Monday, June 29, 2009

If you do it again- I'll SPAZ OUT ON YOUR ASS.

Like Wonder Woman, I'm always ready to kick ass.





"Well, I hope she has health insurance because she's going to need it once I FUCK HER FACE UP."

I say things like this. I'm a scary person.

I've also been known to say things like, "I'll set your house on fire" or unprompted, "I could kill a person." Among, "I chased someone once with a broomstick and had I caught them, it would have gone straight through their eye...."

Just in case anyone around me was doubting my pure insanity and ability to be rage filled. In the same breathe... I also like puppies, I coo, I'll skip alone for no reason, I walk through the Barbie isle at Target and get excited-which spurs excited clapping, I call people Honey Pie and Love Face. On the contrary, I've also been known to love so hard it turns into biting, because I can't express the intensity of it- this has only happened once and I was five, but still.

So I'm not ALL scary, just necessarily scary- in this case, when My Love and I go back to his place and we walk into to find his EX GIRLFRIEND BAKING MOTHER FUCKING CINNAMON ROLLS and hanging with his roommate (whom she's still friends with, to be clear) standing in his kitchen and prancing around as if she's welcome-the "scary" inside me lights up.

Their break up was NOT a cordial one- and until he started dating me she avoided every possible scenario that would involve her seeing him.....so what happened to her fucking tune change???? If she knew that I'm a ninja and that my head spins, tongue forks and I spit acid- she'd maybe be less blatant, I'm sure of it.

Thus far every time I see her, I've been nice. Too nice? I gave myself a medal for not going bat-shit-monkey-rip-your-face-off-crazy and instead I acted like a "big girl" made small talk about weather, beer and throat lozenges....

THE SECOND TIME IT HAPPENED HOWEVER, I WASN'T TOO HAPPY- so, My Love being the Knight that he is calls her and says, "Hi. I'm NOT comfortable with you coming to my loft. OK? Ok. Bye." She agrees, says she won't do it again.....

......UNTIL- After a few PBR'S the roommate slips up the information, that she was THERE AGAIN!!!!!! She violated his wishes and she definitely broke the girl code, i.e.: Don't fuck around on other's chicks property, unless you want me to pull a Tonya Harding, or spread rumors that you're a hermaphrodite with herpes, God I love alliteration.

I'm in a tough spot- do I call and say "Don't do it again or I'll chase you down in a dark alley and brand my name on your ass, in case you need a reminder....." or do I risk letting it happen again, and the next time having to talk less small talk and more, Scared Straight.


TELL ME READERS: Would you EVER hang around your ex-boyfriend's apartment, cook, leave your instruments, and violate his wishes-when he has a new girlfriend (who's smokin' and crazy) and when you had a terrible break up and WERE NOT FRIENDS?????






99 comments:

Angela said...

NEVER when he was around. But possibly if he wasn't around, if I was still really good friends with his roommate.

But I'd peace out if he came back around. ESPECIALLY with a new girlfriend! AWKWARRRRD!

Loys said...

That is so weird. If someone wouldn't want me to hang out in his apartment, I would totally respect this. Especially if it's my ex boyfriend.
How rude of her!

Lady Jane said...

Um....no I would not hang out at my ex's place ESPECIALLY when he has specifically asked me not to. Duh?! Sheesh...

Felisa said...

Absolutely not! God, some girls don't know when to stop. Is she mentally unstable? She definitely broke girl code so I say brand your name on her ass!

Lauren said...

The ex has issues! haha. How rude could she be?!

x x x

WuTang said...

1 - My personal fav is "stab you in the temple with a fork". It gets used quite often.

2 - As long as your boyfriend is aware of your batshit side, I would wait until she does it again and go CRAZY.

I hate skanky bitches.

Amy said...

No man...that shit is no bueno...
Even if she's BFFFFFF with the roommate, they can hang out somewhere else!

bakingwithplath said...

Are we the same person? You just described me to a T.

& re: her going over there....
Oh hell no. She knows what she is doing. She is asking for trouble. It's time to murder her and dump her in the ocean!

Or, you know, yell a lot.

SassyLittleGinger said...

that is SO weird, i don't understand why she would want to do that.... especially if you're there.

It just seems ridiculous as to why she'd be hanging there all the time. I'd say something to her about how you find it awkward and a bit disrespectful after what happened in the past that she would hang around like that. If she doesn't get the hint and continues to do it, she's disrespecting both of you so you should totally go NINJA on her ass!

Little Ms Blogger said...

I find it weird that she started coming around again once he started dating you.

The girl has some issues. It's as though she wants to one-up you.

Weird and scary.

Winna said...

I don't see anything wrong with it... She is still friends with the roommate. If their break up was that bad then you have nothing to worry about. If you or the boyfriend don't like it then it is your responsibility to leave or move out. HOWEVER, once she was asked not to come back, she should NOT COME BACK (at least not when you are around). The roommate should take some responsibility for her coming over too. If you guys are friends with the roommate then you would think Roomy wouldn't ask her over.

Olivia Rae said...

omg never, I'm actually appalled at that girl! sounds super pathetic... especially that she would come over even knowing she wasn't wanted!!

Organic Meatbag said...

Hahahaha...damn, that was hardcore! But yeah, she must be a crazy bitch to hang around like that...

Michelle said...

what the eff? no.

I would politely call her yourself and tell her that you and your bf feel uncomfortable with her being at his home and if she would like to see his roommate, could they please organize times to meet somewhere else?

That way you don't sound like a crazy person but it would really be considered rude on all parts for her to show up again. AND THEN you could have grounds to be angry because of the "nice" conversation you attempted to have with her.

La Petite Belle said...

completely and utterly NOT acceptable.

Jules said...

Hells no! If she's friends with the roommate, she can invite the roommate to HER place. She's just doing that to be a Bitty! Poke her eye out with a pencil! (no,not really.....)

rachel said...

see, im not AT ALL rational in situations such as this and i would NOT have handled myself with any sort of grace WHAT SO EVER in that very same situation. i would have killed a bitch right there in the kitchen.

seriously, i would call her and put the fear of fucking god in this girl because she OBVIOUSLY doesn't get it. i don't care if she's still friends with his roommate. go out for fucking coffee or something like normal fucking people.

what a fucking whore.

god this made me so angry. i hate bitches.

that was a lot of anger there, sorry. love you.

Nickie. said...

I totally understand this situation! I would never ever hang out with an ex of mine if he has a gf, that is totally violating girl code!

The same thing happened to me. ((kinda)) Hmmm..not to copy you or anything but it's too long of a story to leave a comment on. Don't worry I'll link you! =)

LiLu said...

Send her a picture of Rihanna with the tagline, "This would be a good look for you. I can make it happen."

Too soon?

Kristin said...

You would think she would be uncomfortable being there seeing as it wasn't amicable. So weird.

La Petite Chic said...

Never, ever, ever. 'Course I was never on good terms with any of my exes, but still, that's done, over and in the past. Don't step on another girl's toes, yo!
I've got your back :)

Mary said...

No NEVER! Bad girl! But on the upside, you made me totally giggle!

Hey, you live in CO??!! My husband and I want to move there. I am going to pick your brain if that is ok!?

Sarah said...

i'd never hang out at my ex's place unless we were friends. and even then, i'd only be over if i was invited.

i think you should just leave the ass kicking and eye gouging to him. then you still look like the totally cool new gf and she still looks like a moron.

Weims319 said...

NEVER EVER. I don't care how close she is with his roommate. That's where he lives and she has ZERO business being there.

I think the Knight should tear into her and leave you with your hands clean.

shine said...

Okay, to be fair, I am really really really great friends with one of my exes. But, because I care about him and want him to be happy, I would NEVER do something that would make his girlfriend (if he had one) uncomfortable.

She sounds like she's just asking for trouble.

Many props to your boyfriend, though, for handling it like a grown-up and actually calling her to tell her to stop. Give him a sloppy kiss with tongue!

Allison M. said...

Do NOT call. I once had a girl follow my ex and I to college parties, tell his friends that they were still dating when they knew he was dating me.

I pretended like she wasn't there and I believe that drove her more crazy than if I acknowledged her.

Warning- it tooks months for this chick to finally disappear but only to show up the minute after I broke things off with him.

The irony....

justjp said...

I totally know that "scary switch" and can feel it the moment it trips.

down and out chic said...

now that i'm scared of you i certainly wouldn't come around.
seriously though, i think you should let your bf handle it and perhaps the roommate can step in and be a friend too?

rondamarie said...

Who I do it? No.

Am I surprised that someone would do that? No.

Chicks are crazy. Period. All of us are crazy. All of us do crazy shit.

Regardless, I'd still be pissed about it if I were you.

Erin said...

Oh, you crack me up!
I think it's totally inappropriate and she's clearly doing it just to annoy you and her ex. Even if she is friends with the roommate, I'm assuming there is SOMEWHERE else that they can hang out where your BF and you won't be.

Alice said...

ew. no. if i had a bad break up, i would not WANT to be around the ex, especially not the ex AND his gorgeous new gf. and if i WERE still friends with the ex, that would mean i like him as a person and would respect his wishes, so i wouldn't be a psycho bitch and show up when he doesn't want me there. i say you are justified in any tongue-forking / head spinning / ninja slapping behavior that erupts at this point.

Nikki said...

I say threaten away, but only with your lover's blessing. And what instruments did she leave?!? Did I miss something? I had to go back and read it.

Thanks for stopping by my blog! Love your profile part about breaking into dance in public. I feel the same way sometimes. My life definitely has a soundtrack!

Matt said...

I think we are all going to have to sit around, drink some PBR and discuss this.

because all three of us need to get together again and drink.

Like, sometime soon. Tell Brashman I said whats up.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

WuTang- I LIKE THAT.

Rachel- perfectly acceptable, not too angry for my taste- I like your style.

Nickie-I'm not alone!!!

LiLu- Basically, the best comment ever.

La Petite Chic- WORD, I may hit you up if we need to gang jump her. lol.

mARY- Awesome! Yes, I'm from here, spent a few years between NYC and LA and just cam back- totally pick my brain! No prob!

down and out chic- I'm surprised the roommate hasnt!

Nikki- AH, YES, I sort of assumed that wouldnt get lost in the mix- I'm a musician, which a lot of my readers who have been reading for a long time know, I've mentioned it again recently in previous posts- anywho, and so is she! Of course the musician world is a small and twisty one!

MATT- I miss you BRAH! Yes, let's totally get together soon!!!! Hit me up, lets plan it.

thisgirlwillinformyou said...

I have a new found love for you and your writing. Seriously.
I'm going through this almost exact same situation with my boyfriend's ex. She broke up with him and after a year of not talking, she's all of a sudden all "Let's go out for lunch!" or "Come over to my place and we'll play board games." As if people in their 20's actually play board games. We all know that you play board games to get laid.
I've bit my tongue every time thus far, but I told him that if she pulls that shit again, he either tells her to back off or I will. And I, like you, have no intention of being nice.
Honestly though, I'm not sure what you should do. I think you should just wait until she's there again and tell her to get lost. There's no reason she should be there. If she wants to hang with his roommate they can go to the cafe or something.
<3sc

brookem said...

god, if i were you i'd be fucking seething too!
i wouldn't do it, like angela said, at least not when he was around. and yanno what, if i were buddies with his roommate, and id make HIM come to my place! meet outside of the loft, whatever... just not THERE!

Meghan said...

You'd thinkt he roomate could go to her place or they could find a neutral place to hang out. Definately disrespectful. See if it happens again and then brand her ass.

ablogofherown.wordpress.com said...

Weird.
I don't even like going to places where I MIGHT run into an ex.
Let them hang out somewhere other than his apartment, for the sake of keeping the peace and keeping the awkwardness to a minimum.

What a nut job.

Katie said...

Generally speaking, if a guy I'm dating is already friends with his ex, has been friends with his ex for a long time, and their relationship seems completely normal (i.e. not like they still have something going on), I'm cool with the ex being around. If not, then all bets are off. If he's actually told her NOT to be around and she still comes around, I'm going to assume she's psycho. But I'm going to push my boyfriend to make her go away, because if he doesn't... Well, if he doesn't make her go away, then it's pretty much the same as the guy who's still "friends" with his ex but they still seem to be into each other. Either are not for me, and therefore, I shouldn't waste my time trying to scare off an ex-girlfriend when my boyfriend isn't interested enough in my feelings to do it for me.

It's THEIR relationship, and he has to deal with it. If he can't...

Katie said...

PS: If my boyfriend's ex ever showed up, though, I probably really would put something through her face. Hate the bitch. HATE.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

katie- ah yes, to be fair- he did call her and ask her not to come around anymore. He also hasn't spoken or been friends with her since they broke up over a year ago.....

Vanessa said...

this girl knows exactly what she's doing. what is it with desperate ex-girlfriends these days? she should be respecting her ex and his new relationship by staying away.

if she wants to hang out with the roommate--he can go to her place! they can hang out elsewhere. especially after your boyfriend specifically told her to back off and she agreed. maybe he needs to talk to her again and suggest that she and the friend find another location because it's making you both uncomfortable.

ahhh. this kind of shit totally makes me rage internally, just like you. dont get involved though. then she wins. let the boyfriend/roommate sort it out.

denvermusicscene said...

The thing that I love about you is that I know in the same breath that I'm extremely lucky and extremely lucky to be alive. It's all gratitude between us.

bluntdelivery said...

i believe we are.... kindred souls, chelsea my dear. i too can take on the likeness of wonder woman at a moment's notice. and do have a pic of myself donning her costume somewhere on my blog

Miss Rosa said...

I STILL bite ... passion is a good excuse.

Hillary said...

is she legitimately friends with his roommate? if so, your love should tell his roommate to hang out with her elsewhere. if she's just using his roommate to get close to your love, she deserves a punch to the ear. I'm not sure that the punch should come from you though (however tempting it may be.) either your love or his roommate needs to tell her to fuck right off.

Je said...

INAPPROPRIATE!

Ali said...

Um.

This is such a GIGANTIC no no (her, not you) that I can't (and won't) get into it. Just know that she has no right being there, especially when the boy said NO! Wow, just...no.

Hello Lindello said...

eeek. i don't envy you. that girl is straight up rude!

thanks for stopping by my blog:)

yours is awesome. so funny and real.

Abra said...

Mm no. Just no.

Jess said...

I assume this question is rhetorical? Because the answer is clearly no. But then again, I'm not crazy, so there's that.

Kellie said...

She's trying to stake some territory of sort for some reason. It's like when you see your ex w/ someone and suddenly they become attractive again. You always want what you can't have. But I'm like you (a ninja) and I say, keep your friends close and your enemies closer. So let her come around again. And then sink your poison tipped claws into her and show her who's territory it REALLY is. :)

Personally, nope. I would never hang at an ex's place. And I've been in the situation where I was still friends w/ his roomies too but nope. If I wanted to hang w/ them it'd be at my place or the bars and never back at this place!

miss. chief said...

that is messed up and i think you have a right to cut a bitch.
secondly, herpetic hermaphrodite=gross but sounds awesome

RecoveringActor said...

Aw, you sound like me!

And no, that is not okay... and no I wouldn't be caught dead doing anything nice for any of my exes, even the one I am still civil with.

My boyfriend's ex (from a LONG time ago) showed up WASTED at my house on St. Patrick's day... banged on my door... and said I SEE YOU BITCHES IN THERE!! She apologized last week. It's still not okay.

JP said...

The break up was shitty?

HELL NO.

That's just a whole pile of awkward. I don't care if homegirl is friends with his roommate. I don't care if she's banging said roommate now. It's a no go.

Now, if the break up was mutual, we were friends, and the new girlfriend was being a possessive bitch? Tables turn. But, as that's not the case here, she should bail out.

But leave it to your BF to take care of. :)

Love,
JP
http://www.denimdebutante.com

Children of the Nineties said...

She sounds nuts. That is an absolutely ridiculous scenario that in no sane person's mind should seem logical. "I'll just head over to my ex-bf's and whip up a nice batch of cinnamon rolls! He and his new girlfriend would just love that!" That spells serious crazy.

notthelifeiordered said...

Absolutely not, even if i was friends with the roommate I would meet in a more neutral place--definitely not somewhere i'd most definitely run into my ex.

Plus it's a little thing called respect. Respect for herself, for her ex, and for her ex's new fling (you!)

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Jess- I wish it were rhetorical, it effing should be!! But I had to make sure I wan't being a "crazy."

children of the nineties- YES SERIOUSLY CRAZY. She is.

ellabella said...

not so much because of the Girl Code (i am ashamed to admit that i can be pretty dense about such things) but DEFINITELY if he went to the pains to call me and ask me not to...i would be humiliated with myself if i just went ahead and showed up at his loft anyway. i mean, if i can tell i'm acting like a stalker, imagine how it must look to other people!

nicoleantoinette said...

Ew, this is heinous.

Katelin said...

okay that's insane. i would never do that and she obviously has some issues. ugh.

Sebastian said...

You're kinda sexy when you're angry.

Not the kind of girl that I'd be comfortable introducing to my parents, but still... animalistic sex down some kind of dark alley would probably be pretty good, yeah.

tmamone said...

Would you EVER hang around your ex-boyfriend's apartment, cook, leave your instruments, and violate his wishes-when he has a new girlfriend (who's smokin' and crazy) and when you had a terrible break up and WERE NOT FRIENDS?????

Well I don't boys, but my answer's still the same: HELL NO! Your BF needs to make it clear to his ex that she shouldn't hang around anymore. And if the ex goes all "Fatal Attraction," shoot her in the bathtub!

Not that I advocate violence or anything like that.

tmamone said...

Oops, there's a slight typo in my last comment. I should say, "I don't *date* boys."

Meeks said...

Oh. HELL. No.

just me said...

Slap the bitch.

...and when I say slap, I mean kick her ass.

nicole addison said...

hahah this post is amazing. heeeck no i'd never go to my ex boyfriends apartment and prance around like everything was ok. and heeeeck yes next time you should go off on her. i'm behind you..no worries, got your back ;)

Rachael said...

Hell no.

Who does she think she is?

Awesome Sara said...

NEVER EVER!!!! That is like stalker weird shit.

Elizabeth Marie said...

NO...she sucks. You said "spitting acid" and I choked on me tea laughing.

peterdewolf said...

That was scary.

In the good way.

I say you should defend your turf, lady.

Nikolett said...

OMG I applaud you for not snapping her neck already. That just crosses the line, even if she's friends with the roommate. Hang out at her place, instead! What a total lack of respect ... I hope she doesn't come by again!

simple girl said...

This chick deserves the hell that is your wrath! I say, don't hold back.

Chelsea Talks Smack said...

Sebastian- for the record.....PARENTS LOVE ME. I'm every parents wet dream. I'm a charming lady. :)

Sebastian said...

You know, it doesn't surprise me.

Parents also love me -- I guess that doesn't come as a surprise either.

Even kids like me, grandparents, invalids...

Charisma, or something.

Hurrslippy said...

I probably wouldn't even stay friends with the roommate after the breakup.
I would probably sit down with the guy and be like "okay, who gets to keep which friends?" because I wouldn't be sharing.
And I would most certainly not be hanging around the ex's place.
You know she probably gets a secret joy out of getting under your skin. She knows. Oh, she knows.

Say something. PLEASE. and then come and tell us all about it.

RCaitlin said...

THAT is CRAZY. She needs to get out of the NOW. Do whatever you need to!

Cait said...

Wow, I would never do that. Of course, that's because I'm not a huge fan of awkward-turtle moments and if this isn't one huge awkward-turtle moment, then I don't know what is. If I were BFFs with the roommate, I'd definitely find a way to hang out somewhere - anywhere! - else.

Iva said...

omg. you really shouldn't have to deal with this. this should be like a non issue. this is so weird, I can't believe its happening. I really think the roommate needs to handle this.Possibly your bf can try to say something again, but I think the roommate should take charge here.....and you, YOU, need to not deal with it! I'm not feeling the idea of bailing you out of jail the night before you have some huge show...

<3

ChinkyGirLMeL said...

Hmmm...gosh...from friends to lovers is possible but lovers to friends is a no no... I would never hang out at my ex's place, ever, most especially if he already has someone new...

Anonymous said...

Dear chelsea,
This girl needs to learn a hard lesson, at the end of your tiny fist, or under your tiny shoe.If you need a little help, just call me.Or, we could get a little Gaggle of gals, and really scare the wits out of her!LOL!!! (crazy witch laugh!!!!!!!!!!)...Your secret friend

lovelila said...

Uh, NO!! 1.) I avoided exes like nobody's business. 2.) If I was still friends with the roomie, we probably wouldn't hang out at their apartment, just somewhere else.

She def broke the girl code! Not cool!

sarah marie p said...

That girl is nuts. Man, sorry you're having to deal with that crazy. I hope you at least got to eat some of those cinnamon rolls. I can't believe she came around again after your boy asked her not to. Hmmm. What a weirdo. Wonder what her motivates are ... Whatever they are -- NOT COOL! I would def not hang around an ex-bf's place.

readsalot said...

She sounds nuts. I vote for scared straight next time it happens... cause you KNOW it will happen again.

Nashe^ said...

I don't care, just go crazy on that asswipe.

chicknamedhermia said...

First of all, I've got to say, after discovering your blog about 15mins ago, I'm debating whether or not to build a shrine to you in my closet made out of your used chewing gum (stalking is a must if it's to be made of your used chewing gum).
Lol, basically love your blog!
Second of all, and not to say that all boys are the same because they're not, but I had a similar experience with an ex boyfriend, who is now referred to as 'an ex boyfriend' because we are no longer together because he cheated on me with this ex girlfriend.
Now there are differences, as in he was fine with her coming to his apartment and openly welcomed her friendship (and other things *cough cough* whore *cough cough*), while your lovely Boy asked her to stay away!
BUT an ex girlfriend that hangs around an ex boyfriend is usually doing so because she's hoping she can bump off the 'ex' in the titles (again *cough cough*).
You were dead right to give her the benefit of the doubt in the first place, cos maybe she was trying to mend broken bridges and whatnot, but the fact that she ignored what your Boy asked her is proof that she's got other plans!
And again BUT, don't go behind your boyfriend's back if you do decide to confront her yourself ...clear it with him first, or he'll think you're just ignoring what he wants/feels/thinks/etc!

Alya said...

Well.. if she's friends with his roomie, I guess they're bound to meet up at his place.

I wouldn't do it (go to an ex's house). But I know some people who would.

But the thing is, you've gotta have the self respect to stop going to a person's home if they asked you not to come anymore. That's what would bother me.

But overall, I'm not the jealous type. I think overly freaking out will, in turn, freak your boyfriend out. And THAT is not a good thing.

ceecee said...

The answer to your question: NO.

Then again, I'm not that type of girl like SHE is.

When a relationship ends between me and a man, to me, it happens for a reason, and it's a done deal.

Why do girls like THAT have to be that way?

When I first started dating my fiance, his ex-girlfriend found out he was taken, and she started calling him every day, and EVEN TOLD HIM SHE WANTED TO STOP BY AND HANG OUT.

wtf?! You're the one who broke up with him, it's your loss!

The phone calls continued, until my fiance told her to F off (in a nice way).

I think she might have been the one who texted him "I love you" the day after he proposed to me.

UGH.

That one girl said...

Whoa, she is PUH-THEH-TICK!

But who isn't sometimes. I would laugh at it, like, WHAT A LOSER, good thing you aren't with HER anymore and found someone WAY hotter with self respect like ME!

Confession: I once faked a layover in Canada to see an ex. Wow, how pathetic am I?!?!

PS- Where have you been all my life? Matt (5280) told me to check you out and I LOVE you!

Nik said...

OMG. That bitch needs to RECOGNIZE!!!!! This was a great entry . . . subscribing now. :-)

Corissa said...

I'm actually in the exact same situation right now. I try so hard not to be jealous. But I really can't help it. His roommate has my boyfriend's ex girlfriend spending the night quite frequently and I'm frankly quite sick of seeing her face. I know that it's not my boyfriend's fault, but just knowing that his roommate doesn't respect me really gets under my skin.

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Kelly said...

FUCK NO!!! They're called ex-boyfriends for a reason!

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