Sunday, March 22, 2009
The "Someday" File
I was stubborn and decided I would put on a "bit" of sunscreen on to please my prying Mother and now it looks like someone seared my chest bone and rubbed hot sauce under my boobs.
"MA, I'm that person that gets super tan. I'm like fucking Pocahontas." Says Chelsea Talks Smack, now she's holding a bottle of chilled Pinot Grigio between her breasts because she doesn't have any Aloe.
On vacation in Sanibel Island with my family. We're that family that "vacations." We always have, whether it was Austria, Italy or France, Mexico, or San Diego- we vacation, we drink, we argue, we cuddle and we eat. I'm certain that it's God's idea of giving us a test in unconditional love. Or restraint. It's the Heavens testing out their product like, "did we make them stable enough to not kill a family member under pressure, with a broken GPS and 24/7 interaction?"
The other night when my boyfriend was massaging my ovaries, it's that time of the month and he's kind, what? you'd want someone to massage your ovaries too if they offered. I promise.
I blurted out, in true ovulating form, "I COULD KILL A PERSON."...could I really kill a person? I don't know, we'll see when the end of the week rolls around if all members of the tribe arrive back in one piece. (NOTE: If any of us drown or are killed by some freak accident like choking on a tiny bit of seashell while diving, It probably wasn't ME who did it, just a disclaimer, prison isn't the "big house" i'm looking to visit)
When you're laying on the beach you have a lot of time to think about things like that. Like killing people. Or like "what would it be like to be a bird??" You also have a lot of time to discover extra long hairs that you've apparently missed shaving for what, 6 years? They're like that pesky cockroach that you eventually name, "Hey Steve, nice to see you again, how are those Goldfish? Cheesy enough for you?" ....I've counted exactly SIX leg hairs that I've shaved over five million times, but they've marked their territory, roots are deep. Eventually they'll strangle me in my sleep or something....In between thoughts of killing or getting laser hair removal....
I started reading the book "The Sharper Your Knife, The Less You Cry" by Kathleen Flinn about a woman in cooking school at Le Cordon Bleu in Paris and that's when the mind spun off into a frenzy. After I daydreamed about attending pastry school, taking up smoking and living off St Germain in Paris with my Man- occasionally buskering for extra cash so we could take the train to Prague and drink vodka.
I started daydreaming about all of the things I've filed into the "SOMEDAY" file.
...feel financially stable. I won't fret that the next paycheck isn't coming...
...visit Spain, Brazil, Greece, Ireland, Thailand, Bali, Turks and Caicos.
...get a story published in (fill in the various blanks)
...live in Paris for a few months, where I'll spend all day writing music, stories and cooking. At night all my interesting friends will gather and have heated debates and laugh boisterously. They'll all be characters with depth, talent, pain, stories....
...finally get to tour. FOR REAL.
...like looking at my stomach in a bikini.
...volunteer and stick with it.
...I'll have a foundation that's strong enough so that I don't have to juggle SEVEN JOBS. Oh yeah people, SEVEN.
...it'll matter that I've worked hard at everything I've attempted, it'll prove to be worth IT.
...i'll eat raw food for a week straight. And I'll love it.
...I'll be able to say with complete confidence that I'm doing EXACTLY what I want to be doing.
ALL of my somedays are so long it's an entirely different blog. Then, as I baked like a Lay in the sun, that saying, "Tentative efforts lead to tentative outcomes" popped in my head. Dreaming is about as tentative as it can get....opening the filing cabinet and saying, "someday...." may mean it stays there forever?
So. I got up, and found one thing to cross off my list, (there's an actual list...a long one...in a journal) "Someday I'll go kayaking in the ocean." CHECK.
and tomorrow, instead of "Someday- I'll go sailing" I'm going to go sailing. NOW.
The "Someday" File will turn into the "TODAY" file as much as possible, everyday...until my "somedays" are old days.
What's in your SOMEDAY FILING CABINET???
... excuse me while I go dip my breast in the Ice Box.