Thursday, April 16, 2009
My BLOG-MANCE and accused BLOG-CHEATING
"Baby, who's AT Mr5280"
One thing about Twitter that's going to fuck me- is not knowing who is following me and who's enabling updates to their phone. I.E. My Love or My Mother, who I tweeted about being "the drunk bunny" the night before Easter and she woke up hung over and alerted by text that she was drunk, thanks to me. You really can't tweet your friends while you're with them, your bosses, your family members WHOEVER. Twitter is an activity that should be left for times of solitude.
"Oh, you're reading my Tweets? He's a blogger."
This is one of those questions that's asked to test your truthfulness, it's what I like to call "The Trap Test." You have an option to lie, just a tiny white lie that wouldn't even matter in the long run unless you decide to in fact, LIE. The Trap Test always means the person on the other end knows the answer already, they're just baiting you. This time I was being baited on a brewery free-booze tasting tour. Liquor+The Trap Test= a potential disaster.
My Love, "I know he's a blogger. I read his blog."
...my boyfriend reads his blog, even after I gave him a lashing for not being interested enough to read mine, "You read his BLOG?!...." I say blog like it's laced with venom and poop.
"Yeah. He's like, super witty. Even his titles are funny." Right he's funny. I'm fucking funny too, and since when is My Love into the world of blogging? What the hail.
"Right babe, he's funny. So if you KNEW he was a blogger...why'd you ask me? Are you threatened by his wittiness and social media bad-assness? Did you think we were having a BLOG-MANCE?"
This whole conversation spurned from the fact that I'd been gushing about how awesomely exciting it was going to be to go to the 20Something Bloggers Meet-Up in Chicago and how I wish I were going June 5-7 with Nicole Antoinette, LilySpeak, Mr5280, JamieLovely, Katelin and others to Vegas, so much so I was considering just doing my usual BUDGET FUDGE IT routine and buy a plane ticket down to Sin City wearing nothing but my drinking shoes and some tacky fire engine red bra...since Vegas is a place where people wear tacky bras. And maybe eye-glitter. I was fantasising rolling in my blog-nerd glory with other blog-nerd friends, in 3-D form!
"Well no... but, don't go down to Vegas or Chicago and come back all 'in love' with some witty, fucking, blogger dude....and who's Matt Fried?"
Assuming your lady is having a BLOG-MANCE is way deeper than seeing some whorebag who left a comment on your loves Myspace, those are deceptions of the past my dear friends. Blogging is the new wave of "the flirty email" or "the flirty cubicle banter with co-workers."
When you are an assumed BLOG-CHEAT the roots are deep. A man who's reading my blog knows intimate things, about my fears and insecurities, my excessive use of the word fuck, my insanity and affinity for cheese plates...all things that don't come in 3-D form until at least the third date.
"I'm not going to fall in love with a 'blogger dude' pinky swear....but on a serious tip, this beer tastes just like bananas." And that's where the line was drawn, I put an end to the "blog-mance" accusations.
SO TELL ME, IF YOU WERE GOING TO DATE A BLOGGER IN 3-D.... Who would it be???? Or what blogger would you like to have a drink with???