Tuesday, March 10, 2009

Truth hurts like a kick to the teeth.


Sometimes, when it's the most important time to tell the truth is when it hurts the most.

Lie all you want about how your fucking day is, or your icecream preference- but when you tell someone their teeth are turning yellow, or that their boyfriend is a tool bag, you're really gonna cut deep. When you tell someone the way they're living their present is affecting their future, in a negative way, they aren't going to listen to you with open ears.
Teeth being yellow isn't subjective, it just is- and being colorblind is a disease. Rihanna getting back with Chris Brown isn't subjective, it's just stupid. Global warming isn't deciding whether you prefer wine or beer- it just IS. But isn't denial so much easier??? Is it easier to see the smaller picture.....

...is it?

Is avoiding the truth really going to hurt less? Sure, facing the facts right NOW is sort of like wiggling that tricky tooth that's hanging by it's last thread and hoping that it stays there, because the actual PULL of it breaking is going to make you want to vomit- the open fleshy wound is going to remind you that YES, the tooth is GONE. So, it's easier to play with the tooth with your tongue until you decide to bite into a burger and the tooth comes out.....all bloody and unwelcome, inappropriate and meal-ruining, looks like you're going hungry today.
Is it better to pull or wait?


I've done both- I've tied the string to the doorknob and then backed out the second it was about to slam- both literally and hypothetically.

Sometimes the pain is literal. When it hurts the worst, it usual is. It's the kind that makes you fall to your knees and instinctively grab your stomach ready for every piece of your vital organs to just projectile straight out of your mouth. The kind that hurts the worst, is the kind that was so toxic to your state of being that you MUST get it out to feel better. It's the elephant in the room, the "she's so blind", the "if only she knew....." or the "get your head out of the clouds." It's the stain.

No one wants to be told to lose 25 pounds- but their heart surely wants someone to tell them. No one wants to be told that they're going to get themselves into MORE trouble by ignoring the facts. No one wants to be be told, "just work fucking harder." Or, "turn your pipe dreams down a few damn notches so you can hear what's really going on." And often, the reason they don't want to hear it, is because their subconscious is already busy dropping hints in the form of small road blocks in the pathway of their denial....but when the truth hurts the most, you're even more likely to try and figure out how to climb the fucking mountain before you acknowledge that it's Mount Everest, you aren't wearing a Northface jacket and you've got Converse sneakers on.....right- good luck.

When the truth is hard to tell, it's most often to the people you love the most, otherwise, you simply wouldn't give a shit. So what if they're hurt, NEXT.

Truth is one of the things that in hindsight, after the lesson's learned, it seems to easy. Choosing to ignore truth only helps on the surface....choosing to "deal with it another day" or choosing to put off the fact that YES, you DO have to pay that bill- and NO, they won't wave the late fee- the longer you wait, isn't going to make it go away.

He won't get better if he isn't already GREAT NOW. Just one more cookie IS going to affect your muffin top, stop acting like it isn't. Not telling someone what they need to hear isn't going to make you feel ANY different about it, and it isn't going to make their situation easier by you being silent. Silence of words doesn't create silence in truth.


The things that we need to experience don't always feel like a trip to the spa. Truth, can sometimes feel like Helga's Swedish massage with two fists and elbows....but, when the bruises are gone- the knots are smooth, you'll stand up so much straighter.



WHAT'S A TRUTH YOU'RE DENYING, whether it's something you need to tell someone, or something you need to tell yourself????

26 comments:

Jules said...

Stupid cookies and candy that I need to ACTUALLY give up to lose the 15 pounds I gained in the last two years........ Damnit. I did start exercising but continuing to eat sugary crap is counterproductive. That's the truth.

MissBliss said...

brutal and wonderful

Lindsay said...

I just surrendered to the truth yesterday afternoon after a sobbing phone call with my mother. My truth? I won't be getting my dream job right after graduation. I may not be getting a "big person" job at all. I might very well end up *dun dun dun* back home with my parents working as a waitress. And I hate it. And I'm angry at the state of the world for making that the case right now. But it's the truth and I've accepted it and I'm moving on so I can enjoy the last two months of college.

Cal said...

I recently told myself a truth I had been needing to hear which was wonderful...I had been seeing a guy on and off for 4 years (ridiculously long time!) and he was a total jerk. Even though I knew he was just using me, I wasn't ready to admit that I deserved better. Finally I had taken too much, told him I was done and moved on. I feel so much better now that I have stopped deceiving myself!

Arielle said...

Before I went to sleep last night, I wrote in big letters on my whiteboard "YOUR EX-BOYFRIEND IS A DOUCHEBAG." Because he is. And I need to stop pretending like he's magically going to STOP being one. Writing it where I can see it is a reminder that I need to move on because he's not worth my time.

just me said...

I ignore truth all the time. Well, the top layer of me does. The bottom layer pretty much always knows...

.bethany. said...

I ignore the fact that I really care what people think about me, especially my boyfriend's friends. I can say...all day...that I don't care what they think, but at the end of the day when we're all hanging out and the tension is cutting like a knife, I care.

You're a fantastic writer.

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Great great post! Love it. The truth hurts sometimes and that's that. When people from my high school days tell me I gained weight, I act as though I don't care. But truth is, I do. tsk tsk... But hey, who hasn't gained weight since high school right?

Ellegant said...

Awesome post! The truth freaking hurts, but it always catches up, doesn't it?

Write up your alley said...

I just lost my best friend over the truth.

Her truth: she's an out-of-control alcoholic and the guy she's been sleeping with on and off for seven years is a d-bag, is ugly, has no respect for her and told me so.

That took many years for me to say to her, and in the end, she chose to stay the same and de-friend anyone who has told her she has a problem.

Reagan said...

I just don't think it's your job to police everyone else.

Sometimes it's best to let people learn the hard way.

And no one likes a know-it-all.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Reagan- I don't disagree with that either, sometimes it is. Its also hard to keep your mouth shut when someone, or yourself is bangimg ur head against a brick wall- because obviouisly, that hurts.. Someone needs to tell them to stop.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

... Also it isn't always about telling someone else as much as it is acknowledging it within yourself.

irunwithscissors said...

that i need to stop being lazy and acutally eat right if i expect anything to actually change....

cavy said...

i usually am the one to give the truth to my friends - just because i'm brutally honest - but it's WAY harder to do that with yourself. working on it. this was a great post! :)

HeatherFeather said...
This comment has been removed by the author.
Ambles said...

This is how I feel about life. But sometimes it just gets so frustrating when you know the other person isn't listening anyway... One of my friends has taken to asking me questions with the answer already embedded in it. As in, "Well, it's like this right?" or "I think this. Don't you agree?" Argh!

Nashe^ said...

I keep telling myself that I'm not affected by the recent deaths in my university but in actual fact, I'm pretty traumatized by them.

jessica said...

I need to quit lying to myself that I have my finances under control. I have a spending problem, and I need to quit hiding it. But how?

TudorCityGirl said...

I recently faced the truth - I haven't had a real relationship for 6 years because I've been too afraid after all the hurt.
Also another truth that was hard for me to face this week - I'm doing an awful job looking for a new job...Shameful secret- I have been happier not working since I got laid off than I was working for that crazy company!

Great blog! And it is true- the truth hurts but it catches up with you at some point unless you want to remain stuck in ways you don't want to be going.

TCG

Ryan said...

Such good stuff Chels! The pipe dream thing is SOOO down my alley. I want another blog to read!!!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Thanks for sharing your "truths" with me guys!!

Gypsy Alex said...

loved this!

Di said...

Your posts are always so timely for me.

...The truth is I need to end the relationship because it's hurting me and my future.

Ignoring the facts won't make them go away.

Oooh..its so painful though.

Steve said...

The truth definately hurts. I loved your blog! I been saying the same thing for a while now and I totally agree with you. I actually want to get a tattoo that says 'sometimes, the truth hurts' in japaneese or chineese on my thigh or back. The direct translation would be 'the truth brings you pain, sometimes'

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

di- I'm so glad that they are, I hope that readers can connect in some way

steve-thats a great idea and thank you!

 
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