Tuesday, March 10, 2009
Truth hurts like a kick to the teeth.
Sometimes, when it's the most important time to tell the truth is when it hurts the most.
Lie all you want about how your fucking day is, or your icecream preference- but when you tell someone their teeth are turning yellow, or that their boyfriend is a tool bag, you're really gonna cut deep. When you tell someone the way they're living their present is affecting their future, in a negative way, they aren't going to listen to you with open ears.
Teeth being yellow isn't subjective, it just is- and being colorblind is a disease. Rihanna getting back with Chris Brown isn't subjective, it's just stupid. Global warming isn't deciding whether you prefer wine or beer- it just IS. But isn't denial so much easier??? Is it easier to see the smaller picture.....
Is avoiding the truth really going to hurt less? Sure, facing the facts right NOW is sort of like wiggling that tricky tooth that's hanging by it's last thread and hoping that it stays there, because the actual PULL of it breaking is going to make you want to vomit- the open fleshy wound is going to remind you that YES, the tooth is GONE. So, it's easier to play with the tooth with your tongue until you decide to bite into a burger and the tooth comes out.....all bloody and unwelcome, inappropriate and meal-ruining, looks like you're going hungry today.
Is it better to pull or wait?
I've done both- I've tied the string to the doorknob and then backed out the second it was about to slam- both literally and hypothetically.
Sometimes the pain is literal. When it hurts the worst, it usual is. It's the kind that makes you fall to your knees and instinctively grab your stomach ready for every piece of your vital organs to just projectile straight out of your mouth. The kind that hurts the worst, is the kind that was so toxic to your state of being that you MUST get it out to feel better. It's the elephant in the room, the "she's so blind", the "if only she knew....." or the "get your head out of the clouds." It's the stain.
No one wants to be told to lose 25 pounds- but their heart surely wants someone to tell them. No one wants to be told that they're going to get themselves into MORE trouble by ignoring the facts. No one wants to be be told, "just work fucking harder." Or, "turn your pipe dreams down a few damn notches so you can hear what's really going on." And often, the reason they don't want to hear it, is because their subconscious is already busy dropping hints in the form of small road blocks in the pathway of their denial....but when the truth hurts the most, you're even more likely to try and figure out how to climb the fucking mountain before you acknowledge that it's Mount Everest, you aren't wearing a Northface jacket and you've got Converse sneakers on.....right- good luck.
When the truth is hard to tell, it's most often to the people you love the most, otherwise, you simply wouldn't give a shit. So what if they're hurt, NEXT.
Truth is one of the things that in hindsight, after the lesson's learned, it seems to easy. Choosing to ignore truth only helps on the surface....choosing to "deal with it another day" or choosing to put off the fact that YES, you DO have to pay that bill- and NO, they won't wave the late fee- the longer you wait, isn't going to make it go away.
He won't get better if he isn't already GREAT NOW. Just one more cookie IS going to affect your muffin top, stop acting like it isn't. Not telling someone what they need to hear isn't going to make you feel ANY different about it, and it isn't going to make their situation easier by you being silent. Silence of words doesn't create silence in truth.
The things that we need to experience don't always feel like a trip to the spa. Truth, can sometimes feel like Helga's Swedish massage with two fists and elbows....but, when the bruises are gone- the knots are smooth, you'll stand up so much straighter.
WHAT'S A TRUTH YOU'RE DENYING, whether it's something you need to tell someone, or something you need to tell yourself????