Friday, February 13, 2009

I hope he thinks I'm SEXIER than JESUS.


There's nothing quite as strange than surfing cyber space and finding that your boyfriend has had a seriously PROFOUND relationship with someone else;

Someone named: JESUS.

...and the remnants of their love still float around on web pages and random social networks.

You're like, "HM, I'm certain that's him- it looks like him, but who's this Jesus guy he keeps talking about, because my CURRENT boyfriend doesn't have this third wheel hanging around of of my parties, that's for sure."

Old friends (whom I've never met) are leaving comments and quoting being "yolked in faith" and Twittering church get together's the way my CURRENT boyfriend and I Twitter Happy Hour, quote Kat Williams, say "I just bought a hooka!!" and attribute our "strength" to hefty ale and mounds of greasy bacon we intake on a regular basis. Sinful schminful.

Then it occurs to me; Maybe My Love is in his Final Phase, and I'm lucky enough to have snagged him or trumped his tryst with Jesus in turn for a tryst with MOI.
What's a final phase?? OK- in our teens and twenties we go through a SERIES of phases that involve bouts of identity crisis and missteps; confusion and exploration- if you will.

For instance, I had phases- OH YEA, phases that if they existed in cyber space I'm certain people would bet was "just some girl who looked like Chelsea, but was DEFINITELY not her."

I.E. Phase1; I think I'll be a cheerleader and start wearing ribbons in my hair. Phase2; Private Catholic School may be where I belong, yay for communion and virginity! Phase3; Just kidding, I like sex, weed, liquor and tagging "Siren" on dumpsters while hanging out with my friends who resemble Eminem. Phase4; I'm going to be a socialite in Los Angeles. Phase5; NO, I'm a high powered networking machine living in New York and attending "events" fancy, fancy.

Then of course, mini phases that involve finding "your calling" in various forms; yoga, saving children, bartending and for some; spreading the word of Jesus.

It just so happens that when my boyfriend found Jesus, he also found the Internet.

Now, in the "phase" we're both in we don't shun Jesus we both just have deeply spiritual beliefs that are less exclusive, than Jesus'. The Buddhist religion is beautiful, so is the Hindu religion, and many parts of Christianity. Religious Science and Judaism. We're all ultimately looking for the same thing right? LOVE. PEACE. Happiness. We just go about it in different ways....and it's OK for all of us to be DIFFERENT.

So, shortly before dropping Jesus he also dropped many of his friends that only believed in BELIEVING IN Jesus and Jesus ONLY. Friends who would certainly would not be approving of his relationship with ME being AS profound, as deep, as SPIRITUAL and as real as his once was with Jesus. And, much. much. more sexual. That part doesn't threaten me at all, Jesus doesn't have the moves I have when it comes to his style in the bedroom ;) Know what I meaaaaaann...

So it is STRANGE, to say the least, when a part of you that was only ONE part of who you've become- still exists somewhere, but doesn't reflect your current self at all. Sort of like My Love and Jesus. If I had met him a couple years ago I would have run, quickly, with my heels on FIRE, in the other direction. Or, tempted him with my cleavage while I engaged in a heated debate regarding the exclusivity of organized religions while batting my eyes and dangling "forbidden fruit" in his face.

Is this his Final Phase? The phase were you take all the PARTS and PIECES of previous "self's" and settle into the TRUTH of who you really are. Maybe?....whatever it is, I hope if we move into another phase it isn't following the footsteps of some Gospel....I'd like to follow the footsteps of a musical great, an explorer, an adventurer climbing mountains in foreign countries and a pub crawl in London before we do that.


What "PHASES" have you or your Love been in that are different than your current "phase"???

36 comments:

Shila Shila and Cult Jam said...

Hm...

Well, my current phase is "hot for racecar drivers".

Which didn't bode well for my ex, who was a drummer when I was in my "hot for musicians" phase.

*shrug*

[F]oxymoron said...

It really is a matter of perspective. Recently for example...

1) I was solidly grounded in hipster territory, but 2) after a bit of liquid I, 3) realized I was full of hot air.

Dating also seems to speed up this process of psychological sublimation! I knew physics would do me some good!

theoddduckling said...

When I first met the girlfriend years ago, she was very much the Queen Bee in training. Then in our junior year, she had a baby.

She looks back on that time in her life and cringes. I point. I mock. And I laugh.

Then remind her that she grew up into the woman she is today and should be proud of that.

- Kendall

Angela said...

I'm the opposite of your Love: not so in love with Jesus then, and head over heels now. (That sounds ridiculous, but trust me, its not.) Fortunately, my former phase ended just before the invention of MySpace, or I'd be facing the same issue. ;-)

Larissa said...

I had a skater-punk-alternative phase in high school. My husband thinks that's hilarious, and calls that phase my "Hot Topic Days."

Lindsay said...

Before I met him, my bf went through a period where he had a goatee. I'm glad he's out of that phase.

Amber said...

My boyfriend used to be quite the athlete and jerk. I was the nerdy one and he never talked to me in middle school. I guess I must have blossomed a little in high school because that's when we started dating. Anytime we talk about middle school though we just get weirded out because the idea of us dating back then is ludicrous!

Poppy said...

My boyfriend used to be a practicing wiccan in a coven, which is HILARIOUS compared to who he is today.

Blogstiny said...

I have no place for the exclusive nature of Christianity, as you know. Some close to me are worried about that, but not me. As long as you perform all actions in the truest sense of good, Jesus is down, trust me. Buddha is down for that matter.

Lily said...

I have totally been in that Jesus phase. I grew up south of the Mason-Dixon, deep in the Bible belt and was pretty much raised in church, praise the Lord, True Love Waits, etc.

I outgrew (?) that phase somewhere between junior high and high school. I revisited briefly as a sophomore in college, but it never stuck again.

I like to think of it as a phase too and one that I grew out of when I learned how to think for myself.

I don't recognize that version of myself. I remember her, but if Lily Today met Lily at age 11, she'd grab her by the cross necklace and try to shake her up a little.

Nicole Elkington said...

I love this.. makes me think of my different "phases" of life.

Katelin said...

my phases have pretty much been the same over the years just with a varied wardrobe. like the let's wear baggy jeans phase and look like a skater but not know how to skate, to the let's wear capris because everyone is doing it to the let's wear anything and everything as long as its bright.

oh man i could keep going but it's making me cringe, haha.

Baking With Plath said...

Oh I definitely went through a jesus phase, a wild hippie phase, stoner, wannabe punk, cheerleader, stripper....like a fucking chameleon. I'm pretty sure I'm still going through phases...and I like it that way. At the end, I'll be able to say "been there, done that" to so many things and finally be sure of who I REALLY am, ya dig? :)

The Demigoddess said...

Most people I know who go into a Jesus phase are the ones who are going through some confusion and problems. I did the same, too, once when I thought I was pregnant and wasn't ready for it.

L.L. said...

I am totally going to blog about phases today!

nicoleantoinette said...

I went through a very pessimistic, not at all spiritual phase (and by phase, I mean entire life up to this point). Making some changes to develop that side of myself has been wonderful.

Maxie said...

I love how people tell us that "people can't change" but we all change so much. I didn't have a blog back in the day, but I have changed so much in just the 5 years that it's not even funny.

sid said...

There's this really sweet guy who won't date me coz he is in a relationship with Jesus ...

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Thanks for sharing your "phases" with me guys!! I love it...

Chub to Chic in Chicago said...

hey there - just surfed over from 20 something bloggers and wanted to say hi. i'm not sure it's entirely related, but have you and your man seen 'hamlet 2'? there is a fabulous song on the soundtrack called 'rock me sexy jesus', and for some reason your post reminded me of it. maybe it was the graphic at the top ...

Adamgv said...

Check out this new Christian band that just released their first album. From what I heard on the samples site, they sound really good.

Introducing the new Christian National Anthem: Guns & Jesus.

Tell All!!!

http://ccrg.info/cas.htm

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