"Do you love me as much as you love your legs???"
My Love, "Well-that's an unfair question....like, would I cut my legs off for you?"
CTS, "No, you love walking right? So do you love me as much as you enjoy having legs to walk......?"
"Chels, that's an absolutely ridiculous question. I love having legs, but that doesn't mean I don't love you."
And see people, this is one of the many questions that I pummel my boyfriend with on a rather consistent basis. Initially, when we started dating I wanted to be that really secure, totally "chill", girlfriend who was just all good all the time. I didn't want to call too often, or ask too many questions. I didn't want to ask him if he thought my knee caps were getting fat or if he thought I was socially awkward.
I didn't want to ask about his ex-girlfriends, or his first blow job. I didn't want to pry- I wanted to know what I knew, which he would just tell me without asking- because I wanted to be just that secure.
I didn't want him to know sometimes I hate my body. That I pinch, stare and over analyze until I vow to eat cabbage for the rest of my life. I didn't want to reveal that sometimes I'm insecure that my skin it too oily, or that my posture looks like the Hunchback, or that I wonder when someone is staring at my face if they're counting my black heads- or notice my crooked nose.
I didn't want him to know raw meat freaks me the fuck out and so does riding in his passenger seat.
I didn't want him to know that I worry a lot, or that I'm afraid to sleep in my big house alone for fear of a pack of wild burglars with tazers. I didn't want him to know that I'm not as tough as I come off. That sometimes I'm overly proud because I'm overly compensating.
Trying to act overly secure never lasts.
Because at the end of the day, when our guards are down, when my makeup is off, when the zit cream is on and there's just the slightest view of a muffin top over my skimpy boy shorts- you can't hide your insecurities. They're all there. All exposed. Your heart lays delicately in their hands and so does everything else that comes with it, stretch marks and weird fears of rabbits included.
In love, all of the walls need to crumble. You're naked. You're sweaty. You're sick. You're scared. You're communicating. You cry. Sometimes you even vomit birthday cake into their brand new trash can and cry at the same time.
Like I've always said, once someone has seen your "O Face" or popped one of your zits for you, all bets are off.
So yes, sometimes- I'll ask you if you love me as much as you love your legs. Some days I'll talk a little too much about the size of my inner thighs, and some days I'll ask you to remind me that you love me, even though I do you do. And in return, you can ask me if you have dandruff for the rest of your life and I won't mind, deal?
WHAT ARE YOU INSECURE ABOUT???