Sunday, February 8, 2009
PROCRASTINATION: I'll do that after I.....peel an orange and watch LOST.
I pride myself on time management. No really, I can time things down to the SECOND...I'm annoyingly prompt and when people aren't, it can quickly insight RAGE. However, that's a whole separate blog- this is really about, how due to my time diligence- I am a MASTER procrastinator.
If there was some sort of belt, medal, level, doctorate in procrastinating, I would be wearing it proudly. Today I started thinking about it....WHY, WHY? do we (me) procrastinate? What part about procrastinating really gets me off?? HM, for one; if you weren't putting something off, what would you have to look forward to??
...Or in my case, if I weren't putting something off, would the playtime that I prefer to indulge in, (whatever "play" my selfish desires choose for the day; eating, spending too much time coloring and listening to old records) be one run-on sentence with no end? Would I ever, STOP. If I didn't have something that needed to be checked off the list, I worry that it'd actually make me lazy....when I know I have something that needs to be "taken care of" I try to cram in as much fucking around as possible before I have to "take care of it."
Then, sometimes I wonder; what would it be like to pay your bills the MOMENT the came in the mail?? Or, who are those people that get off at the next exit sign when the orange gas light flashes EMPTY?? I sure as hell don't, I wait til I'm livin' on a prayer with that sucker....."please God, if you do exist, I'd prefer to not breakdown in the middle of the highway- wearing boxer shorts and flip flops"
Is it that drama of waiting until the LAST second.....or is it that I love just skating in and looking so DAMN graceful doing it. Some sort of strange masochistic challenge I sic on myself. Will I make it???
DO I LIKE MAKING IT SEEMINGLY, "HARDER" ON MYSELF??
It's little things, like- the fact that for all of the years I've been wearing jewelry I haven't bothered to get a decent jewelry oganizer..you know the kinds with the compartments, that don't tangle your necklaces into a ball of sterling silver Hell. Instead, I prefer to try and UNKNOT, or dig for that missing earring, every. single. day. I mean, how much time have I actually WASTED doing that???
By waiting till the last second am I saving myself time, or am I wasting it by making the time spent so stressful??
What procrastination is doing is in the place of actually DOING, is creating some false sense of security while "planning" and overplanning, before the actual ACTION.
Is procrastion the ugly fear of falling short once the "thing" is started....what if you don't do it well? Or can't do it?...the fear of failure is easy to put off. Even though, really, it isn't helping any and neither is the "overplanning" in it's place. Instead it's created a false sense of "readiness" for when you finally decide to BEGIN whatever it is that's tucked away on some high shelf. Paying a bill, planning a trip, TAKING the trip, telling someone how you feel, quitting your job, taking a new class, cleaning out your closet, making a phone call, finishing a project....whatever it may be, the same tone is a part of all levels of procrastination; fear, uncertainty, resistance to progress? or change?, laziness....all of which are GRAY energies I could probably do a good old purging of for my own well being.
So instead of doing the things I could do to BENEFIT me, I'm testing myself...and blogging about it instead. On that note, I'm gonna go surf Twitter;
WHAT IS IT THAT YOU'RE PROCRASTINATING???