Goodness, the questions in this post are really great/thought provoking.

I personally do not settle for OK.

I am also single, mildly depressed and lonely. Ha.

Exposed said...

As someone who hates people to see me struggle, I have a hard time with combining these two thoughts:

I tell myself I'm someone who is strong enough to get through things alone, and want other people to see that person!

One more thing to add to the resolution list... :)

irunwithscissors said...

I think it all comes down to a combination of the two! Theres nothing wrong with people knowing that you are growing, changing, or even struggling sometimes. But you cant be self-depreciating! All that does is increase your insecurities. Admit to not being where you want to be, but follow it with the fact that you know you are going to get there! Stay positive and believe in yourself! You can't expect anyone else to do it for you!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

D- I think it's better not to settle for OK....even though you may depressed, lonely, etc. etc. it's better than just being MILDLY eh.

mrs ruby- thyanks for stopping by!! cheers!!!

exposed- HI!!!!

mn said...

i thought this was a v. good post that definitely brings up something people don't think about.

my mom told me that i should never reveal too many of my faults or insecurities to others. bc a friend can soon turn into a foe and soon your faults are widely known. i have held on to this belief for a long time and found it to be wise. bc even if friends don't turn against you, they can, esp. through humor, or acts of jealousy or what not, pick you apart.

i'm a big believer in confiding to one or two people you trust, but not revealing your flaws to the world. (butterflies go either way, i like them period)

I hate superficiality and those who are arrogantly "perfect."

I've found it best to keep it real without being revealing all the way. Or people stop showing you respect. and respect is v. important to me.

It's a wisdom that has protected me from a lot.

floreta said...

very thought provoking questions! thanks for this.

i think it's important to embrace ALL of yourself, even the faulty/dark side you don't like. once you embrace it, it will no longer 'control' you. so only then will you be able to move on.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Ah, true true....though, on the other hand I believe in being OPEN, RAW, REAL....sharing your lfie, even the messy parts....

such a contradiction....and maybe this rule changes according to time, place, process....

nicoleantoinette said...

I think the important thing is to be realistic about yourself. Not too hard, not too flatteringly unreal. Balance my dear (easier said than done for us...)

sid said...

One thing that I'm trying so hard to do right now is not to put myself down in front of us. I figure that the more often I make jokes about my inadequacies the more likely it is that I'll begin to believe that I am stupid/inept etc. Yes I might not be perfect but I'm not striving to be perfect. I'm simply trying to be happy irrespective of my faults.

 
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