"It dawned on me today that I've been waiting my whole life to SHINE.....and now, half of my life is over- what the hell was I waiting for? Why not SHINE NOW??"
There's nothing more crushing, more inspiring, or more vulnerable that your Father telling you that he's spent 47 years of his life WAITING TO SHINE.
I would imagine that when the shoe drops out of the sky and you're smacked with that realization, you probably look around at your life and say; what the fuck was it all for?
What was the point of working the 14 hours days, or of building a home in a school district that I thought would benefit my kids- when they just ended up going to Arts schools and homeschooling. What was the point of letting my boss berate me, control me and confine me nicely in a cubicle- just so that in the end, I'd feel under appreciated, replaceable and dulled. So that I could come home and find solace at the bottom of Sun Chips bag, just to do it again tomorrow.
Sure, there was paycheck. There was the benefit of handing over crumpled twenties to your teenage daughters so they could spend it on cheap accessories and funnel cakes. With each drawn out lunch shared between my Mother and I with bottles of blush wine and creme brulee, with each new school backpack, fender bender, must-have trendy slogan shirt, and unnecessary water park treats.....he lost a little. bit. of his shine.
Each day, funding our futility he worked, tirelessly and dutifully. Never making us feel guilty, or aware for that matter- that we were now his heart, running about outside of his body and he had willingly, selflessly given us his shine.
Best Dad advice to date, he said "I WANT YOU TO SHINE, TO DO EVERYTHING THAT YOU WANT TO DO AND DO IT NOW. Don't wait." followed by cheesy Father-Daughter misty eyed hugs and lip pursing.
We spend so much of our time doing what we think will "pay off," we take an action to climb a ladder one bar at a time to that "greater" thing/job/house/etc., we count calories so that eventually our tummies will look just a bit flatter, we "pay our dues,"..... we DELAY our shine so that we can shine LATER, and the delay ends up being the majority of our lives. My the time we realize it, the shine is beyond reach.
So now, I'm focusing on SHINING. Brilliantly. Fully. With a pulsing, magnetic burn of effervescence. I want to gleam. I want to feel like Christmas morning. Like the crystals of a Ballroom dress. Like the luminosity of a full moon. Like the glare of stage lights. Like the glint of the reflection from the Ocean. Like the finale of firecrackers. Like the flash of a gold tooth..... yeah, I want to shine like a fuckin' grill.
....Illuminated from the inside; every cell, every pore. Every word, action- thought.
I will not wait. I will shimmer, I will RADIATE. I WILL SHINE. BRILLIANTLY.
WHAT ARE YOU WAITING FOR???? ARE YOU DELAYING YOUR SHINE?