Sunday, May 10, 2009

BLAH, BLAH, YOU BORE ME.


Well guys, turns out, I don't have a brain tumor. I guess I can stop asking My Love questions like, "if I were bald would you still love me?" to which he promptly and very seriously replies "absolutely, you'd be beautiful bald. You'd be beautiful 10 pounds, 15 pounds bigger, or...if you were a leper..." OK, he didn't say he the part about the leper, I added that for flare. Though, he may think I were a sexy leper, I think he loves me that much and he's way nicer than I am, I'd kick the leper to the curb. I digress.... 

Now that I've KNOW there's nothing wrong with me I can start dealing with my anxiety with comforting affirmations like, "chill out darlin' you don't have MS" or, "well, at least it isn't brain cancer" this is where I also insert deep breathing. 

SO TODAY, anxiety free, I couldn't help but notice a wanning sort of discontent. Discontent with a day that was seemingly content-worthy, "perfect." I went to whole foods, worked out, read a good book, didn't get hit by a any cars or attacked by a rabid dog and here I am driving around and all I could think was...."I AM. BORED."

I'M BORED!!  I'm so bored I'm considering ways to do something extreme like, get naked in an inappropriate setting just to shock people or stop wearing a bra, COMPLETELY. It's almost like having the anxiety gave me enough to think about that busied my mind from the facts. That on a spread sheet would read: I am. bored. utterly. bored. 

But why? Why am I bored? After all boredom is state, a declared state of being. We decide we're not interested anymore in what we're doing, we don't like the shade of paint on our walls, or the neighborhood we live in, we decide Pinot Grigio is the most boring glass of wine ever and you've been missing out on beautiful sweet Rieslings, and then you're bored with those too. Our jobs have become routine, the people who used to entertain us suddenly seem stale, even Starbucks has lost it's ability to shock me into some excited sugar coma. So, we DECLARE ourselves BORED. This thing, this person, this "state" is boring me. Deciding your  bored is giving up. It's surrendering in the laziest form. No need to wave a white flag, that'll take too much work. 

Deciding boredom is saying, "I've evaluated all of the possible options and I've decided none of the are good enough for me." It's giving up on the ability to look at things from a different angle and make them interesting again. 

Then, because the Universe swoops in at the most opportune moments, (except for when you're in a bathroom stall with no toilet paper), I read an article about the MOTIVATION behind why we do what we do. Lately, EVERYTHING I do, has to do with it's outcome, not with the process. I've become bored because when the results aren't miraculously set into my open palms with a cherry on top, the rest isn't "good enough." The things I love doing have morphed from beloved abilities, talents, luxuries even, into the SOURCE behind my stress, my displeasure with the things I don't have yet. 

My declared state of boredom is because I've stopped observing my surroundings and I've set my sights on some place like Mykonos instead. Dreaming isn't the problem. Seeking great outcomes, running fiercely with motivation or "wanting" aren't WRONG....they only become a problem when you forget the REASON behind why you want, strive, seek, etc. The root of that usually being, LOVE. What? Yes, love. Cliches exist for a reason people, this one happens to be true.

I seek greater writing opportunities because I LOVE to write, not just for the resume line. I make music because I LOVE music, not because I thought it'd make me millions. Though that may be the future goal, it isn't the root of WHY I'm there in the first place, if it were for the millions I would've written "Dontcha" a long time ago.

So when I could easily be bored with my current state I've decided this week I'll remember first the motivation behind my goals for my life and I'll stop struggling so hard to FORCE the "correct" outcome, rather, I'll let it happen in it's own time therefor avoiding my thumb-twiddling-boredom because I'M NOT WAITING. Waiting for "something." Instead of waiting for that feeling that "SOMETHING" has finally arrived I'll be happy with the "SOMETHING'S" already present in my life. 

This week I'll look at things differently, I'll write sitting on the floor in my laundry room, I'll mediate upside down, I'll do everything without seeking results. I'll do a cartwheel in a parking lot, I'll braid my hair, email an old friend, I'll LINGER, and I'll declare that boredom isn't an option, instead creativity is. 


WHAT WILL YOU DO THIS WEEK???


24 comments:

jen - tsk said...

You have just completely described how I feel!! But...you've just inspired me to become less bored! Lets see how it goes!! x

M.J. said...

No brain tumor. No leprosy. That's great news!

I suffer from constant boredom, even though, I have the busiest lifestyle of anyone I know. If it's not new and shiny, it's old and dull. I think it's the ADD....

Deanna said...

What a great post! What a great way to start my week! Thank you! Wishing you a wonderfully magical week!

La Petite Belle said...

wow. this was like an aha moment, dude. I feel so utterly BORED lately. Like nothing motivates me. Thanks for this post!!

Passionista said...

I'm bored at my job, and I'm afraid there's no sure but to get a new job. Even the process of job searching is boring! I wish both of us luck.

Maxie said...

The only time I get bored is when I have nothing fun planned in the near future. As long as I keep my weekends packed with awesome I can sit at my desk for 8 hours doing nothing and not be annoyed.

Hal said...

What a great attitude! I have totally found myself in this exact position at times and I usually just get frustrated. I'm going to try this next time though! Goodluck

just me said...

This week, I will attempt to not get swine flu (which I think I might already have) and not be scared about moving AGAIN.

Serena said...

Lol - you've just written something I could have. I'm so bored I've decided to exit the rat race and routine of every day life for three months. But for this week, I'll be going to the theater and meeting a cousin I haven't seen in a while. I refuse to be bored.

Ali said...

I think you're just lovely.

nicoleantoinette said...

A few months ago I noticed the boredom too- and thank God I'm finally doing something about it. We can discuss this (and everything else) when I'm VISITING YOU IN LIKE TEN DAYS.

Sigh. Happy :)

Sebastian said...

Wise words, from a crazy lady... ;)

Boredom kind of infers that you've learnt everything about a given subject, and thus you're looking for more. While, it is POSSIBLE to actually reach full enlightenment and be BORED... it's highly unlikely. I can't stand people that give up on something 'because it's boring' after only giving it 10 minutes of their time.

As for motivations and aspirations... the best we can do is to produce the best product that we can: be it music, or writing, or art -- but the SALE of that is another skill entirely (one that artists don't often have, sadly).

Remind me to get an agent...

Katelin said...

i'm sort of bored too. that's why i cannot wait until my vacation to north carolina with 7 college friends in 10 days. it will be phenomenal!!

Lady Jane said...

I started Tai Chi lessons this week. I don't think about my surroundings...I've just started walking through life. I'm hoping this gives me the change I need. Happy about the tumor!!!

mn said...

i'm going to throw this possibility out: you're bored not because you are not doing enough...maybe you are not stopping to smell the roses, the coffee every single day. hmmm. that's how i feel, i'm rushing to beat the clock, i don't enjoy the essence of life. you're rushing so fast to get to where you want in your career, adventures etc., you're not enjoying the journey.
and also wearing a bra all the time can make one downright cranky and fed up. i'm with you on the bra thing. but i don't want people to see my b'ness and really don't want any sagging. there. that'll be $20.
(i've always been bored. I just haven't found my passion. i found laundry.)

Astharis said...

I'm patient with people, but not with things... If I don't get results straight away then my motivation & interest disappears really quickly.

I think that what you wrote here is pretty apt for me too... So I'll try starting to concentrate on the love too and see what happens. :)

shine said...

I almost never get bored. Maybe that's weird?

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

mn- you make an excellent point and one I subconsciously know and have to remind myself of, like everyone i think.

katelin- that sounds like so much fun!!

sebastian- GET AN AGENT! This is me reminding you.

lady jane- ive been wanting to try that

Elizabeth Marie said...

Well, cheers to no brain tumor! Living is the new black, I think...

I feel the same way...bored of being bored. So no more! I'm going to braid my hair like the chicks on the Hills do and see how stupid I look. And then I might even blog about it. so eff you, boredom!

I. love. your. blog. XO

Julia said...

I was actually just thinking the other day that I haven't felt bored in years - probably because I always put off everything I need to do and have a super long to-do list! It's probably not good though that I'm okay with doing nothing...!

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

elizabeth and ali- tHANK YOU! You both left such lovely comments, I'm like you like the blog...I'll attempt writing endlessly lovely things.

Tea said...

I think you're just lovely.

Rebekah said...

I cannot possibly be bored this week... I'm getting ready to sell my house, so I'm doing the following:

Making signs for yard sale
Having yard sale
Placing new thresholds at three doors
Helping hang drywall
Staining, varnishing and replacing about 25 feet of molding
Finishing vinyl tile floor
Painting 3 rooms
Touch-up painting 4 other rooms
Planting flowers

If I have a deadline, I don't get bored. It's pretty much my only solution. And my realtor informed me that the stager is coming next week and the photographer right after that, so I have got to MOOOOVE IT! House hits the market 5/26.

gracelikerain said...

What's the article about motivation you read?

 
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