Sunday, April 5, 2009

I cracked my EFFING head OPEN.


My Love and I fell backwards down the stairs while we were making out. We were swaying and doing our best version of a scene from a romance novel, dancing without music, that whole schtick-when we closed our eyes and BAM, thud, thud- that's the sound of my HEAD cracking on the corner of the wall, then slamming into the terracotta floor. We had so much momentum and a complete lack of control, I reached up and blood was POURING from my skull, sexy.

....apparently when My Love reached to pick me up, out of my screaming PAIN and HORROR, I smacked his hands and said, "DO SOMETHIIIIINNNNG!!!!!!!!!" Sure enough, in moments of pain the only person I trust is still my Father. "Call my Daddyyyyyyyyy!!"

There's truly nothing more terrifying than blood coming from your head. Not to mention, then my-crazy-voice went off and I was convinced I'd be the next Natasha Richardson. Instead of driving me to the emergency room, since I have no insurance (Obama? Can we move that cheap-insurance-idea into action por favor?) we rushed to my parents house and I was then monitored every two hours for the rest of the evening for brain damage, "Who are you? What happened to you? How old are you? Who do you love?" My Love slipped that one in there a few times.

We successfully pulled through our first physical trauma and I officially terrified My Love to the point of complete distraught...I'm certain he will never want to encounter me when I go through childbirth, I will be the woman who screams so loud it'll be penned a new form of birth control for all onlookers (which if things go as planned, is not for a really long time)

Anytime your body goes through something intense and out of the ordinary you're reminded just how fragile, brittle, insignificant, we really are. I batter my body up, I pour liquor in droves down it, push it's physical limits any time I get the chance, and occasionally fill my arteries with salt and cream cheese frosting. I've treated my body like it's never going anywhere. Like it's steel. Like it's immortal. Then a slip rocks your entire world back into reality- you.are.delicate.breakable. there's no shatterproof disclaimer on your birth certificate.

Our body, like things, is just as temporary.

The fact that, that could have been much more tragic than it turned out to be sent me into three days of grasping at everything- with the ultra awareness that- eventually it all goes away.

Eventually our bodies can't handle as much bruising. Eventually friendships fade, jobs become less exciting, your house isn't the new anymore, the sparks need a little fanning. Eventually all good things turn into something else, sometimes something better, sometimes something worse.

All this awareness has set off my fear, fear of my health, fear of love, of loss: After loving so intensely and then getting your heart broken there's this looming fear that someday someone will just stop loving you. Without any change on your side. Blame it on the head trauma but I've feared so irrationally that someday I'll lose him. I have to remind myself that the only way you get to forever is one day at a time.

So without clinging to hard, I've tried to just tune in. Be aware. Without waving any banner of cliched, "live in the moment" what not's, I want to be able to sink my teeth into it and enjoy every bite instead of worrying about what I'll eat for breakfast tomorrow.


Off to Washington on a press trip in the morning- four days of wine tastings and dining- expect some sweet blogs ;) Hope you all had a good weekend....and yes, my head is healing just fine.

45 comments:

Stephanie said...

I'm glad it turned out to be just blood and not something more. I hear you on life... it's completely and utterly scary and things like this bring it back to you really quick.

just me said...

The whole "someday they'll stop loving me" thing has been my biggest fear forever.

Lucky you -- wine and cheese can cure ANYTHING. Even Malaria. Seriously. Wiki it.

Paula said...

Who knew a make out session could be so damn dangerous!!!

Glad you're okay.

nicoleantoinette said...

Yeah, PS? Don't text me with "I'M BEING MONITORED FOR BRAIN DAMAGED" ever again.

Hugs.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

nicole, yeaaaah sorry about that :)

Elle said...

Holy crap, thank God it wasn't anything more serious. Glad everything is okay and no more making out at the top of stairwells :).

Enjoy the trip!

Megan said...

Glad you're okay!

Kern said...

funny. I knocked my head damn hard with a bike a few days after Natasha Richardson's poor tragedy and I had a freak out moment as well. Due to no health insurance I sat it out but made sure The Lover checked on me every three minutes... glad you're ok and love your posts!!

L.L. said...

Did you seriously not go to the hospital? At all?

Sebastian said...

You drama queen! I assure you the human body is capable of a withstanding a lot more than that!

As I tell my mother, when she whines about it being too hot and 'Oh, I'm burning alive, Sebby!' I tell her that there are people that live in 40-50-60C heat (that's like... 130+ for you Americans, I think)

There are people that live in -50C conditions too. People that live in igloos. People that climb mountains, or swim 50 miles across open sea.

Humans are capable of SO much.

Though, maybe your liver is not... :P

You are right about relationships being fickle though! But that's because our SOUL is a rambunctious little thing -- our bodies are hardy though, really, and capable of a lot more than we think!

tmamone said...

Dang! Glad you're okay.

MissBliss said...

Oh. MY. GOODNESS!!! heal up quick. youch. the things we do for love..........

irunwithscissors said...

oh honey... thats awful! I hope you feel better! and do try to live in the moment with your boy. thats the only way to be!

Jay said...

Yet no pictures? You've betrayed the Blogger's Code!

Allie said...

Glad you're ok! Always interesting to see the ads Google decides to post on content - for this one, it chose an ad for "Brain Injury Lawyers."

Meghan said...

Make out helmets? Bubble wrap? You may want to make out horizontally for the next while to avoid sharp edges ;)

Glad you're okay.

sid said...

Glad you're okay. You just reminded me that I sooo have to get my medical aid sorted out.

Jen - The Secret Keeper said...

Holy crap...or crack! Glad your brain didn't fall out! Has this taught you anything about making out on the stairs? x

Lady Jane said...

I know what you mean about our bodies and taking care of them. Its funny..I worry about falling ( I joke I am fragile...but I really am!) but yet I drink like a fish and smoke..WTF?!

yours truly... said...

Oh no!! Hope you are feeling better!!

ChasingParadise said...

I cracked my head open when I was in the 4th grade. Those stitches weren't fun! Glad you didn't need any. :) Who knew making out was filled with such hazards?!

Lily said...

I'm so glad you're ok! (And sorry I initially thought it was an April Fool's joke, ha!) You're right about life being fragile, and things like this really make you stop to appreciate the smaller moments that we normally miss. Hope you're feeling better, and have a great time on your trip!

brookem said...

thank god your head is okay! something like that would shake me up too. and im scared of the same thing. im always waiting for the other shoe to drop when i should just me running around in my heels enjoying every single yummy moment of the here and now.

JudgeyGirl said...

i'm glad you're okay!

Miss Musing said...

I saw your tweets about this after it happened and was relieved to hear that you were okay.

Enjoy your trip! You deserve it after all you've been through.

Pure Klass said...

I love what you've said here - about the only way to forever. I spend a lot of time drilling that into my own head - but you phrased it better than I ever have.
Also, I think this is a great allegory for the situation of being in love. In order to have the joy of being fully loved and loving fully, you risk falling down the stairs and hurting yourself. But the hurt is worth what it took to end up there... or something like that. :)

Sizzle said...

Like I said in my email to you- head trauma is definitely some scary shit. I know because I had to get my head stitched up before and you are right- blood pouring out of your head? WOAH. I am so glad you are okay and didn't need to see a doc. If you gave yourself a concussion (Even a mild one) you might feel woozy and dizzy for a while (mine lasted 3 months off and on.

Oh and welcome to Seattle!

LiLu said...

I'm so glad it was only what it was... could have been so much worse. But these little wake-up calls are definitely also blessings in disguise, at times, to remind us of everything we have and what's important. Have a blast!

Kellie said...

Scary! Glad you are okay! That happened to my sister, friend and I while out one night. We were drunkenly all 3 hugging together right by 4 stairs. We ended up tumbling down those and landing in a big heap. Oh yeah, and it was in a bar. A busy bar. Talk about embarassing. Luckily we were so drunk none of us were hurt!

Katelin said...

oh man glad you were okay. i would have been freakin out too. yikes.

LBluca77 said...

Well I am glad you are ok. I thought I was going to be the next Natasha Richardson when i fell off my bike a few weeks ago. But look at us both surviving head injuries. yay!

Mb said...

oh no! mildly hilarious, but unfortunately at your expense.

kwərk said...

I know exactly what you mean!

I'm glad you're OK!

Ryan said...

Aghh, I'm so glad you're ok. I can't tell you how many times that awful event has replayed in my mind. Good blog fodder indeed though!!

Angella Ellisha said...

I've injured myself as well during a makeout session...but I'll wait to tell you where ;)

Susan said...

Wow, glad you're okay!

I know what you mean about realizing that your body is fragile. My brother is 25 and he just learned that he was born with a heart murmur and he has to have surgery. All the while, he has been a pretty hard core athlete, including varsity sports in college, it was almost a blessing he didn't know because he may not have had the same experience.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Thank you guys for all the sweet wishes, my head is doing really well-thank you!!xxoo.

Alya said...

Oh dear.. You're so right. We do forget just how fragile our bodies are.. To think that just a tiny little speck of a virus can destroy your whole body is scary!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Alya- ah yes, the virus part- thats an even scarier thought really...I cant go there.

Molly said...

I'm glad you're okay! That is scary stuff, and I understand the post-fall evaluation of life.

When I was in a car accident in a cab last year, it freaked me out, and it could've been a lot worse. But I tried to just see it as a little reminder that life is precious.

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

OMG! I'm glad your ok. It's moments like these that really gives us a wake up call.What we hope to be something worth while could end up in complete disaster...tsk tsk..anyhow...i'm glad your ok. =) By the way, did your parents ask how'd you hit your head? =)

La Petite Belle said...

OMG that is terrible. But hilarious! (sorry?)

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